


Through Fire and Ashes

by Minty_Pixie



Category: EXO (Band), Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Action, Alternate Universe - Post-Apocalypse, Angst, Blood and Gore, Character Death, Established Relationship, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Military, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Serious Injuries, Virus, Zombies-not-zombies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-29
Updated: 2018-09-29
Packaged: 2019-07-18 23:47:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 83,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16129199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Minty_Pixie/pseuds/Minty_Pixie
Summary: One test. One last test and they will officially be part of the military forces, ready to defend their town against the flesh-eating monsters roaming the wastelands.That was the plan. At least before the thunder clashed and it all went down.Amongst the ruins of a ravaged city, Kyungsoo and Jongin will have to learn the true meaning of a sacrifice.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be 20k. Long story short: the short story became long.
> 
> First, my biggest thank you here is for T&T, and for my dad! They’ve been my saviors on this journey, providing support and valuable information to help, whenever I asked. So thank you! You’re the bestest!
> 
> Now, I admit kinda stray away from the prompt (#A234). But I did have the approval of the mods, since when I ask a little question and they tried to contact the prompter, it turned out they had left the fandom (it was a prompt from the last round). So I got the green light to have fun, and here we are!  
> Thank you so much to you, dear mods, for being so adorable, kind and hardworking.
> 
> All right, I’m done talking.  
> I hope you’ll enjoy!

“I hate that sweater so much!” Kyungsoo says, giving a disapproving look to the red and white striped atrocity Jongin is clad in. Four in the morning is way too early for his retinas to be assaulted by something like that, “Why did you decide to wear it today, out of all day?”

“I told you, it’s my lucky sweater!” Jongin says with a yawn, eliciting a loud snort from Kyungsoo as they sit on the bench in the training center’s meeting room, “Don’t laugh! It’s true!”

“Yeah, right.”

“If you hate it so much, then why did you trade it for me?” Jongin chuckles, giving Kyungsoo a pointed look, and a lopsided smile.

“Because I knew _you_ liked it…” Kyungsoo answers, rolling his eyes.

“Well I do like it, thank you very much!”

At the smug look on his boyfriend’s sleepy face, Kyungsoo cannot help but chuckle, shaking his head.

“I hope so. That monstrosity cost me four daily ration cards.”

“Hey, don’t be like that!” Jongin laughs, bumping their shoulders and lacing their fingers, “I used the same amount to get you that jacket you’d been eyeing for months!”

“You didn’t have to, though.”

“You didn’t have to buy me the sweater either,” Jongin retorts, tongue poking out as if proud of winning the futile argument.

As much as he loves Jongin’s smile, Kyungsoo wants to wipe it out of his face. With a kiss, preferably. However, before he can, a gagging sound comes from their left and diverts his attention.

“Get a room and get him off that sweater, if you don’t like it,” Baekhyun says, “Your flirting is gross,” he adds with another fake puking motion.

“As if you’re not disgustingly sweet when you flirt with me,” Hyeran says from where she stood behind him, her arms loosely folded around Baekhyun’s neck.

“I’m very classy!” the man counters, tilting his head back to look at her and sticking his tongue.

“I don’t think so,” she laughs, grabbing the tongue between her fingers and wiggling it until her boyfriend starts yelping, earning snorts from Kyungsoo and Jongin.

“She’s three years younger than you, yet she clearly wears the pants in this relationship,” Jongin scoffs, just as more of their friends enter the room.

“You’re one to talk,” Sehun bursts in the conversation, “You’re one year younger than Kyungsoo, and you got him wrapped around your little finger!”

“Are you jealous?” Seungwan quips, pushing Sehun so she can walk in.

“Jealous, my ass!”

“He is,” Joohyun whispers to Jongin with a wink as she sits next to him.

“I’m too mature to be jealous.”

“Sehun, you’re twenty years old…” Yixing states, looking amused.

“Yes, too old for that.”

“We’re the same age, and _I_ am not too old for that,” Jongin cockily smiles at his best friend, before glancing at Kyungsoo.

Indeed, Jongin is definitely not too mature to be jealous. Kyungsoo can attest, considering how the younger still pouts like a child whenever Kyungsoo is a bit too nice with basically any guy around their age.

“Why are you even proud of it?” Yerim giggles from her seat next to Kyungsoo, earning a carefree shrug from Jongin.

Junmyeon sits on her right and eyes Jongin, probably to make sure whatever he answers won’t be too harsh. Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. As if Jongin could ever be _mean_ to someone. Junmyeon is way too protective with his younger sister. He needs to realize Yerim is eighteen now, which is three years above what is considered as adulthood nowadays. Plus, she can clearly take care of herself, if their last training session is any proof.

Seulgi interrupts the argument by pushing Junmyeon out of his seat so she can take place next to Yerim. Before the man has time to protest, their training instructors walk in. They all stand as one, saluting the two men properly.

“At ease,” the eldest says, placing a binder on the table.

“Rest,” the second smiles, giving them the authorization to release the tension in their bodies, “You can sit.”

“Are you all doing good, today?” Yunho asks with a friendly grin, looking at them with evident anticipation on his face when he is answered by beaming smile and excited replies, “Good, let’s start, then. Is everyone here?”

“Zhang Yixing, Oh Sehun, Son Seungwan,” Changmin lists, checking them on his clipboard as he glances at them, one by one in their sitting order, “Byun Baekhyun, Ji Hyeran, Bae Joohyun,” he keeps going, “Kim Jongin, Do Kyungsoo, Kim Yerim, Kang Seulgi, Kim Junmyeon…”

“Where are-”

“We’re here!” a booming voice shouts from the doorway as two figures rush in, panting.

“Park Chanyeol and Park Sooyoung…” Changmin says, shaking his head, “Why are you late _again_?”

“Our mom was a little over the top this morning,” Sooyoung explains, trying to catch her breath as she salutes the instructor, elbowing her brother so he does the same, “Sorry for that.”

“At ease. Go sit with the others.”

“Very well, today the countdown finally ends. After an entire year, it is the moment of truth,” Yunho says with an amused expression, “It is time for you to show us we have done our job and trained you well. How are you all feeling?”

Various levels of excitement can be heard in their voices as they answer all at once, and the two instructors smile down at them, just as Kyungsoo sees Jongin stifling another yawn. They should not have stayed up so late last night. Not that he regrets, however. He will not be able to have a real moment with his boyfriend for a couple of weeks.

“I am sure you all know the rules, but we'll repeat them, as it is protocol,” Changmin states, tone more serious as he places his arms behind his back and straightens up, “So you can stop rolling your eyes private Byun.”

“Sorry, sir.”

“In about an hour from now, you will be taken to the location of your final test, wearing virtual reality headsets to keep you from analyzing your surroundings until the very last moment,” Yunho starts, and Kyungsoo feels Jongin sit up a bit straighter, almost vibrating with excitement.

This is the moment his boyfriend has been waiting for years.

“You will be each given a communication wristband, which will serve to receive the information we will send you, contact us in case of emergency, and as well as navigate yourself in the area, as it contains both a map and a compass,” Changmin says, showing them one of the device he retrieved from a box.

“As soon as you’ll be alone inside the fence, each of you will receive coordinates you will need to promptly get to,” Yunho explains, “Once we make sure you’re all in place, half of you will get a notification to tell you that you are one of the M.I.s. The rest will be considered as soldiers assigned to clear the area.”

“You can either hunt alone or try to find the other members of your team. Soldiers will need to shoot the M.I.s with their laser tag weapon, while the M.I.s will have to take down Soldiers by holding onto at least one of the four vital points, for five seconds,” Changmin details.

“Who can tell me what are those four points?” Yunho asks, and Kyungsoo flinches when Jongin raises his hand so quick it almost makes the younger lose his balance on the bench.

“Neck, stomach, wrists, and ankles,” Jongin calmly lists after being the permission to talk, smiling when Yunho nods, looking proud.

“Good. Once a Soldier gets taken down, they turn into an M.I. When an M.I. gets shot, they join the Soldiers team. M.I.s must wear their red armband to be recognizable as well as their tag vest.”

“You get a point for each member of the opposite team you take down, and you lose one when you’re killed. Points will be counted at the end of each week, and we’ll create a ranking.”

“Those points are reset every Monday morning, and a new round begins. The winner of each week will receive a reward in the form of an advantage for the new round. Every two week, we’ll give you a break, a night of truce so you can rest properly.”

“You’ll spend twelve weeks inside the fence, with ten weeks’ worth of food supplies, so ration yourself wisely. Don’t eat anything else, and remember to filter and treat any water you plan on drinking, be it from rain collecting or the five reservoirs placed on-field. There are several posts in the city where you can do this in case one of your purifying kits stop functioning or you run out of germicidal tablets.”

“Each of you will be given a basic health kit, for minor injuries. We will, of course, be monitoring you closely, and you can ask for help for any medical emergency through your wristband.”

“Do _not_ remove those wristbands. This is what will help us tracking you so we can locate you if anything happens.”

“Now that we’ve covered all this, is there any question?” Changmin asks, eyeing them one by one as they all shake their heads, “No? Very well.”

“It is normal to be scared, soldiers. Fear forces you to operate on adrenaline. It makes you think quicker, run faster, aim better. It gives you the push you need in critical situations, and it can save you when it’s a matter of life or death.”

“Remember, this is a simulation, but you _will_ be under pressure.”

“This is the last step before you can officially join us. You’ve trained hard. Now is the time to prove not only to us but yourselves, that you deserve to be the ones protecting our people.”

“We are proud of you already, so don’t make us regret that, all right?”

“You’ll be safe in there, we can guarantee you that. So don’t worry about what is outside for now, and do your best.”

Outside.

Kyungsoo wishes he could indeed not think about it. But as far as he can remember, all their life has been centered around precisely that. What is outside, on the other side of the high and well-guarded wall surrounding the vast city they live in.

They think it started because of some dying wild animal, that decayed near enough from a water source to poison the precious liquid. This was over two centuries ago, yet there is still no clear answer as to how, or why. Supposedly, there are still scientists working on understanding what happened, to find a cure, but Kyungsoo doubts this will happen in his lifetime, so he doesn’t really care.  
If he could, he would have been fine with staying inside the wall for all his life, where it was safe. But he had forgotten all about that rather quickly.

Jongin had wanted to join the new military system since they were kids, most notably the divisions sending teams out there either to transfer people from one city to another or to find groups of survivors. His devotion had amplified tenfold when Jongdae, his older brother had himself joined the army as part of a squad sent to escort people to one of the new city and had volunteered to establish himself there to protect people.  
So naturally, Kyungsoo had joined. He had waited for Jongin to be the legal age and they had both started their training together. Because wherever Jongin went, Kyungsoo went too. It was true back then, and it still is now.

  
The two instructors leave the room to finish checking some last-minute details, and immediately, Jongin’s head drops on Kyungsoo’s shoulder, his eyes closing.

“Stay awake, sleepyhead,” Kyungsoo chuckles, lightly shaking his arm and receiving a whine from his boyfriend, “We’re leaving soon. You’ll be able to rest in the car,” he says, before planting a light kiss on Jongin’s hair and earning a content smile in return.

As a well-timed cue, they are told to march to the city front gates, where cars are waiting for them. They all stand as one and exit the training center, and Kyungsoo snorts when notices Jongin seems way more awake now.

He can feel the excitement floating in the group as they walk together, animatedly chatting. He knows how each of them is feeling, at this moment, as if he had known them all his life. Which is not the case, considering they almost all used to live in different subdivisions of the city. Civilians rarely pass from one zone to another, as it requires several authorizations.  
Kyungsoo remembers seeing Baekhyun and Hyeran one Sunday, a few years ago, back during an assembly, where the whole town was to congregate to the central place. The two looked like they were already dating back then, chuckling with each other as the council members were announcing the new law proposal. He thinks he had seen Joohyun the next weekend, standing at the registration desk near the voting area.

Now, a simple look at each of them and he could almost tell what they are thinking.  
They have all been seeing each other every day for a year now, and have learned to trust each other.  
This is the key, as their instructors taught them. You need to have a black and white mind on the battlefield. Know whom you can trust, and be able to anticipate their movements and coordinate yours. This is what saves lives. Questioning yourself or others in the middle of an attack will only get everyone killed.

It will be both a good and a bad thing, during their last test. Anticipating your opponent next move is excellent, except if they can do the same with you.  
But Kyungsoo has proven to be one of the bests among them all when it comes to being stealthy, so he hopes this will play in his favor. He is only surpassed by his boyfriend, who seems to be moving like a shadow, sometimes.

As they arrive in an open area near the gates, the group falls silent, their eyes converging on their left, where a ceremony is taking place.  
On top of the customary wood structure, a fabric-enwrapped figure lays, soft wind lightly ruffling the white cloth.

A funeral.

People stand around, eyes cast on the ground as one of the council members takes a step forward, lifting a torch in front of him.

Kyungsoo and his friend stop walking, turning towards the ceremony and lowering their heads, to pay respect to the deceased as they are sent away on their last, endless journey.

“Through fire and ashes,” the council member declaims in a loud voice, before the crowd complete the sentence, as one.

“You will rise again,” Kyungsoo says with everyone, closing his eyes for a few seconds just as Jongin laces their fingers.

The next moment, the council member brings his torch down and lets it set the pyre alight.

“Let’s go, guys,” Baekhyun says a moment later, “They’re waiting for us.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes linger on the blaze for a few more seconds, noticing a teenager crying in her mother’s arms and recognizing them right away. They live in the same zone he and Jongin grew up in. He remembers hearing the girl’s father was sick, a few months ago. Something about his lungs, he thinks. The man apparently never recovered.

Heart tightening, he follows Jongin who squeezes his hand as their group resumes its trip to the front gates.

It is when he witnesses moments like this that Kyungsoo is thankful he cannot remember his parents. They died when he was too young to forge memories, and although the orphanage workers told him he was present at the funeral, he cannot recall any of it. Only the never-ending feeling of emptiness that followed him every day, for as far as he can remember.

His earliest clear memory goes back to the day he met Jongin, when he was eleven. And in his mind, he can still see his boyfriend’s face beaming at him as if it had happened yesterday.

Kyungsoo was sad that day, like most days, but he remembers how he blanked, sorrow vanishing instantly at the sight of Jongin’s smile.

He is not sure how they even became friends, back then, but he does know Jongin saved him. With toothy grins and kindness, with stupid puns and warm hugs, with silly laughter and undivided attention, Jongin filled the void in his heart and made him whole again.

It had been all too easy to fall in love with the younger, and after a few awkward months during which both of them had danced around the subject, Jongin had taken a deep breath and kissed Kyungsoo, at the exact place they had met, five years prior.

The sound of massive metal panel screeching brings Kyungsoo back to reality and only then does he realizes they arrived at the gates. Greatly-armed guards welcome them as the group makes its way towards the three heavy military trucks parked outside the wall.

It is usually safe since the perimeter is guarded twenty-four/seven, but they still split into three groups without waiting, and make their way towards the trucks.

As it is the protocol for the military leader to send off the recruits before the last test, Junmyeon’s and Yerim’s father shakes their hands, giving them a few words of encouragement. He is the reason his daughter was able to enroll in training a year earlier than what is allowed, and Kyungsoo hides a smile when he sees the man breaking the rules and giving a hug to the eighteen-year-old girl.

Kyungsoo is handed a virtual reality headset right before he climbs in the back of the vehicle, noticing right away Yunho in the passenger seat. Jongin takes place next to him, his own headset already propped on his forehead.

A minute later, Joohyun and Seungwan are seated behind them, and the truck door closes.

“Nervous?” Yunho asks with a small smile, turning around to look at them.

Kyungsoo grins back when he feels Jongin shuffling in excitement.

“How long is the ride?” Seungwan asks, leaning on Kyungsoo’s car seat.

“About two hours, if we keep our one hundred kilometers per hour speed and don’t need to stop,” the instructor replies and an immediate tension fills the vehicle.

Only the actual members of the army know the precise location of the fence-surrounded city where recruits take their last test, but soldiers in training are aware it is among the wastelands, an area in ruin that used to be a flourishing town, long ago.   
Before the infection, before the bombs, before the world fell into chaos.  
They all know very well that, if the car needs to stop, it will not be because the vehicle has a problem.

Kyungsoo’s body rattles as the driver turns the car on.

“Headsets on, soldiers!” Yunho orders, still smiling, and Kyungsoo gives Jongin’s hand a light squeeze before they both set the devices so it adequately covers their eyes and ears.

The last thing he hears is the sound of the town’s hydroelectric power plant, before being surrounded by what he thinks is the inside of their city’s greenhouse. He never visited it, since it is in one of the farthest zones from where he lives, but he knows Seulgi’s mom works there, and the girl had told him about it several times.

It is quite unsettling, to feel his body moving in the car, but only hearing the faint buzzing of bees flying from a flower to another, and he wonders what environment Jongin is surrounded by when he feels his boyfriend’s fingers naturally finding his own between their thighs.

He knows each virtual reality headset is programmed to show them something different. The town’s market, a forest, some busy streets, or even simply the inside of a cozy house.   
Kyungsoo has only ever seen the indoors of the training center’s building with it, though. The recruits normally use them during fight simulations, so they don’t get hurt before starting real one on one fight training.

They haven’t used them for ten months, so it is quite weird for him to put one back on, but he nonetheless takes this opportunity to let his body relax, bathing in the sunlight filtering through the greenhouse’s thick windows.   
The car’s metallic smell does not match at all with the blooming flowers surrounding him and his nose ticks. It is unsettling to be unable to find any scent correlated with the information his vision and hearing are sending to his brain.

The brush of a finger on his knuckles, however, does not confuse him, despite not having anyone holding his hand in this virtual reality. Even in his sleep, Kyungsoo is always aware of Jongin’s presence. Nothing could ever change that.

Albeit surprising, the ride thankfully goes without a hitch, and a tap on his shoulder prompts Kyungsoo to finally remove the headset.   
As soon as the car’s door opens, the overwhelming ashy smell invading his nose makes his eyes water, and he exits the vehicle right after Jongin, combat boots hitting the gravelly ground with a mat thud.

As he inspects their surroundings, all he can see is dirt, rubbles, and debris. The remaining of a town that was once bubbling with life.

This is where they will spend the next twelve weeks.

When he hears Jongin gasping, Kyungsoo turns towards him, noticing his eyes are focused somewhere along the tall electrified fence enclosing the city. Following his gaze, Kyungsoo holds his breath seeing the two bodies stuck in the barbwire.

_Fried_. Burnt to the bones, skin charred and torn clothes blackened.

**_Instinctives_**.

That’s how the new world named the infected.

A pretty noun to define those whose brain switched and, just like animals, started following their most primal instincts.

The infection only takes three to four days to kick in. After that, the person you once knew becomes a total stranger.

A very ravenous one.

With a virus spreading so fast, by bite, scratch, or merely consuming poisoned water or meat from an infected animal, no one understood what was happening, before it was already too late.   
Reports of more and more infected came from all around the world, and one after the other, nations fell, anarchy engulfing the planet, people turning against each other, blazing weapon in hands.

It took a few months for the countries leaders to organize what they called the Grand Cleaning.

All over the world, they let towns’ alarms running for days, attracting thousands of infected, until they had gathered as many as they thought possible.

That’s when they triggered the bombs. They blew up all at once, deathly melody exploding in harmony with piercing screams. The cities burned for days, until nothing remained but ash-covered ruins and calcined bones.

The blast and fires killed every living thing around, but it was not enough. Just as Life always finds its way, so does Death. And soon, they were thousands and thousands again, wandering the wastelands with nothing else in mind but hunt and feast on the first piece of flesh that would catch their eyes.

Sheltered in safe cities, around which tall walls were erected, the remaining populations had to build a new life, the constant threat of what was _outside_ omnipresent in their minds.

Every decades or so, towns have been brought back to life, and people can start anew, secluded behind protective walls.  
Kyungsoo is not sure this can really be called ‘living’. It is more about surviving and pretending everything is fine while trying to ignore that all things could end once more in the blink of an eye.

They manage, though, and Kyungsoo is quite good at acting as if he is not scared. He cannot afford to be. Jongin wants to be part of the army, and Kyungsoo cannot lose him. He has to be strong, and ready to give his life to protect the younger if he has to.

He wonders, sometimes, if Jongin is even aware of how much he cares about him. He probably does, to an extent. It is not as if Kyungsoo ever hid his affection, after all. But he never told his boyfriend that he would have preferred not to enroll in the army. The simple thought of Jongin telling him he would do it alone has him shiver in pure fear every time it appears in his mind.

Wherever Jongin goes, Kyungsoo goes too. And nothing will ever change that.

Gently, he grabs Jongin hands and leads him towards where the rest of the group has gathered, getting their backpacks handed by the cars drivers.

They have been taught everything about the Instinctives, they have seen pictures, videos. However, to see one in front of you, even a dead one, makes the threat so tangible, more even, with the pervasive ashy smell floating in the air.

And although Kyungsoo can see Jongin is trying not to look affected, he still easily notices the slight tick in the corner of his mouth and the flicker of his gaze.

“All right soldiers! You will stay here until the cars are out of the area. No wandering is permitted, understood?” Yunho says, pausing until they all nod, “As soon as the fence is closed, you will receive your instructions from the base, and the test will begin. Any last minute question?”

“Now that it’s not training anymore, we don’t need to go easy on the guys, right?” Yerim says, making all the girls laugh.

Kyungsoo smirks when Seulgi bumps fists with Yerim and Sehun rolls his eyes next to them.

“Don’t antagonize them, yet,” Yunho answers with an amused face, “You have twelve weeks to make them cry,” he adds, and Kyungsoo relaxes when he hears Jongin chuckling, looking a bit less tense, now.

“Get ready to have your asses kicked!” Chanyeol chants towards the girls who only reply by wiggling their brows, his sister scoffing at him.

“Easy,” the instructor says, shaking his head but still grinning at their antics, “All right, if there is no other question, we’ll leave. Good luck to you all. Remember what you learned, and make us proud.”

In synchronization with his twelve friends, Kyungsoo lifts his hand up to his forehead, saluting the instructor, who nods before making his way back to the car.

“You ready?” Jongin asks quietly as the girls start teasing Chanyeol behind them, the sound of the cars driving away in the background.

“One hundred percent,” he nods, removing a lost eyelash on his boyfriend’s cheekbone, “You?”

“Ready to kick _your_ ass,” Jongin replies, tongue poking out.

“Don’t get cocky too soon,” Kyungsoo laughs, raising a brow, “I still run faster than you.”

“But I aim better.”

“That’s not what the stats of the last training session say,” Kyungsoo playfully taunts, getting the reaction he wanted when Jongin’s face turns scandalized.

“I was sick!” he claims, lightly pushing Kyungsoo away, “I had a fever, it doesn’t count!”

“It’s your fault for catching a cold,” Kyungsoo keeps acting, trying his best to hide his smile.

“ _My_ fault?!” Jongin gasps, “ _You_ were sick the week before, and I caught it from you!”

“No one forced you to keep kissing me,” Kyungsoo nonchalantly shrugs.

“Oh really?” the younger then scoffs with a smirk as he laces their fingers, taking a step closer until their faces are only a breath away, “No one?”

“You could’ve refused...”

“As if you would’ve let me,” Jongin chuckles, pecking Kyungsoo’s lips and pressing their foreheads together.

“As if you minded anyway.”

He is about to lean in and give a proper kiss to his boyfriend when his wristband vibrates, tickling the thin skin underneath and signaling instructions have finally been sent to them.

A few seconds after, hands land on his shoulder and Sehun’s voice rings in his ears from right behind him.

“Time to say goodbye, lovebirds!”

Kyungsoo throws an elbow backward, earning a choked “ouch” from the lanky boy before he looks back at Jongin. His boyfriend’s face is clearly showing his excitement. Kyungsoo can see it in the curve of his lips and the shine of his eyes.

“Try not to get hurt,” he says, bringing Jongin’s hand up to plant a kiss on his palm.

He wants to enjoy his happiness for a few more seconds.

“See you when I kill you,” Jongin replies mischievously, thumb brushing Kyungsoo’s lower lip.

“You wish,” Kyungsoo scoffs as they step away from each other, their hands staying linked just a little longer before they finally separate.

A quick look towards the rest of the group later, Kyungsoo is swinging his backpack on and walking away, opting to get to take cover behind the remnants of a building, before he checks his wristband, tapping the reinforced screen on the left.

Lightly glowing in white, letters slowly appears.

**_Do Kyungsoo  
Soldiers Team_ **

The precise coordinates that follow let him know he will have to head north, so after making sure none of the others has lingered around, he taps the right corner of the screen to get the compass to show up and starts walking.

It takes him almost two hours to get to his starting point. He has to hide at some point when he hears footsteps, signaling one of his friends is close, but for most of the journey, the only sound reaching his ears is the stomp of his combat boots on the unstable ground. He takes this opportunity to start checking his environment more intently and determine what hiding spots would be the most effective.

The whole area is wrecked. As far as his eyes can reach, it is only rubbles laying in wonky piles, dead trees, destroyed cars and buses, and swirls of dust picked up by the wind.  
In over a century, nature should have claimed the wasteland back, but not a single stain of green can be seen in the sepia-colored city. It’s like an old picture, where time has stopped in sync with the hearts of all the Instinctives gathered here so long ago.

Right as he passes the sign of an ancient hospital shattered amongst rubbles, his wristband vibrates once more. Spotting the remains of a wall where “QUARANTINE ZONE” is painted in bold red letters, Kyungsoo leaves the road and crouches, hiding from view behind a pile of debris before he taps the screen to alert the base he reached the coordinates.

Kyungsoo then grabs his laser gun and gets it ready as he waits for his friends to get to their starting points.

Some might have either had a more extended trip to make or got lost at some point, because it takes another hour before his wristband beeps again, indicating the start of the first week round.

 

To say that Kyungsoo is proud of himself at the end of the first day would be an understatement.

He won’t lie and say finding Yixing thirty minutes after it all started was not just luck. However, managing to take him down, as well as Seungwan and Joohyun three hours later, while remaining concealed from view had nothing to do with chance. Nor was shooting Chanyeol right as the sun was setting.

None of them had seen him coming, and he had even been able to leave without being noticed every single time.

So it’s with a smile after checking his wristband is indeed displaying he won four points today, that he settles down in the crumbled ruins of what must have been a small house long ago, making sure he remains invisible to anyone who would come from the main street.

After debating for a few seconds in front of his open backpack, he ends up picking one of the chicken-and-rice MRE’s, pouring his pre-filtered water into the zip-lock bag and letting it cook.

It’s stupid, but he knows somewhere around, Jongin has probably chosen this meal too, and this is somewhat enough to ease the longing he can already feel in his heart. It has not even been twenty-four hours since he last saw the younger, but Kyungsoo already misses him.

And it’s with thoughts of his boyfriend that he drifts into a light sleep, a bit later, already planning to hunt Jongin down the next day.

 

 

This is not something Kyungsoo usually do, but he might have underestimated Jongin’s stealth talent.

In the last five days, he managed to take down seven people, as well as switch team twice himself. But it’s like Jongin suddenly got teleportation abilities, because the only time Kyungsoo caught a glimpse of him, his boyfriend had vanished before he could even detect what team he was on at that moment.

He would be disappointed that Jongin is not seeking him if he didn’t know how competitive the younger has always been.

Even back when they were in school, when Kyungsoo was still the taller of the two, Jongin would always take any competition very seriously. Even if Kyungsoo were part of it, Jongin would still consider him as a competitor, no matter how close they were.

And if he has to be honest, this is a side of Jongin Kyungsoo really likes. As nonchalant as he can be on any other occasions when it comes to competitions, his boyfriend does not let anything stand in his way.   
Or at least, as long as he does not hurt anyone in the process.

Kyungsoo still remembers back when the younger was thirteen and had gotten a bit too determined during a race with his classmate, and pushed one of them, sending him biting the dust. Jongin had spent the next month trying to make up for it, despite the boy laughing and repeatedly telling him he was perfectly fine.

Behind dreary clouds, the sun is starting to set on the horizon, ending the sixth day of their first week, when Kyungsoo hears light footsteps on his right.

Immediately, he dodges and crouches behind some debris, getting his laser gun ready before carefully peeking above the rocks. He scans the area for any movement during a few minutes, but not seeing anyone, he takes his backpack off and drops it on the ground, deciding to get around the remains of the building the sound came from.

If he is silent enough, he might be able to surprise whoever is there trying to get him.

He does not have the time to get to his next hiding spot, however. Before he can even comprehend what happens, a growl echoes behind him and someone jumps on his back, sending them both plummet towards the ground. Dust flies in his eyes, blurring his vision and sending a wave of panic in his body when he hears his weapon sliding away.

All he can smell and taste is dirt, getting in his nose and mouth as he thrashes, trying to break free from the body pinning him to the ground, gravel scratching his cheek.

Long dark hair fills his hazy vision, and the next second, teeth are clamping around the skin of his neck, hands hindering his movements by wringing his arms behind his back in a painful angle. He cannot do anything but groan, still trying to get rid of his assailant.

It is too late, though, and before long, two wristbands beep and a melodic laughter ring in the street, as Yerim pushes herself up and off of Kyungsoo’s back.

“Got you!” she singsongs, adjusting the red band around her upper arm.

Panting, Kyungsoo flips himself on his back, coughing and spitting the dirt out of his mouth, before looking at her.

“Did you have to twist my arms like that?” he asks, groaning once more as he bends and extends both limbs, before rolling his shoulders.

It is nothing serious, he can tell. But they will probably be sore the next day.

“You’re taller and heavier than me,” she reasons, bringing back her long hair back into her usual high ponytail, “I needed to get you immobilized long enough to bite you!”

When he sees her wiggling her eyebrows, Kyungsoo catches a handful of gravelly dirt and chucks it in Yerim’s direction, earning yet another cute laugh.

This little shit looks so proud of herself that he has to fight the twitch of his lips and hold back a smile.

“Yeah, by the way, using your teeth? Really?” he asks, pushing himself in sitting position, “Is that even allowed?”

“Shut up, it counts,” Yerim chuckles, standing and dusting her uniform, “And I held your wrists for more than five seconds anyway.”

“Sure, but you’re the one who will have to deal with Jongin if it leaves a mark,” Kyungsoo replies with a shrug, before laughing when her eyes widen.

“Shit…” The next moment, she is back on the ground, kneeling next to him and angling his head away to check his neck as he snorts, letting her do as she pleases, “No, it’s okay, you’re fine,” she claims after inspecting his skin closely, sounding relieved.

“All right,” he nods, standing and helping her to get up, “Hey, since the sun is down,” he says, bending to retrieve his laser gun, “You wanna stay around for the night?” he suggests, since they are both on the Mock Instinctives team now.

“I can handle myself,” she scoffs, “I don’t need help.”

“I know. You proved that five minutes ago. I just thought it would be nice to have some company,” he says, putting his weapon in his backpack, “We can part ways in the morning,” he adds, looking back at her.

He knows Yerim quite well; she is his closest friend in the group. He is well aware that, being the youngest of them all, younger than what is officially allowed to join the military, she always tries to show she is just as capable as they all are. And although he finds this commendable, it still saddens him that she feels the need to push herself so hard.

“You don’t have to,” he continues, grabbing his red armband in the front pocket of his bag, “It’s just a suggestion.”

“Okay, fine,” she eventually says after a long silence, and her tone might sound resigned, but Kyungsoo can see her smile despite the darkness engulfing the city.

“Come on, then. Let’s go somewhere a bit more covered,” he says, eyeing the thick clouds coming their way, “I don’t wanna get wet.”

“To be honest, I could use a shower,” Yerim sighs, looking up in the same direction.

“That’s...actually not a bad idea.”

“Okay, let’s still find a better place to do that,” she nods, grabbing her backpack, “Don’t want you to see me naked _ever again._ ”

“It was an accident!” Kyungsoo claims, giving her a pointed look, as he always does whenever she brings that up, “You need to learn how to lock doors!”

He can still recall the day he walked into the training building’s changing room and ended up in front of a surprised Yerim only wearing socks. They both knew he was not interested, but it had made things quite awkward between them for days.

“Let’s not get a repeat anyway. There’s no door to lock out here,” she answers with a chuckle before they start walking.

Right as the rain spell begins, they end up finding the vestiges of a building with a wall still tall enough to conceal them from each other, and they quickly rinse themselves from the accumulated dirt and sweat, enjoying the fresh drops after days of relentless heat.

“I was surprised to find you alone,” Yerim says later, as they settle for the night into a partially crushed old bus.

“Mmh?”

“Figured you’d be with Jongin since day one,” she shrugs, smiling when Kyungsoo makes a face.

“I think he has invisibility skills or something,” Kyungsoo answers, still bitter, mostly because it also means _he_ was not good enough to track someone.

“Maybe he doesn’t want to see you?” she suggests, her apparent attempt of sounding nonchalant ruined by the smile she cannot hide.

“Shut up,” he laughs, pinching her arm and earning a yelp so high-pitched it makes his eardrums vibrate, forcing him to shush her as she falls into a giggle fit, “You’re gonna get us spotted!” he whisper-screams, chortling himself.

The exhaustion of having to be alert for days, even in their sleep, must be getting to their heads because it takes them an abnormally long time to calm down. And as the drizzle softly hits the bus’ rooftop, just like every night since he was eleven, Kyungsoo last though as he drifts to sleep is for Jongin, hoping he is safe and sheltered from the rain.

He is not surprised to find Yerim gone when he wakes up the next morning, pulled out of Morpheus’ arms by the warm sun rays caressing his face through the cracked windows.

He will need to be as efficient as possible today. Points will be counted at midnight, and Kyungsoo is not satisfied with the **8** glowing on his wristband screen.  
Finding his boyfriend won’t be the priority on this first round’s last day. He has to take down as many members of the opposite team in record time.  
He knows he still has a chance to win and get the advantage for the next round. So after shoving a few crackers in his mouth and gulping down half of his water bottle, Kyungsoo puts his tag vest on, securing the red armband above his elbow, and exists the wrecked vehicle.

Time to start his hunt.

 

**\----  
**

 

It is only during the third day of the second round that Kyungsoo finally finds Jongin. It has been a rather intense week start, where he managed to get a total of nine points, without switching even once from the soldier team he began this round in.

He has to admit, he did not exactly find Jongin by looking for him. He was tracking Seungwan, who was herself hunting Hyeran, who was, in turn, chasing someone. And the prey at the end of the food chain just happened to be his furtive boyfriend, who revealed himself actually being the predator, when he suddenly vanished behind a wall, only to reappear on Hyeran’s left, pouncing towards her in sync with Seungwan and restraining her long enough to make her switch team.

It takes only a few seconds for chaos to ensue, and Kyungsoo decides to go for it and shoot into the lot, not precisely aiming. Hearing two satisfying beeps in the process, he goes back to hiding, not sure whom he managed to take down, but opting for remaining concealed behind bits of a wall.

However, the moment he hears footsteps fading away, he bolts out of his hiding spot and starts racing after whoever is left to turn, realizing he is not alone chasing them when he notices Seungwan has quickly recovered and is running too, laser gun already in hand.

For the next fifteen minutes, it seems like neither Kyungsoo or Seungwan is going to succeed. Until suddenly, Jongin appears out of nowhere and tackles the girl, pinning her on the ground for the five mandatory seconds.

A shrill beep from both wristbands later, she stops thrashing, gaping at Jongin with brows raised in confusion. Kyungsoo holds back a chuckle when his boyfriend gets up and starts a little teasing dance in front of her, as she puts on the tag vest and red armband.

This is when Kyungsoo finally steps out from his crouching position behind a pile of rubbles, and quickly aims towards Jongin’s chest, catching his boyfriend’s attention.

In a cloud of dust, Jongin runs away, and Kyungsoo takes a second to shoot in Seungwan’s direction, right before dashing after his boyfriend, both of them zigzagging and hopping amongst debris.

Footsteps behind him indicate Kyungsoo he is not the only one hunting Jongin down, but just as he looks back to confirm Seungwan is the one backing him up, Jongin jumps in front of him, forcing him to deviate his path and to climb over rubbles to escape.

He slips a few times, scratched hands leaving bloody prints on the rocks and eyes roaming around as he tries to find a place he could hide to get Jongin off of his heels for a few seconds. Maybe then he could accurately aim at the younger.

The plan changes, however, when he hears Seungwan’s scream, immediately followed by Jongin’s laughter. His boyfriend must have found a way to make her switch team again, for the fourth time in less than an hour, so Kyungsoo turns around, intend on using this to his advantage.

In his rush, he throws silence out the window and ends up alerting Jongin, who instantly starts running away again, the echoes of his goofy laugh hitting a beaming Kyungsoo chasing him.

“I missed you, you know that, right?” Kyungsoo playfully shouts as he gains some meters, getting closer and closer and now relentlessly shooting in Jongin’s direction.

“Yeah? Maybe you should stop trying to kill me, then!” Jongin cackles, still sprinting down the long and deserted street, trying to distance the elder.

With the sun hotly shining on him and his boyfriend so close and sounding so happy, it does not even feel like a serious test anymore. He missed Jongin’s voice, missed hearing him laugh and seeing him smile.

“Well, maybe you should run faster so I can’t!” Kyungsoo replies, enjoying the wind hitting his face and carrying Jongin’s giggles as he keeps shooting.

He is almost sad when his wristband emits a beep, indicating he finally aimed correctly. But then, as he slows down to a stop, panting, Jongin turns around, a blinding smile stretching his lips, clearly not minding the loss of a point.

He looks mesmerizing, with the sun rays falling on his golden skin and sweat-matted hair, and Kyungsoo begins walking towards him, not an ounce of hesitation in his steps.

“How did you do that?” Seungwan asks, surprising Kyungsoo who did not even realize she was behind him this whole time.

Tag vest back on, she seemed to have switched team somehow _again_ , even though Kyungsoo was not aware another person was around, but she doesn’t seem to be focused on taking them down. So Kyungsoo lazily lifts his laser gun and shoots right towards her stomach, both their wristbands beeping in sync, earning a loud laugh from Jongin and an eye-roll from the girl.

“Whatever,” she shrugs, still approaching them, “How did you do it?” she inquires once more, and Kyungsoo notices she is addressing Jongin, “You came out of _nowhere_! Like yesterday!” she adds, looking puzzled.

“I’m fast, and you got distracted earlier,” Jongin explains as Kyungsoo finally arrives next to him and leans against the younger who curls an arm around his shoulders, “Now I know by who,” he says, grinning at Kyungsoo, “Thanks, babe!”

Kyungsoo has no idea what the younger is talking about, but his stomach is doing pleased little flips, happy to be so close to Jongin, so he goes with the flow.

“Well, it wasn’t on purpose, but you’re welcome!” Kyungsoo chuckles, before pecking the Jongin’s lips.

It had been too long.

“Great, now you two are gonna team up,” Seungwan groans, removing her tag vest and grabbing her laser gun.

“You can stay with us,” Kyungsoo offers, Jongin nodding right after.

“Thanks, but no thanks. I’d rather not witness the mushy love. Too much to handle,” she says, putting on a disgusted face.

“Your loss,” Jongin shrugs before tugging Kyungsoo in his arms, “You should run now, then. So I can kiss him properly!”

Way too long.

Kyungsoo doesn’t wait for the girl to be gone and leans up, pushing his lips against Jongin’s warm ones, barely hearing Seungwan fake a gagging noise and leave.

He does not even care how sweaty they both are, dirt sticking to their damp skin and hair under the blasting sun. He does not care they’re in the middle of a street, in plain sight, where they could be so easily targeted. He does not care if he loses a point.

He cannot care.

It has been a week and a half since he last saw his boyfriend. A week and a half since he tasted his lips. A week and a half since he felt Jongin’s skin under his fingertips. And now he finally has him in his arms, Kyungsoo is not about to let go.

He drops his laser weapon in favor of cupping Jongin’s face with both hands, thumbs now caressing his cheekbones as their tongues dance together, reveling in the soft sighs coming out of the younger’s mouth.

“Hey,” he whispers when they part, as Jongin brushes the tip of their noses.

“Hey,” the younger answers in the same tone, offering him a fond smile when Kyungsoo gives a light peck to the stubble above the corner of his lips.

“I missed you…”

Jongin does not answer. But the way he leans in and crashes their lips together once more is enough for Kyungsoo to know he feels the same. Moreover, the fingers sinking in the skin of his waist, pulling him closer and closer, are a good indication too.

 

**\----  
**

 

“Do you know who won last week?” Kyungsoo asks two days later as he collects water from the big reservoir, giving the bottle to Jongin so he can start the filtering process.

“Joohyun. We teamed up on the last day, so I was with her when we got the results,” Jongin answers, dropping a purifying tablet in the container.

“Oh, so you _did_ team up with others!” Kyungsoo scoffs, pretending to be hurt, “And you didn’t even try to look for your super skilled boyfriend!”

“I did!” the younger laughs, “But we were on opposite teams every time I saw you!”

“So what, you were scared I’d take you down?” Kyungsoo snorts, handing Jongin the second bottle.

“More like I didn’t want you to lose a point,” Jongin retorts with a mischievous grin.

“I was the one making _you_ switch team, two days ago.”

“You got lucky,” Jongin counters, tongue poking out.

“Yeah, right,” Kyungsoo humors him, rolling his eyes but glancing at his boyfriend fondly.

They decided to team up after Kyungsoo made him switch team, and although he is proud of how efficient they have been, taking down eight of their friends, including Junmyeon thrice, what he loves the most about the situation, is finally being able to stay with Jongin.

This round revealed itself to be way more intense than the first one. They have all been mercilessly tracking each other, never hesitating when it came to chasing an opponent, even at night. He and Jongin had to take turns to sleep, so one would always be alert while the other rested.

Two days before the end of the week, Kyungsoo is exhausted, and if the dark circles under his boyfriend’s eyes are any proof, Jongin is not in much better shape after spending almost the entirety of last night awake, running after and away from their friends.

Which is why Kyungsoo suggested they should find a hidden spot and rest for a few hours. He plans on staying awake while Jongin catches some sleep, not liking the tired look on his face and the winces scrunching his features whenever he has to climb over debris. His muscles are sore, but he would rather make sure Jongin takes a break, even if it means sacrificing himself. A few extra hours should not be too terrible, anyway.

But as if to mock them, as soon as they settle between the rubbles of a building, the light sound of footsteps reaches their ears.

“Damnit,” Jongin hisses, letting out a pained groan as he straightens up from his lying position, “I told you it was useless,” he adds with a sigh, a tad too loud for Kyungsoo’s taste.

“Shhht, be quiet,” Kyungsoo whispers, crouching behind a pile of rocks, getting his laser gun ready.

“I thought you loved when I was loud,” Jongin responds flirtatiously as he crawls next to him.

It takes all of Kyungsoo’s willpower not to laugh when he sees his boyfriend wiggle his eyebrow and poking the inside of his cheek with his tongue repeatedly.

“Shut up,” he mouths, a muffled chortle still coming out as he elbows the younger’s arm, earning a chuckle that lightens his worried heart.

“I can hear you, Jongin!” a voice shouts in a playful tone. Chanyeol. “I’m gonna kick your sweet ass so fast, you won’t even leave an echo!”

“You can try!” Jongin retaliates, just as cheerful, quickly peeking out above the rocks before turning towards Kyungsoo, “M.I.,” he confirms, “He might think I’m alone, so go around and catch him from behind,” he then whispers with an excited smile that Kyungsoo cannot help but return, “I’ll distract him. Wait for my signal before crossing the street.”

With a nod, Kyungsoo takes a second to give a small squeeze to Jongin’s hand, before crouch-walking to his left. Ten seconds later, he hears the go-ahead whistle, and bolts, running for it and sliding behind a low wall on the other side of the road. Peeping above the worn-out bricks, he notices Chanyeol is looking right where he and Jongin were a moment ago, posture alert and ready to pounce.

Silently, he stands and adjusts his weapon, aiming right between the elder’s shoulders.

“Where did you go, jackass?” Chanyeol roars, drawing a laugh out of Jongin, who somehow seems to have moved five meters away.

“Right behind you, dickhead,” Kyungsoo snickers.

Chanyeol turns away with widened eyes, clearly surprised, and a second later, both their wristbands beep as Kyungsoo pulls the trigger.

“Fuck!”

“And, voilà!” Kyungsoo brags, giving a mocking bow to the taller man, who answers by raising his middle finger as Jongin comes out of his hideaway with a loud laugh.

“I’d say we make a pretty damn good team,” the youngest gloats, puffing his chest and high-fiving his boyfriend.

“Agreed!”

“How many points do you have now, babe?” Jongin asks him in a proud tone, evidently trying to taunt Chanyeol.

“Seventeen!”

“What about you, Chanyeol?”

“Go fry yourself,” the taller sternly answers, before walking away without a glance for the amused couple.

As Chanyeol disappears between the remains of some buildings, Jongin leans his head on Kyungsoo’s shoulder, letting out a tired sigh. Instantly, Kyungsoo wraps his arms around him, giving him a light kiss on the forehead.

“Let’s find somewhere we can rest,” he says, eyeing their surrounding and spotting a burnt car a few meters ahead. The front is completely wrecked, but at least it still has a roof. It will have to do. The backseat, no matter how damaged it is, will still be better than hard concrete to relieve the soreness in Jongin’s back, “Come on,  you need to sleep.”

“What about you?” the younger asks, letting himself be led towards the vehicle.

“I’m okay, don’t worry,” he reassures Jongin, before yanking the rusty car door to open it.

It’s so old and weak that it ends up coming off altogether, falling on the dusty ground in a metallic bang.

“Really discreet, good job,” Jongin chuckles as the sound reverberates in the empty area.

“Just get in,” Kyungsoo replies with a small laugh.

He is about to step back once he has made sure Jongin is comfortably installed, but his boyfriend seems to have other plans. A second later, a hand is pulling him inside the car, and he finds himself pressed half on top of the younger.

“What are you-”

“Shhht, sleep.”

“No, wait, I should-”

“ _Sleep_ ,” Jongin repeats, eyes already closed and snuggling against Kyungsoo even closer so they both fit in the cramped space, “Let them come if they want. You need some rest, too.”

His voice is getting lower and quieter already, and when Kyungsoo peeks up, his face looks relaxed.

The car is not in plain sight, so maybe it’ll be okay to sleep for a little while. And he doesn’t want to move, anyway. Even less when Jongin slides down a bit and nestles his face against Kyungsoo’s neck.

Here’s to hoping the others will be too tired to look for them.

 

**\----  
**

 

One step, two steps. A third one and a groan.

“I’m gonna get you!” Sehun chants from a few meters behind him.

As he runs, Jongin turns his head to check the boy doesn’t catch up, before jumping on the side to take cover behind some rocks.

He knew it was a stupid idea to take a different road than Kyungsoo to hunt Sehun down. His boyfriend told him. But did he listen? Of course not.

Now he doesn’t see Kyungsoo anymore, and he got his best friend on his tail.

“Why are you afraid? I’m not gonna hurt you!” Sehun laughs, words contradicted by the bright red armband around his bicep.

Jongin swallows back the snort threatening to come out and crouch-walks to his right, keeping his ears focused on Sehun’s footsteps.

This feels like most of their training sessions all over again.

“Come on, show me your titties!”

That time, the chortle blurts out, giving away his position. So, in one swift motion, he jumps above the low wall and pounces on Sehun, trying to pin him to the ground.

He must have miscalculated where his voice was coming from, though, because he is the one ending up biting the dust after being tripped. And as he spits some dirt out of his mouth, his wristband and Sehun’s beep at the same time.

Shit.

One footstep, two footsteps. A third one and then a call of his name.

Jongin looks up and notices Kyungsoo is running towards them.

His eyes, however, are not on Sehun, despite having his laser gun in his hands.

Focused on his boyfriend, Kyungsoo slows down his pace as he comes closer. Jongin wants to tell him to shoot Sehun, but then the elder halts his steps and stares at the lanky boy.

He seems to be waiting, and Sehun’s face looks just as confused as Jongin feels.

There are a few seconds of silence, before Sehun steps forward, almost hesitantly, and reaches out.  
His fingers curl around Kyungsoo’s wrist, and Jongin watches as his boyfriend stays still, and ends up _smiling_ when their wristbands beep.

What the hell?

Still clearly puzzled, Sehun leaves, eyeing them with a raised brow. Jongin does not understand more than his best friend does.

He stands as Kyungsoo walks to him.

“What was that?”

“What was what?”

“You could’ve had him... Why didn’t you shoot?” Jongin presses, completely lost.

Kyungsoo simply shrugs.

“It’s okay.”

“But you _walked to him_!”

“Yeah.”

“Why would you give up points?!”

Another shrug.

“Wherever you go, I go,” Kyungsoo easily answers, and this is not the first time Jongin hears those exact words, “I have nineteen points, I can afford to lose one,” he continues, with a soft smile, “Now come on, we only have a few hours before the end of this round. It’s time to scare the girls a little bit. Hordes hunt better,” the elder mischievously adds.

Jongin rolls his eyes but returns his grin.

His boyfriend is stupid for letting himself be taken down. But they can stay together, so Jongin doesn’t really mind.


	2. Chapter 2

Footsteps light on the gravelly terrain, Kyungsoo remains silent as he watches his friends gathered around the bonfire. Albeit unnecessary, considering the heat engulfing the city in the last few days, everyone had agreed to light it up, for the sole purpose of mimicking “ _what they did in the Old Days”_.

Chanyeol’s idea, of course. He loves those centuries-old traditions and everything that had to do with how people lived so long ago. Especially the music. There is no doubt he would have fitted right in, back then. Kyungsoo can totally imagine him as the guitarist or drummer of a rock band, making the crowd go wild with his riffs, just like he had seen in those aged videos they showed in history classes.

Their lives would have been so different, had they all been born hundreds of years ago. Kyungsoo tries to imagine it, sometimes. Would he have met them, before the infection decimated ninety-eight percent of the country’s population? It seems unlikely, but even despite the slim chance, he is convinced he and Jongin would have found each other, somehow.

Yerim called him delusional when he talked about it with her, but Kyungsoo doesn’t care.

He does not believe in reincarnation and all that narcissistic bullshit people spread, driven by their fear of the possibility they could ever not exist. However, he does know he would have met and fallen in love with Jongin, regardless of what time period they were born in. The younger would have been his anchor, just like he is now.

“I have a surprise for you, guys!” Chanyeol happily shouts, dragging Kyungsoo away from his thoughts, “Look what I got here!”

Squinting, Kyungsoo sees him pulling out a worn-out bottle from his backpack, silently chuckling when he recognizes where it comes from, as everyone whoops in joy.

He knows Chanyeol’s and Sooyoung’s older brother runs a not-so-legal distillery in the zone the three of them live in, so there is no doubt the boy must have snuck in and stolen a bottle, that somehow miraculously passed through the inspection of their backpacks at the base. He has no idea how, but Chanyeol has proven to be quite resourceful for this kind of sneaky missions, so he is not really surprised.

Kyungsoo does not like to drink. He hates the feeling of numbness and disorientation that comes with alcohol. However, seeing all his friends beaming as Sooyoung pours the amber liquid in their tin cups, he cannot help but smile.

They are all injured in some way.  Bumps, bruises, scratches, and cuts, properly bandaged by Yixing earlier, when they all gathered for the night of truce. But they’re still all laughing.

Sehun is messing with Joohyun, ruffling her hair and earning a punch in the arm, Yerim is laughing, tears in her eyes as Seulgi makes weird faces. Baekhyun and Hyeran are quietly talking, smiling at each other, hands linked.

Kyungsoo’s grin widens when he looks at Jongin. The younger is animatedly talking to Seungwan, doing big movements with his arms and hands as he explains something that seems to surprise her.

They are happy, in this lifetime.

Even with the constant threat hovering above them, every day since they were born. There’s no need to think about what ifs. They are making the best out of the hands they have been dealt. They are surviving, and this is more than enough for Kyungsoo.

Seeing Jongin’s genuine smile is enough.

However, he has other plans for the night. So, when he sees his boyfriend getting handed his cup, Kyungsoo walks up to Chanyeol and pats his shoulder.

“Thanks, man,” he says, getting a nod and a smirk in return.

“Lost your way after taking your leek?” Junmyeon snickers, mocking.

Right. That’s the fake excuse he gave everyone so he could slip away from the group for a little while.

“Please,” he scoffs, “I have a better sense of orientation than you’ll ever have,” he counters, attracting Jongin’s attention and seeing him chuckle.

“Wait!” Joohyun says, grabbing the bottle from Yixing’s hands, “Let’s make it fun and play the Feral game!” she excitedly says, everyone but him shouting in approval right after.

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. Of course, she would suggest a drinking game. But as much as he enjoys seeing Jongin looking so enthusiastic at the idea of getting hammered, he is convinced the younger will like his plan even more.

“You’re playing?” Yerim asks him when she notices he hasn’t moved to sit.

“Nope. And if you don’t mind, I’m going to steal my boyfriend,” he answers, marching towards Jongin who lifts curious eyes towards him.

A concerto of catcalls and howling echoes in the silent area and Kyungsoo laughs, reaching out a hand that Jongin takes instantly.

He helps his boyfriend step over the rock he was sitting on, before vaguely waving at the others and walking away, Jongin following him with a huge smile.

“Hey, try not to be too loud!” Sooyoung shouts, making everyone laugh.

“Yeah, we have kids here!” Yixing adds.

As they go further away, he hears the affronted voices of Hyeran and Yerim, the two youngest, followed by Yixing’s faint groan, indicating he might have gotten hit.

“What’s that about?” Jongin asks after a few minutes of walking.

“You’ll see.”

“Oh, mysterious, aren’t you?” the younger teases, “Did you find a stray puppy again?” he then asks, referring to the time Kyungsoo had dragged him all across their zone to show him the smallest dog they have ever seen, back when he was thirteen.

“I think we’d know if animals could live in the wild without getting infected,” Kyungsoo scoffs, “You know I’d never put you at risk like that.”

“So what? We’re going raw in the middle of a city in ruins?” Jongin laughs, “That’s your definition of a romantic night?”

“Who said anything about going raw? They told us to pack the essentials. Lube just happens to be part of what I consider highly necessary.”

“I knew I was making a good choice when I asked you to date me,” Jongin replies, clearly amused, “But seriously, where are we going?” he tries again, a slight tone of impatience in his tone.

 Kyungsoo remains silent, and he knows Jongin is about to question him again, but before he has the chance to do so, he sees his eyes widen, just as they round the rubbles of a building.

“That’s…” he breathes, halting his steps.

“Do you like it?” Kyungsoo asks, observing Jongin’s expression turn brighter as he nods, “Come on,” he says, tugging at the younger’s hand.

 When they all settled not far from here, earlier, Kyungsoo immediately recognized the area and remembered the hidden spot he had spent his very first night in.

So, when he pretended to go and relieve his bladder, he came straight away over here and started preparing his little surprise, laying his blanket on the ground and arranging some food to set a nice atmosphere.

Jongin sits down, eyeing Chanyeol’s music player from where a delicate melody is coming, the acoustic guitar softly echoing in the air. Kneeling next to him, Kyungsoo waits, silent, observing, as his boyfriend takes in what he arranged.

When Jongin’s gaze falls on the food, his delighted expression turns playful, a brow raised as he looks up.

“Crackers and hot chocolate?” he says, smirking, “You’re spoiling me!”

“Only the best for you,” Kyungsoo grins, pretending to be proud of himself.

The truth is, he feels bad this is all he can offer Jongin at that point. He saved what he could from his MREs this week, having to be careful so the younger wouldn’t notice, but this is nowhere near as nice as he wished.

Jongin doesn’t seem to mind the frugalness, maybe because they all ate together earlier anyway, but most likely because it does not take much for him to be happy.

He never liked when Kyungsoo uses too much money to buy him things, even though he does the exact same. He still claims the best gift the elder ever gave him was that handmade leather bracelet Kyungsoo had crafted for his sixteenth birthday.

Kyungsoo never told him he had used three ration cards to get the piece of leather, the thin white cord, and the golden metal buckle. He was happy he did, though, because the good quality materials were still in perfect shape, securely wrapped around Jongin’s right wrist.

“Thank you,” Jongin breathes, bringing Kyungsoo back from his memories.

“Wait, that’s not all,” he says, reaching in his pocket and pulling out a little packet that he hands to his boyfriend, grinning when Jongin laughs.

“Chocolate chips cookie?” the younger says, reading the label, “Wow, definitely made the good choice!” he adds, referring once more to the day he had finally gathered his courage and kissed Kyungsoo, asking him to be his boyfriend right after, “Man, I hit the jackpot!”

Softly laughing at his boyfriend’s antics, Kyungsoo shakes his head.

“Are you done?” he asks, pretending to be annoyed by it, but secretly reveling in the happiness exuding from Jongin as the younger takes a sip from his hot chocolate.

“Hey, let me appreciate how awesome my boyfriend is!” Jongin says, looking so smug Kyungsoo cannot help but roll his eyes, amused.

“Can you do that while kissing me?” he asks, trying not to laugh when Jongin’s eyes zoom in on him, any trace of playfulness vanishing.

He lowers his cup, setting it far enough behind him probably to avoid knocking it off, before reaching his hand out towards Kyungsoo.

“Yeah, I’m good at multitasking,” he then says, intertwining their fingers as Kyungsoo comes closer and crashes their lips together.

Pushing against Jongin’s mouth, Kyungsoo lowers them until they’re lying on the blanket, his body half covering his boyfriend’s, parting the younger’s lips when he releases a sigh in the kiss.

His left hand his tangled in the hair at the back of Jongin’s head when his wristband emits a series of four short beeps, vibrating against his boyfriend’s nape.

“Congratulations,” Jongin pants, hot breath hitting his lips and mingling with his own.

“Mmh?”

“You won this round,” the younger explains, and it takes a few seconds for Kyungsoo to remember Jongin was with Joohyun when she got notified by the base last week, which is probably how he knows what the announcement sounds like.

But as nice as it is to know he won and will hence get rewarded with an advantage for the next round, he doesn’t care at the moment. Jongin’s hands are curled around his biceps, keeping him close enough that he can feel how aroused he is, flaming gaze solely focused on him.

Celebrating the victory can wait. But he can’t. Not after two weeks of not being able to touch Jongin properly.

“Whatever,” he breathes out, fingers tightening their hold on Jongin’s locks and smashing their lips together once again.

The moan his boyfriend lets out is the best reward he will ever receive.

One hand fumbling with the buttons of Jongin’s pants, he takes his time tasting the chocolate remaining on the younger’s tongue, sucking on it and earning the most beautiful purring sounds ever heard from mankind.

His shirt comes off next, removed by shaky hands proving how impatient Jongin is. As soon as the garment touches the ground, the same hands are pressing against his back, short nails digging in his skin as he gets pulled closer again, his own fingers tracing the ridges of Jongin’s ribs.

“Feel free to be as loud as you want,” he says a few minutes later, heavily breathing against Jongin’s neck as he slides off the last clothing items separating them.

“Right back at you,” his boyfriend replies, words melting into an exquisite groan as he throws his head back and arches his back when Kyungsoo’s hand leaves his cock to press lubed fingers against his rim.

And as Kyungsoo rolls his hips forward, pushing inside Jongin’s inviting body a bit later, he forgets all about the test. Everything vanishes around him; he does not feel the pain in his muscles, the sting in his wounds. He forgets the smell of burning flesh floating in the air every time he gets near the electrified fence, forgets the fried bodies tangled in the barbwire.

All he focuses on is the sleek slide of his throbbing member against his boyfriend’s clenching walls, the vibrations of his throat with each moan, as Kyungsoo leaves open-mouth kisses on his skin, tasting the sweat on his tongue. He only thinks about Jongin’s hands sinking in the skin of his hips, hard enough to bruise as he begs for Kyungsoo to thrust faster, deeper. He only pays attention to Jongin’s voice, resonating against his ear in a never-ending litany, to his lips kissing every inch of flesh they can reach. Only sees his blissed-out face as Kyungsoo nips on his collarbones, only feels his heartbeat drumming in his ribcage as he comes in a long cry, white pearls painting their stomachs and glistening in the moonlight.

“I missed this,” Jongin whispers a little later when they’re done putting their clothes back on, cuddling in each other’s arms, “I missed you.”

“We’ve been together for the last four days,” Kyungsoo sleepily replies, linking their finger and bringing Jongin’s hand up to plant a kiss on his knuckles.

“Sometimes I miss you even when I’m with you,” the younger breathes, eyes already closed and Kyungsoo’s heart uncomfortably clamps at the words reflecting his own thoughts.

Trailing along Jongin’s jawline, his lips easily find his boyfriend’s own, kissing him unhurriedly as his thumb brushes the younger’s cheekbone.

“Let’s not be without each other for too long, then,” he murmurs, planting one last peck on the corner of Jongin’s mouth before pulling him even closer.

Pressing himself flush against Kyungsoo’s chest, face nestled in the crook of his neck, Jongin lowly hums in agreement.

Two weeks have passed already, and there will be two more until they can have another moment like tonight, ten in total until the end of the test. It seems so far away Kyungsoo cannot even project himself. So instead of trying, he decides to enjoy the few remaining tranquil hours he has with his boyfriend.

After a light kiss right above Jongin’s relaxed brow, Kyungsoo shuts his eyes and lets himself fall asleep to the sweet melody of Jongin’s breathing.

Tomorrow is another day. And for now, all that matters is having the man he loves in his arms.

 

**\----  
**

 

Kyungsoo was right to enjoy the time he had with Jongin, that night. Because a week and a half later, he still has to get a glimpse of his boyfriend.

The advantage he got for winning helped him knowing who was in each team, and for a moment, he had been delighted to find out the both of them were M.I.s. But after six days without seeing him, despite actually looking for him, his mood had considerably sunk. So he was not surprised to end up with only eleven points by the end of the third round, making him feel somewhat guilty for not using his reward better.

The next round had brought Sehun and Seungwan in his path, both in the Soldiers team like he was, and he ended up shrugging a resigned “ _Sure_ ” when they suggested they team up, hoping the constant bickering between those two would keep him from missing Jongin too much.

It did not exactly work, but it at least helped him get more points without losing any. Groups always do better, after all.

The fourth week is almost ending when his eyes finally catch his boyfriend silhouette in the corner of his vision.

As stealthy as ever, the younger has disappeared before Kyungsoo can even get a chance to see which team he is part of, but he still decides to go and check the pile of bricks he vanished behind.

He is pretty sure no one will be there as he rounds the debris, already looking back at his teammate to evaluate how far he has wandered from them. He notices they followed him, right when his eyes fall on Jongin, seated on the dusty ground, back resting against a massive rock.

Puzzled for a few seconds, his brain then registers Jongin’s scrunched face as he winces in pain, gaze traveling down to his leg where blood is saturating the fabric of his pants at the back of his knee.

Panic surging in his entire body like a tidal wave, Kyungsoo throws himself forward, violently startling Jongin when he drops next to him on his knees.

“Kyungsoo?”

“Oh my god, what happened?!” the elder asks, voice frantic as he carefully places his hands on Jongin’s leg, eyes looking for any other potential injury, “Are you hurt anywhere else?”

“No, it’s okay,” Jongin replies in a calm but strained voice, hissing when Kyungsoo presses his thumb a little too close to the wound, “I was trying to escape from Hyeran and I slipped,” he explains as the elder gets his med kit out of his bag, “Didn’t see the piece of welded wire mesh sticking out of the rubbles.”

“Shit, you okay?” Seungwan asks when she arrives, Sehun tailing right behind.

“Yeah, just should’ve been more careful.”

“I don’t think it’s too deep, so it shouldn’t need stitches,” Kyungsoo says, delicately parting the ripped fabric to see the lesion.

The gash runs along the thin skin of the back of his knee, and Kyungsoo winces as more blood seeps out.

“I’m gonna have to disinfect that,” he says, wiping his hands on his pants before opening his first aid kit, “Can you roll on your side a little?”

With a nod, Jong complies, groaning lowly when the movement upsets the injury.

“Are we expecting company?” Sehun asks, looking around, his laser gun ready.

“No, I think I lost her,” Jongin replies.

Sehun gives him a nod, before telling them he and Seungwan will scan the area while Kyungsoo takes care of Jongin.

Scissors in hand, Kyungsoo widens the tear in Jongin’s pants to have better access, before pouring alcohol on his hands, rubbing them until they’re dry.

“It’s gonna sting,” he warns his boyfriend, who only nods, a stiff smile on his lips as his hand reaches out and grips Kyungsoo’s shoulder in apprehension.

Jongin’s fingers dig into his skin as soon as he starts working on the wound, thoroughly cleaning the blood around the laceration with clean water, muted grunts coming out of the younger’s pursed lips

“It’s okay,” Jongin reassures him when Kyungsoo apologizes.

“Look at that, I can’t even let you out of my sight without you getting hurt,” Kyungsoo replies, trying to divert Jongin’s attention as he starts disinfecting the wound.

“Says the one with a big cut on his forehead,” his boyfriend replies, hand leaving Kyungsoo’s shoulder to lightly brush his index finger along the scratch above his brow.

It has almost healed by now, and it looked way worse a few days ago after he ran into Chanyeol who tackled him and sent them both rolling on the ground. He somehow managed to take the taller down, giving him a bleeding nose in the process that got Chanyeol to be endlessly teased by Sehun until he left, refusing to team up with them.

“Chanyeol can be very...enthusiastic.”

“I kicked his ass this morning,” Jongin chuckles, “Now I don’t feel bad anymore for punching him in the balls."

“Good,” Kyungsoo nods with a playful smile, “All right, this should be fine for now,” he adds, smoothing the tape around the gauze he placed on the gash, “I’m glad Truce Night is tomorrow. I want Yixing to take a look at it.”

“We’re lucky to have a future field-medic in our group to fix us.”

“Yeah, but until then, no more running around for you.”

“Come on, I’m not gonna stay put and wait,” Jongin reasons, rolling his eyes.

“Can you even walk?” Kyungsoo asks, giving him a skeptic look.

“I’ll be fine!”

Kyungsoo is about to protest when Seungwan crouches next to him.

“So, which one is doing it?”

“Doing what?”

“Switching team,” she says, nudging her chin towards Jongin’s arm.

Too caught up in taking care of Jongin’s injury, Kyungsoo did not even notice the red armband or the tag vest his boyfriend is wearing.

“Oh… Me, I guess,” he shrugs.

“What? No way!” Jongin objects right away, “I’m not making you lose a point!”

“And I am not leaving you alone when you can’t even stand.”

“So little faith in me,” Jongin scoffs, shaking his head, “I’ll be okay, I promise! I’ll find a place to hide until I can run again. You go take Hyeran down for me,” he finishes with a confident smile.

“But-”

“Go! I have a good amount of points already, anyway.”

“Come on,” Sehun says, startling Kyungsoo who had not heard him approaching, “You’ll see him tomorrow night. He can handle himself till then.”

“Are you sure?” Kyungsoo asks, looking at Jongin with dead serious eyes.

“Yes. Now go and win this round too.”

Kyungsoo does not like that. At all. But considering he was distracted all week thinking about finding Jongin, he did not get to earn many points.

He knows he won’t get enough to win, but he also doesn’t want to be last in the ranking, and since he doesn’t know how many points the others have, he still needs to get a few to make sure he gets a higher spot.

“All right,” he surrenders, “But promise me to be careful,” he presses, Sehun snorting behind him.

“I promise,” Jongin chuckles, “Come here,” he then breathes, gently tugging Kyungsoo closer to lay a feathery kiss on his lips, “Don’t miss me too much.”

“Right back at you.”

“Too late for that,” the younger says, pecking his cheek.

“You two are disgustingly cheesy, you know that?”

“Shut up,” Kyungsoo laughs, looking at Seungwan, before turning back to Jongin, “I’ll see you tomorrow, then.”

Jongin nods, a soft grin floating on his lips as Kyungsoo stands and grabs the laser gun he discarded on the ground, earlier. He does not want to go, now that he finally found Jongin, but he knows he has to.

So after one last look towards his boyfriend, he lets Sehun drag him away.

Next target: Hyeran.

 

**\----  
**

 

It’s with a smile on his face that Kyungsoo marches towards the coordinates glowing on his wristband, on the fifth round’s first morning. After spending the whole night snuggled in Jongin’s arms, for their second Truce Night, his heart is lighter.

Yixing has taken care of Jongin’s wound earlier in the evening, bandaging it properly and injecting him a dose of antibiotic, just in case, since the younger had spent an entire day with only Kyungsoo’s rather rudimentary wound dressing.

Jongin has joked about it, saying the medic in training didn’t think it was needed but had mostly done it to ease Kyungsoo’s worry. And since Yixing didn’t answer and only offered a smirk, Kyungsoo assumes his boyfriend was probably right.

On his way to the south-eastern part of the city, he passes by Baekhyun and Hyeran chatting on the side of the road, chuckling when he overhears their conversation.

“What on earth are you doing?” Baekhyun laughs, mocking despite his eyes looking at his girlfriend as if she was the most beautiful thing he has ever seen.

Hyeran smacks her lips, vibrant red capturing the rising sun’s light as she packs her lipstick back in her bag.

“I wanna look pretty when I whip your cute ass later,” she mischievously replies with a shrug before leaning in with a puckered mouth.

Baekhyun yelps, dodging the kiss but pecking her quickly on the cheek before running away, leaving an amused Hyeran behind.

From the discussion, Kyungsoo supposes the couple had shared what team they were on. Opposite ones, apparently.

He would gladly do the same with Jongin if his handsome boyfriend were not so competitive.

He left him a few minutes ago, or rather, Jongin left him, too excited to stay still after receiving his coordinates. And after a quick kiss and a little slap on Kyungsoo’s buttcheek, precisely where he knew there were still indents of _someone_ ’s fingernails from the night before, he had waved and dashed away, his giggles fainting the further he went.

And this is why Kyungsoo cannot even be disappointed that he has to spend some time without his boyfriend once more. Jongin looked happy, ecstatic even, to start another round. And for Kyungsoo, not much matters more than seeing Jongin smile and hear him laughing.

So he takes the decision not to seek the younger out this week. Or at least for a few days, knowing the longing will resurface as soon as the t-shirt he stole from Jongin will stop smelling like him. He is almost sure the younger saw him, even though he tried to be sneaky, but since he didn’t say anything, Kyungsoo guesses he must have been okay to give it up until the next Truce Night.  
He still hopes he will see him before then, even if it’s accidental.

This time, it only takes him twenty minutes to get to his starting point, and he doesn’t know if the others ran extremely fast to theirs, or if their instructors decided to set them quite near each other to make things more interesting, but less than ten minutes later, his wristband gives him the go-ahead.

Sehun and Jongin won the last two rounds, but Kyungsoo is decided to win a second time. Yixing laughed at him for being last on the fourth one, and since Kyungsoo is almost certain he saw him grab his laser gun and head north, he secures the red armband around his bicep and starts walking.

The future medic will be his first victim.

  
It takes less time that he thought for the smell of ashes, dirt and his own sweat to replace Jongin’s scent from the shirt, and two days later, Kyungsoo pushes it at the bottom of his backpack, switching for one of his clean ones with a disappointed pout on his face.

Putting them all close to each other was a smart move from their instructors, if the points counter on his wristband is any proof. The glowing **_11_** makes him quite proud of himself, considering it is only the middle of the week. He switched team twice, going back to being an M.I. like he was when this round started. From peeking at his three last opponents’ wristbands, he knows he is at least ahead of them. He will not finish last, this time.

He ends up bumping into Baekhyun the next morning as he is running away from a particularly determined Yerim. Quite literally bumping, actually. He tries to dodge as she aims, sliding and rolling in a cloud of dust, hoping to take cover behind a crumbled wall, only to violently collide with Baekhyun, who was apparently hiding there.

A quick look to his upper arm lets him know they are on the same team, but he does not get the chance to ask who is chasing him before Yerim arrives. So, with a push against Baekhyun’s back, he forces him to stand.

“Run!” he shouts, snorting when Baekhyun trips and barely catches himself.

The next moment, they are both dashing along the street, two sets of footsteps on their tail, forcing them to zig-zag to avoid being shot.

“Hide over there!” Baekhyun pants, only loud enough for him to hear as they sprint, “I’ll go the other side and we’ll go around them!”

Kyungsoo is not sure the two girls will let themselves get fooled, but he doesn’t have a plan, so he might as well follow Baekhyun’s. He has nothing to lose. Except for a point, of course.

Surprisingly, it works, and they both add one point to the counters, deciding to team up for the remaining days of this round. And by the end of the week, Kyungsoo thinks Baekhyun would be a perfect teammate if he weren’t constantly complaining about _everything_.

He is secretly happy when the sixth round starts. First, because Truce Night is only seven days away, but mostly because he does not have to hear Baekhyun whining about the heat anymore.

Not that Kyungsoo liked it. The temperature kept rising more and more every day, suffocating the entire city, barely going down at night. It was impossible to sleep, and it forced them to make triple the usual amount of runs to get water from the reservoirs.

He is not a weather specialist, but he is pretty sure such the extreme heat will eventually bring some heavy rain. Or so he hopes.

But he did not anticipate how bad it would be.

He startles awake from a light sleep on the second night, confused as he scans the area with blurred eyes. He is not sure what woke him up, but it only takes a minute before he figures it out, when booming thunder reverberates above the city, rumbling down his ribcage. Seconds later, the first drops of rain hit his face, and he smiles.

Finally.

Calmly, he stands, intending on undressing and rinsing his body from the sweat and dirt accumulated, but a flash of light makes him look up, a frown instantly creasing his forehead when he sees the thick dark cloud getting illuminated every few seconds from within by bolts of lightning.

That’s not good. He needs to take cover.

After gathering his things inside his backpack, Kyungsoo treks north as the rain pours harder, lightning and thunder unrelenting all around him. He eventually spots the bus he and Yerim slept in, weeks ago, and breaks into a run, taking shelter at the very back of the vehicle.

He is soaking wet, clothes sloshing when he sits, dripping on the dusty floor and creating a big puddle in a matter of minutes, so he strips, switching for a dry outfit after drying himself with Jongin’s shirt.

At least he knows for sure no one will go on a hunt before the next morning. So with a sigh, he lies down on the bus seat and decides to gets some well-deserved sleep, now that the air is less smothering. As he drifts away, his last thought is once again for Jongin, hoping his boyfriend found a place to shelter himself from the rain.

The sound of the storm sips throughout his mind and into his dream, images of pouring rain falling on the city, ashes sizzling as the water drops hit the ground, a massive cloud of swirling smoke covering the bombed town like a deadly blanket. He stands there, watching as the last embers die, carried away in the mud rapidly carving long furrows in the dirt, only revealed whenever lightning flashes across the sky.

He cannot tell what time it is when he eventually wakes up, can’t say if the darkness surrounding is sign dawn has not arrived yet or just a result of the heavy clouds still hovering above the city.

All he perceives is the pouring rain hitting the windows like marbles, the sound of the still raging storm exploding against his eardrums with every clash of thunder.

With nothing left to do but wait, Kyungsoo spends most of the day drifting in and out of sleep, jostling awake when the sky cracks, lightning bolts tearing the obscurity and illuminating the surrounding area for flickering seconds. Rumbling sounds turn into guttural screams in his dreams as he sees himself running, trying to escape the bloodied-handed darkness chasing him.

When he comes back to full consciousness, the eerie silence makes his insides twist. It takes him a few seconds before he realizes the storm has finally passed.

Light grey clouds are still covering the city, less menacing and now only spilling a thin drizzle, pitter-patting on the bus’ rooftop in a steady rhythm. It looks safer to go outside, so Kyungsoo packs his things, and exits the vehicle, his feet sinking into the thick layer of mud with viscous noises as he walks away.

There is a chilly wind blowing on the city, forcing him to put his jacket on to stop his body from shivering. His wristband is glitching weirdly, which he assumes is putting the test on hold, considering the points counter is not showing anymore on the screen, so he decides to look for the others until the base gets everything back to normal.

Thankfully, they were all pretty close to the city’s old central place, so it should not be that hard to find where they took shelter. With a little luck, some might be in groups already.

By some miracle, the first person he does find happens to be the one he was the most worried about, and after checking there is no trace of injury, he wraps his arms around Jongin’s waist, holding him tight and pressing their cheeks together.

“Are you okay?” he asks with a relieved sigh, before leaning away to look at Jongin’s face.

“Yeah, you?” his boyfriend answer, lifting a hand to cup Kyungsoo’s face when he nods.

“Where did you hide?”

“At first in a car near the fence,” Jongin says when they both take a step back, keeping their hands linked, “But lightning fell not too far, and it nearly gave me a heart attack, so I moved,” he chuckles then, “You know, metal fence, high voltage, lightning… Didn’t seem like a very smart idea to stay around.”

“You went for a walk in the middle of a storm?” Kyungsoo asks, appalled by how incredibly stupid this sounds.

“I _ran_ ,” Jongin says giving him a pointed look, “Trust me, I didn’t want to stay out there. I found a big pile of rubbles that had some hollow space under, so I shimmied my way in and stayed put until it was over.”

Kyungsoo ends up sighing, because at least Jongin is fine, and this is what truly matters.

“Is your wristband working?” he asks, checking his own once more, in vain.

“No, the screen keeps acting weird, why?”

“Same for mine. The storm probably caused little damages on the com system. It might take a couple of hours before it’s fixed.”

“You think it reached home?”

“It might have, yeah. The base will get back to us, eventually. At least as a precaution, to make sure everyone is okay.”

“We should find the others, then,” Jongin says after nodding, damp hair dripping on his jacket with the movement.

“That’s the plan. Let’s go.”

After about an hour, there is still no sign of any of their friends. Kyungsoo tries to focus his hearing, but apart from the muted tapping of the rain, the city sounds deserted.

Jongin is munching on some crackers, trying to shelter them with his hands and complaining they became all soggy when Kyungsoo finally hears something. It’s a strange clicking noise, like metal hitting metal at a regular pace.

He hushes Jongin, trying to determine where it’s coming from, but it almost seems like it’s reverberating from under the ground, further ahead of them, where a pile of debris lays on the side of the road.

Jongin seems to have noticed too, and takes a step forward before Kyungsoo grabs his wrist.

“Let me go first,” he says, pulling Jongin back before planting his foot on a rock that jiggles when he tests putting some of his weight on it, “It looks unstable.”

“You just want me to have my vision full of your ass when I climb after you, admit it,” Jongin smugly says as Kyungsoo extends his arms on each side to balance himself.

“Busted,” the elder chuckles, bending a bit forward and shaking his butt.

“Are you trying to seduce me?”

“Depends.”

“On what?”

“Is it working?” Kyungsoo questions, stopping his steps to look behind him with a raised brow.

Jongin looks up at him, then at his ass, before his eyes come back on his face, smirking mischievously.

“Try harder.”

“Yes sir,” Kyungsoo scoffs, resuming his hike.

One moment, Jongin’s laugh rings in his ears. The next one, a booming crack resonates as the ground under them gives up.

For a flickering second, Kyungsoo feels like he is floating, right before his back violently collides with hard rocks, the impact expelling the air out of his lungs.

Slightly stunned, he groans a curse as he sits, coughing the dust their fall lifted, before he looks around, trying to locate Jongin in the dark surroundings.

The metallic noise chinks again right as his eyes find his boyfriend.

“Hey, are you okay?” he grunts, coughing some more, “Where the hell are we?”

When he gets no answer, he glances back towards the younger, calling his name.

Still nothing. Anxiety instantly flares, prickling the back of his head and down his spine as he crawls towards Jongin, knees getting scratches by the debris heaped on the ground.

“Jongin? Do you hear me?” he says, grabbing the younger’s arms and shaking it.

No answer.

“Jongin! Hey, wake up!” he calls louder, yanking his boyfriend’s upper body on his lap and cradling his head in his hands, “Jongin!!”

Kyungsoo gasps when a groan finally vibrates in Jongin’s throat, eyes burning as he watches the younger’s face scrunch up.

“Not so loud,” Jongin mumbles, grunting as Kyungsoo helps him sit.

The next second, the elder has pulled him into a tight embrace, hand tangled in his damp hair to push Jongin’s face against his neck.

“Fuck!”

“You okay?” Jongin asks, voice muffled by Kyungsoo’s skin.

“No! You scared the shit out of me!” Kyungsoo shouts, voice cracking as he cups Jongin’s face to bring it back into view, “Don’t do that ever again!”

“Okay,” Jongin weakly chuckles after Kyungsoo has tugged him back for a tight hug.

“Are you hurt?” Kyungsoo asks a minute later as he holds Jongin’s arm to help him stand.

“I don’t think so, the debris and my backpack kinda cushioned the landing.”

“All right, come one then. We need to get out of here,” Kyungsoo says, warily eyeing his boyfriend to detect any sign of discomfort.

“Where are we anyway?”

“Probably in the subway tunnels,” Kyungsoo guesses, looking around the age-worn walls, “I’m not sure how-”

“Kyungsoo?”

A sharp pain flashes in his nape with how fast he turns his head towards the female’s voice calling his name, eyes widening when he recognized its owner.

“Hyeran? Oh my god, are you okay?!” he inquires, he and Jongin rushing to her side and hugging her shivering body.

“Yeah, I hid in there when the storm started to get worse, but the exit got blocked,” she explains pointing towards the hole they fell through, “Well, you opened it back up I guess,” she chuckles, her teeth chattering with every word.

“Wait, take this,” Kyungsoo says, removing his jacket and dropping it on her shoulders.

“You’re freezing,” Jongin adds, rubbing her arms up and down to try to warm her but stopping when she hisses in pain.

“What’s wrong?”

“I think I dislocated my shoulder when I slid down the slope to get here,” she says with a grimace, “It only hurts when I try to move my arm.”

“We need to find Yixing so he can put it back in place,” Kyungsoo says, glancing at the opening in the ground, before grabbing one of his shirts in his backpack to turn it into an arm sling, “I don’t wanna risk doing more damage by trying myself.”

“Okay.”

“Was it you making that banging noise?” Jongin asks as they start marching towards the pile of rubbles.

“Yeah, I wanted to signal I was down there,” she nods, grabbing Kyungsoo’s extended hand as she steps on a slippery rock, “I was losing hope when you guys appeared.”

“Falling through the ceiling, that’s how real heroes do it,” Jongin chortles, pretending to be proud.

“Let me climb first,” Kyungsoo then suggests when they arrive under the hole, “I’ll grab your good arm, and Jongin will boost you up.”

Two nods answer him, so Kyungsoo starts ascending the pile, almost falling back down a few times when he loses his grips on the slippery rocks.

It is still spookily silent when he reaches the surface, but with no one in sight, he turns around and catches Hyeran’s reached out arm.

“Alley-oop!” Jongin sing-songs from the bottom as he propels the girl up, high enough for Kyungsoo to grab her properly and pull her outside.

When Jongin is back on higher grounds too, they decide to keep searching for the others. Some might be stuck and even injured, just like Hyeran was.

 

**\----  
**

 

By the time the sun is setting, they managed to find everyone, Baekhyun last, spotting the twelve other from afar and running towards them, scooping Hyeran in his arms and holding her against him for long minutes, while thanking Kyungsoo and Jongin for helping her.

“I tried contacting the base,” Joohyun says as they all settle on a clear area, “All I got was white noise.”

“Same,” Chanyeol nods, examining the pile of wood he is crouching in front of.

It stopped raining a few hours ago, but with the air still being quite cold, lighting up a fire seemed like a nice idea. The wood is soaking wet, though, so they have been relying on blankets, huddling in groups to share body warmth.

“Maybe one of the radio towers got hit by lightning?” Jongin offers, shuffling even closer to Kyungsoo, his breath swirling white in front of him.

“Yeah, that could explain it,” Yixing agrees, taping a bandage on Sehun elbow.

“So what do we do?” Yerim asks, bundled in both hers and Junmyeon’s blankets.

“It will probably take a few days for the technicians to get the communication back,” Seungwan says, “Maybe even more if a tower has really been touched, cause they’ll have to send a team to repair it. That might take longer, especially if the transmitters or aerials have been damaged,” she adds with a frown.

Both her parents are usually on the team going on this type of mission. And she will be too, once she passes the test. This is what she trained for, so Kyungsoo trusts her. She knows exactly what she is talking about.

“So, we stay put until then,” Junmyeon decides, getting nods in return, “The wristbands don’t count the points anymore,” he adds when Sehun whines in protest, “It’s useless to keep on with the test for now.”

“I don’t think this wood will catch fire,” Chanyeol sighs, dropping the dead branch he was checking back in the pile, “It’s saturated with water.”

“I hope everyone loves to cuddle!” Seulgi chants, getting various types of response, from cheerful shouts to grumbles.

Kyungsoo surely doesn’t mind. And seeing the way Jongin curls like a cat against him, he does not mind either.

  
As they expected, statics are all they get again, when they try to contact the base the next day. With nothing better to do, they stay in small groups, chatting, playing random games or sleeping some more.

At least it has not rained. Yet.

“Guys,” Sehun calls in the evening, getting up and stretching his legs, “The water reservoir is not too far. I’m gonna go get some. Does anyone want to give me their bottle?”

“I’ll come with you,” Sooyoung says before Sehun waves her off.

“Nah, it’s only a ten-minute walk, I’ll be quick.”

Kyungsoo reaches out, handing the boy both his and Jongin’s bottles, making sure not to wake up his boyfriend who decided his lap was a perfect pillow for his nap and has flattened his cheek against the elder’s stomach, a light smile grazing his relaxed face as he sleeps.

He busies himself staring at Jongin, a hand slowly brushing his dark hair, when a scream tears the silence, echoing from the direction Sehun went in about five minutes ago. Jostling away, Jongin sits, eyes widening as he looks at Kyungsoo, clearly confused.

“What was that?”

“I don’t know…”

Another scream and the whole camp gets in movement at the same time.

They all get on their feet and start striding towards where the shouts came from.

A third scream, clearly identifiable as Sehun’s, and they all break into a run.

What they find a minute later is the boy holding a rusted metal bar, blood dripping from the jagged end. Face sickly pale, his eyes are open so wide they look like they are about to fall off as he stares right ahead of him.

“What happened?” Junmyeon pants, rushing to the younger’s side.

“I…”

“Sehun, _what happened_?!”

“A dog,” the boy answer, voice trembling as much as his body.

“What?”

“What do you mean a _dog_?”

“I don’t know! It- it came out of nowhere and- and started growling at me and I-… I just…”

It only takes a second after Sehun’s words for everyone to start talking.

“What the fuck?”

“Are you _sure_ you saw correctly?”

“How the fuck is it even possible?”

“It’s not!”

“If it’s a joke, it’s not funny!”

“What is going on?!”

“Sehun, are you _sure_?”

“Yes!”

“Did anyone see a dog in the past few weeks?”

“No!”

“Then where the hell did it come from?!”

Silence falls at Baekhyun’s question, as realization seems to dawn on them.

“Outside,” Kyungsoo says, confirming out loud what everyone just figured out, and earning worried looks.

“But then…”

“The storm must’ve cut the power in the fence,” Jongin says with a frown, “Maybe even damaged it?”

“Oh great, so things can get _in_ now?!”

“Seems like it…”

“What the fuck do we do, then?”

“We should try to get closer to the gates, in case they plan on getting us out?”

“But they don’t even _know_ about it!”

“No, but I agree,” Junmyeon nods, “Not now, though. It’s gonna be dark soon. We’re on the opposite side of the city, the walk will take at least a day, two if we go slowly. We need to rest before.”

“Looks like it’s gonna rain too,” Chanyeol points out, looking up at the dark clouds quickly moving above them, “We have to find somewhere safer for the night.”

“I stayed in a bus during the storm,” Kyungsoo butts in, “It’ll be a tight fit but we can all get in, I think.”

“Is it far?”

“Probably an hour walk from here, maybe a bit more. It’s in the gates direction, anyway.”

“Okay, we should leave now, then,” Yixing says, “Let’s get our backpacks, and we’ll go.”

“What if the dog comes back?” Seulgi asks, voice shaking.

“Grab anything that could serve as a weapon. Metal bars, wood planks, rocks, whatever you think can be used.”

“I think we should stay here,” Sehun suddenly speaks up, “Night’s gonna fall before we get there.”

“We need to take cover, man,” Chanyeol tries to reason, shaking his head, even though Kyungsoo can see he looks scared, “It will be safer in Kyungsoo’s bus.”

“We’ll guard the area around it in turns,” Yixing adds, “If the rain has stopped by tomorrow morning, we’ll make our way to the gates.”

Getting approving nods in response, the future medic briefly smiles and takes the lead as they walk back towards their temporary camp.

Feeling fingers sliding against his palm and lacing with his own, Kyungsoo looks to his right.

“It’s gonna be okay, right?” Jongin asks him, wary eyes shifting all around them.

Bringing their linked hands up to his lips, Kyungsoo nods as he lays a kiss on his boyfriend’s knuckles, offering him the most reassuring smile he can muster.

“Yeah, don’t worry,” he says, tightening his hold for a second, “We’ll keep trying to contact the base, and as soon as we reach them, we’ll explain and ask to be evacuated. We will be home in a couple days.”

By some miracle, he manages to say all this without letting his voice crack. Jongin is scared, he can see it. They all are. Despite training for a year, they never faced a situation like this. And all the simulations they did look like a childish game, now. With no weapons to defend themselves, and no mean to contact their town, Kyungsoo is aware things could go very wrong.

But he also knows he cannot show how frightened he is. He promised himself he would be strong for Jongin, vowed in his mind he would protect him, no matter what.

And if the most significant threat until now had been to get stung by a wasp that was attacking his boyfriend, Kyungsoo knows he will not hesitate to throw himself in front of Jongin if that dog shows up again and attacks.

Their hands stay intertwined the whole way, not drifting apart for a second as they settle in the bus, eat and finally all go to sleep, Junmyeon and Seulgi taking the first guard, getting soaked just outside the exit door.

It’s a tickling sensation on the side of his neck that wakes Kyungsoo up the next morning. His back is sore after sleeping for a few hours in a half-sitting position, but as he slowly regains consciousness, the feathery kiss trailing behind his ears put a slight smile on his face. Automatically, his arms tighten their hold on his boyfriend, who cuddles even closer, nose brushing against Kyungsoo’s collarbone.

“Yixing said we have to leave soon,” the younger says, voice still hoarse from slumber.

“Did you eat something?” Kyungsoo asks, worried because Jongin did not have much appetite last night.

“No, you wouldn’t let me go, even in your sleep,” Jongin replies, sounding actually pleased with that.

“Sorry,” the elder chuckles, pressing a kiss on Jongin’s hair.

“I don’t mind,” Jongin says, with the same treat right on Kyungsoo’s jawline.

“I know. Come on, we should go, then. Get some food in you before we leave.”

Jongin is not the kind of person who likes to be babied, and Kyungsoo never really feels the need to do so, despite himself behind older and his boyfriend being way too cute sometimes. He knows Jongin can take care of himself. Or take care of the both of them, when he has to.

But for some reason, this morning, Jongin lets himself be led by the hand towards the group gathered outside. Be it because he is anxious about what could happen, or because he feels Kyungsoo needs to be reassured, the elder doesn’t know. But as he busies himself pouring water in a tin cup on top of the hot chocolate premix, he does get a bit less nervous when he notices Jongin stays glued to his side even after handing him the drink

“All right guys, look,” Joohyun calls, approaching them with a bunch of dead branches in her arms,” Chanyeol and I made these, using the scissors and sticky tape in everyone’s med kits,” she says, and only then Kyungsoo notices the crafted end of the branches, sharp blades sticking out, ready to strike in one swing.

“It’s just in case!” Chanyeol adds, carefully grabbing one, “We’re not sure yet that things can really get inside the fence.”

“What do you mean we’re not sure?” Seulgi protests, “Sehun freaking beat a _dog_!”

“He’s not sure it was infected,” Yixing tries to appease, “In the panic, he didn’t really see its eyes.”

“Sehun?”

“I- I don’t know…” the boy answers, looking so unsure Kyungsoo feels bad for him.

“We only could make six of them,” Joohyun says, putting the weapons on the ground, “So, just...decide who will take them.”

Without even thinking about it, Kyungsoo takes a few steps and calmly grabs a branch, weighing it in his hands.

It is quite light, despite still being soaked, but he shouldn’t have any problem aiming his hit correctly if he needs to.

He is not surprised one bit when he sees Jongin bend down to get one too. What does make him frown, however, is the way his boyfriend’s body sways when he straightens back up, eyes scrunching close for a few seconds.

“Are you okay?” he instantly asks, hand curling around Jongin’s upper arm to make sure he doesn’t lose his balance.

“Yeah, just a little headache, it’s nothing,” the younger quickly answers, smiling lightly at him.

He has no idea how he did not catch that before, but Jongin’s eyes are somewhat watery, his cheek lightly but abnormally flushed.

Hand flying up, Kyungsoo flattens his palm against Jongin’s forehead, brows creasing even further.

“You’re a bit feverish,” he breathes, worry flaring in his stomach.

The husky voice, the way Jongin let himself be taken care of all morning…

“When did it start?” he asks, looking at him straight in the eyes to warn Jongin he better not lie to him, even to be reassuring.

“Yesterday...around noon,” the younger admits, looking away.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because it’s really nothing,” Jongin insists, smiling a bit wider, but still not fooling the elder, “I’m fine, I promise.”

“Something’s wrong?” Seungwan asks, stepping next to them, a worried look on her face.

“Nope.”

“Jongin’s sick,” Kyungsoo steps in, sending a little glare to his boyfriend.

“You too?” she says, frowning, and Kyungsoo glances at her curiously, “Hyeran hasn’t been feeling well since she woke up,” she explains, and just as if it was her cue, Kyungsoo hears Hyeran coughs from where she stands next to Baekhyun, “They must’ve caught a cold during the storm. You ran out in the rain, right?” she asks Jongin, getting a nod in return, “Just go see Yixing, he has more of the stuff he gave to Hyeran.”

With a pat on Jongin’s forearm, she walks away towards Sehun.

“Come on,” Kyungsoo says, not wanting to wait before getting Jongin some painkillers.

“I’m fine, really.”

“Jongin, we might have to wait a couple days before returning home,” he sighs, more concerned than annoyed by his boyfriend’s stubbornness, “I don’t want you to get worse. Especially when you can take medicine to feel better,” he ends with a pointed look.

And it’s when Jongin agrees that Kyungsoo starts to really worry.

For the younger to give up so easily, he really must not feel well. This is anything but reassuring, considering they will be walking for hours under the reinvigorated sun.

  
They finally leave about ten minutes later, once Kyungsoo makes sure Jongin has swallowed the painkillers. Yixing told him they would help bring the fever down too, so Kyungsoo intends on keeping a close eye on his boyfriend until he is confident he feels better.

Hours later, after a detour to get water from a nearby reservoir, the only threat seems to be the heat, fervently returning as if it had never rained, the merciless sunrays scorching their skin until it turns scarlet and feels tight with every move.

Kyungsoo forced Jongin to drape one of his shirts around his head, hoping it would help to block the sun and prevent it from aggravating his fever. But the way the younger leaned on him when they took a break around noon, and then started relying on his support when they resumed walking, more heavily as time snailed by, Kyungsoo knows he is not improving one bit.

And judging by the intensifying cough he can hear behind him, Hyeran is not doing much better.

“We should stop,” he eventually says, loud enough for everyone to hear, “We’ve walked almost all day.”

“No, there’s still some time before the sun sets, we need to keep moving,” Joohyun objects, shaking her head.

“Look, Jongin can barely walk,” Kyungsoo sighs, “We need to stop.”

“I’m fine,” his boyfriend pitifully mumbles, trying to stand on his own but immediately leaning back on Kyungsoo.

“You’re _not_ fine,” the elder scolds him, adjusting his arm around Jongin’s waist, “Hyeran is exhausted too,” he tells Joohyun who glances at the younger girl, Baekhyun mouthing a quiet ‘ _Thank you_ ’ at him, “Please…”

Joohyun sighs, looking at Yixing, who eventually nods and drops his backpack.

“Okay, let’s set a camp here for the night,” the future medic agrees, “Don’t wander around. We’re out in the open, so stay alert,” he advises, “Let’s try contacting the base again.”

Almost instantly, Jongin’s legs give up, and Kyungsoo has to support his weight down until he is sitting on the dusty ground. As he checks if his boyfriend’s fever has gone down, he looks around.

The ravaged city is still as empty as it has been since they have arrived, six weeks ago. There is no sign of any other living thing apart from them, and if it were not for the blood on the metal bar Sehun had used to defend himself, Kyungsoo would start wondering if the boy had not just hallucinated.

A tap on his shoulder makes him look up, finding Yixing standing behind him, a hand stretched out with two pills lying in his palm.

“Give him this and let him sleep as much as possible,” the elder says as Kyungsoo grabs the painkillers with a nod, “We’re gonna set guard-turns for the night, but you stay with him. I’ll come and check on him later.”

“Thanks,” Kyungsoo says, offering him a grateful smile.

A new pat on the shoulder and a nod later, Yixing is gone, and Kyungsoo turns back to his boyfriend who sleepily grins at him.

“Does your head still hurt?”

“Just a little…” Jongin starts before Kyungsoo sends him a pointed look, “Okay, maybe more than just a little,” he chuckles miserably, slouching against Kyungsoo.

Arms curling around the younger’s frame, Kyungsoo sighs. He can feel Jongin’s burning skin even through both their shirts.

“You’re gonna be okay,” he breathes, laying a light kiss on Jongin’s clammy neck, “Let’s get you settled for the night, all right?”

With a weak nod, sweaty forehead gliding against Kyungsoo’s collarbone, Jongin lets him go.

Kyungsoo rapidly sets a blanket on the ground right next to his boyfriend, bundling two shirts in a makeshift pillow, before helping him slide on the improvised bed. He keeps his upper body propped against his chest, giving him the pills and his water bottle. Once Jongin has managed to swallow them, Kyungsoo lets him lie down, watching with a frown as the younger’s face scrunches up, body slightly shivering.

His arms are crimson, assaulted by the blazing sun, ruby cheeks showing how bad is fever is, so Kyungsoo sits near his stomach, using his own body as a shield from the sun to cast shadows on him.

“You’re gonna be okay,” he repeats in a whisper, only for himself, as he carefully links their hands, watching him fall asleep.

He only wakes him up briefly when night has finally fallen, and he has to use all his encouragement abilities to get Jongin to eat. It takes some time, and he only ends up ingesting a couple of spoons of rice before getting nauseous, so Kyungsoo stops trying, but insists on making him drink quite a lot, just like he did the entire day.

As Yixing and Sooyoung are getting ready to take the first guard round, Kyungsoo lies next to Jongin, gently tugging him towards him. Jongin complies instantly and curls against him, head resting on top of his chest.

“Wake me up if you don’t feel good, all right?” Kyungsoo tells him.

He would rather stay awake so he can check on Jongin the whole night, but he knows they will be walking the next day, and he needs to rest too.

“Mmh. Goodnight,” Jongin whispers, already drifting into slumber.

Kyungsoo wishes him goodnight in return and kisses the top of his head, hair damp from sweat, before falling asleep.

 

**\----  
**

 

One step, two steps. A third one and the door cracks.

Jongin enters the small but cozy house, spotting Kyungsoo asleep on their couch.

Home.

He is not sure how he got there. The last thing he remembers is falling asleep, an irritating pounding inside his skull.

It does not make much sense, and the only link between his memory and where he is now is the man lightly snoring, drool on the corner of his plush lips.

He chuckles when Kyungsoo grumbles in his sleep, staring at him for a little longer before walking further in the house.

Everything looks just like they left it, before the test. But he still has no idea how he arrived here.

He had a fever, he thinks. Maybe he passed out, and they got evacuated while he was unconscious.

But then, how did he get back in front of their door, with no recalling of waking up?

Something is wrong. Looking around him, he spots the muddy footprints he left behind and winces.

Kyungsoo was going to be pissed.

Right on cue, his boyfriend snores heavily, a weird choking noise coming up, as his perfect face tenses for a second. A second later, he is relaxed again, smacking his lips a few times and eliciting another chuckle from Jongin. Adorable.

Kids are playing outside. Jongin can hear them laugh and scream. They must be running closer because the shouts are getting louder and louder.

So loud that it’s starting to ring inside Jongin’s head, resounding all around him, echoing against the small house’s walls.

A deafening roar forces him to cover his ears, but the shriek that follows makes his blood freeze.

He opens his eyes, jolting awake and repeatedly blinks to clear the confusion in his mind.

People are buzzing around him. Kyungsoo is right by his side, propped on his elbow.

“The fuck was that?” someone asks, evident panic in their voice.

“Seungwan…” Kyungsoo answers in a breath, and it seems to put everyone in motion.

The elder catches his arm and helps him stand up, and Jongin sees him grab his scissors-taped branch.

 “Come on,” the elder whispers to him, “Stay behind me.”

Still confused, Jongin diligently follows. Reality falls on him when a new scream resonates in the night, similar to the one in his dream.

Something is wrong.

There is light, a few meters ahead. A led torch, he thinks, but he cannot tell who is carrying it until the person screams.

Chanyeol.

Everyone starts running, and he tries to keep up, remaining behind his boyfriend, like he was told.

Weird noises, like punches, followed by high-pitched wails and splashing sounds. Jongin has no idea what is going on, but he does recognize Sooyoung’s voice when she screeches.

“It’s okay,” Chanyeol grunts, “It’s dead.”

And when Jongin steps to the side to see what happened, he is not sure whom Chanyeol is talking about.

It could be the dog laying with its head caved in, scissors still sticking out.

Or maybe Seungwan, whose throat has been half ripped out, blood sipping in the dusty ground in a ruby halo, glowing under the flashlight beam.

Someone throws up, and Jongin follows, the image imprinted behind his eyelids as the little food he got down earlier finishes on the ground.

And not even Kyungsoo’s hands bringing him into a hug a minute later can erase the vision that will keep haunting him.

 

**\----  
**

 

Jongin’s entire body shivering in his arms, Kyungsoo cannot take his eyes off Seungwan and the crimson liquid slowly forming a large puddle around her immobile form.

He can barely register the people around him falling into a panic state, weeping and sobbing hysterically as he tries to wrap his head around the situation. His breathing is heavy against Jongin’s shoulder as it gradually dawns on him.

Seungwan is dead.

The girl who would always have a kind and encouraging word for him, whenever he was feeling tired during training. The girl who baked him a cake for his twenty-first birthday. The girl who would sneak the expensive chocolate bars out of her parents’ shop to give them to him, because she knew he could not afford the treats, despite Jongin loving them.

She is dead.

His friend is dead. And his mind still cannot comprehend that fact and its implications.

It cannot be real.

“That’s- It’s the one I saw,” Sehun utters in a shaky voice, looking at the dog.

“Was it infected?” someone, Yixing maybe, asks.

Most likely to Chanyeol who is still standing near the animal.

“Yes. Its- its eyes were bloodshot,” Chanyeol utters like in a daze, earning more wails from the girls.

And Kyungsoo should probably be worrying about the meaning of it. He should be concerned that it indeed proves things _can_ get inside the fence.

However, as he watches Chanyeol step away from the dog and walk towards the group, a different alarm bell flashes in his mind.

A second later, he has pushed Jongin behind him, forcing him to back away as he takes a few steps backward, raising the branch.

“Stop!” he shouts to Chanyeol who looks up at him, confusion joining the stupor already on his face.

“What?” the taller asks, stepping forward again.

“I said _stop_!” Kyungsoo screams again, backing further away.

“What is it?” Yixing asks, eyes shifting between him Chanyeol.

“Did it bite you?” Kyungsoo questions, staring at Chanyeol.

“What? No!”

It seems like his question registered in the others’ minds because, with the next step Chanyeol takes, the whole group backs away.

“It didn’t bite me!” Chanyeol says, looking at them all with widened eyes full of fear.

“How can we be sure?”

“You might be infected!”

“Stay away!”

“It did not bite me, I swear!”

“It could’ve scratched you!”

 “Okay, everybody calms down,” Yixing says, hands lifted in front of him, “I’m gonna check, all right?”

“I was _not_ bitten!”

“Come on Chanyeol, I’m just going to look for scratches, just in case it-”

“It didn’t even come close to me!”

“It’ll reassure the others, okay? Just let me check, please.”

Kyungsoo can feel Jongin’s hands gripping his forearm as Yixing carefully walks towards Chanyeol, pointing his own flashlight, before he meticulously checks the taller’s body.

Minutes pass at an agonizingly slow pace, Kyungsoo’s fingers tightening around the branch in his hand, until finally, the future medic nods, turning to look at them.

“He’s clear,” he says with a pat on Chanyeol’s shoulder, evident relief in his tone.

Seconds later, Sooyoung is running, jumping into her brother’s arms, shaky voice apologizing repeatedly.

When Chanyeol’s glaring eyes meet his, Kyungsoo quickly averts his gaze, feeling bad for jumping to conclusions and scaring everyone.

He did not enjoy putting Chanyeol in this situation, but he knows he did the right thing. If being paranoid could prevent Jongin from being hurt, then so be it.

The branch feels heavy in his hand, however, despite how lightweight it is.

For a split second, he had been ready to use it. Willing to let it collide with his friend’s head, if Yixing’s answer had been different.

His stomach twists uncomfortably at the thought, so he hastily refocuses his attention on Jongin, who is silently tearing up against his back, the skin of his cheek still hot as it presses on his neck, once Kyungsoo has brought him back into a hug.

The silence, only disturbed by quiet sobs, lasts for a while, before being torn by Junmyeon’s tense voice.

“We need to go back to the camp,” he says, still comforting Yerim who is crying in his arms, “Put off the fire before it draws too much attention.”

“What? No!” Seulgi protests, “We can’t leave her here!”

“We can’t bring her with us either,” Joohyun whispers, watery eyes riveted on Seungwan’s body.

Jongin’s body shakes against Kyungsoo’s chest as the younger sobs. Joohyun is right. As horrible as it feels, they cannot risk it. If Instinctives and infected animals are roaming inside the fence, having a dead body near the group would be like inviting them to a feast. And Kyungsoo will not let that happen.

“She will attract them,” he says, talking around the knot in his throat, “We can’t stay here,” he adds, holding Jongin tighter when he whimpers.

“So quick to leave your _friends_ behind,” Chanyeol spits, glowering at him.

“You can be mad at me later,” Kyungsoo retorts, knowing the elder is referring to his earlier accusations, “But you know I’m right.”

“Guys, calm down,” Yixing sighs, “I don’t like it either, but Kyungsoo is not wrong.”

“Are you serious?!”

“We’ll come back in the morning to bury her,” the future medic says, brushing Seulgi’s objection off, “We can’t do much in the dark.”

Kyungsoo can see reluctance on everyone’s faces, but after a few moments, they all seem to realize they do not have much choice.

He keeps an arm around Jongin as they walk back to their camp, leading and supporting him since his legs are still wobbly. He makes sure to stay as far as Chanyeol as he can, ignoring the mumbled words he can hear coming from the taller’s mouth.

At this point, he does not care if Chanyeol is upset with him. Protecting Jongin will always be his priority, and if he Chanyeol cannot understand that, then Kyungsoo is fine staying away from him.

“If I had killed it when it attacked me...it wouldn’t have killed Seungwan,” he hears someone says behind him, voice cracking pitifully.

“It’s not your fault, Sehun,” Baekhyun replies just as they arrived back at their camp.

Kyungsoo feels bad for the younger boy, and even though Baekhyun is right, he knows this is something that will haunt Sehun for the rest of his life.

Yixing immediately starts putting the campfire off, throwing dirt and dust on it to avoid creating too much smoke, as Kyungsoo helps Jongin lie down once again.  
His boyfriend is still shivering, fever clearly not gone, so he approaches the future medic, asking if he has more pills.

“These are the last I got,” Yixing tells him, hesitantly handing him one the small painkillers, “Hyeran needs some too, so I can’t give either of them the full dose. I’m sorry...”

“It’s okay, I understand,” Kyungsoo nods, eyeing Jongin’s trembling form, “Let’s hope we’ll get evacuated soon.”

“I’ll try contacting the base again,” Yixing answers with a concerned frown, “We can’t stay here.”

Back by Jongin’s side, Kyungsoo helps him taking the pill and lets the younger curl on his lap. He does not intend to sleep, and he brings his branch closer, where he can grab it if anything happens.

It seems like an eternity has passed since his only worry was to find Jongin during the test. Now the atmosphere in the group is strained, and he rapidly looks down at his boyfriend when he sees Junmyeon gathering Seungwan’s things and splitting them in his and Yixing’s backpack.

He knows the elder is being pragmatic, but it flashes the image of her inert body in his mind, and he has to shut his eyes and shake his head to prevent tears from surging up.

None of them sleep that night. Not even Jongin, who just remains quiet, head resting on Kyungsoo’s thighs. And when the morning sun lightens the sky, their chests are still filled with darkness.


	3. Chapter 3

“The bodies were not there anymore.”

They have been walking for a couple of hours already, but Joohyun’s words are still ringing in Kyungsoo’s ears, looping in his mind, trapping guilt in its endless path.

He was the one suggesting they should go back to their camp the night before, and although others had agreed with him, he still feels responsible. Not only for the fact they were unable to give their friend a proper funeral, but also because leaving her body out in the open had ended up luring things around.

She was dead, she could not have turned. However, _something_ had taken her. Another infected animal, or Instinctives, they don’t know, but something did.

Head hanging low, Kyungsoo walks like an automat, fingers intertwined with Jongin. This is the only positive thing, he thinks. His fever had gone down a bit during the end of the night, pounding headache receding until he was left with just mild discomfort.

Kyungsoo was so relieved in the morning when the younger sat up and sadly smiled at him, cheeks barely flushed and looking a little better, despite his sorrow-filled eyes.

After checking Jongin, Yixing assured them both the fever and the pain would probably be gone by the next day. And this is when Joohyun and Junmyeon had returned, with the news of the disappeared bodies.

From then on, and after a strike of panic, the group had been pretty silent, resuming their trip towards the gates at a quicker pace than the day before.

Kyungsoo didn’t say anything, but it does not make sense for him. They still haven’t been able to contact the base, and waking like that in a group, with no way of truly defending themselves, when they know for sure infected are lurking around, ready to attack, doesn’t exactly sound like a smart idea.

But when Joohyun had informed them about Seungwan, he had received glares from a few of his friends and had decided to go along with whatever they chose. Jongin agreed with the group’s plan, so Kyungsoo kept silent and followed, hoping he was wrong and they would make it without anything happening.

And in under any other circumstances, he would have sighed and chanted a loud “ _I knew it!_ ”, but there is no space left in his mind for his cockiness the moment they hear grunts coming from ahead of them.

Abruptly halting his steps, Kyungsoo’s eyes widen, roaming in the ravaged cityscape in front of him, trying to locate the source of the noises.

“What is this?” one of the girls asks, voice trembling.

Kyungsoo knows they all have the answer, but he keeps still until Baekhyun voices it out.

“Instinctives.”

“More than one,” Jongin adds from beside him, hand tightening around Kyungsoo’s palm.

“We need to hide. Now,” Kyungsoo breathes out, slowly backing away and dragging his boyfriend with him.

“Where are they?” Seulgi asks in a scared whine.

Too loud. They fucking need to go.

Inevitably, new snarls resonate, sounding much closer than they were moments ago, and it seems to finally put everyone in motion.

Running back in the direction they came from, leaving clouds of dust behind them, Kyungsoo keeps Jongin’s hand in his as he sprints, eyes trying to find a place that could shelter them from view.

Panic is flooding in his system when he has to drag his boyfriend, whose legs are still weak and preventing him from being as fast as he usually is.

The grunts are still following them when Chanyeol, a little ahead from the group, points at a wrecked building that somehow still has his four walls up, despite the roof being half-crumbled down. It creates a space underneath where they could all fit.

It is not the best, and if they’re found, they won’t be able to escape, but a roar behind them doesn’t let him the time to think, and they all bolt towards the building, having to drop their backpack and squeeze inside through a narrow gap, one by one.

Kyungsoo presses a hand against Jongin back, forcing him to go first as he looks behind him frantically, before finally crawling in, scratching his upper arm on the jagged bricks.

Immediately, Jongin grabs his arm and pulls him deeper inside the space.

It’s dark, and they all have to stay on all fours, coughing as dirt flies around, saturating the air.

The grunts are echoing much closer when Yixing finally makes it inside last, footsteps now clear in Kyungsoo’s ears.

“Block it! Block the access!!” he whisper-screams to the future medic, squirming in front of Jongin as Yixing grabs a large wood plank and obstructs the breach before crawling back.

It only takes a few seconds before Kyungsoo sees a shadow pass in front of it, two legs clearly distinguishable through the cracks in the plank. He is holding his breath, hand blindly reaching for Jongin’s as the Instinctives drags itself away. A second one follows right after, looking and sounding even closer.

His hopes of it limping away get crushed when one of the girls, Yerim it seems, lets out a muffled sob. Almost immediately, the Instinctive pauses, before it starts growling and scraping the walls, trying to find its way in.

In response, it’s several whimpers Kyungsoo hears behind him before Joohyun hisses a low ‘ _Shut up!_ ’ that only seems to trigger the Instinctive more.

The walls are thin and worn, starting to fall apart under the assault, bits of bricks falling inside as another infected joins the attack.

They are all squished at the back, laying on the ground under the tilted ceiling. Kyungsoo’s mind is reeling, trying to come up with a solution, in case the walls give up.

Cursing himself for dropping his weapon outside, he frantically looks around, but there is only darkness, and no other way out.

A brick falls, letting a beam of light enter, creating a warm halo right in front of Kyungsoo knee.

Jongin’s hand crushes his own. He can feel the younger’s hot breath on his nape as he hastily pulls Kyungsoo closer, racing heartbeat drumming against his back.

Another brick hits the ground in front of them, and Kyungsoo’s heart stops when a bloodied arm spikes inside, ferociously sweeping the air, fingers clenching in search of some flesh to sink into.

Seconds seem to last forever, the growls turning hungrier as terror is downing every cell of Kyungsoo’s body. Until a loud commotion resonates outside, startling them all.

The arm stills, before suddenly withdrawing when a second blast echoes further away.

Kyungsoo listens as the footsteps rush towards the sound, almost as rapid as his pounding heartbeat, until their gasps for air are the only thing disturbing the silence.

“What was that?” Hyeran asks in a half-sob.

“Did they finally come to evacuate us?” Yerim questions, hope evident in her shaky tone.

“I don’t think so,” Baekhyun whispers, “It came from further inside the city. Not from the gates.”

“Than what made that noise?” Jongin breathes so quietly Kyungsoo wonders if anyone else but him heard his boyfriend.

He shrugs, having no logical answer, and feels Jongin’s forehead land on his shoulder.

“What do we do, now?”

“Shouldn’t we check what was that noise?”

“You wanna go where all the Instinctives are? Are you crazy?” Baekhyun hisses, earning a pitiful ‘ _No_ ’ from Yerim.

“We need to leave!”

“No, forget about the gates,” Chanyeol tells Seulgi, “They were coming from there.”

“You think that’s how they entered the city?”

“I don’t know. Maybe.”

“So what do we do?”

“We find somewhere to hide,” Yixing answers, sounding calmer than he probably feels.

“You want to go _outside_?” Sooyoung asks, clearly thinking the future medic has lost his mind.

“We can’t stay in here. The roof could crumble down on us.”

“What if they come back? Or if more find us?”

“We’ll just have to be quick.”

“You think our town is all right?” Jongin asks, “What if the wall was damaged too?”

“I’m sure they’re safe,” Kyungsoo replies right away, thumb brushing against his boyfriend’s fingers

“We aren’t,” Yerim points out, “We should still keep going towards the gates. The army will find us more easily when they’ll come.”

“We need to find stuff to defend ourselves with,” Kyungsoo sighs, “Dead branches won’t help against Instinctives.”

“Let’s do that while walking, then,” Junmyeon settles, getting quiet words of approval, “But the priority is still to find a place we can take shelter in.”

 

**\----  
**

 

All senses alert, Kyungsoo walks as quietly as he can, Jongin by his side, Chanyeol and Sooyoung a few steps ahead.

They all decided to split up about thirty minutes ago, Joohyun insisting they would cover more ground, both to find weapons and a good hiding spot.

“We’ll make less noise if we’re in smaller groups,” she argued when Seulgi and Junmyeon had protested.

Kyungsoo silently agreed, until Yixing decided to place him in a group with Chanyeol.

The taller is still resentful towards him. It is quite evident, considering the glares sent his way whenever Kyungsoo says something. It’s really not the right time to get angry at each other, with the threat roaming all around, but Kyungsoo doesn’t want to confront him, afraid the argument would lead to raised voices, attracting attention on them.

Sooyoung has been sending him apologetic looks every now and then, and he heard her trying to reason her brother earlier. It didn’t work, but Kyungsoo is glad she understands his reaction, as paranoid as it was.

They still have half an hour before they need to make it back to the group’s meeting point, but so far, they haven’t been able to find anything.

“Let’s try over there,” Jongin whispers, pointing to their right, “Looks like the bombs did less damage in that part of the city.”

The four of them are on edge and keep getting startled whenever a pebble gets inadvertently hit.

However, they still when a snap echoes ahead, sounding like someone stepped on a dry stick.

Instinctively, Kyungsoo reaches for Jongin’s hand, pulling him along when he backs away slowly, eyes shifting to try to locate where the sound came from.

It does take long before he finds it, slightly coming into view, meters away behind Chanyeol and Sooyoung.

Kyungsoo sends his boyfriend a panicked glance when he feels him freeze next to him, refusing to move further away. What is happening? What did he see?

The answer to his internal question comes in the form of a murmur.

“J- Jongdae?”

Head snapping ahead, Kyungsoo widened eyes find the silhouette more easily, now that Chanyeol and Sooyoung have started to walk backward carefully.

And with horror, he recognizes Jongin’s older brother.

Except he is not anymore.

Military uniform torn and covered in mud and dried up blood, his face his emotionless, caked with red splashes. And as Kyungsoo’s gaze runs along the deep gash on his cheek, panic strikes him when bloodshot eyes capture his own.

Like in slow motion, Kyungsoo sees Jongdae bolt forward, hungry glare narrowed down on him. Jongin screams his brother’s name, voice ringing in Kyungsoo’s ear as the elder pushes him away.

Closer and closer, Jongdae suddenly pounces, and Kyungsoo gets ready for the impact right before being knocked off his feet, head colliding with concrete in a resonant thwack. But when a gurgling sound followed by a deafening scream, his eyes shoot open, falling on the two bodies rolling on the ground in front of him.

Teeth clamped around Sooyoung’s shoulder, Jongdae growls, violently shaking his head, like an animal trying to rip flesh from bones.

Chanyeol jumps and manages to push the Instinctive away, Jongdae’s eyes instantly zooming in on the taller man as Sooyoung whimpers, crawling back. The next thing Kyungsoo’s dizzy mind registers is Chanyeol grabbing a heavy rock and smashing it on Jongdae’s head, crimson blood raining on the ground.

“No!!! Stop!!!”

Time resumes its course, and a second later Jongin is tackling Chanyeol to the ground. Everything goes too fast, and Kyungsoo is frozen on the ground, head spinning and vision blurry as Chanyeol punches Jongin, shoving him aside and grabbing the bloodied rock once more.

Kyungsoo tries to move towards his boyfriend, but loses his balance and falls back on the ground as Chanyeol strikes yet again, eliciting a roar from the now wobbly Instinctive.

Suddenly dropping his weapon, eyes fixed on his left, Chanyeol dashes and Kyungsoo has to squint through the fog in his eyes to see Sooyoung running away, leaving a trail of blood in her path.

He is forced to refocus his attention on Jongdae, however, whose starving eyes are now glowering at Jongin before he abruptly throws himself forward, landing on his younger brother.

Inhuman growls are reverberating in the air, and Kyungsoo desperately tries to stand, teary eyes riveted on Jongdae’s teeth snapping a breath away from Jongin’s neck.

He finally gets on his knees, body swaying as his head keeps spinning, and drags himself towards the two brothers as fast as he can, gravel sinking in his skin.

Jongin is thrashing under the strong Instinctive, hands pushing him away but making no motion to hurt his brother.

“Jongdae!!! It’s me!!!” he shouts in a sob, breaking Kyungsoo’s heart, “It’s Jongin!!! Please, stop!!!”

It’s useless.

Kyungsoo knows it. And Jongin knows it too.

Instinctives do not recognize the people they used to love. They are only animated by hunger.

Jongin is not his brother anymore. He is his next meal.

And there is nothing Kyungsoo can do, except seize the rock Chanyeol used and brutally slam it on Jongdae’s head. Once, twice, until the Instinctive recoils and focuses on him.

Jongin is crying, uncontrollably choking as he crawls away, watching Kyungsoo crush his brother’s skull, again and again, sickening cracks resounding in the soft wind.

Stomach lurching at the metallic smell, Kyungsoo finally stills, bloody hands dropping the rock next to Jongdae’s body. His ribcage is flying up and down with rapid breaths and it takes all his willpower not to throw up at the sight in front of him.

It’s a hand on his arm that tears him away of his trance, and his head snaps towards Jongin, shivering when he sees his boyfriend red and swollen eyes, tears streaming endlessly and pooling under his chin.

He just killed someone.

He killed Jongin’s brother.

However, guilt does not have time to sink in when a wave of snarls echoes on their right.

Jongin stands on shaky legs, gripping his arms and helping him up before taking Kyungsoo’s hand and dragging him away, without a look for Jongdae’s dead body.

 

**\----  
**

 

“We found a bunker!”

This is the first thing Kyungsoo hears when he and Jongin stumble upon Yixing and Joohyun.

Before he has the time to ask any question, Baekhyun and Hyeran are running towards them, followed by Junmyeon and Yerim.

“Where are Seulgi and Sehun?” the youngest asks, looking around.

“I don’t know,” Joohyun says with a worried frown, “We split up when we heard noises.”

“Chanyeol and Sooyoung?” Yixing then inquires, looking at Kyungsoo.

But once again, before he can say anything, footsteps catch their attention, and they all turn at once, eyes widening when they see Seulgi supporting a pale-face Sehun.

Blood is running down his shin, where his pants have been ripped.

“What happened?”

“A dog. It was huge. It came out of nowhere and…and...” the girl says, bursting in tears before finishing her sentence.

Still in a daze, Kyungsoo does not expect Yixing next words and slowly looks at him in complete disbelief as everyone gasps.

“I’m gonna have to cut it.”

“What?” Jongin gapes next to him, hands still linked with his own.

“Are you serious?”

“No, please!”

“Yixing wait!”

“The more we wait, the higher the chance of the bacteria spreading in his blood,” the future medic firmly says, “Is that what you want?”

“N-no, but…”

“Sehun?”

“...A-all right.”

“Let’s bring him to the bunker, then. Quickly.”

“The what?”

“You’ll see,” Joohyun says, helping her with Sehun, “Let’s move.”

Kyungsoo lets himself be pulled by Jongin, unable to tear his mind away from the images repeating in his mind. He can still hear the rock turning Jongdae’s skull bone to mash.

How can Jongin even stand being near him? How can he even still be holding his hand?

Kyungsoo does not understand, so it takes it upon himself to untangle their fingers as soon as they climbed down the staircase leading to what seems to be a military-used old bunker.  
Without looking back, he goes and helps Yixing to bring Sehun in a smaller room looking like a medical area, lifting him on the only bed standing against the left wall.

When he notices Sehun has passed out, most likely from the pain, he looks up at Yixing, who is already getting scary looking tools out of some drawers.

“It’s okay,” the elder sighs, “It’s better if he is not conscious for that. I don’t see any anesthetic,” he adds, and Kyungsoo’s stomach flips when he sees what looks like a saw in his hand, “Tell Yerim to come here, I’m gonna need help,” Yixing finally instructs, so Kyungsoo nods and hastily exits the room to find the younger girl, trying not to visualize what is about to happen in there.

Yerim is familiar with medical stuff, after spending her teenage years taking care of her sick mother. She is undoubtedly the most qualified to assist him, out of all of them.

Once the girl has closed the door, Kyungsoo looks around the room, carefully avoiding Jongin’s eyes, too scared to see them full of resentment, and finally sits next to Hyeran, who is having a pretty nasty cut on her arm disinfected by Baekhyun.

It’s only then that he notices the bunker seems to have electricity going, realizing the grey board he saw surrounding the hatch door at the surface must be solar panels. With the recent weather, the whole system has surely been recharged.

At least Yixing and Yerim will not operate using flashlights.

  
“It smells weird,” Baekhyun says a bit later, just as Yerim and Yixing come back in the main room.

“We had to cauterize,” she explains, evidently trying to keep her voice steady.

“...How?” Kyungsoo asks, his own voice shaking a bit as Yixing visibly swallows.

“We improvised. But he needs antibiotics. I used all the doses I had, and I couldn’t find any, here. We will have to keep the wound clean, and hope we’ll be evacuated soon...”

From the corner of his eyes, Kyungsoo can see Jongin’s face paling as he breathes through his nose, looking like he is trying his best not to gag at the mental picture of his best friend’s mutilated limb.

All he wants is to run by his side and take his boyfriend in his arms. But every time the thought crosses his mind, the sound of Jongdae’s skull cracking rings back in his ears, binding him to his seat with invisible ties.

He killed Jongin’s brother.

And even if he had turned, it does not erase the affection the younger had for Jongdae.

He was one of the reasons Jongin had decided to join the military. Jongdae was his role model, the one who had volunteered to go live in one of the new towns to protect the people moving in. They had not heard of him since then, and Kyungsoo now understands why.

 Something must have gone wrong during the transfer, four months ago, and as Jongin was training so hard to follow his steps, Jongdae had been roaming the wastelands.

Now he was dead, because Kyungsoo had killed him. Right under Jongin’s eyes.

And no matter how much he knows Jongin loves him, it does not change the fact that Kyungsoo ended his brother’s life, shedding the blood they shared, in front of him.

When Junmyeon asks, he takes upon himself to inform the others about Chanyeol and Sooyoung, not wanting Jongin to have to go through that. He, however, decides not to mention Jongdae’s name and to keep his explanation rather vague when he talks about where the blood on his clothes is coming from.

The way Jongin’s head drops is enough to send him spiraling deeper into an ocean of guilt, so he quickly wraps up the story, only adding that he plans on looking for Chanyeol the next morning.

 

“I’ll stay with him,” Kyungsoo instantly volunteers when Yixing tells them he is going to settle in the small room with Sehun, “You should go and sleep with the others,” he says as the group is slowly migrating towards another room, where rows of twin-sized beds are aligned.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’ll come and get you if something’s wrong,” he nods, trying not to look back at where Jongin is standing.

“I can stay with him too,” his boyfriend offers, sending an immediate wave of panic inside Kyungsoo’s mind.

He should’ve known Jongin would want to stay by his best friend’s side.

“No, there’s no need,” he merely says, still not looking back.

“Okay,” Yixing eventually sighs, looking somewhat relieved, “He’s still passed out for now, but if he wakes up…just...”

“Don’t worry, I got this,” he answers in a confident tone.

He doesn’t. He is scared to walk in and see Sehun with only one and a half leg.

But he is even more terrified to be anywhere near Jongin, the simple thought of crossing his eyes and find all the hurt _he_ has caused is excruciating.

Yixing bypasses him and tiredly pats his shoulder, but Kyungsoo’s attention is focused on Jongin. He can hear his footsteps slowly moving towards the small dorm room. He hears them stop for a few seconds, before finally fading away.

The door closes, and Kyungsoo exhales the deep breath he was not even conscious he was holding, shutting his eyes for a moment. When he eventually enters the medical room, his gaze falls on Sehun.

The younger’s sweaty face is scrunched as he quietly whimpers, pain apparently following him in his sleep. Kyungsoo takes a few steps and drops on the chair next to the bed.

“You’re gonna be okay,” he whispers in a shaky breath, “You have to. He can’t lose you too.”

Minutes, hours pass and Kyungsoo has been dozing off, lulled by the sound of Sehun’s soft whimpers, when a creak makes him snap back to consciousness, his heart skipping a beat as he swiftly turns around in the chair.

“Hey,” a girl’s voice whispers.

He blinks a few times, his vision adjusting to the dim light, and finds Yerim standing in the doorway, looking so small yet so much older than she really is.

“Hey,” he breathes back as she fully steps inside the room, leaving the door ajar behind her, “What are you doing here?”

“I couldn’t sleep.”

Silently, he watches her grab the low metal stool on the other side of the room and bring it next to him, before she sits, eyes staring at Sehun’s form.

“He didn’t wake up,” Kyungsoo simply says, looking back at the younger man.

“Yeah, I’m not surprised. He lost a lot of blood,” she replies in a controlled voice.

“He’s gonna be fine, right?”

“I hope so… We still don’t know if the infection has spread,” she says, averting her eyes, “That’s something we’ll find out soon enough. But even if we managed to amputate in time...he still needs antibiotics. And strong painkillers,” she adds, her tone slowly sounding more and more anxious, “He’s gonna hurt so much when he wakes up…”

“Hey, it’ll be fine,” Kyungsoo comforts her, curling an arm around her back and gently tugging her towards him, until she lets her head fall on his shoulder, “You and Yixing did everything you could. He is alive, and he has a chance to survive, thanks to you two.”

“I guess… I just hope they will come and get us soon.”

Kyungsoo simply nods as he rubs his thumb against her upper arm.

“You should go and sleep a little, I’ll stay with him,” Yerim then offers, straightening on her stool.

“No, it’s okay, I can stay too.”

“Kyungsoo… Jongin didn’t look like he was doing okay when we went to bed earlier,” she says with a concerned frown, making Kyungsoo’s heart clench, “You should be with him.”

“I don’t think he wants to be with me, right now,” Kyungsoo replies, trying but miserably failing to keep his voice steady.

“What? Why not?”

“I just… I…”

Loudly exhaling, he shakes his head, eyes squeezing shut as the cracking sounds come back haunting him once more.

“You just what?”

“When we all split up...something happened… The- the Instinctive…”

“The one you killed?” she asks, and bile surges up in his throat as he nods, opening his eyes but refusing to look at her.

Instead, he fixes his gaze on the wall.

“It was Jongdae…”

Her gasp is quiet, but in the silent room, it resonates as loud as if she had screamed.

“Kyungsoo…”

“He was on top of Jongin, he was so close to biting him, I just- I didn’t _think_ , and I… I…” he blurts out in a rush, praying for her to understand.

She has an older brother, though, and she is probably putting herself in Jongin’s shoes, hating Kyungsoo just as much as his boyfriend must resent him at the moment.

It surprises him, however, when Yerim delicately takes his hand in her palms.

“You did what you had to,” she softly says, “You had no other choice. You saved his life,” she adds when he shakes his head, “Is that why you’ve been so distant with him since we arrived in the bunker?” she then asks, connecting the dots.

Kyungsoo nods, lowering his eyes, and Yerim sighs.

“I don’t think he is mad at you, you know? I wouldn’t be if it were me… Come on, you should go be with him,” she finishes, freeing his hand and lightly pushing him to make him stand.

With another sigh, Kyungsoo complies, getting on his feet before glancing at her.

“Are you sure you’ll be okay alone?”

“I’m tougher than I look, you know that,” she says with a sad chuckle.

“Yeah, I do,” he replies, petting her hair for a second and earning a small smile, “...Thank you,” he adds after a short pause, glad to see her grin widen just a little before turning around and exiting the room.

When he enters the dorm, quietly shutting the door behind him, his eyes roam around, trying to make out the beds’ arrangement in the faint bluish glow coming from a small light on the far-left corner

It is a tight fit, but ten beds are cramped inside, only eight occupied, and even in the dim lighting, he still recognizes Jongin’s frame, three mattresses away from where he stands.

His first instinct is to walk up to him, if anything, to make sure he is okay and his fever did not return. He wants nothing more than to lie beside him. After all, they have slept in even smaller beds together, before.

However, Yerim’s reassuring words are overpowered by the resounding thwack of rock against bones, and the blue light turns scarlet every time he blinks.

So Kyungsoo looks away and walks up to the opposite side of the room, settling on one of the free beds left. It does not take long for him to drift to sleep, despite the pulsating pain in the back of his head, where he knows a big bump has formed.

In the silence, he is not sure if Jongin’s sobs are real, or just a part of his memory.

 

**\----  
**

 

“Do you think people knew about the virus long before it happened?” Hyeran asks no one in particular as some of them eat a frugal breakfast, “And that it’s why they built the bunker?”

“Who knows,” Junmyeon shrugs from his seat next to Kyungsoo, “But the army must use it when they come to repair the fence. Maybe even back when they set it up.”

“Definitely. We found some equipment in the back room,” Joohyun adds, pointing to the metal doors behind her, “It was probably easier to stay here instead of driving home back and forth every day.”

“I do think it goes back to when they were setting up for the Cleaning,” Yixing says, walking out of the medical room, “There’s the same type of speakers they used for the alarms, before the bombing. And a huge amount of fuel.”

“There’re even some weapons. Shotguns, pistols, rifles,” Joohyun continues, earning surprised looks from the four people sat at the table, “Axes and machetes too. Seems like they were ready for every scenario.”

“That means there might be more bunkers, right?” Kyungsoo says with a frown, “There were so many people working on that. They couldn’t have used only in this one.”

“That’s what we thought too,” Yixing nods, sitting next to him.

“Did you find food?” Junmyeon questions.

“No, but we still have a couple weeks’ worth of rations. Maybe more, considering…”

He does not finish his sentence, but Kyungsoo knows what he means. Seungwan’s supplies. And probably Sooyoung’s if they can find her backpack.

“I’m gonna go look for Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo immediately tells the others in a firm tone, “He might be looking for us…”

Regardless of the tension between them, Kyungsoo is still worried about him. He refuses to add Chanyeol’s food supplies to the list of extra. He needs to find him.

“I’ll go with you,” Joohyun volunteers in a heartbeat, earning a nod from Kyungsoo.

“Take guns with you,” Yixing says, “Some food too, just in case something happens and you can’t make it back here by tonight.”

“Okay. You’re done?” Joohyun asks Kyungsoo, nudging her chin towards his half-full plate.

“Yeah, let’s go.”

“Remember, though,” Yixing warns, “No unnecessary shooting. There’s not that much ammo. We need to make each bullet count.”

Ten minutes later, Kyungsoo is all girded up, an M16A1 in his hands and a K5 pistols secured in its holder, next to his new combat knife.

Joohyun is just as armed as he is, ready to climb the stairs and venture outside and waiting for him to follow.

Kyungsoo glances at the dorm room door before sighing, adjusting his backpack straps.

“I’ll tell him where you went when he wakes up,” Yerim gently says, approaching him.

“Can you make sure he eats?” Kyungsoo asks, “With his fever, he didn’t get much food down…”

“Sure. Hey,” she stops him as he turns around after a thankful nod, “You have to come back, okay?”

“Yeah… We will.”

“Kyungsoo?” Joohyun calls him, so he quickly hugs Yerim, pecking the top of her head before turning on his heels and following Joohyun.

It is two days later, as the moon is shining through a sheer cover of clouds, that Kyungsoo finds himself knocking on the hatch door, climbing down the stairs, Joohyun right behind him as soon as Baekhyun opens it.

There are new cuts and scratches on their skin, which seem to alarm Yerim who jog towards them with widened eyes.

“Are you okay?! she asks frantically, helping him take off his backpack, “We were worried!”

“We’re fine. We didn’t find Chanyeol, though,” he answers, walking further in.

Apparently, Baekhyun and Yerim are the only ones awake, and the two of them immediately starts taking care of Joohyun’s and his injuries as soon as they are both seated.

“What happened?” the older man inquires, cleaning a big gap on Joohyun’s shoulder.

“We had to hide,” she says, hissing when he pours some nasty smelling liquid on the wound, “We ended up in the same building we all took cover in the other day, and- Ouch!”

“Sorry.”

“We used the same wooden plank to block the crack in the wall, but one of them figure out it was the way in,” she continues between clenched teeth, “Kyungsoo had to hold the plank while they were pushing against it on the other side.”

“Oh god…” Yerim shakily exhales.

“Some of them tried to get in by getting _up_ ,” Joohyun says, probably remembering as clearly as Kyungsoo the sudden frantic sounds of footsteps on the roof tiles, above their head.

“What?”

“That’s when the roof gave up and crumbled down,” Kyungsoo continues as Yerim dabs some disinfectant on the slash running across his entire forehead, “While we were in there.”

Her hand stops her methodic movements, hovering above his skin as she stares at him.

“How- how did you get out?”

“We didn’t. Not at first,” he sighs, wincing when she wipes the dried-up blood on his brow bone, “We figured we should stay hidden underneath the rubbles. There were too many of them, we wouldn’t have been able to get away.”

“For how long?” Baekhyun asks, shock painted on his tired face.

“Five, six hours maybe?” Joohyun shrugs, looking at Kyungsoo for confirmation.

“Yeah, something like that,” he nods, before Yerim asks him to take off his shirt so she can tend to the collection of cuts his back sports, “It was dark already when they finally left.”

“I’m not sure why they did, though,” Joohyun says, frowning, “But we came back here right away. Well, once we managed to dig our way up through the debris.”

“Did anything happen before that?” Baekhyun asks, and Kyungsoo notices the older’s eyes glancing at the guns they placed on the table earlier.

“Not really,” he says, shaking his head and getting scolded by Yerim who is cleaning a wound on his nape, “We mostly hid whenever we heard something.”

“We didn’t use any ammo,” Joohyun adds, understanding what Baekhyun meant too.

Yerim is smoothing a bandage on his lower back when Kyungsoo hears a groan coming from the medical room.

“How’s Sehun doing?” he asks, eyes fixed on the half-open door.

“Not very good,” the youngest quietly answers, sticking another bandage a bit higher, “He woke up an hour after you left… He is in a lot of pain, and we have nothing strong enough to give him… I-... We-”

Hearing her stutter, Kyungsoo turns his head to look at her, only to find her avoiding his eyes.

“What is it?” he asks, growing worried at her evident hesitation.

“J- Jongin’s fever came back yesterday,” she finally says after a long silence, and instantly, Kyungsoo’s insides achingly twist, “We found painkillers in here, but only a few, and… I mean… Sehun...he…”

“We thought Sehun needed them more than Jongin did,” Baekhyun finishes for her.

“But Jongin started feeling better earlier tonight,” Yerim says right after, as if she was afraid Kyungsoo would be mad.

And he is. But not for the reason she thinks.

He is angry at himself. For not being here for Jongin. For taking away one of the people his boyfriend loved the most.

For failing once again, when he vowed to himself he would protect him.

“Is Sehun still...himself?” Joohyun asks carefully, dragging him out of his thoughts.

“Yeah. We acted on time, but....”

“What is it?”

“We don’t have enough material to clean his leg as often as we should… If it gets infected...” she finishes, shaking her head.

A heavy silence is smothering the room, only disturbed by Sehun’s raspy moans.

“Yixing said there might be bunkers where we can find antibiotics,” Baekhyun eventually says, hands fiddling with the roll of adhesive plaster tape, “He said we should try to find them,” he adds, looking like he does not exactly agree with the future medic.

And now that he had gone out there, Kyungsoo cannot help but be on Baekhyun’s side. However, he also knows Yixing is right. If they don’t find something to help Sehun, he might not last until rescue arrives.

 _If_ it ever arrives.

“Any luck getting in touch with the base?” he asks, since Joohyun and he had left their wristbands in the bunker before leaving.

“No. We kept trying to reach them every few hours, but we didn’t get any answer,” Baekhyun replies with a concerned frown, “I’m not even sure they’re receiving what we send…”

“If the wall gave up after the storm, there might be no one left to receive it,” Joohyun says, voicing out what they are probably all thinking.

Breath caught in his chest, pictures flash in Kyungsoo’s mind, of their instructors fighting to protect the citizens, of Jongin’s parents running away from the wave of hungry Instinctives. Of dead bodies covering the pavement he used to stroll on, hand in hand with his boyfriend.

“Shouldn’t we try to go back, then?” he asks, knowing deep down how stupid it is.

“We wouldn’t make it far,” Yerim sighs, proof that she had thought about that option too, “It was a two-hour ride to come here. It would take days to go back on foot, with nowhere to hide,” she says, shaking her head, “And Sehun… He can’t even stand…”

“We still need to find Chanyeol,” Joohyun adds before, once again, someone pronounces the words they have all been thinking.

“If there is something left to find,” Baekhyun quietly says.

“We’ll go back tomorrow,” Kyungsoo firmly announces, looking at Joohyun who instantly nods, without an ounce of hesitation, “And we will try to look for another bunker at the same time.”

“That was already the plan,” Baekhyun then says, both looking and sounding reluctant to reveal that information, “We were almost all gonna go...since we weren’t sure you two would come back…”

Once again, Kyungsoo mind gets assaulted with flashing images. Of Jongin’s face as all their friends are discussing Kyungsoo’s probable death. Was he glad, deep down?

But even worse, the image of Jongin being chased by Instinctives, unable to run fast enough.

Bitten.

Eaten.

Dead.

“He stays here,” Kyungsoo says through clenched teeth.

“What?”

“If we go outside tomorrow, he stays here,” he repeats, staring straight into Yerim’s eyes.

A spark of understanding widens them, and she slowly nods.

“Yixing will probably agree,” she says, looking down, “He’s too weak to go. And someone needs to stay with Sehun, anyway…”

Kyungsoo gives her a stiff nod in return, before standing, the chair scraping the concrete ground.

His eyes easily find Jongin’s figure when he enters the dorm room, despite the dim blue light barely illuminated the area.

He quietly walks up to the bed, his heart painfully clamping when he makes out the troubled expression twisting they younger’s features, even in his sleep.

Slowly, he crouches until their heads are on the same level, gaze never leaving Jongin’s face, before reaching out and delicately brushing a strand of damp hair away.

“I am so sorry,” he murmurs in a shaky breath, thumb tracing his boyfriend’s cheekbone, “I never wanted to hurt you…”

In his slumber, Jongin’s brows lightly scrunch, a little cough rattling his chest for a few seconds.

Kyungsoo feels so powerless that it hurts. He had always hoped he would be strong enough to be there for Jongin. But when it really mattered, he had failed, causing more damage in his path.

He knows it is probably too late for forgiveness to be given to him, and he would likely not even grant it to himself, anyway. But even if he cannot make things right, he still can protect Jongin. And he will. Even if it is the last thing he does.

Leaning in, he lets his lips press against his boyfriend’s forehead, feeling the abnormal warmth of his skin under the layer of sweat.

“You’ll be okay,” he whispers, before standing and walking up towards a free bed.

He will not sleep much; he needs to be up and out before Jongin wakes up. Because he will not be able to stand the bitter disappointment in his eyes when he’ll see Kyungsoo is still alive.

 

**\----  
**

 

“Try to stay away from the fence. Keep your research more intown. We still don’t know where they’re entering from.”

With Yixing words still in mind, Kyungsoo and Joohyun walk side by side, joined by Baekhyun who had insisted that Hyeran stays in the bunker too, since she was still a bit sick.

“How do we even find him,” Baekhyun quietly asks, still looking around in alert, “Or the other bunkers?”

“We just walk around and hope we’re going in the right direction,” Joohyun answers in low tones.

Kyungsoo’s hands are steadily anchored around his assault rifle, one around the pistol grip, the other under the handguard. His 30-round magazine is still full, but his index finger is ready to press the trigger if he has to.

They had a close call a few hours ago and ended up running further than where they were supposed to go, getting stuck in a wrecked car they used to hide, until the flow of Instinctives cleared out.

But even after spending the entire morning looking for both Chanyeol and more bunkers, the three of them are still empty-handed, optimism plummeting at high speed.

“It’s been four days since it happened…” Kyungsoo says, eyes shifting all around to catch even the slightest abnormal movement, “Sooyoung has turned by now.”

“You think she did something to Chanyeol?” Baekhyun asks, “Since he followed her?”

“If she hasn’t, others might’ve taken care of him,” Joohyun replies in a strangely emotionless tone.

Kyungsoo glances at her, finding her face just as impassive as her tone.

She never was the most expressive girl, keeping her brightest smiles for her closest friends. Kyungsoo considers himself lucky to be one of them, but as he looks at her, he does not see anything left from the soft and gentle girl he used to know.

But he also can’t say he has not changed, himself. He knows he has. The simple fact that he is not by Jongin’s side, and has not talked to him in days, is proving that.

“Do you hear that?” Baekhyun suddenly says, halting his steps.

Kyungsoo stops, squinting as he focuses, until he finally notices the faint clicking noise coming from somewhere on their right.

“The fuck is this?” Joohyun whispers, immediately lifting her shotgun in that direction.

“It sounds mechanical,” Kyungsoo answers with a scowl, confused, “Listen. It’s regular.”

Snap. Two seconds. Snap again. Kyungsoo counts, one, two, and the noise come back.

“It sounds like the fence when it was still working,” Baekhyun points out.

“We’re nowhere near it, though…”

“We should go,” Kyungsoo says, a sick feeling crawling along his spine as his hands grip his assault rifle harder, pointing it right where the sound comes from.

“Chanyeol? Is that you?”

“Shut up!” Joohyun hisses towards Baekhyun, taking a step back.

Kyungsoo does the same, his heartbeat racing when a snarl follows Baekhyun’s words.

“Guys, we really should leave,” Kyungsoo repeats, goosebumps rising on his arms as he takes another step away.

For a few seconds, the grunts seem to be coming closer as they stand there, eyes trying to locate the Instinctive, ready to pull the trigger.

But then, the clicking noise suddenly goes haywire, loud and erratic, as the groans turn into guttural screams.

It seems to put the three of them in motion, and they all at once turn on their heels, bolting away.

“What the hell what that?!” Baekhyun asks with widened eyes a few minutes of running later.

Kyungsoo’s heart is racing as he pants, shaking his head.

“I don’t know,” he replies, pausing to cough, “But it didn’t sound good.”

“Let’s go back to the bunker,” Joohyun says between heavy breaths, “The sun’s gonna set soon.”

“But we didn’t find anything,” Baekhyun frowns, looking down the deserted street as if he wants to go back towards the noise.

“You don’t wanna be out there after dark, trust me,” Kyungsoo states, the memories of he and Joohyun hiding from a horde of Instinctives two nights ago still vivid in his mind.

“Maybe the others have been luckier,” Joohyun adds, “Let’s go.”

  
They were not luckier, Kyungsoo finds out when they finally climb down the stairs two hours later.

The sky was inky before they even made it back to the bunker, and most of their friends had already slumped in bed, leaving only Junmyeon and Yixing to wait and open the hatch door for them.

“We found Sooyoung’s backpack,” the future medic tells them, pointing at the item on the ground, “But no sign of her. Or Chanyeol.”

“And no other bunker,” Junmyeon says, grabbing Joohyun’s shotgun to put if back with the other weapons.

“Same for us,” Kyungsoo sighs, dropping his backpack near the table, “But we heard something weird, I’m not sure what it was.”

At the two men curious looks, Baekhyun and Kyungsoo start explaining the strange event, Joohyun silently making her way to the dorm room and disappearing behind the door.

“It doesn’t make any sense,” Junmyeon says, brows furrowed, “Are you sure you heard correctly?”

Glancing at Baekhyun, Kyungsoo nods.

“We didn’t check, though.”

“Maybe we can go back tomorrow,” Yixing says, looking at Kyungsoo, “Do you think you can remember where it was?”

“Probably, yeah.”

“All right, I’ll come with you, then.”

“How’s Sehun?” Baekhyun then asks when a husky grunt resounds in the medical room, and Kyungsoo watches as Yixing’s face instantly falls.

“Still the same. We changed his bandages earlier and tried to clean it, but it hurts him a lot, and we have no anesthetic to give him.”

“He’s exhausted,” Junmyeon adds, “He keeps falling asleep and waking up in pain. And we can’t do anything…”

“How is Jongin?” Kyungsoo questions in a quiet and anxious voice.

“Better,” Yixing tells him, his expression turning reassuring, “Hyeran told me his fever went down this morning, and he was fine earlier when I checked. I told him to go to sleep early, just in case. Hyeran is okay too,” the future medic adds, looking at Baekhyun, “They should both be back on their feet, tomorrow.”

“Do you need someone to stay with Sehun?” Kyungsoo inquires, hearing the younger moan once again before Junmyeon shakes his head.

“No, just go get some rest, we’ll take care of him.”

“Are the showers still working?”

“Yeah, we’re trying to ration the water since it hasn’t rained in days, but if you’re quick, it’ll be fine.”

“We found some more blankets you can use to dry yourselves. It’s not the best, but it works.”

Thanking them, Kyungsoo pats Baekhyun’s shoulder before they make their way to the small and austere bathroom.

Ten minutes later, Kyungsoo enters the dorm, hair still dripping on his shoulders, and makes a beeline towards one of the empty bed, dropping his tired body on the mattress with a sigh.

He can still hear then Sehun’s pained whimpers as his eyes shut, sleep claiming him rapidly.

He startles awake, however, when he hears some fabric shuffling noises in the back of the room, followed by the soft pattering of feet on the floor.

A few seconds later, he jolts once again, when hands gently touch his arm, pushing him to make him slide on the opposite edge of the narrow bed.

Eyes flying open, it takes some time for him to make his vision adjust to the dim lighting, and by the time he can see properly, Jongin is already lying with him, his body half on top of Kyungsoo’s chest, so he doesn’t fall off.

Frozen, heartbeat racing, Kyungsoo waits until his boyfriend stops moving, face nestled in the crook of his neck.

“A-are you okay?” he asks in a barely audible voice that still cracks in the middle of his question.

Jongin nods, nose brushing against Kyungsoo’s skin as his warm breath glides along his collarbone.

His pulse is still running, hands clenching into fists as he tries to control his instincts. Everything in him wants to wrap his arms around Jongin and pull him closer, until he cannot tell where his body ends and Jongin’s begins. But he doesn’t know if he is allowed.

He has no idea why Jongin even came to lie with him. Should he not be trying to put as much distance as he can between him and the one who killed his brother?

“Kyungsoo…” Jongin breathes after a long silence, making the elder flinch.

“Mmh?”

“What’s wrong?”

“Wh-what do you mean?”

“You’ve been distant for days. You disappeared before I was awake,” Jongin murmurs, “I had to hear from _Yerim_ how you almost died…” he says, and even in the quiet tone, Kyungsoo can hear the distressed inflection, confusing him even further, “I didn’t- I thought you needed to be alone because you were a bit in shock after...you know… But...I don’t get why you’re avoiding _me_ …”

Eyes fixed on the ceiling, Kyungsoo blinks, letting the silence stretch, once again.

The more Jongin talks, the less sense everything is making. He just doesn’t understand.

“...Aren’t you mad?” he eventually falters, swallowing around the knot in his throat.

“Mad?”

And the confusion in Jongin’s voice makes him blank completely.

“I just thought...after what happened...what I did...” he tries, repeatedly pausing as he tries to find his words, “I thought having me around wouldn’t be something you’d want…”

It seems to bother Jongin enough to make him leave his comfortable spot, propping his upper body up on his elbow so he can look at Kyungsoo.

His brows are furrowed as he seems to be searching for something in the elder’s eyes.

“You’re an idiot,” he whispers, and Kyungsoo’s own brows fly up at the serious, almost scolding intonation, “There will _never_ be a time when I don’t want you around.”

There is no trace of hesitation in Jongin’s voice, no sign of uncertainty in his gaze. No hint of any resentment in the crease between his brow. It’s almost like he does not understand why Kyungsoo would ever fathom such thing.

And this is enough to bring burning tears in the elder’s eyes.

“I’m so sorry,” he croaks out, voice breaking as he tries not to choke.

“Don’t,” Jongin murmurs, lightly shaking his head as his hand comes up to cup Kyungsoo’s cheek, thumb brushing his skin, “At that moment I wasn’t...thinking straight. And I put us in danger. But you saved me...again,” he says, staring so deep into Kyungsoo’s eyes, as if he wanted to reach his soul.

Kyungsoo is not sure what his boyfriend means by ‘ _again_ ’. Jongin had been the one saving Kyungsoo, all those years ago, and continuously since then. The one giving him a reason to smile every day, a reason to wake up every morning. A reason to live. However, despite being confused, his next words come out in a heartbeat.

“Of course I did,” he breathes, his hand curling around Jongin’s nape, “I’ll do anything to save you. _Anything_.”

“I know… I’m not mad, all right? This...this wasn’t Jongdae anymore,” the younger whispers, pressing their forehead together as Kyungsoo nods, eyes shutting at the slight tremor in Jongin’s voice when he pronounces his brother’s name.

“All right.”

“I missed you,” Jongin then says, right before Kyungsoo feels warm lips on his own.

And as he tugs the younger’s body closer, it’s like he can finally breathe, only realizing now how suffocating it had been to be away from Jongin.

They fall asleep long minutes later, limbs entangled and lips still interlocked, breathing in each other. So tightly intertwined with each other that the bed almost feels too big.

 

**\----  
**

 

The silence is eerie, only disturbed by three sets of footsteps as Kyungsoo walks side by side with Jongin and Yixing.

Under the light drizzle, the whole city looks even gloomier, deserted streets boarded by ravaged buildings, sepia hues fading under the grey sky.

They have been walking for almost an hour now, with the wind and the pitter-patter of the rain for only company, the smell of mud so strong Kyungsoo can taste it on his tongue.

 It’s quiet. Way too much for his liking.

As if nothing had happened.

He knows he is not the only one being wary, if the frowns on Jongin’s and Yixing’s faces are any indication. His knuckles are turning white, his grip on his rifle stronger than it should be.

“Are you sure we’re going in the right direction?” Yixing whispers, head turning left and right.

“Yeah, we’re not very far.”

With a quick glance at Jongin, Kyungsoo steps a bit closer to him. His boyfriend has not been out of the bunker since they found it, but somehow, he still looks ready to face anything that could come at them.

“How’s your head?”

“I’m fine, stop worrying,” Jongin answers, offering him a faint smile.

Kyungsoo believes him, he wouldn’t have let him step outside the bunker if he were not certain Jongin was all right. But being reassured by the man himself helps Kyungsoo fight against his impulse of bringing the younger back underground.

He trusts Jongin, knows he can defend himself. However, it does not make him more easily keen on letting him risk his life.

“Okay, but if you’re tired, don’t keep it to yourself. I don’t want-”

“I’m _fine_ ,” Jongin repeats, emphasizing his words with a pointed look, “Even Yixing said I was, right?” he says, looking at the future medic to get him to confirm.

When no response comes from the eldest, Kyungsoo turns his head, only to find Yixing deeply scowling, eyes squinted towards the remnants of a large building.

“Yixing?”

“Shhht. Can you hear that?”

“Hear what?”

“Listen…”

Focusing on his hearing, Kyungsoo stares in the same direction. It takes a few seconds, but finally, he picks up the faint echo.

“Is that...music?” Jongin asks, sounding just as confounded as Kyungsoo feels.

Tucking the stock of his rifle in his shoulder pocket and leaning a bit forward to avoid getting kicked by the recoil if he needs to shoot, Kyungsoo takes careful steps towards the light melody, guided by the soft chime of a piano.

_Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you._

The breeze is carrying the gentle violins tones, and Kyungsoo keeps walking, eyes narrowed on the rubbles ahead. It’s coming from behind the broken wall, the sound somewhat distorted, growing clearer as they move forward.

_Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you._

The woman’s voice is floating around, like suspended in the air, light and mellow, almost soothing in Kyungsoo’s ears when he steps around the fallen bricks.

 _But_ _in your dreams whatever they be…_

Gaze dropping, Kyungsoo sees it. So comforting in its familiarity, yet freezing his blood in an instant.

_Dream a little dream of me._

The piano notes fly happily with the wind. Playful, mischievous, like the laugh of a ticklish baby, as Kyungsoo’s takes another step, catching the shiny burgundy streak on the front button.

 _Stars_ _fading, but I linger on, dear._

The mud is sloshing under his combat boots, harmonizing with the tune. Kyungsoo crouches, lowering his weapon.

_Still craving your kiss_

Reaching out, he takes hold of the device, skin lightly vibrating as it comes in contact with the speaker grill.

 _I'm_ _longing to linger till dawn, dear_

His mind unconsciously sings along, the words embedded in his memory after hearing them so often.

_Just saying this_

His finger extends, bitten down nail switching the small knob down. The melody echoes in his ears, leaving a mark in the air for lingering seconds before the silence returns.

“Is that Chanyeol’s music player?” Yixing asks, startling Kyungsoo who almost drops the device.

He nods, breaths heavy as he keeps staring at the object in his hands, thumb smearing the red stain.

“He must’ve tried to use it to attract Sooyoung,” Jongin says, voice unsure as he walks closer.

“I think she found him…” Kyungsoo answers, looking at the younger when he kneels next to him and showing him the blood spatter.

Jongin places his pistol on the ground to take the music player, staring at it for a moment as Kyungsoo takes his backpack off. When the elder opens it, he shoves it between the fold of a shirt, sighing as he wipes his fingers on his damp pants.

“Now what?” Jongin asks in a breath.

“Now we-”

It takes no more than a second for Kyungsoo to make sense of the inarticulate scream piercing through the air and interrupting Yixing’s voice. Only a second for his eyes to recognize the silhouette now hovering above the future medic’s limp body, swirls of crimson liquid mixing with the mud, like watercolor in a glass of water.

A gasp stuck in his lungs, Kyungsoo falls backward, scurrying away as Sooyoung’s teeth sink further into Yixing’s throat.

But he is too late, too loud, and the moment his hand plunges into a puddle, Sooyoung’s head snaps up, bloodshot eyes flashing with hunger as she stares at him.

No. Not him.

Jongin.

A subtle change in her stance and Kyungsoo knows she is about to pounce. In a surge of panic, he does not think, pushes himself off the ground and jumps, intercepting her body right as she plunges on Jongin.

But she is strong, the virus enhancing her muscles and sharpening her reflexes. And all of Kyungsoo’s physical training suddenly means nothing when she shoves him away, throwing him into a pile of debris.

The only thing he registers for a moment is the pain in his abdomen, the heavyweight pinning him down, hindering his movements, and the muzzle of his rifle digging into his thigh.

He does not remember locking the safety switch on.

“Sooyoung!”

Head jerking to the side, Kyungsoo sees Chanyeol running towards them.

A scream, followed by two gunshots, and Kyungsoo's eyes fall on Jongin, pistol aimed right at the girl’s head, where blood flows from a small gap.

The younger is shivering, kneeling on the ground. Kyungsoo can see it from meters away, just as he can see the terrified look on his face.

Chanyeol stops, staring at Sooyoung still form, ruby pool growing around her drenched dark hair. His breaths are loud, turning heavier by the second, and before Kyungsoo can scream a Jongin to run, Chanyeol is already on him, sending their bodies rolling away.

“You killed my sister!!!” the elder shouts, fist colliding with Jongin’s face in a crack.

Kyungsoo’s hands slip on the large rock laying on top of his middle section, grunting as he pushes with all his strength. It barely moves, only crushing his weapon harder into his ribs.

The metallic smell of blood invades his nose, carried by the wind as his heart pounces in his chest.

Chanyeol’s fists are still raining on Jongin’s, relentlessly hitting every spot he can aim for, driven mad by his rage. Jongin tries to shield himself using his arms, but Chanyeol keeps going, punching, slashing, screaming.

“Jongin!!!”

Kyungsoo’s voice cracks as he yells, but it’s useless. None of them seems to hear him. He can barely hear himself through the sound of his pulse drumming in his skull, whooshing in his ears.

And that’s when he notices it. The dent on Chanyeol’s hand. Perfectly shaped like human teeth.

Irritated, bruised.

Not turned yet. But infected.

“Chanyeol stop! Leave him alone!! Chanyeol!!!”

Useless.

Jongin is thrashing under the assault, wailing as his head get bashed on the ground.

Kyungsoo is writhing under the massive rock, howling as he tries to free himself.

Jongin’s hand is reaching for his pistol, fingers dragging into the dirt. Too far.

Kyungsoo can feel the tears running down his temple, mixing with the rain as he pushes harder. Too heavy.

With a grunt, Chanyeol eyes focus on the gun, and he throws himself towards it.

With a roar, Kyungsoo gathers his last strengths and pushes, eyes squeezing shut, finally extricating himself from under the rubbles.

A loud bang. Kyungsoo’s blood freezes, heart stopping.

Someone his panting behind him, but he is too terrified to look.

It’s only when a sob echoes through the pitter-patter of the rain that his heart starts hammering again against his ribs.

In a swift motion, he turns around, finding Jongin lying on the ground, Chanyeol’s lifeless body over his own.

For a few seconds, everything is still. Then Jongin starts flailing, trying to crawl away as he bawls.

As fast as he can, Kyungsoo drags himself on all fours towards his boyfriend, shoving Chanyeol’s corpse off of him. Instantly, Jongin sits and throws himself in Kyungsoo’s arms, grabbing his soaked shirt and hiding his face against the elder’s collarbone as he breaks down.

Kyungsoo holds him, tighter with every loud sob, heart torn and pulled in a thousand different directions when he feels his boyfriend’s body shaking so hard it feels like he is convulsing.

“I killed them! I killed them!” Jongin cries, voice cracking in a wail.

“You had to. You had no choice,” Kyungsoo answers, his hand tangling in the younger’s hair as he pulls him even closer.

“I killed my friends!”

“She turned, you had to stop her!”

“He didn’t! He was still himself! He was still Chanyeol, and I killed him!”

Jongin’s fingers are painfully digging in his side as the younger tries to anchor himself, or maybe to melt inside Kyungsoo, and the elder’s tears flow uncontrollably at the agony saturating his boyfriend’s voice.

“He had been bitten, he was gonna turn too,” he says, trying his best not to break too, “Jongin, you had no other choice!”

“I killed them!”

“You’re okay. You’re gonna be okay,” Kyungsoo says, cradling Jongin in his arms and slowly rocking their bodies.

“I killed them.”

“Jongin…”

“I killed them.”

Again and again, the same words are colliding against Kyungsoo’s skin in an endless litany. The elder scrunches his eyes, blinking away the tears, before he looks around, gaze falling on the three dead bodies surrounding them.

They cannot stay here. They made too much noise. More will come.

He doesn’t want to do that when Jongin is in this state, but he has to.

So he plants a kiss on his boyfriend’s bloodied temple and swallows back his tears.

“Jongin, listen to me,” he says lowly in his ear, “We have to leave, _now_.”

The younger shakes his head, too far gone in his mind.

“We can’t stay here, it’s too dangerous!”

It takes a few minutes, but Kyungsoo manages to get Jongin to stand, and after retrieving guns and backpack, he takes his boyfriend’s hand and drags him away.

  
So focused on bringing them both back to the bunker as fast as possible, Kyungsoo doesn’t even register his friends’ horrified faces when they climb the stairs down.

“What happened?!” Baekhyun shouts, stepping in their direction.

But Kyungsoo ignores him, throwing backpacks and weapons on the ground before pulling Jongin behind him towards the dorm room. He has barely helped his boyfriend lying down, kneeling down to his level, that Joohyun is already dropping medical supplies on the mattress.

His fingers are shaking as he undoes the button keeping Jongin’s jacket close, and the girl has to assist him to undress the younger, remaining silent as Jongin’s sobs fill the room.

Methodically, Kyungsoo cleans the blood off his skin, both his own and Chanyeol’s, whispering apologies under his breath every time Jongin winces through his tears.

“Where’s Yixing?” Joohyun asks, only for him to hear.

Without looking at her, Kyungsoo shakes his head, hearing the girl let out a shaky breath as he dabs antiseptic over the scratch on his boyfriend’s jaw.

“Did you find Chanyeol?” she asks in the same quiet voice. A nod, then, “Is he…?”

Shaking his head again, Kyungsoo starts disinfecting the cut on Jongin’s neck, hands still trembling as more blood oozes out.

“Help!”

Joohyun’s and Kyungsoo’s heads snap towards the door at the frantic voice coming from the main room.

Yerim.

“Go,” Kyungsoo tells her, focusing back on Jongin’s wounds as she stands and exits the room.

She is not gone for long, however, and Kyungsoo has barely started working on the gash on Jongin’s arm that she re-entered the dorm, helping Yerim to support a limping Junmyeon.

He lets them drag the elder to another bed, re-centering his attention on Jongin, who keeps choking on his tears, body still shuddering.

“You’re gonna be okay,” Kyungsoo mutters around the knot in his throat, so tight it physically hurts to talk, “I promise you’ll be okay.”

 

It takes Jongin a long time, that night, to fall asleep, cradled in Kyungsoo’s embrace.

The smell of antiseptic is strong, still floating in the air after being used to clean him and Junmyeon up, as well as Seulgi a few hours later.

Kyungsoo’s hand is stroking Jongin’s hair, following the rhythm of the bluish light’s faint buzzing. He can still hear Sehun’s raspy whimpers, despite the door being closed, but his ears remain focused on Jongin’s slow and steady breaths.

He is strong, Kyungsoo knows that. He always has been. Today was the first time Kyungsoo saw him break down like this, and he hates how powerless he felt, hearing Jongin’s heart-wrenching cries. How helpless he still feels, not knowing how the younger is ever going to recover from something like that.

He does not think it’s possible. He remembers so vividly the sound of Jongdae’s skull cracking under his blows, but as guilty as he still feels, the man was infected.

Jongin had to pull the trigger on Chanyeol, as he was still himself. He had to watch the life leave his eyes before his body fell limp on his own. And although he had no choice, and Chanyeol was infected anyway, Kyungsoo knows this is not something he will easily forgive himself for.

If he ever does.

And this, more than anything, breaks Kyungsoo’s heart. The simple thought of Jongin hurting himself, by thinking over and over of what he could have done differently, is twisting his insides, making him nauseous.

He wishes he had been the one pulling that trigger.  
He wishes he could bear that burden, so that Jongin would not have to suffer.

However, wishes don’t come true, and it is Jongin who suddenly wakes up in a jerk, gasping for air as he thrashes against Kyungsoo, fighting the invisible enemy who must have followed him in his dream.

Holding back his tears at the sight of the younger’s terrorized face, Kyungsoo instantly tugs him back down and embraces him tightly.

“Shhht, you’re okay. You’re safe. Just breathe,” he whispers against Jongin’s temple, delicately kissing the sweaty skin, “Breathe with me,” he adds, inhaling slowly, pressing Jongin’s palm against his chest so he can feel it rise.

Kyungsoo does not even care if the others get woken up. He just needs Jongin to calm down.

It doesn’t work, at first, and Jongin keeps panting, nails scraping Kyungsoo’s skin as he clenches his fist around the fabric of the elder’s shirt. But eventually, as Kyungsoo murmurs in his ear, his breathing lightens, slowing down as his body relaxes.

And it is only after long minutes of sobs, muffled in Kyungsoo’s shirt, dampened by the endless stream of tears, that Jongin falls back asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

As much as Kyungsoo would have wanted to stay in the bunker with Jongin the next day, he knows he can’t.

“He’s showing signs of blood poisoning…” Yerim said that morning, after exiting the room Sehun was in, “I’m not one hundred percent sure, but if it’s the case...the painkillers are not enough to stop that...”

If finding antibiotics was important before, it’s vital now. And this is why Kyungsoo is back outside, assault rifle in hands, walking down the ravaged streets they were having fun along, only weeks ago.

Everyone has been sent out to look for more bunkers, leaving only Seulgi to take care of Sehun, since she injured her head the day before and was still having a migraine when she woke up.

After a short discussion with Junmyeon, Kyungsoo managed to get him to pair up with Jongin for the needed trip to the water purifier.  
He would have preferred to be on the team with his boyfriend, but the practical part of his mind knows it’s better for the uninjured ones to be those searching for the bunkers. And at least Jongin will be back to safety a few hours later.

His boyfriend woke up many times last night, terror hindering his breathing until Kyungsoo managed to calm him down. And he was worried when they got up in the morning. Worried Jongin would break down again.

However, it was nothing compared to how concerned he felt when he saw the younger’s emotionless expression. As if all his feelings had been drained along with the tears, and nothing remained but an empty shell.

He did not say much, merely nodded or shook his head when Kyungsoo talked to him. He did not even question it when he was told he would not be paired up with Kyungsoo, offering a simple ‘ _Okay_ ’ before grabbing his pistol.

And as Kyungsoo walks side by side with Joohyun and Yerim, Jongin’s detached face is all he can think about, those hollow eyes flashing behind his own eyelids every time he blinks.

“What happens if we don’t find antibiotics?” Joohyun asks as they quietly make their way towards the center of the city.

“If it’s blood poisoning, it could turn into sepsis,” Yerim says, worry sipping through her words and reminding Kyungsoo that Jongin is not the only one he should be concerned about, “I changed his bandages earlier to clean the wound, and it was...not looking good.”

“But you’re not sure it’s blood poisoning, right?” Joohyun asks, and Kyungsoo glances at Yerim, watching her face fall.

“His fever is already too high, and his blood pressure too low. He‘s nauseous, and he keeps shivering... Those are...some of the biggest symptoms.”

“Oh…”

“And now Yixing is...and...I can’t- I can’t do anything,” the youngest stutters, voice getting high-pitched the more she talks, clearly panicking, “I’m not a medic! I didn’t train for this!”

Kyungsoo slides his weapon on his back and pulls her in his arms. The frame is not the same, and the sobs are on a different tempo, but this still brings him back to last night as he tries to calm Yerim down.

It hurts too, seeing her like this.

“We’ll find something,” he whispers in her ear, “We will. You’re not alone.”

The entire day however ends with them returning to the bunker empty-handed, and rifle magazines just as hollow after encountering a horde of particularly aggressive Instinctives on their way back.

Jongin does not pronounce a word during the whole evening, keeping his eyes riveted on his plate as he eats, and only seeming to pay attention to Kyungsoo when he curls against the elder’s in bed, later that night.

He does not answer when asked if he is okay, although Kyungsoo does not really expect him to. He is not okay. None of them are.

The extra food rations from their dead friends’ backpacks make everything more tangible, but no one talks about it, no one mentions their names. They all claim it’s fine when yet another attempt of contacting the base fails, they all act as if patching up each other’s wounds is okay. They all keep silent when Sehun’s pained wails echo in the entire bunker.

They all put up a strong front. They all pretend.  
But they are all crumbling inside.

 

**\----  
**

 

One step, two steps. A third one and a push.

The bunker’s hatch door opens, and Jongin climbs the last stairs up.

The stinging wind is hitting his face, bringing a bitter smell with it.

Ash. Mud.

Blood. Rotten flesh.

Maybe Chanyeol’s.   
How fast does a body start decomposing? Does it decay faster when your own friend kills you?

Probably not.

And considering how Sehun’s leg was looking this morning, it seems you don’t even to be dead for necrosis to happen.

His best friend was not looking good. With chills running all over his burning body, fast breathing and pallid, clammy skin. The angry red steaks swirling up his thighs looked like someone decided to be artsy during the night.

Trust Sehun to get himself a bacteria with an aesthetic sense.

With how painful it looked, Jongin would not be surprised if Sehun would rather be dead, right now.

Maybe he would even ask his best friend to kill him. Jongin proved to be good at that, after all.

“Let’s split into two groups,” Junmyeon says behind him, “Seulgi, you go with Kyungsoo and Jongin. Baekhyun, Hyeran and Joohyun, you’re with me.”

Two groups.

A couple of weeks earlier, they were enough to split into four, and still have the same number of people in each team as they now have in two.

It’s almost funny, really, how they are all dropping like flies, one by one. Uselessly waiting for a rescue that will never come.

Jongin is not wondering which group will find those damn antibiotics, today. He is just looking at his friends and speculating which team is going to come back without at least one of them.

They’re all just kids with lethal weapons in their hands, trying to fight an enemy stronger than them.

He had always wanted to be part of the military. How naive.  
He wanted to save people. Instead, he had killed two, when one of them could have been saved.

Or maybe not. Maybe Chanyeol would have ended in the same state Sehun was in. With a limb missing, and just as much chance of surviving: none.

“You ready?”

The familiar voice tears Jongin out of his morbid thoughts, and he turns his head to find Kyungsoo by his side.

There is a crease between his brows, one that many people could interpret as anger. But Jongin knows him, and he can read the worry painted all over his face, even more apparent in his dark eyes.

He swallows and nods, helplessly watching as the crease deepens.

He feels terrible for staying silent. But he is too scared to talk, too afraid to open his mouth, lest he breaks down again. And he can’t. Not now. Not in front of everyone.

He only allowed himself to be vulnerable in front of Kyungsoo, at night, when no one else could hear his pathetic whimpers.

But even that felt horrible. It felt like he was burdening his boyfriend. He heard the elder’s silent cry, felt the warm tears falling on his forehead when Kyungsoo thought he was asleep.

And he knows. Which makes the pain in his heart even stronger. He knows the elder was not crying because of Sooyoung, or Chanyeol. Not even about Yixing.  
He knows Kyungsoo’s tears were for him. Because all Kyungsoo has ever cared about was Jongin.

From the day they met, and ever since.

And Jongin is not sure what he did to deserve someone who would give his life for him in a heartbeat. Yet, he is convinced Kyungsoo would do that. He can see it in his eyes, hear it in his voice, feel it in his touch. Taste it in his kisses.

Kyungsoo acts as if Jongin is the best thing that has ever happened to him. When it is the opposite, really.  
Kyungsoo saved Jongin from himself. Without knowing. Over and over again.

From the day they met, and continuously since.

“Let’s go,” Seulgi calls them, offering them a forced smile.

Jongin sees Kyungsoo nods from the corner of his eyes, so he does the same and starts walking.

One step, two steps. A third one and keep going.

There is nothing else he can do, except hope they will not be attacked. Or hope the Instinctives will finish him quickly and painlessly. Hope he will grab their attention long enough for Kyungsoo to run away and save himself.

But even this is wishful thinking. If he can, Kyungsoo will probably throw himself under their teeth before they even get close to Jongin. He cannot let that happen.

He is terrified. As he has always been. But he cannot let Kyungsoo be hurt.

Which is why he has a plan. It’s a little quirky, due to all the unpredictable variants it includes. But it all leads to the same result, one way or another.

Be quicker than Kyungsoo. Draw the threat away from him. Don’t let him get hurt. Save him, like he saved Jongin.

“Jongin, stop!” Kyungsoo’s voice whispers behind him, startling him enough for him to halt his steps.

Did the elder read his mind? Does he know what Jongin intends to do?

“Do you hear that?” Kyungsoo continues, addressing both he and Seulgi, this time.

“Yes, they’re behind this wall,” the girl replies in the same low tones.

Jongin focuses, and then hears it. On their right. Grunts, feet scraping on the dry dirt. Instinctives.

“I don’t think they heard us,” Kyungsoo says, lifting his rifle nonetheless, “Let’s keep walking ahead, and stay quiet.”

Jongin still has not uttered a word, so Kyungsoo must be talking to Seulgi. But he still grips his pistol harder, index finger ready to switch the safety off.

It is only long minutes later that Jongin allows his hand to relax around the handgrip, when the groans have faded away behind them. His eyes, however, keep drifting towards Kyungsoo, checking his boyfriend’s surroundings more than his own.

For hours, they roam the center of the destroyed city, climbing up and down piles of debris, pushing rubbles around when something looks like a hatch door buried underneath.

Walking, hiding, losing hope, but still searching.

The sun is lowering on the horizon, casting geometric shadows on the ground, when they decide to go back to the bunker.

Jongin is not sure he wants to. He is not sure he can handle another night hearing Sehun’s whimpers filling the silence.

He does not want to be in the dark, does not want to fall asleep. He knows Chanyeol will once again appear as soon as he closes his eyes.

Kyungsoo will be there when he wakes up. But his boyfriend cannot save him in his nightmares. He has to fight alone. Again and again, he has to feel himself die by the hands of the friend he killed.

And it hurts. So much that the pain follows him every time he wakes up, cramping every single muscle in his body, twisting his insides and constricting his lungs. If he focuses, Jongin can still feel Chanyeol’s palms clasped around his neck. Pressing against his airway until he cannot breathe. Blood rushing in his head, heart pounding in his ears.

It scares him. But what terrifies him even more is the feeling engulfing him when he opens his eyes, lingering for hours. The feeling that he deserves it. The feeling that he would have preferred things to happen that way.

“Did you find anything?”

Snapping out of his thoughts, Jongin notices the other group standing in front of them. None of them looks injured. Or at least, none of them seems to have gotten new wounds.

“No, nothing,” Seulgi sighs from his left, “Are we even sure there are more bunkers?”

“There has to be more,” Baekhyun answers, frowning, but Jongin can see he doubts his own words.

“Let’s just go back, the sun is setting already,” Junmyeon says in a discouraged voice.

And it all happens so fast.

One second, Jongin is glancing at Kyungsoo to see him nod, and the next one, Seulgi’s back violently collides with his shoulder. He loses his balance and falls as she backs away, rifle lifted in front of her.

Grunts. Screams. Gunshots. Footsteps. Dirt flying around. Pain.

It takes too long to register in Jongin’s mind, and before he knows it, a hand is grabbing his arm, forcing him to stand.

“Get up!!!”

Seulgi.

His head is turning left and right, trying to see through the turmoil. Trying to make sense of what is happening. Trying to find Kyungsoo.

When he finally spots him, his boyfriend has his weapons turned towards _him_. But once more, he does not have time to react before a loud bang echoes and a muffled groan echoes in his ears.

Turning on his heels, his eyes catch the Instinctive body at his feet. He didn’t even hear it approaching.  
And Kyungsoo saved him. Again.

When everything finally clicks in his mind, Jongin starts shooting. The ground is already drinking the blood of all the fallen bodies. Jongin quickly adds three more.

But they are overwhelmed. Outnumbered. New Instinctives keep coming, and they don’t have enough bullets to take them down.

Panic and adrenaline are fighting as they flood in his veins. Too many noises, too much chaos.

He cannot hear, cannot see, cannot recognize the bodies lying on the ground.

However, one scream reaches him. Deafening, piercing through the blast of the fight, freezing his blood in a heartbeat. A scream ripped out of the purest form of pain. A scream no one could fake, not even the best actors back in the Old Days. A scream that makes you think of torn flesh and crushed bones.

A scream that terrifies you, but paralyzes you even more when it stops.

Kyungsoo.

Jongin eyes are flying in all directions.

Find him. _Find him!_ his brain is yelling.

A glimpse of scarlet. A bloodied hand grabbing an arm amongst the chaos.

He steps forward.

A growl. Nearer.

“Jongin, run!!!”

Fingers curl around his elbow, yanking him away.

A snarl. Right behind him.

Survival instinct kicks in, and Jongin is running.

Pistol aimed behind him, he fires aimlessly. Seulgi is a step ahead, shooting above her shoulder as they sprint. He thinks some of his bullets have reached one of the infected, but he doesn't look back to check.

He keeps sprinting, as fast as he can. Turning left between the rubbles right after Seulgi, skidding in the dirt, palms getting scratched when he tries to catch himself.

He stands and bolts.

Then he looks ahead, and he sees them. Instinctives. More of them, running right towards them, bloodshot eyes full of hunger and teeth glistening under the moonlight as they growl.

Halting his race, he brings back his gun in front of him and pulls the trigger, but amongst the grunt, only a light click reaches his ears.

He tries again, but nothing. Seulgi is still firing in every direction as the Instinctives surround them.

One second she takes a step aside, the next one, a series of loud blasts hurls them both away. He doesn’t know if the cracks he hears are from the rocks he lands on, or his own bones breaking when he crashes on the ground.

The world spins, or maybe it’s him. There is a painful buzz in his ears, disorienting him, but Jongin still pushes himself up on his feet.

A groan, way too close behind him, startles him, a set of blood-covered teeth invading his vision when he wobbles, turning around.

Jongin reflexively shuts his eyes, hands flying up to uselessly protect himself against his lethal enemy.

Kyungsoo’s name rings in his mind, along with an apology. For not being able to protect him. For leaving him behind. For running away, like a coward.

In the end, they will both die. And he cannot even remember their last kiss.

A gunshot, a detonation, a snarl. Jongin starts coughing.

The last thing he feels are fingers digging in his shoulders and painfully wrenching him back.

 

**\----  
**

 

“Hurry!”

“Put him here!”

“Keep pressing on it!”

“It’s soaked already!”

“Keep pressing!! We need to stop the bleeding!”

“Yerim!!!”

Everything is moving, and everything is loud.   
Hands are on him, all over his skin, lifting, holding, pressing.

“What happened!”

“A lost bullet.”

“Where?”

“I don’t know! I couldn’t see anything, it keeps bleeding!!”

“Get me saline solution and gauze!”

“Is the hatch door locked?!”

“Is he conscious?”

“Move your hands.”

“Where are Jongin and Seulgi?!”

“Fuck! Joohyun, hurry!!!”

Everything is spinning, and everything is red.   
Searing pain is radiating from his side, above his hip bone and pulsating through his entire body.

An involuntary groan scrapes his throat as something wet splashes on his abdomen, sending sharp shards of glass sliding in his veins.

“Shit, he’s awake!”

“Kyungsoo? Kyungsoo can you hear me?!”

“I need more gauze!!”

“Kyungsoo! Hey, stay with me!”

A hand is on his cheek, shaking his head as words fall in his ears. He wants to answer, but all he can focus on is the scorching feeling that runs under his skin.

“Baekhyun, I need you to hold that!”

“How bad is it?”

“Is the bullet still inside?”

“No, it went right pass through, I think.”

“Is he gonna be okay?”

“Take off your hand.”

“He’s not gonna die, right?”

“Can you see it?”

“It’s superficial. The bullet entered close to the surface of the skin and came right out.”

“That’s good, right?”

“It ripped out a chunk of flesh in the process. I’m gonna have to stitch it up.”

“We have no anesthetic...”

“I know.”

“So he’s gonna be fine?”

“No organ was damaged.”

“But?”

“It’s still an open wound.”

“We’ll need antibiotics for him too.”

“Yes.”

There are dark spots all over the ceiling, swimming like flies in a puddle.   
Metallic clinging near his head, melting with the buzzing in his ears.

His fingers are numb as he searches for a hand to hold.

“Jongin…”

“Hey, Kyungsoo! Listen to me, you’re gonna be okay!”

“Jongin...”

“Kyungsoo!”

Everything is burning, and everything is cold.   
Icy flames licking his clammy skin.

Faces appear through the growing fog, distorted voices.

His hand keeps searching, but he finds nothing as he drifts into the darkness.

“Jong...in”

“Kyungsoo!!!”

“Shit!”

“Oh god…”

“Junmyeon, I need help!”

 

Loud bangs echoing in the black silence.

Panicked gasps and begging screams.

Ruffled fabric and rushed footsteps.

Everything is blue when Kyungsoo opens his eyes. Shadowed silhouettes are moving away, towards the noises he thinks.

His entire body feels tired, as if all his strength had left him, and even turning his head towards the sounds is requiring all his energy.

The room suddenly lits up, the white fluorescent light on the ceiling assaulting his retinas and forcing him to shut his eyes, as people scramble in through the doorway.

Someone is crying, choking on air amongst too many alarmed voices, and the sound is twisting Kyungsoo’s mind, compelling him to realize something, to remember _someone_.

There is a face hidden in the outskirt of the fog in his head, a name on the tip of his tongue. Dark eyes staring at him intently, lovingly, plump lips warming his chest when he sees them smile.

Kyungsoo can still hear the distressed sobs. He can recognize the voice. Even though it sounds muffled and distant, he knows he has to open his eyes.

So he does. He ignores the burning feeling on his side, radiating throughout his entire abdomen and up his chest, draining his energy, and focuses on his eyelids, forcing them open.

He gets attacked by the light once more, but this time, he clenches his teeth and looks around, hot tears prickling and getting stuck in his lashes.

It takes a minute, but finally, the fog starts dissipating and his eardrums pop.

The cries instantly become clearer, higher-pitched than it sounded just before, and his gaze narrows on their direction.

There, sitting on a bed on the opposite side of the dorm room, curled up in Joohyun’s arms, Seulgi keeps weeping.

And as if seeing her had unlocked them, the face flashes in his mind and the name attached to it flows right out of his lips.

“Jongin…”

Baekhyun is by his side in an instant, eyes wide open as Kyungsoo tries to move an arm up to prop himself on his elbow.

“Careful,” the elder tells him, a hand supporting his back.

“Where is Jongin?”

“Kyungsoo, stop. You can’t stand,” Baekhyun tells him when he tries to push himself up and sit.

Yerim is looking at him, worry painted all over her face from where she stands, cleaning a nasty-looking cut on Seulgi’s arm.

“Where is Jongin?” he repeats in a groan, the pain in his side slicing his guts.

“Stop moving! You’re gonna tear the stitches!”

“Seulgi! Where is Jongin?” he asks once more, voice firmer as he pants, trying to get Baekhyun to stop forcing him down.

Panic is raising inside him, spiking along his spine when he gets more sobs as only answer.

“Seulgi!” he calls, his voice cracking as his lungs don’t seem to let any more air in.

“I- I don’t know…” the girl chokes, tears streaming down her cheeks, “We- we ran and...the Instinctives- They caught up and- W-we were fighting, but- but they were all around us,” she cries as Joohyun tries to calm her down.

Kyungsoo’s heart misses a beat, just as Hyeran enters the room.

“But then...something- something exploded and- there was smoke and...and...Jongin wasn’t there, but I-...”

“What do you mean he wasn’t there?!” Kyungsoo asks, his hands shaking as he rolls on his side, attempting to stand, anger starting to bubble in his stomach.

“Kyungsoo, stop!”

“I don’t know!!” Seulgi wails, frantically shaking her head.

Joohyun sends him a glare, but he ignores it, fighting against Baekhyun’s hands holding him back.

“Didn’t you look for him?!” he barks between gritted teeth when he feels his skin rip on his side.

“I was scared! And they were all around and I-”

“Where is he?!!” he shouts, not even feeling bad when he sees her cower.

“I don’t know! I don’t know!” she says, repeating the same words again and again as she shrinks on herself, hiding her face in Joohyun’s shoulder.

“It’s okay, you’re okay,” Joohyun says, rubbing her back in soothing motions.

But Kyungsoo is not having it. And _he_ is not okay.

He cannot breathe, his heart is pounding against his chest, blood rushing to his brain. In an impulse, he shoves Baekhyun away, sending him tumbling back, and slings his legs off the bed, pushing his heavy body up in a pained grunt.

Yerim rushes to him, Junmyeon taking her place next to Seulgi.

“Stop! Kyungsoo, stop!” she exclaims, her hands curling around his arms, “You lost a lot of blood, you need to rest!”

“I need to find him!”

“You can’t! Not now!” she counters, tone begging as she attempts to make him sit.

“He’s scared and alone!” Kyungsoo snaps, thrashing to free himself from both Yerim and Baekhyun who has grabbed him too.

The more he fights, the dizzier he gets, and the room starts spinning as he groans and scrunches his eyes, doing his best to stay on his feet.

“You’re hurt!” Baekhyun tells him from behind, as if Kyungsoo needed the reminder when the dark fog is back clouding his vision one more.

“I can’t leave him alone out there!” he protests, feeling burning tears welling behind his closed eyelids.

“Kyungsoo, stop!!!” Baekhyun shouts when he pushes Yerim away and takes a step forward.

However, as determined as he is, it’s useless when his own body betrays him.

The next step he takes, his knees buckle under his weight, and he feels himself tumble down. Arms and hands messily catch him before he touches the ground, and he cannot do anything but let them lie him back on the bed.

“I have to go,” he begs, looking straight into Baekhyun’s eyes as he feels the tears roll on his temples, “What if it was Hyeran?” he asks, hearing Baekhyun’s breath falter, “Would you stay here and wait?”

He knows his words are slurred. He can barely hold Baekhyun’s forearm as he pleads. The elder looks away, so Kyungsoo focuses on Yerim.

“Kyungsoo…”

“What if it was Junmyeon?” he asks, lips trembling.

“You got _shot_ ,” she says, voice cracking, and he can see she is holding her tears back, “You have to rest.”

“We don’t want a repeat of what happened to Chanyeol,” Junmyeon says from the other side of the room.

“Jongin is _fine_!” Kyungsoo roars, using the last bits of his plummeting strength to lifts his head and glower at the man.

It doesn’t last long, however, and his head falls back on the mattress.

“I know he is…” he breathes, hands clenched.

“Then he’ll find his way back here,” Yerim says, although Kyungsoo can hear she does not even believe her own words.

He has to get up. He needs to find Jongin. Now.

But his lids are getting heavier, and everything is spinning. He cannot fight the hands pinning him down any longer.

“I have to find him,” he whispers, the fog getting thicker and making him sleepier.

“We will,” Baekhyun says, and Kyungsoo feels a hand taking his own.

“I can’t leave him alone…”

“It’s okay.”

“I can’t… I need to…”

“He’ll be okay.”

“I promised…”

Behind his eyelids, Kyungsoo sees Jongin’s face, dark eyes boring into his own, purplish lips moving around silent words as it slowly fades away.

He failed him. He could not hold his promise.

And as the darkness engulfs him, Kyungsoo realizes he does not even remember the last time he kissed those lips.

 

**\----  
**

 

It’s to the sound of screams that Kyungsoo awakes once more. His side is still burning, skin tight and prickling as if needles were poking him continuously.

An involuntary groan comes out of his throat as he stirs, and instantly, Hyeran’s face appears next to him, her warm hand brushing his shoulder.

“Don’t move,” she tells him in a soft voice, “You ripped your stitches last night. Yerim had to re-do them while you were sleeping.”

The words are not entirely making sense through the howls, and Kyungsoo blinks, trying to get his mind to focus.

“What… Who…”

“They’re changing Sehun’s bandages,” she answers with trembling lips, and through his blurry eyes, Kyungsoo sees the tears glistening in hers, “He’s delirious… Yerim said it’s sepsis… She said- She said he might not make it…”

“He’s attracting Instinctives with his screams,” Joohyun says, and only then Kyungsoo notices her in the room, “They’re swarming around the bunker’s door. They’re trying to get in.”

“We ran out of painkillers,” Hyeran adds, eyeing Kyungsoo’s side, “We can’t do anything for him, in here.”

Kyungsoo listens, but he cannot concentrate. All he hears is that they are all stuck in the bunker, and Jongin is outside. Alone.

“How long do you think he can hold?” Baekhyun’s voice says, right before the man enters the dorm room, followed by Yerim and Junmyeon.

“At his rate?” the youngest girl says in a tense tone, “A few days at most… He is burning up, his heartbeat is way too fast, and he can’t breathe properly,” she continues, seemingly not noticing the others are listening to her, “You saw how purulent the wound is… It’s necrosing, and I can’t do _anything_ about it… ”

“I know,” Junmyeon mutters, taking her in his arms.

“If he goes into septic shock, his organs are gonna get damages, and they’ll end up failing… I don’t know what to do… If- if Yixing was here…”

“You’re doing your best, it’s okay.”

“Would antibiotics still help?” Baekhyun asks.

“I don’t even know. He needs to be treated in a real hospital,” Yerim sighs, shaking her head against Junmyeon’s shoulder, “But we still need them for Kyungsoo.”

“We can’t go outside for now,” Baekhyun says, looking distressed, “The door is holding but if we open it…”

Kyungsoo’s body feels heavy and numb, but each sentence coming out of their mouths is making him angrier.

How can they stay here talking, when Jongin is out there on his own? Why did no one take a gun and shoot every Instinctives they could see? Why is no one doing anything?

Gritting his teeth, he shoves Hyeran’s hand away and pushes himself up, palm pressing against his side when a sharp pain slices up his ribs.

His grunt seems to finally alert the three of his awake state, and it does not take long for Yerim and Baekhyun to rush by his side.

“Let me go!” he growls when they hinder his movements, “I have to get out!”

“Stop!”

“I’ll make a run for it! Let me fucking go!!”

“We can’t risk it!” Baekhyun tells him in the same loud voice.

“You’re not strong enough,” Joohyun tries to reason, watching him with a frown.

“You won’t be able to hold them back,” Junmyeon adds, “You can barely sit!”

Kyungsoo knows he is right. He can already feel his strength vanishing as he tries to set himself free from their hands. He keeps fighting, though, closing his eyes to avoid the tears from spilling.

“I can’t- I can’t stay here doing nothing! He’s on his own. Please! Please let me go!” he begs, voice breaking as he tiredly pushes their hands away, “I have to find him. I promised! Please! I promised I would protect him…”

“I’m sorry,” Baekhyun whispers, shaking his head.

Kyungsoo sees how guilty the elder looks. He can’t even look at him in the eyes when Kyungsoo tries to hold his gaze.

“Please… _Please_!”

Dropping his head as his lungs close in, he keeps repeating the same words, despite knowing they’re falling on deaf ears.

“You might let them in, and we’ll all die.”

His vision goes red when he hears the voice pronouncing this, and his head snaps back up as he glares at Seulgi, who stands in the doorway.

“Don’t fucking talk to me,” he spits, words slicing through the air, “It’s your fault he’s out there alone. You abandoned him,” he ends, viciously content when he sees the hurt on the girl’s face.

The sudden surge of rage leaves him empty, stealing all his energy, and his body falls back on the mattress, feeling like a dead weight.

His heart feels like it’s caught in a vice tightening around his chest as he tries to breathe deeply. But the room is spinning once again, and he lets the tears stream down as he closes his eyes.

He will just have to wait until no one is focusing on him. He’ll sneak into the main room, grab a gun, and he will leave.

Once he is is out, he will slaughter everything coming in his direction.

And he will find Jongin.

He promised.

  
  
That was the plan.

A plan that fell apart the minute he woke up and found his wrists tied to the bars of the bed.

For hours now, Kyungsoo has been glowering at anyone coming into the room. He refused to eat when Yerim tried to feed him, kept glaring at her as she changed his bandage.

“I’m really sorry,” Baekhyun said earlier when he came to check on him, “We couldn’t risk it.”

The same words again, and they still infuriate him just as much.

“Why are you doing this to me?” he asked through the lump in his throat, “It’s _Jongin_. Your _friend_.”

“I’m sorry,” the elder repeated before exiting the room.

Kyungsoo doesn’t care how many apologies will be thrown at him. They’re all acting as if Jongin was dead.

And he cannot accept that. Not when he is still here, alive.

Wherever Jongin goes, Kyungsoo goes too.

He cannot lose hope. He won’t.

He will look for Jongin. And if what he finds is a dead body, then he doesn’t have any reason to keep breathing.

 

**\----  
**

 

Yerim is dabbing a gauze soaked with antiseptic on his wrist two days later, sending him scolding looks every time he angrily sighs.

He has been trying to break free from the ties, slashing his skin raw in the process.

The only moments he is not attached to the bed, there are at least three of his friends surrounding him, guarding the restroom door so he won’t bolt out of the bunker.

He tried two times already, and only managed to exhaust himself thrashing as they brought him back in the dorm room.

He is regaining his strength too slowly, and it enrages him. He used to be able to take them down in close combat training. Now he cannot do anything but helplessly let them tie him back to the headboard as he pants, his side searing and his tears burning.

All his pleas remain unheard.

“He lost consciousness,” Yerim says, rounding the bed to take care of his left wrist, “Sehun. He lost consciousness this morning. He went into septic shock… His...his body is giving up,” she explains, although he didn’t ask, he could not care less at this moment.

Wickedly, Kyungsoo’s brain suggests that they could throw the younger outside to feed the Instinctives still banging on the door continuously and maybe they’d finally leave after that.

He keeps his mouth shut.

“We need to do something about him,” she continues, and as if on cue, the five others step in the room.

“He’s going to die whether we do something or not,” Joohyun says, not a trace of any emotion in her voice or on her face.

Kyungsoo stays silent, trying to assess if he could bolt pass them and make a run for the stairs.

“We can’t let him suffer like this,” Seulgi breathes, eyes boring into the ground.

“But what if the military arrives?” Yerim asks.

He might need to push Junmyeon out of his way, though.

“We still didn’t manage to contact them,” Joohyun replies.

They’re all still too close to the door, but if he is quick enough, the element of surprise should play in his favor.

“But what if…”

“He’s in pain, Yerim,” her brother sighs, shaking his head, “He is _dying_.”

“But…”

“I’ll do it,” Baekhyun declares, clearly trying to keep his voice firm.

It takes a few seconds for Kyungsoo to realize what had just been decided. He momentarily forgets about his plan and stares as Baekhyun walks out.

He can still hear the banging against the hatch door, faint growls coming from outside after the medical room door closes. It feels like the air is suffocating him, thick and too warm to bring release to his lungs.

He doesn’t hear it, but he knows.

He knows a few meters away, behind metal walls, Baekhyun is ending Sehun’s life.

And all he can think about is Jongin.

How is he even supposed to tell him they had to kill his best friend?

  
No one talks about it when Baekhyun comes out of the medical room, nodding at them before walking straight towards the showers, Hyeran on his heels.  
No one mentions how the grunts behind the hatch door have gradually stopped in the next hours, now that Sehun’s screams are not attracting them anymore.  
Not a word to cut through the heavy silence.

Until Seulgi enters the dorm room, a small metal tray in her hands.

Kyungsoo can clearly see her tears shimmering under the bright fluorescent lamp, and the sights instantly anger him.

“You don’t get to cry,” he spits when she’s only two steps away from his bed.

“Wh-what?”

“This is your fault too. You were with Sehun when he got bitten,” he continues, icy voice slicing through the air.

He ignoring the way her lips start trembling, more tears spilling out and falling from her chin, ending their course on the food she was bringing him. He doesn’t care.

“You screwed him up, and then you abandoned Jongin.”

“Kyungsoo…”

“Who’s next on your list, huh?” he says, louder, yanking on the ties around his wrists and watching her take a step back, “Who are you gonna get killed, now?!”

“Okay, that’s enough,” Junmyeon intervenes, coming into the room in long strides and sending a severe look at Kyungsoo, “Come on, Seulgi.”

Kyungsoo watches them disappear through the door, his teeth still gritted, nails sinking in his palms as he clenches his fist.

He shouldn’t have done that.  
He should’ve kept his mouth shut.

She was probably going to untie him so he could eat, and he would have had the opportunity he has been waiting for the last three days.

She’s still weak. It would have been easy to shove her away if she had tried to stop him.

  
They send Baekhyun the next time, probably knowing he is one of the few that has always been able to reason Kyungsoo when he was too stubborn for his own good. Or so they might hope.

Kyungsoo doesn’t plan on letting his friend’s words get to him. He doesn’t care about eating. He just needs to _get out_.

But when the older sits on the edge of the bed, without any food in his hands, Kyungsoo gets confused.

“How are you feeling?” Baekhyun asks, not really looking at him.

Kyungsoo frowns, eyeing him wearily.

“Fine,” he curtly answers, wondering why his friend is really here.

It’s not really a lie. The sharp pain has subdued to a throbbing ache running on the right side of his abdomen. He feels weak, but it’s most likely due to the lack of food rather than the amount of blood he lost days ago.

He heard Yerim tell the others his wound was not looking too bad, after she changed his bandage earlier that morning, although she still mentioned needing antibiotics.

_‘Just in case,_ ’ she added. She didn’t say it, but everyone heard it.   
Just in case what happened to Sehun happens to him too.

“Look,” Baekhyun sighs, drawing Kyungsoo’s attention back on him, “I know you wanna go look for Jongin,” he says, and Kyungsoo’s stomach painfully contorts at the name, “I want to find him too. We _all_ want to find him,” he emphasizes, glancing at him for a brief moment.

Kyungsoo understands the underlying message; he knows Baekhyun is including Seulgi in that sentence.

“So why are we still here?” he asks, trying to keep his voice calm, knowing his previous burst did not help his case.

“I… I need your help with something,” Baekhyun hesitates, finally looking at him, “We can’t keep him here. Sehun,” he clarifies, although he didn’t need to, “The girls are not ready to do this… I need someone with Junmyeon to guard the perimeter while I get everything ready.”

The words click in Kyungsoo mind, and he realizes what he is asked.

A funeral.

They want to hold a funeral ceremony for Sehun.

_Outside_.

And they sent Baekhyun to ask for his help, in hopes the elder could convince Kyungsoo not to run away as soon as they step out in the open air.

Baekhyun holds his gaze as Kyungsoo glares at him, despite the swollen scratch on his right lid keeping his eyes only half open.

“Please,” the elder says, his tone unusually feeble, “He was our friend. _Your_ friend too. Jongin’s best friend,” Baekhyun insists, and once again, hearing his boyfriend’s name makes his insides wring, “Please. For Sehun… Let’s grant him the proper farewell we couldn’t give the others,” he continues, voice cracking as it weakens, “For him. For all of them…”

Kyungsoo doesn’t want to help. He just wants to go out and find Jongin.

But even through the latent anger, he knows Baekhyun is right.

“Please,” the elder says again when Kyungsoo averts his eyes, “I’ll… I’ll come with you after that. To find Jongin.”

Taking a deep breath, Kyungsoo closes his eyes and sighs, before looking back at Baekhyun.

“...Okay,” he slowly nods, watching Baekhyun’s lips curve into a small, sad smile before muttering a ‘ _thank you_ ’.

Right on cue, Yerim passes the doorway, holding a full plate. Baekhyun eyes him and stands, taking a step closer before reaching out and untying one of Kyungsoo’s wrist.

“Could you eat a little, first?” the elder whispers, only for Kyungsoo to hear, “She’s worried about you.”

Kyungsoo catches the concerned look on her face when Baekhyun straightens and rounds the bed to take care of his other wrist. She’s gnawing on her lower lip, avoiding his eyes, her own gaze focused on the mattress he is seated on.

“Okay,” he repeats, because he will need as much energy as he can, now that he knows he is finally gonna be able to go look for Jongin.

He also hates seeing her eyes brimming with tears. Always has, and always will.   
Which is why he tugs her closer when she sits on the bed and keeps her hand in his as he eats.

 

**\----  
**

 

When he was thirteen, Kyungsoo found out how heavy a dead body was to carry.

One of the kids at the orphanage had caught a cold. A simple, innocent, inconsequential cold.  
Or it would have been, if only he had had a family able to pay the medicine he needed.  
But he didn’t, and with over forty other kids to take care of, the establishment could not afford the treatment prescribed by the doctor. And donators money had been used to repair the rooftop before winter.

The boy was two years younger than Kyungsoo. A child, still. One with dreams of a better future, working with the unfortunate set of cards Life has dealt him.

He used to crawl in Kyungsoo’s bed when they were little, and the rumbling thunder was frightening him. And Kyungsoo would hold his hand throughout the night, until the storm has passed.

He never thought he would have to hold that same hand when the boy had taken his last breath.

He remembers taking his lifeless body down the stairs, carefully avoiding to bump his head on the wall. He was a frail boy, only skin and bones, but he felt so heavy in his arms. That was the day Kyungsoo understood what the expression ‘carrying a dead weight’ truly meant.

Jongin had saved him again, that evening.

It was also the day Jongin’s parents decided to take Kyungsoo in their own home.

He always had naively hoped he would never have to feel that again. But as he walks, hands secured under Sehun’s torso, Kyungsoo realizes how foolish he had been.

It must be around noon when he and Junmyeon hoist his body on the pile of dead branches Baekhyun and Joohyun have gathered. It’s a sad replica of the customary structure usually built in their town, but it’s the best they could do, considering the hostile environment and the threat lingering all around them.

Back at home, during funerals, it’s required to carry nothing more than the clothes you are wearing, so the soul of the deceased would not be tempted to cling on any object, thence hindering their safe passage to the Otherworld.

But given the circumstances, Kyungsoo doubts that Sehun’s spirit would decide to attach itself to a Remington 870.

His eyes are shifting around, hands firmly clasping his shotgun. Baekhyun decided to set all this quite far from the bunker, knowing the fire might attract Instinctives, and chose an open space, so they would see them coming easily.

So far it has been silent, but Kyungsoo can see they’re all alert, shoulders tense, snapping their weapons all as one towards the faintest noise reaching their ears.

“Everything’s ready,” Baekhyun says behind him, and although Kyungsoo cannot see him, he still hears the tears in the elder’s voice.

Slightly lowering his weapon, he takes a few steps back, getting closer to the pyre, but keeps scrutinizing the area, until Baekhyun’s hand pats his back. Only then does he fully turn around, releasing a shaky breath as it hits him.

They’re about to burn Sehun’s body.

There is no council member to lead the ceremony like it’s done back home, but seeing as Baekhyun is holding a branch with a cloth wrapped at the end, Kyungsoo guesses he will be doing it.

He probably feels like he has to, being the person who ended Sehun’s life.

He relieved the younger from his pain, Kyungsoo knows that. But he also knows the images will haunt Baekhyun for the rest of his life, just like the sound of Jongdae’s skull cracking will forever ring in his own mind.

Although, considering the situation, forever might not last that much longer.

As it is tradition, one by one, they step closer and place a hand on Sehun’s left shoulder for a few seconds, thinking of a happy memory they shared.  
It is supposed to pass on some of their energy to the soul, to give it strength on its last journey.

Sehun will need it. He was so weak, in the end.

Closing his eyes, Kyungsoo thinks about the day he and Sehun pulled a prank on Jongin, remembering how they struggled to stay silent, hidden behind a wall, giggles bubbling in their chest and threatening to come out as they watched Jongin violently startle and yelp. He thinks about how they ran away, cackling as a pissed off Jongin chased after them. He thinks about Sehun clutching his stomach, tears of laughter brimming in his eyes as they high-fived.

His fingers clench around the fabric wrapped around Sehun’s form, hoping the playful memory will reach him, before removing his hand and stepping back.

A moment later, Baekhyun takes his place in the circle they formed around the wood structure and looks at them, nodding and taking a deep breath before pulling a lighter from his pocket and igniting his makeshift torch.

“Be on your way, wandering soul,” he starts, eyes riveted on Sehun’s form.

“May you find peace on the other shore,” Joohyun continues.

“Safe in the land beyond the skies,” Hyeran pronounces in a shaky voice.

“May you find rest, forevermore,” Seulgi says.

Kyungsoo shuts his eyes for a second, shallow breaths escaping his lips.

“Do not think of those you leave behind,” Junmyeon carries on after a short pause.

“Stand strong, no tear will be shed,” Yerim says, her glistening eyes contradicting the words of the traditional oration.

“Do not fear, this is no farewell,” Kyungsoo recites through the lump clogging his throat.

“Stand strong, always look ahead,” Baekhyun finishes, before taking a step forward.

Kyungsoo sees his hand shaking, the flame dancing on the end as he hesitates. So he walks up to him and places his palm around Baekhyun’s clenched fist.

“Through fire and ashes,” he says himself, understanding Baekhyun can’t.

“You will rise again,” all their voices conclude in unison, before Kyungsoo brings both their hands down, lowering the torch until it touches the structure and watching the pyre catch fire.

  
At home, it is custom for the people present at a funeral to stay until the whole structure is nothing but a pile of calcined wood, no matter how long it takes. But even if the fuel they found in the bunker and poured on the pyre is speeding up the process, Kyungsoo knows they cannot stay.  
Not when thick black smoke is already ascending, acting as a dark beacon of death, giving away their position to any hungry things lurking around, waiting to tear them apart.

Baekhyun seems to know that too, seeing how he silently beckons them all. Seulgi looks reluctant to avert her eyes from the flames, until Joohyun grabs her hands and tugs her along.

“We need to go back to the plan,” Junmyeon says as they walk back towards the bunker, their weapons back up in alarm, “We need to go towards the gates.”

“I’m going to look for Jongin,” Kyungsoo plainly declares without even looking at him.

He feels Yerim falter from where she walks by his side

“Kyungsoo…”

“You can go if you want. I’m staying.”

“I’ll go with him,” Baekhyun announces, “We’ll grab our backpacks in the bunker, and we’ll go look for him.”

“I’m coming too,” Hyeran states, and Kyungsoo glances at her.

Baekhyun had promised to help, so he was expecting the elder to join him. But he cannot say he is really surprised by Hyeran’s offer. Somehow, he knows she is not doing this just because her boyfriend will stay behind.

Predictably, though, Baekhyun does not agree.

“No, you should-”

“I should stay and help,” she interrupts him in a determined voice, looking at her boyfriend, “They found me after the storm. They helped me,” she says, “I’m not leaving without Jongin.”

She is stubborn, probably just as much as Kyungsoo is, and he knows this is a fight Baekhyun cannot win. So once again, he is not surprised when the elder sighs and nods.

“Fine…”

“Thanks,” Kyungsoo breathes towards them, getting small smiles in return.

This is a conversation they could have had later, safe inside the underground shelter. Maybe then, they would have paid more attention to their surroundings during the one-hour long trip back.  
Maybe they would have heard the extra footsteps not belonging to any of them. Maybe they would have caught the shadows creeping behind the group.

But they didn’t, and when the first snarl echoes, it’s already too late.

Kyungsoo’s side flares with pain as he turns around in a swift motion, raising his shotgun and firing, the recoil strong enough to be felt down to his wound.

A body falls as he pumps to reload his weapon, aiming as quickly as he can and shooting again.  
The shells are flying away, one landing on his arm and burning his skin, but Kyungsoo doesn’t care. He ignores the stitches he can fill tearing, ignores the warmth of the blood splashing on him.   
He keeps firing, taking only a few seconds to snatch more ammo in his pocket and shoving them into the chamber every four round.

He won’t let anyone else die.

He snaps around when he hears a grunt right behind him, pulling the trigger instantly and jumping back when the Instinctive’s body falls towards him. He doesn’t think about how _close_ the infected was, and how the muzzle of his shotgun was poking its flesh when he fired.

They’re outnumbered, but he doesn’t care. He keeps going.

Aim. Shoot. Pump. Aim. Shoot. Pump. Reload.

He is so focused that he doesn’t hear the yell a few meters ahead, nor does he catch the faint clicking sound among the chaos.

But suddenly, a heavy a blinding white smoke is surrounding the group, blocking his sight and forcing him to stop firing, lest he hit one of his friends.

Coughing out the acidic smell, he hides his face in his elbow, tears stinging his squinted eyes.

A shrilling noise rings on his right, and he hears rushed footsteps going towards it.

He cannot see anything, can’t tell what is happening until an explosion burst, sending him toppling down.

Ears ringing and head spinning after hitting the ground, he spits the dirt that flew in his mouth, coughing some more as he frantically looks around.

Yerim is on her knees, close to him, so he crawls towards her, startling her when he grabs her hand.

“Are you okay?” he asks, probably too loud, but his ears are still whistling, and he can barely hear his own voice.

She nods, trying to get on her feet but tumbling, evidently dizzy, falling half on top of Kyungsoo who lets out a groan when her knee bumps into his injured side.

“All clear!” a strong and unfamiliar voice yells, right before a shadow emerges through the smoke.

Instinctively, Kyungsoo’s hands push Yerim behind him, before they find his shotgun, aiming it right towards the face covered by what looks like a gas mask.

The figure keeps walking, towering over him as he blinks furiously, his eyes burning.

“Lower your gun, kid. They’re all dead,” the stranger says, voice muffled by the mask.

“Who are you?” Yerim asks, fingers curling around Kyungsoo’s bicep.

“The person who just saved your lives,” the man bluntly replies, “Now, get up.”

The wind is starting to dissipate the smoke as Kyungsoo stands, suppressing a moan at the stinging in his side. He ignores the blood soaking his shirt to help Yerim to get on her feet, eyes roaming around and spotting Joohyun and Hyeran on his left. Baekhyun is further away, next to Junmyeon whose hands are pressed around Seulgi’s forearm, blood sipping between his fingers.

They all seem okay, or alive, at least, so he refocuses on the man in front of him, eyeing the rifle in his hands and stepping in front of Yerim, just in case.

“Who the fuck are you?” he asks, not content with the answer the man gave to Yerim.

“I’ll explain when we’ll be in a safer place,” the man says, taking off his mask and revealing feline eyes, “I believe you have a bunker not too far?” he adds, and Kyungsoo hears Yerim gapes from behind him.

“How do you know about that?” he breathes.

The man sighs, tying the mask on his belt, so Kyungsoo secures his hold on his shotgun, and repeats his question, louder.

“How do you know?!”

“Kyungsoo!”

His heart stops when his head snaps to the right and he sees who just called him.

“Jongin…”

The next second, his weapon touches the ground and he breaks into a run, arms catching his boyfriend and curling around him when they collide, knocking the air out of his lungs.

But suddenly, Kyungsoo can breathe again. His heart resumes its course, pounding in his chest as he embraces Jongin, a strangled sob escaping his lips, stifled by the younger’s skin as Kyungsoo presses his mouth on the side of his neck.

He can feel Jongin’s racing pulse right against his lips, making his stomach twist painfully, the relief so intense it physically hurts.

“I thought you were dead,” the younger chokes against his shoulder, and Kyungsoo tightens his hold as he shakes his head.

Jongin’s hands are gripping the back of his shirt, nails scraping his skin through the fabric, but Kyungsoo doesn’t care. He revels in the pain.

It’s a proof Jongin is here, alive, in his arms.

“Are you all right? Are you hurt?” he agitatedly questions a short moment later, withdrawing just enough to be able to look into the younger’s eyes, hands holding his face.

He saw how his boyfriend was limping when he was running towards him. There was blood on his leg.

“No, I’m fine!” Jongin replies, tears streaming down his cheek and falling in the corner of his grinning lips.

Kyungsoo had missed this smile so fucking much.

“What about your leg? What happened?” he inquires, just as frantic as he steps away and looks down, indeed spotting red soaking the bottom of his pants.

“I’m okay, it’s nothing!” Jongin tells him, grabbing his hands and squeezing them, but it doesn’t stop Kyungsoo from frowning.

“You’re welcome for that,” the man snorts.

That’s when it clicks in Kyungsoo’s mind. Jongin arrived right after the guy showed up. And he is hurt.

Red flashes in his head, and the next moment, he his marching, palms rising before he violently shoves the man.

“What did you do to him?!” he spits between gritted teeth.

“Wait!”

He ignores Jongin’s call, narrowing his eyes on the man who scoffs at him, antagonizing him even further.

Before he knows it, his hand reaches behind him, the blade of his combat knife catching the sunlight when he points it towards the stranger.

“I said, what did you do?” he repeats, leaving a short pause between each word.

“Kyungsoo, stop!” Jongin exclaims, catching Kyungsoo’s wrist and tugging it down, “He saved my life! He took care of me!”

But as much as Kyungsoo trusts Jongin, he refuses to let down his guard. Not when the stranger came out nowhere and could have injured them with that explosion.

“That’s right,” the man nonchalantly scorns, not even looking unsettled by the knife pointed under his nose “I saved your friend here. When I should’ve killed him after he fucked up my camp,” he says, and instantly, Kyungsoo is yanking his hand out from Jongin’s grip and taking a step forward, snarling under his breath.

The movement seems to put everyone in motion, and Baekhyun grabs his shoulder, pulling him back.

“Your camp?” Junmyeon asks from the side.

“He and that girl over there,” the stranger says, pointing at Seulgi, “They triggered all my traps and burned everything to the ground.”

“We- we didn’t know someone was there,” Seulgi stutters, sounding frightened.

“Oh, so that gives you an excuse to set everything on fire?”

“We didn’t know there were even traps to trigger!” she whimpers, and Kyungsoo sees Junmyeon moving in front of her.

“They were getting attacked,” his friend says in a severe tone, “They were trying to survive!”

“And why do you think I set all those traps up?” the stranger asks, menacingly stepping towards Junmyeon.

It doesn’t take much for Kyungsoo to intervene, shoving the man away once again.

“Back off!” he screams, “You almost blew all us up!”

“I saved your lives, princess” the stranger snaps back, coming closer, a threatening spark in his eyes.

“You could’ve killed us!”

“Please, stop!” Jongin tries to pacify, squirming his way half between them and taking Kyungsoo’s knife from his hand, “Where is Sehun? We have antibiotics!”

Once again, anger flares in Kyungsoo’s body at the words.

“ _You_ had them?!” he roars, stepping aside and grabbing the man’s collar before brutally pushing him, “You fucking stole them?!”

This finally seems to trigger the stranger, and the next thing Kyungsoo knows, a first collide against his jaw, making his vision go dark for a few seconds as scurrying footsteps resound around them.

“What the hell are you talking about?!”

Kyungsoo looks up, finding Baekhyun and Joohyun holding the guy who is thrashing to get to him.

“It’s his own!” Jongin exclaims, this time fully moving in front of Kyungsoo and blocking his view of the stranger, “They’re not from the bunker!”

“Then why the fuck didn’t you show up earlier?!” Kyungsoo asks, trying to bypass his boyfriend, “We could’ve-”

“Kyungsoo!” Jongin interrupts, hands catching him by the arms and forcing the elder to look at him, “We have them now! Where is Sehun?!”

“He’s dead, Jongin!” Kyungsoo shouts, rage still coursing in his veins, “We just fucking burned him!”


	5. Chapter 5

“Where are you from?” Joohyun asks, sitting on the last chair available around the small table.

“Jinzhou,” the stranger, Minseok as he told them, curtly answers.

The name is familiar to Kyungsoo. To all of them.  
Korea having very limited natural resources, the country has always been reliant on food and energy imports. And after the infection, China, as its only bordering country, had become their primary source of supplies. Jinzhou, in particular, is one of the prime city they get help from.

Back in the Old Days, the city’s major traditional industries used to be centered around textiles, metallurgy, and petrochemistry. But more important, their pharmaceutical industry and their building materials had been Korea’s saviors. This is what most of the freight trains had sent for years.  
Nowadays, they still receive supplies once a month. Or at least they did, up until last year.

Ironically, being such a secluded land had also been Korea’s silver lining. Almost entirely surrounded by waters, it reduces the amount of Instinctive able to get in. Kyungsoo had heard about the fate of small European nations being annihilated, after Instinctives flocked from every direction, in too high numbers.

“I thought you were Korean,” Junmyeon asks, drawing Kyungsoo out of his thoughts.

“I am. My grandparents were part of a large convoy that was sent to China when they were still kids.”

“Wait…” Baekhyun calls with a frown, “Jinzhou… We heard something happened. We lost contact with the city eight months ago.”

“Yeah, it was supposed to be safe,” Minseok sighs, fingers fiddling with the rifle he still has in his hands, despite being safe inside the bunker, “But one night a horde of Instinctives got in, through a breach. Apparently, we weren’t as prepared as we thought. The army managed to kill them all, but the people started blaming the guards, then our Leader,” he adds, pursing his lips, “I left when things began to go crazy. Trust me, humans don’t need to be infected to start slaughtering each other.”

“How did you survive on your own all this time?” Yerim questions, sounding genuinely interested.

Kyungsoo can’t blame her, or the others, for wanting to know more about the random man who saved them a few hours ago. But he cannot help to be leery of the guy.

Something is off. He can’t pinpoint what it is yet, but Kyungsoo does not trust him.

The simple fact that he kept his weapon when all of them had put theirs away is a good enough reason to make him suspicious.

“I wasn’t alone at first. My wife was with me.”

“What happened?” Hyeran asks, even though they all can guess the answer.

“What you can imagine,” Minseok says in a flat tone, “She got bitten. I had to kill her.”

“I’m sorry,” Hyeran whispers, looking down.

“Don’t be,” Minseok shakes his head, “That’s how the world works now, isn’t it? Kill or get killed,” he states, before shrugging, “I didn’t hesitate.”

Something is definitely wrong with the guy.

Frowning, Kyungsoo subtly steps closer to where Jongin is seated, eyes on the floor, and places his hand against his nape, thumb brushing the skin behind his ear.

Jongin has not said much since the elder told him about Sehun, silently following the group back to the bunker, fingers laced with Kyungsoo’s.

So he is not surprised when the younger doesn’t react at the touch, or even at the story being told. He probably heard it already.

“Wait a second, how long have you been in here?” Junmyeon asks, sounding just as confused as his expression is, “Inside the fence, I mean.”

“Around two months I think? I lost track of time.”

That would mean he was here before they even started the test.

“How did you get in?” Kyungsoo questions, still wary, “The fence is electrified.”

“There was a breach in it, near the front gates,” Minseok answers, his demeanor changing instantly from serious to taunting when he looks up at Kyungsoo, “Your military cut the power off to repair it, and I snuck in before they fixed it,” he shrugs, cocky smile directed at him, “I didn’t know what the area was used for but I figured it’d be safer inside, seeing how they were keeping the infected _out_. Even if it meant taking the risk of not being able to get out myself. Turned out, it’s not that safe anymore,” he adds with a snicker, “They got attacked before they could solidify it completely, so they cut the repairs short. I’m guessing that’s where the infected started coming in from after the storm. It must’ve been damaged.”

“They send us in even though it wasn’t safe?!” Yerim gapes, eyes widening.

“It was,” Kyungsoo sighs, tearing his eyes away from Minseok’s smug expression, “As long as high voltage was running through it.”

“Yeah, probably,” Minseok nods, his bored tone aggravating Kyungsoo’s irritation, “There are more breaches, on the opposite side of the city.”

“But…that means more can get in,” Hyeran shakily breathes out.

“If we know where they’re coming in from, it means we know where we need to go to get out,” Joohyun says, reminding Kyungsoo of their original plan.

“The breach near the gates would be the closest to our town,” Junmyeon adds, straightening on his chair.

Kyungsoo can see the tinge of hope on his features, the same one visible on Yerim’s and Hyeran’s faces. He knows what they are thinking. Minseok has been surviving in the wastelands for months. He could help them reach their town.

Yet, he cannot find it in himself to let the same hope impair his judgment. He does not like the man. They have no idea who he is, and he could be lying, for all they know.

He can’t trust him. Not when Jongin’s safety is weighing in the balance.

“Why didn’t you approach the military?” he asks, squinting, “Why did you sneak in?”

“I don’t trust the army,” Minseok nonchalantly replies, with that same arrogant smile stretching his lips every time he addresses Kyungsoo, “Haven’t been able to since my mother got executed for stealing food.”

A few gasps echo in the main room, but Kyungsoo remains silent. The way Minseok said that, so casual despite what he was talking about, is making Kyungsoo even warier.

He just _knows_ something is off.

“Rules are different from where you come from, I guess,” Minseok then says, shrugging once more.

“How did you survive in here?” Baekhyun asks after a short silence.

“Yeah, what did you eat?” his girlfriend adds.

“Same thing you eat,” Minseok responds with a huff, starting to look annoyed by all the questions thrown at him, “We did a little raid in our military station before leaving Jinzhou. When she died, I ended up with more food,” he states, sounding so indifferent about his wife’s death, “I found some bunkers in here, but there was no food in them. Or only expired stuff.”

“You found other bunkers?!” Seulgi gapes after having been quiet since they arrived, “Where?!”

“Nearing the fence, all around the city,” Minseok explains without even looking at her, “This one is one of the few intown,” he adds, hands waving in the air, “Most of their doors were trashed, though.”

At that information, Kyungsoo can’t help but let out a bitter scoff, remembering how Yixing had told them to keep their research in the center of the city. Away from the fence. No wonder they didn’t find anything.

 “I was starting to run low,” Minseok continues, eyeing Kyungsoo with a raised eyebrow, probably after hearing him, “But then, you guys arrived…”

“What...what do you mean?” Yerim hesitantly asks.

“Wait a second!” Joohyun exclaims, and Kyungsoo feels Jongin flinch under his hand, “It was you!”

Every gaze converging towards her, Kyungsoo watches Joohyun’s jaw clench, narrowed eyes riveted on Minseok.

“You’re the one who stole food from my bag on the second week!!” she accuses, her breathing turning heavier, “I thought it was a prank from one of them,” she says, vaguely pointing at the rest of the group, “But it was _you_!”

“Ah, yes. Sorry for that,” Minseok replies, having the audacity to _laugh_ in her face, “I had to check who was there,” he continues with yet another shrug, “Can’t say I was expecting kids running around with toy weapons. But you had supplies, and I couldn’t pass up on that. I didn’t know for how long you’d be there.”

“You’re a fucking asshole,” the girl spits, turning around and walking in the dorm room.

Minseok must have felt Kyungsoo’s glare on him, because the next moment, the cocky smile is back as he glances at him, slouching on his chair.

“You got a problem, princess?”

“Yeah, you’re my problem,” Kyungsoo retorts through gritted teeth, only getting antagonized further when the man sneers, his fingers running along the barrel of his rifle.

“So? What are you planning to do about it?”

And Kyungsoo would have loved nothing more but to punch the smirk out of his face, had Jongin not stood from his chair and taken his hand.

Instead, he stays silent and lets himself be lead towards the shower room, only glowering back at Minseok before they pass the doorway.

The scoff he hears makes his blood boil, but he ignores it. Jongin needs him, and this is his priority.

  
Junmyeon will probably scold them for wasting water, but Kyungsoo doesn’t care. Nor does he care about it only being mildly warm as it cascades on their skin. Jongin’s body heat is enough to keep him from shivering.

The stall is rather small, but it doesn’t matter. They are close enough, wrapped in each other’s arms, and with Jongin’s face nestled in the crook of his neck, chapped lips leaving wet kisses against his shoulder, Kyungsoo feels like enclosed in a bubble.

Jongin’s tongue occasionally gives tentative little licks on his skin, hands staying loosely linked behind Kyungsoo’s lower back, not quite restraining, but still making sure the elder won’t pull away. Not that he intends on moving. His own fingers are slowly grazing around the bumps of Jongin’s spine, up from his shoulder blades and down to the delicate curve on the small of his back, feeling the slight shudders running underneath the younger’s skin.

Cheek pressed against his boyfriend’s pulse and nose buried in his shoulder, Kyungsoo inhales deeply, trying to find that distinctive scent he loves so much, through the dull smell of the soap they used to clean each other, rinsing the blood from their respective wounds and watching it disappear in the drain in diluted red swirls.

His ears pick the quiet whimper escaping Jongin’s lips when he eventually exhales, goosebumps blossoming under his fingertips. The younger still has not pronounced a word, undressing silently earlier, and stepping under the shower with Kyungsoo’s hand in his.

As much as death was part of their everyday life, Jongin had never lost someone close to him before stepping inside the fence. And Kyungsoo feels horrible for being the one who had to announce his best friend passing.

They all lost friends, but Jongin also had to witness the death of his brother, and Kyungsoo fears that losing Sehun’s will break his boyfriend to the point of no return.

He doesn’t know what to say, pinned down by that feeling of uselessness, wanting to do something, _anything_ to fix this, to salvage what might have been damaged beyond repair.

The change is subtle, and if he didn’t know Jongin by heart, his smile, his voice, his touch, he would not have noticed it. But the younger is ingrained in his soul, and Kyungsoo instantly perceives the slight shift in Jongin’s stance, the way his arms tighten their hold around his waist, the way his breaths grow just a tad heavier. It’s barely there, but Kyungsoo notices it all.

His own hands still, delicately pressing his palms flat against Jongin’s back.

“Talk to me…” he whispers, his voice reverberating in the air through the pitter-pat of the showerhead.

Face still buried in his neck, Jongin slowly shakes his head, nose gliding against the wet skin.

“Jongin…” Kyungsoo leans away, shoulder lifting to impel Jongin to raise his head, just enough so he can look into the younger’s tired eyes, “Baby...talk to me.”

Still pressed against each other, Kyungsoo feels Jongin’s stomach flinch.

Unlike the younger, he rarely uses terms of endearments, preferring Jongin’s name, loving how it tastes on his tongue.

It became natural, but sometimes, it slips out, and Kyungsoo thinks the scarceness makes it just that much more special for Jongin.

But at this moment, as water drops trickle down his face, getting stuck in his lashes until he blinks, Kyungsoo cannot find any of the emotions illuminating his boyfriend eyes when he does call him that way.

All he sees is sad colors. Dark plum circles carved under those exhausted eyes. Scratches and cuts, some scabbing and others still glistening crimson. Blues, purples, yellows, and greens, melting along the healing bruises. Even his irises seem to have lost that mesmerizing golden hue, the fluorescent light flattening the shade into a glum umber.

There is something raw hidden deep in his eyes, glinting like the wick of a candle someone would have just blown off. Still incandescent and fighting to survive. But dying, slowly, hopelessly. Leaving behind nothing but an ephemeral trail of smoke slipping through Kyungsoo’s fingers.

This time, because he is so focused on the ramping fear crawling inside him at the sight of the agony inside those eyes, Kyungsoo doesn’t notice the subtle shift.  
And before he can register what is happening, Jongin’s mouth is capturing his own.

His kiss is messy, filled with water tasting just too salty on Kyungsoo’s lips for it to be from the shower.

When Kyungsoo does not reciprocate, it turns more aggressive, desperation saturating every lick, every bite.

And it frightens him.

“Wait,” he whispers, trying to lean away, only to have the younger following the motion and mashing their lips together again, “Jongin, wait.”

Startled by the slightly louder call, Jongin freezes, looking like a lost and scared child, when Kyungsoo stares into his eyes.

“Please,” Kyungsoo breathes out, so quietly Jongin wouldn’t have heard him, had his gaze not fallen on the elder’s mouth.

It takes a while, and Kyungsoo could not say how long, or how much water gets wasted as he anxiously waits, dreading the answer just as much as he anticipates it. But eventually, Jongin’s trembling lips slowly part, and the elder holds his breath.

“I don’t-... I-... You-…” he stutters, so evidently struggling that Kyungsoo almost changes his mind, hurting just by seeing how hard it is for the younger, “You screamed...and I-...I thought you were _dead_.”

The same words earlier had not made much sense, especially when Kyungsoo had been so focused on having Jongin in arms after days not knowing where he was. But the added information suddenly gives him the final hint to understand.

He had not realized when exactly Jongin had disappeared, too busy trying not to get killed, but it seemed he and Seulgi had fled right after that lost bullet hit him.

He can still remember the searing pain, and how loud his scream had been, even to his own ears, as his body tumbled backward, crashing on Joohyun who had miraculously caught her balance back and prevented him from falling.

Jongin’s hand glides on his skin, feathery touch sending shivers all across his back until it reaches his side. Without looking, as if he instinctively knows where Kyungsoo’s wound is, his finger traces lines around.

“But I’m not. I’m here.”

“I know, but I… I left,” Jongin says in a shaky breath, “You screamed, and I ran away…”

“Because you had to,” Kyungsoo counters right away, reaching up to hold on the younger’s face and compel him to look up, “You didn’t run away from _me_. You did it because you were in danger,” he insists when Jongin keeps his eyes down.

“I should’ve come and helped you.”

“You couldn’t!”

“Instead I escaped, like a coward.”

Kyungsoo’s heart clenches at the sharp tone, the intensity of not only the guilt but the self-hatred soaking his voice.

“Look at me,” he says, gently forcing Jongin’s head up, “ _Look at me_. You are _not_ a coward. And you did _not_ leave me behind,” he says, enunciating each word as clearly as he can, “In fact, you _saved me_ ,” he declares, finally somewhat catching Jongin’s attention, “When you left, most of the Instinctives followed you and Seulgi. Only a few stayed behind. Baekhyun and Junmyeon took care of them, and they were able to carry me back to the bunker quickly,” he says, staring into the younger’s eyes, “If you didn’t escape, and attracted them, I might’ve bled to death right there and then, or gotten bitten. You saved my life, Jongin.”

“But I couldn’t save Sehun... I was too late,” Jongin whispers, tears welling in his sorrowful eyes.

“It’s not your fault,” Kyungsoo answers quietly, shaking his head as his thumbs brush the younger’s cheeks, “It’s _no one_ ’s fault. You can’t blame yourself for something you had no control over…”

It hurts to see him squeeze his eyes shut, escaping Kyungsoo’s hand to bury his head in the elder’s shoulder, uneven breath making his chest waver and hands gripping Kyungsoo’s waist harder.

Cradling him in his arms, Kyungsoo tangles his fingers in Jongin’s drenched hair, his other hand curling around his back to tug him closer.

“It’s not your fault,” he repeats, placing a light kiss on the side of his neck, “You couldn’t have done anything.”

It is not really a lie. He doesn’t think the antibiotics would have helped, even if Jongin and Minseok had shown up a couple of days earlier. But even if he cannot be sure, he needs Jongin to believe it, to stop beating himself over everything that had gone wrong but was out of his control.

His eyes are closed when he feels Jongin’s hand sliding lower on his side, his breathing faltering against his shoulder. The digits graze his lower abdomen, slowly moving down, past the damp pubic hair. When he understands what is happening, they’re already curled around his girth, and Kyungsoo slightly jerks away, searching for Jongin’s eyes with a worried frown.

He doesn’t have the time to ask any question before his lips are covered, an intrusive tongue making its way against his own.

“Jongin…” he pants in surprised, leaning away, “What-”

“I don’t wanna talk about it,” the younger interrupts, shaking his head, eyes shut, “I don’t wanna talk at all.”

The prying hand clenches, causing Kyungsoo to flinch as he watches Jongin tears mingling with the shower drops.

“Baby…”

“I just wanna forget,” Jongin says in a strangled voice, “Please… Please, make me forget…”

Heart-shattering, the vulnerability in his tone pins Kyungsoo down, like in the aftermath of an explosion.

Jongin’s eyes are staring, searching, imploring for something, anything, to divert his overwhelmed mind from his thoughts. Asking for so much more than what anyone should need.

Distraction, salvation.

Absolution.

Kyungsoo watches the light in his eyes fade away, the man he loves slowly turning into a shadow, and suddenly, there is no room for indecision, no time for debate.  
Hesitation is put to rest, and this time, Kyungsoo is the one closing the gap between them, surrendering and giving Jongin what he wants. What he needs.

Teeth clashing and lips bruising, Kyungsoo pulls him closer.

He will kiss the sorrow away, swallow the pain and make it his own. So Jongin can breathe again.

 

**\----  
**

 

The needle stings when Yerim carefully removes the syringe from the crook of his elbow, after injecting him a dose of the antibiotics Minseok provided. She had deemed his wound was okay after re-stitching him for the third time, earlier, but she didn’t want to take any chance.

“You should go and get some sleep,” Kyungsoo tells her, pressing a piece of gauze on the tiny puncture and bending his arm.

“Aren’t you gonna rest?” she asks, as they walk back into the main room.

“Later,” he answers, eyeing Minseok, seated at the table and reassembling his gun, probably after cleaning it, if the solvent smell floating in the air is any indication.

The man snorts at Kyungsoo’s words, glancing at him above his shoulder.

“Afraid I’ll kill you in your sleep, princess?” he snickers, going back to his weapon, and Kyungsoo grits his teeth, but remains silent, “I brought lover-boy back, _alive_. Yet, you still don’t trust me, huh?”

“No, I don’t.”

“Fine, do as you please,” Minseok scoffs, getting up and turning around, “If you wanna exhaust yourself, be my guest! I’ll go and sleep, then.”

Wary eyes following the man, Kyungsoo watches as he enters the dorm room.

He doesn’t exactly like him being in the same room as Jongin, but he knows his boyfriend is in a bed on the back corner, and the only mattresses available are far from his.

It took a long while for the younger to fall asleep, and Kyungsoo had to spend an hour stroking his hair before his breathing eventually slowed down.

“Are you sure?” Yerim asks, placing a hand on his forearm to catch his attention back.

“Yeah, don’t worry.”

“I’ll stay with him,” Baekhyun says, startling Kyungsoo when he steps out of the bathroom.

“Okay… Goodnight then.”

  
“You should go easy on Minseok,” Baekhyun tells him a little later, as they sort and count the ammunition left in the bunker, for the sole purpose of having something to do.

“Why? He could betray us at any time.”

“Look, he saved Jongin-”

“And left Seulgi behind.”

“You didn’t look like you cared all that much about her, yesterday,” Baekhyun tells him a bit harshly, reminding him of the way he snapped at the girl when she brought him food.

When he looks away, eyes going back to the pile of 9x19mm Parabellum bullets in front of him, the elder sighs.

“Like I said, he saved Jongin, and he helped _us_. Why would he put himself in danger if he wanted us dead, when he could’ve easily stayed out the way both times?”

“Maybe he wants us to trust him. So he can stab us in the back later,” Kyungsoo says, frowning as his hand weights down a shotgun shell.

“Why would he even do that?”

“He didn’t hesitate to kill his _wife_.”

“That’s different,” Baekhyun says, piling up a few rifle magazines, “She was infected.”

“I saw him look at our food supplies earlier.”

“So what?”

“He’s traveling alone,” Kyungsoo says, clicking his tongue, not getting why Baekhyun won’t understand, “You heard him, he had no resources. If Jongin told him we were entire group, with ammo and _food_ , don’t you think he would take that chance? He already stole some from Joohyun.”

“I know, but…”

“Listen, I’m thankful that he saved Jongin,” Kyungsoo states, dropping a handful of bullets back in their cardboard, “I’m just saying, we shouldn’t let our guard down. He said clearly. Kill or be killed.”

“Hold on, what are you planning?” Baekhyun asks, turning his head to look at him, brows furrowed.

“Nothing. I just wanna keep my eyes on him,” Kyungsoo replies, twisting a shotgun shell between his fingers, “But if he does anything suspicious...I won’t wait until he acts,” he says, shaking his head, “That’s a luxury we can’t afford, so I won’t hesitate either. I won’t let anything happen to Jongin. To any of you.”

From the corner of his vision, Kyungsoo sees Baekhyun index finger brushing the steel ring on his thumb. He knows Hyeran has a similar one, a present they gave to each other months ago.

“Okay,” the elder breathes with a nod, “I’m in.”

“Thanks.”

“Yeah, well, you’d get your ass kicked if you try to take him down on your own, so...” Baekhyun snickers, earning a scoff from Kyungsoo who shoves him away.

“Shut up.”

 

**\----  
**

 

One step, two steps. A third one and a metallic creak.

Eyes shut, Jongin listens to the sounds coming from the main room.

He woke up alone, a few minutes earlier. He panicked for a moment when he didn’t find Kyungsoo by his side, before hearing his boyfriend’s voice on the other side of the closed door.

Jongin thinks the elder is talking with Baekhyun, but he can’t be sure. His mind is not in a state allowing him to clearly recognize anyone’s tone beside Kyungsoo’s.

He would recognize his voice anywhere, anytime. It’s synonymous of safety. Always has, and always will be. Kyungsoo himself is.  
He is Jongin’s shelter.

When it all becomes too much, Kyungsoo is here, always.  
Grounding him.  
Giving him so much.  
Giving up so much, for him.

When fear is paralyzing Jongin, invisible walls closing in on him, Kyungsoo is here, always.  
A constant presence by his side. Not caring when Jongin would cling to him as he would an anchor.

He probably has no idea. No idea how much Jongin needs him. Always.

And that scream will haunt Jongin for the rest of his life, no matter how long it’ll last.

For three days, he had to live _knowing_ Kyungsoo was dead. Feeling his heart shatter more with every beat, shallow breath coming in and out of his lung, the air tasting like poison on his tongue, the leather bracelet around his wrist burning his skin every time he looked at it.

He didn’t even think about Jongdae, Chanyeol or Sooyoung, nor did his mind remember Yixing, Seungwan or even Sehun.

Kyungsoo was dead. And Jongin had _run away_.

Kyungsoo was dead, and Jongin didn’t know why he was still alive.

He did not deserve to be. No after abandoning the elder. Not after doing _nothing_.

Everyone had always viewed him as brave and competitive. And Jongin would have liked nothing more than for it to be true. But when it mattered, he acted like a coward.

He didn’t deserve to look at Kyungsoo in the eyes.

Yet, his boyfriend had wrapped his arms around him and held him close. And Jongin’s mind capitulated, body surrendering, giving into the warmth of his embrace.

Asking for more.  
For Kyungsoo to touch him, to send pleasure coursing in his veins, to make him forget.  
To grant him forgiveness with a brush of his skin. To piece his heart back together with a touch of his lips.  
To make him believe everything would be fine, even if it were a lie.  
To prove he was here, alive, in his arms.

And it helped. At least, for a short moment.

But in the dim blue lighting, as small as it is, the bed feels empty.

Jongin feels empty.

So with a shaky sigh, he pushes the light cover away and gets up, making his way out of the room with quiet footsteps.

“Hey, you okay?” Baekhyun asks when he walks by him, right out of the doorway.

Jongin nods, without looking at him. His eyes are riveted on Kyungsoo, seated on the bottom of the staircase leading to the hatch door, face buried in his hand.

Silently, he sits by his side, feeling his boyfriend flinch and lift his head.

“Did we wake you up?” Kyungsoo asks, concern evident in his voice.

Shaking his head, Jongin simply let his head rest on Kyungsoo’s shoulder, his hand instinctively finding the elder’s.

“You weren’t there when I opened my eyes.”

“Sorry,” Kyungsoo breathes, planting a kiss on his hair before his cheek presses on top of Jongin’s head.

Jongin hums in response, letting Kyungsoo tug him closer.

He is exhausted, but if Kyungsoo is here, then this is where Jongin needs to be. So his heart can follow Kyungsoo’s own pulse, and remember how to keep beating.

 

**\----  
**

 

There is a part of town, on the far east, that gets them closer to one of the radio towers covering the area. It’s far away in the wastelands, so it would require to stand near the fence, precisely where, according to Minseok, a few breaches are.

It is everything but safe, but this is what they plan on doing, nevertheless.

The tower is not far from the city, a three-hour walk from what, again, Minseok said, since he apparently climbed on it to escape from Instinctive on his way here.

He somehow managed to convince everyone that the tower might have been damaged by the storm, hindering them from contacting the base.

Kyungsoo didn’t agree, arguing that they would have sent people to rescue them by now, if there was no problem at home.

But hope can be powerful in situations like theirs, and the group had been quick to acquiesce to his plan to go and check the damn tower.

In Kyungsoo’s mind, it seems a tad _too_ lucky that Minseok just so happens to know about telecommunications like he claimed he does. But Seungwan is not here to help with her technical knowledge, anymore. And apart from Baekhyun who nodded, and Jongin who remained silent, his argument had fallen on deaf ears.

Suddenly, walking out in the wastelands had become a good idea for the others.

“This is not gonna end well, you know that, right?” he had asked Junmyeon as the few who would go with Minseok, to protect him as he worked on the damages if he needed to, started packing.

“You need to trust him, Kyungsoo. He’s trying to help.”

“He’s going to get you killed,” Kyungsoo tried again, “Don’t you think we’ve lost enough people?”

“Look, it’s fine if you want to stay here with Jongin, I understand,” Junmyeon had sighed, “But if there is a slight chance that it could work, you can’t expect us just to sit here and do nothing.”

Kyungsoo didn’t find anything to answer. Because, of course, Junmyeon was right, no matter how much he disliked the idea of his friends wandering outside and risking their lives.

They lost track of how long they have been there, their wristbands now useless and only showing a black screen that randomly glitches every now and then. All they know is that it’s been _too long_.

And this is enough for four of them to follow Minseok, the next morning.

“Can you pass me the shotgun?” Kyungsoo hears Yerim ask from where he stands at the bottom of the stairs, Jongin by his side.

“Absolutely not,” her brother replies in a severe tone, handing her the same two small pistols she has been using since they found the stock of weapons in the bunker.

Clicking her tongue, she grabs one and slides it in the holder on her hip, before sending him a pointed look.

“You do remember I beat your ass in every training, right?” she tells him, more serious than Kyungsoo has ever seen her address Junmyeon, “I’m a better shot than you are with bigger guns.”

Kyungsoo knows why Junmyeon is so worried.

Shotguns are only efficient at a short distance from the target, which means she would have to get _close_ to whatever she wants to shoot. This is precisely why Kyungsoo himself let out a silent breath of relief whenever he saw Jongin opt for the assault rifle or pistols, despite knowing his boyfriend is a fantastic shot.

However, Yerim is right. She _is_ the best of the group with a shotgun in hands. No matter what jumps at her, her reflexes are out of this world. She never flinches, and her aim is perfect. Even their instructors have always been impressed.

“Yerim…”

“I’m not a baby anymore!”

“Let her have it,” Joohyun says, grabbing the weapon and passing it to Junmyeon, “We need all the help we can get.”

“She can handle herself,” Kyungsoo says, opening his mouth for the first time this morning and earning a small, yet grateful smile from Yerim.

Grudgingly, Junmyeon eventually gives her what she asked for, as well as several handfuls of gauges that she places in her pockets. These things are heavy; she will not be able to carry more than a few dozens. But hopefully, she won’t have to use them all.

It will take them six hours to arrive at the breach in the fence, three more to reach the tower. By the time they get there, two-thirds of the day will be gone. And despite Minseok warning them that they’ll have to spend the night in the wasteland, even two if the eventual repairs take a while, it did not deter them.

Kyungsoo hates that plan, but he remains silent.

He doesn’t say anything as they finish packing, does not utter a word as they walk toward the staircase. He stays quiet, watching them climb up and out of the bunker, letting him and Jongin lock the hatch door behind, Baekhyun and Hyeran staring just as wordlessly from the main room.

“You think they’ll be okay?” he hears Hyeran asks to no one in particular, a bit later.

Kyungsoo has no answer, no way of knowing what will happen, what they will encounter, so he shrugs, glancing at Baekhyun who offers her a strained smile.

“It’s a good plan,” her boyfriend says, clearly trying to sound reassuring, “It might work.”

“That’s not what I asked,” she sighs, not waiting for a reply before she turns around and enters the dorm room, where Jongin has already retired to sleep some more.

“You really think it’ll work?” Kyungsoo asks the elder, wanting to hope but too scared to do so.

“I don’t know. More things could go wrong rather than right, but if there’s a chance they can fix it… I guess it’s worth the shot.”

“So what do we do, now?”

“…We wait.”

  
For the entire day, it almost becomes a game of patience, all about who will manage to stand still the longest, or how many times in an hour they can check if no one is knocking on the hatch door.

They all know hearing the group return so soon would only mean something has gone terribly wrong and they had to come back in a hurry, but they stay alert, nonetheless.

Just in case.

And Kyungsoo feels like he heard those words way too many times since it all started.

 

It’s to a metallic clinking that he wakes up the next day, eyes still heavy after only being able to crash for a few hours. He was the one taking the first half of the night guard, so that someone would be awake if the rest of the group returned, and although he volunteered, he also had to slap himself awake several times.

Waiting in the empty main room, with the hum of the fluorescent lights lulling him when he was already sleep deprived had definitely been a bad combo. He could have cried from relief when Baekhyun took over, if only his eyes had not been so dry from trying to keep them open, lest he fell asleep if he blinked.

They’re still mildly stinging as he makes his way out of the dorm room, squinting to try to locate the source of the noises.

What he finds awakes him as if a bucket of freezing water had just been poured on him.

“What are you doing?” he asks, staring at Jongin who is standing at the bottom of the stairs, backpack on his shoulders and armed to the teeth.

The question was for his boyfriend, but it’s Hyeran, just as fully geared next to the younger, who gives him an answer.

“We don’t have much water left,” she says, offering him a little smile that Kyungsoo doesn’t return, “We were gonna go to the reservoir.”

“Does Baekhyun know?”

“Uhm, no, he went to sleep an hour ago, after I woke up.”

“Were you even planning on telling us?” he then asks, looking back at Jongin.

“We’ll be quick,” Jongin finally says, “I can’t stay here just waiting.”

“I’m not asking you to…”

“Then what…”

“You can unpack, Hyeran,” he calmly states, before watching the girl’s face turning confused, “I’ll go with Jongin.”

“Are you sure?”

“I don’t wanna have to explain to Baekhyun that I let you go out there without telling him,” he says, almost joking, “He would skin me alive.”

The two youngers look amused for a few seconds, little chuckles coming out of their lips before the room falls quiet.

It feels weird, almost foreign, as if it had been years since the last time they laughed, when only three weeks have passed since the storm hit the city. In the crease between their brows, Kyungsoo can see Jongin and Hyeran are feeling the same.

“Okay, then,” she nods, before doing what she’s been suggested.

As Kyungsoo grabs a shotgun, he cannot help but be relieved to see an assault rifle in Jongin’s hands.

“Ready?” his boyfriend asks in low tones when Kyungsoo joins him, Hyeran already back in the dorm room.

“Yeah. Just one thing, though,” he says, looking straight into Jongin’s eyes, “Don’t do that, ever again.”

“That?”

“Leaving. Without telling me.”

“Oh…”

“I’m not letting you out of my sight again. Not while we’re in this hellhole,” he continues, a lump forming in his throat at the simple thought of being once more separated from him, “So please, don’t disappear on me like that again.”

For long seconds, Jongin does nothing but look at him, his iris shifting between both of Kyungsoo’s eyes until slowly, his lips curve into a small, sad, but beautiful smile.

“I won’t, if you don’t either.”

“Deal.”

They meet halfway in a light kiss, chaste and warm, like a promise being sealed by the press of their lips.

  
The thick layer of cloud is blocking the sun as they march in the silent city, promising rain for later and giving an eerie and gloomy ambiance that makes Kyungsoo queasy. They’ve been walking for almost an hour now, but still haven’t encountered any Instinctive.

Not that he would complain, of course, but the lack of infected crossing their path puts him on edge, head snapping left and right at the faintest sound, and index finger ready to pull the trigger.  
He can feel Jongin is not much more at ease, getting startled by his own footsteps every now and then.

And somehow, it almost feels like a relief when the reservoir comes into view, and they notice an Instinctive standing still, right in front of the enormous tank, back facing them.

“No, wait,” Kyungsoo whispers when he sees Jongin instantly raise his rifle, “It’ll make too much noise,” he says, knowing a gunshot would attract more infected.

As much as he was uneasy with the absence of Instinctive, it doesn’t mean he wants to face a horde of them.

When Jongin looks at him with a questioning look, Kyungsoo reaches out to his thigh, grabbing hold of his combat knife. It only takes a second for Jongin’s eyes to widen, hand flying towards Kyungsoo’s own to lower the blade, shaking his head frantically.

“Are you out of your mind?”

“I’ll be fine,” Kyungsoo calmly answers, offering the younger a reassuring smile, “I’ll try to sneak behind it to take it down. If something goes wrong…shoot,” he finishes, nudging his chin towards Jongin’s gun.

Visibly swallowing, and worry exuding from his entire body, Jongin fretfully nods, before releasing Kyungsoo’s hand, gripping his rifle as the elder places his backpack on the ground and steps forward.

Jongin has always been stealthier than him, but since there is no way he is going to let his boyfriend go near that thing, he keeps going, trying his best to be silent, holding his breath the closer he gets.

He is about a meter away when the instinctive groans, scaring him and almost extorting a gasp out of him. But after staying still for a few seconds and making sure it won’t move, Kyungsoo finally crosses the distance in two swift strides and rams the blade right where he can see the carotid artery pulsing rapidly.

The Instinctive thrashes for a few seconds, gurgled snarls ringing in Kyungsoo’s ears as blood splashes on his hand. The metallic smell hits him right away, and before long, the infected stills, flopping its entire weight on Kyungsoo. Slowly, he lays the body on the ground, his eyes catching the bloodied features contorted in such an enraged expression, it does not even look human anymore.

He tries not to think it used to be a person with a family, parents, siblings, maybe even a lover and a child, but Jongdae’s face is suddenly overlapping, and his lungs clamp, making it hard for him to breathe.

It’s Jongin’s hand on his shoulder that eventually makes him snap out of his trance, the younger using his sleeve to wipe the blood from his hand, checking for any new wound on his palm and wrist.

“Come on,” he says, handing Kyungsoo his backpack, “Let’s try to be quick.”

They stay alert as they fill the four large collapsible water cans, knowing the trip back to the bunker will take longer, due to the weight they’ll have to carry. And as they walk away, this time, he does hope they won’t encounter any Instinctive. Their hands are full, and if something jumps at them, they might not have time to drop the cans and grab their weapons before it’s too late.

And Kyungsoo should be used to get his hope rushed by now, so he is not sure why he is shocked when frantic screams suddenly echo as they arrive near the bunker, gunshots getting louder by the second.

Snapping his head to the side, it takes him only a short moment before locating the running silhouettes heading right towards them. A wave of panic drowns him, before his brain clicks and he recognizes his friends.

He doesn’t get enough time to really understand what is happening, though, and acts on pure instinct when he drops the cans and grips his shotgun, firing on the Instinctive about to grab Joohyun.

Jongin started firing too, and from a distance, the both of them manage to eliminate the nearest threats, giving a few crucial seconds to the small group to escape.

It’s a deafening chaos of shouts, snarls, and gunshots that ensues, and Kyungsoo barely sees Seulgi banging on the hatch door as he busies himself aiming between the bloodshot eyes of one of the infected.

“Don’t leave me here! Please! _Please_!” he hears behind him, the girl’s voice familiar despite the words making no sense, “I don’t want to die! Please don’t let them kill me!”

A rapid glance, and his heart leaps in his throat when he sees Minseok’s gun pointed at Yerim’s head. Junmyeon jumps in front of his sister, attempting to disarm the man, but Kyungsoo has to look away when he gets yanked forward, fingers clawing at his shirt, a set of teeth coming way too close of his neck before Jongin shoots the Instinctive.

The hatch door finally opens, and a second later, Joohyun is pushing everyone inside, trying to yell over the gunfire and the hungry growls. In last-second thinking, Kyungsoo remembers to drag the water cans, sending them tumbling down the stairs before he hurriedly shuts the door, shoving the latch into place as he pants.

“Get the fuck away from her!”

Junmyeon’s enraged shout compels him to fly down the stairs, only to find Minseok once again aiming right at Yerim’s head.

He doesn’t think before he acts, catching Minseok by surprise when he tackles him, sending them both harshly colliding with the table.

A moment of struggling later, he throws the man’s pistol sliding away, using his whole body weight to pin him to the ground, despite the bruising blow Minseok keeps throwing at him.

“She’s infected!!!” the man shouts, still thrashing under him.

The words are shocking enough to make Kyungsoo’s grip loosen. Just a bit, but it’s all Minseok needed to push him away and start crawling towards his gun. Thankfully, Jongin and Joohyun are quick enough to grab him before he reaches it.

But Kyungsoo barely sees them restraining him.

His eyes are riveted on Yerim, who loudly sobs in her brother’s arms.

“We don’t know for sure!” Seulgi says in a shaky voice

“You were there! You saw that fucking dog bite her! What else do you need to be sure?!” Minseok spits, trying to free himself.

“Maybe it wasn’t infected!”

“It _bit_ her!!!”

It’s all too much for Kyungsoo, as he stares at Yerim trembling body.

He feels nauseous, heart pounding in his ears as his eyes catch the crimson stain on the girl’s shoulder, that Junmyeon is trying to hide behind his arm.

A heavy silence is suffocating the room, until Hyeran steps towards Yerim. Junmyeon glares at her, instinctively tugging his sister closer.

“Let me just...clean it,” Hyeran says, evidently trying to sound calm and reassuring, “If the dog wasn’t infected, her wound needs to be treated. You can come with us,” she adds when Junmyeon keeps glowering at her distrustingly.

Slowly getting on his feet, Kyungsoo sees the elder eventually nod, before he follows Hyeran into the medical room, keeping Yerim against him.

Shoving Jongin and Junmyeon away, Minseok stands, glaring at all of them.

“Are you guys serious?!” he exclaims, before pointing at the medical room closed door, “She’s gonna turn!!! Are you really gonna let her stay in the only safe place we have?!”

“Feel free to leave if you’re so scared,” Kyungsoo tells him, the image of the man pointing his pistol at Yerim’s head still playing in his mind.

“She’s going to grow stronger than all of you,” Minseok states in an eerily calm tone, looking straight into Kyungsoo’s eyes, “What are you gonna do when she tries to rip your throat? ‘Cause she _will_ try. And you’ll have nowhere to run… Then what, huh, princess?” he scorns, taking a step towards him, “You’re gonna let us all die just ‘cause you didn’t have the balls to kill her?”

“So you wanna kill her without even knowing if she’s infected?” Kyungsoo retorts, moving forward too.

“I’m trying to fucking save your life. _Again_.”

“By killing someone? Our friend?” Kyungsoo spits, “Oh, but I shouldn’t be surprised, I guess. You shot your own wife, right?”

“Well, I heard you and lover-boy are familiar too, with killings friends to save yourselves.”

A second is all Kyungsoo’s mind needs, to register the words thrown at him. The next one, his fist has already hit the man’s jaw, before anyone can realize what is happening.

It takes the three people left in the room to yank them away from each other, and Kyungsoo only stops thrashing when he notices Jongin is the one holding him back.

Minseok spits on the floor, blood covering his lips and teeth when he turns to glare at Kyungsoo, who returns it, feeling satisfied to see the damages he made on the man’s face.

“I’m done saving your ass, _princess_ ,” Minseok says in an icy tone, “And you know what? I’ll enjoy watching when you’ll get your throat ripped.”

Fists clenched and itching to throw another blow, Kyungsoo however stays still, focusing on Jongin’s hands around his arm.

He lets the younger lead him in the dorm room, complying when Jongin tugs him down on one of the mattresses.

Anger is still buzzing in his veins, only starting to subside when Jongin softly runs his long fingers through his hair.

“She’ll be okay,” his boyfriend breathes, lips brushing his temple.

Kyungsoo would love nothing more than to believe him. Just as much as he would have wanted Minseok to be wrong.

But deep down, he knows. The odds are all against Yerim.

Sehun could have survived, had the wound not gotten infected. But the bite being on Yerim’s shoulder, an amputation is impossible. And if by some miracle the dog was not infected with the virus, it was still most likely carrying vicious diseases.

She is probably regretting using all three doses of antibiotics on Kyungsoo, now.

Kyungsoo regrets it too.

But he feels even worse thinking how he let her join the team that went to the radio tower. Not that he had any sort of authority on her, but he wishes he would have tried to convince her to stay.

Instead, he had encouraged Junmyeon to let her have a shotgun, unerringly pushing her right in the Instinctives’ claws.

“It’s not your fault,” Jongin whispers, his hands still stroking Kyungsoo’s dark locks.

Of course, Jongin would know what he is thinking about. Because this is the logical conclusion.

Kyungsoo could have tried to dissuade her. But he didn’t. He is partly responsible. She will be yet another death his conscience will have to carry.

And as he falls asleep, the image of Yerim’s small lifeless body merges with Jongdae’s, overlapping Yixing’s and Seungwan’s, blending with Sehun’s, Chanyeol’s and Sooyoung’s.

 

It must be the middle of the night when he wakes up, disoriented eyes flitting around the dimly lit room, only to find everyone soundlessly sleeping. The sight of all the empty beds makes his heart twist painfully, but he tries to ignore it, turning his head to the warm body snuggled against him.

It takes him some time and skills to disentangle himself from Jongin without waking him up, having to pause a few times, when the younger slightly stirs.

Once he is finally free, he silently exits the dorm and stops in front of the medical room.

Slowly, Kyungsoo reaches out and turns the knob, peeking inside and finding Yerim seated on the lone bed. He hesitates at first, until her swollen eyes land on him, the ghost of a sad smile floating on her lips.

Only then does he enters, shutting the door behind him.

“Hey…”

“Hey too,” he answers, standing still, afraid to come closer, lest he breaks down in front of her.

“How’s your side?” she asks, nudging her chin towards his abdomen.

“Good, I think…”

“What happened to your face, though?”

“I...uhm…”

“It’s okay,” Yerim says with a small grin, “Joohyun told me. Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Standing up for me.”

“Oh. Well… He’s an asshole,” Kyungsoo shrugs, stomach lurching when he sees her chuckle.

“Come here, let me see your stitches.”

“I’m fine…”

Sending him a pointed look, Yerim clicks her tongue, beckoning him over.

“Don’t be stubborn and let me check my work.”

Pretending to be annoyed, Kyungsoo rolls his eyes but walks up to her nonetheless, moving his arm out of the way to let her lift his shirt. She carefully picks up the taped gauze, scrutinizing the healing wound, before smoothing the bandage back on with a satisfied hum.

“See? It’s _fine_ ,” he says, once again feigning a smug ‘ _I told you so_ ’ look.

“No thanks to you,” she jests, poking her finger in his stomach and making him jerk away, “I had to sew you up three times.”

“Third time’s a charm.”

“What?”

“I don’t know, they used to say that in the Old Days…” Kyungsoo shrugs, readjusting his shirt over the injury.

“What does that even mean?”

“That after failing twice, you’ll succeed the third time you try something?” he says in a questioning tone, feeling like laughing when Yerim’s expression turns both amused and unconvinced.

“That’s stupid,” she states very seriously.

“Yeah, well…”

“Where did you heard that?”

Freezing, Kyungsoo looks up at her for a few seconds, before averting his eyes.

“...Chanyeol.”

“Oh.”

The silence stretches or a while, before Yerim sighs. She gets up, grabs his wrist and pulls him forward, forcing him to sit on the bed.

“Let me clean those cuts,” she says, gesturing towards his face, “Or they’ll leave nasty scars.”

“It’s oka-”

“Just let me do it,” she repeats a little more firmly, before sighing once more, “I need something to distract myself.”

She looks apologetic, for a reason Kyungsoo cannot fathom, but he hates it. So he nods, watching her retrieving some supplies and come back, laying everything on the mattress.

“I hope his face looks worse,” she says, dabbing a scratch on his cheek with a gauze soaked in warm water.

“I haven’t seen mine, but I did get a few good hits.”

“Was there blood?”

“Yes.”

“Good!” she nods, looking stoically pleased.

It’s weird, the way they’re conversing as if it was just any regular day, just like they used to do so often after a tiring training session. They would tease each other, talk about trivial things.  
Jongin would be waiting for him to go home, pouting when Kyungsoo would hug Yerim before parting ways. Yerim would stick her tongue at his jealous boyfriend and peck Kyungsoo’s cheek just to annoy him. And Kyungsoo would laugh, watching them bicker, simply content, happy even.

She has always been his closest friend, amongst the group, and he never thought anything could change that.

But as she bends to pick up the tape roll she dropped, his eyes catch the outlines of the bite on her shoulder, the jagged skin creating little lumps under her thin shirt.

Out of all the ways their friendship could have possibly ended, Yerim’s death had never been an option.

“Does it hurt?” he asks, his voice miserably cracking.

Looking at him with a confused expression, Yerim’s finger freezes on his brow bone.

He can almost taste the strong herbal scent of the antiseptic cream she was applying, as he watches her eyes follow his gaze, riveted on her shoulder.

For a few seconds, she remains silent, before resuming her task.

“Not really,” she says, fingertip delicately patting his scratch, “The skin is kinda numb, but I can feel it, deeper,” she explains, a tiny crease forming between her eyebrows as she seems to search the right words, “It’s not painful, just...uncomfortable. It feels like a muted burn, except I can...feel it spread...somehow.”

“Did you tell Junmyeon?” Kyungsoo asks, remembering how the elder had insisted that the dog might not have been infected.

“No… He isn’t-... I mean… I don’t think he is ready to hear it.”

“He’ll never be ready…”

“I know. That’s why I-…” she starts, pausing and licking her lips before she sighs, “Can I ask you a favor?”

Dread is coursing through Kyungsoo’s veins, knowing he will not like whatever she wants to ask from him. But the way she avoids looking at him in the eyes, pretending to be entirely focused on taking care of his face, forces him to nod.

“Of course.”

“I need you to tie me down,” she says, suddenly straightforward, and Kyungsoo’s brows fly up.

“What?! No!”

“Kyungsoo. Please,” she says, stopping her task and dropping her hands, finally crossing his gaze, “I don’t want to hurt anyone.”

“Yerim, I-”

“We both know how this is going to end,” she interrupts him, her voice soft but resolute, “We both know that I’m not gonna make it.”

“Don’t talk like that. You-”

“At some point, I won’t remember you. Or anyone else,” she continues in the same tone, “And all I will crave for is-”

“Yerim-”

“You know I’m right!”

”But do you have to say it?”

“Yes, I do! Everyone has been avoiding the topic! Please don’t do the same,” she tells him, closing her eyes for a second and letting the silent stretch for a while, “Look, you’re the only one I can ask that from. I trust you, more than anyone else. Junmyeon...he’s my real brother but, since we met, I’ve always considered you as my brother too.

“Liar,” Kyungsoo sneers, the words coming out before he even realizes.

“Okay, _fine_ ,” Yerim says, rolling her eyes with a small smile, “I did have a crush on you at first. But for like, two seconds.”

Kyungsoo watches her lips curving up like they used to, and for a moment she looks happy, thankful that he went back to joking, when everyone else must have acted so on edge with her.

So he reaches out and tugs her forward so she can sit next to him, before pulling her against his side, an arm around her shoulders.

“More like two months,” he teases, offering her a playful smirk.

“Shut up,” she chuckles, lightly elbowing him in the abdomen.

“I’m sorry,” he says after a few minutes of silence.

“For what?”

“Not trying harder to convince you to stay here.”

He doesn’t know what kind of reaction he was expecting, but a frustrated sigh was not it.

“Why do you _always_ do that?” she says, leaning away a little so she can look at him properly, disapproving eyes under furrowed brows.

“That what?”

“Blaming yourself when it’s not even remotely your fault!” she tells him, her face clearly showing how ridiculous she thinks it is, “Nothing you could have said would’ve convinced me. I’m the one to blame. _I_ screwed up.”

“But I could’ve been there, and-”

“Stop. Please.”

There is no trace of happiness left on her face, and Kyungsoo’s heart clenches when he sees tears welling up in her eyes. He knows it’s not because of what he said. The entire situation is just fucked up. So he tugs her back against him and lays a kiss on her forehead.

“You’ll remember me, right?” she asks after a long pause.

“Yerim…”

“Most people don’t get the chance to say goodbye… But I do,” she says with the tiniest shrug, “Is it weird that I’m glad for that?”

“No, it’s not weird,” Kyungsoo replies, pressing his cheek on her hair, “A bit morbid, sure, but not weird,” he says, his heart twisting when he hears her chuckle.

“You need to stop being stubborn,” she says, “And also stop drinking that bitter tea you like so much. It’s disgusting.”

“It’s not.”

“I tasted it, you forced me. It’s awful.”

“Fine. No more bitter tea.”

“And you have to learn to forgive yourself…” she continues, snuggling closer in his arms, “It hurts Jongin to see you being sad.”

His first thought is to tell her he might not live long enough to follow all her requests, but she feels so fragile against him, her head resting on his shoulder, that he cannot find it in himself to disappoint her.

“I’ll do my best,” he says instead.

“Good… You know I love you, right?”

The words feel foreign, somehow. He is not used to hearing them, or pronouncing them himself. He and Jongin never needed to, their actions speaking louder than any confession could.

But he knows Yerim needs it. He hears it in her voice, in the slight tinge of urgency her tone carried.

So he nods.

“I know. I love you too.”


	6. Chapter 6

It’s the muffled sound of someone throwing up that greets Kyungsoo when he comes out of the shower room, the next morning. And when he sees everyone but Yerim and Junmyeon gathered at the table, he easily understands.

The virus started kicking in.

Joohyun and Baekhyun are posted near Minseok, stance evidently alert, and it is not hard for Kyungsoo to figure out why, when he sees the man glaring at the medical room’s shut door.

Too busy glowering at Minseok, he only notices Jongin approached him when the younger takes his hand.

“We were waiting for you,” his boyfriend hesitantly says, probably knowing Kyungsoo is not in the best mindset.

Gently, he leads him towards the rest of the group, the both of them sitting next to each other, fingers still intertwined.

“All right, we need to talk,” Minseok says seriously.

“About what? How you plan on killing our friend?” Kyungsoo harshly retorts, feeling Jongin squeeze his hand briefly.

“No,” Minseok says, his tone turning sarcastically mellow, “But we can include that in the discussion if you want to.”

“It’s about us needing to leave this fucking hellhole,” Joohyun intervenes when she sees Kyungsoo ready to jump at Minseok’s throat.

“Did you guys manage to fix the radio tower?” Hyeran asks.

“There was nothing to fix,” Minseok replies, “It was perfectly fine. No apparent physical damage to the transmitters or aerials.”

“So if we can’t contact the base…”

“It means the damages are on their side.”

 “And that they are important enough to take weeks to be repaired,” Baekhyun concludes, voicing everyone else’s thoughts.

It takes all his willpower for Kyungsoo not to say anything. Because this is what he had tried to tell them.  
But no one listened. And Yerim had gotten hurt for _nothing_.

He should’ve tried harder.

“We tried to contact them again when we were at the tower,” Seulgi says in a small voice, “But we got the same result as before.”

“So what are we supposed to do?” Jongin asks, surprising Kyungsoo, who hasn’t heard his boyfriend talk that much to anyone other than him, lately.

“Go home,” Joohyun merely says, as if it was evident.

“How?”

At Baekhyun question, Joohyun’s eyes turn towards Minseok, who in turn stares at Kyungsoo with a smirk.

“Minseok will help us,” she says, glancing at Kyungsoo, probably anticipating that he wouldn’t just roll with it.

And she was right.

“You want me to _trust him_?” he asks, looking at her as if she had just suggested the most ridiculous thing ever.

Which she had, at least as far as Kyungsoo is concerned.

“Look, he survived on his own in the wastelands for months,” Joohyun sighs, “If someone can help us going back, it’s him.”

“She’s not wrong,” Jongin quietly tells him, as if he is scared Kyungsoo would explode at any moment.

“All right, I’ll bite,” Kyungsoo scoffs, slouching backward on his chair, “What’s your amazing plan? Does it involved killing some of us like you killed your wife?”

Minseok’s eyes turn icy once more at Kyungsoo’s last word, but strangely, he doesn’t comment on it. It might have had something to do with the way Baekhyun tenses next to him, monitoring his movements, but Kyungsoo is not sure. At least his friend seems to remember their conversation.

“I’m still working on it,” he answers, before once more smirking at him, “Of course you’re free to stay here if you please. I would never force our pretty princess to do something she doesn’t want.”

“So you’re asking us to agree to a _potential_ plan, and to fully trust you without having any information?” Kyungsoo sneers, “You sure know how to be convincing,” he adds, feeling once more Jongin’s fingers clench around his hand, “How do even you suggest we get outside the fence with still enough bullets to survive days in the wastelands, where we’ll have nowhere to hide?”

“If my plan works, we won’t have to use any ammo while we’re still inside.”

“Oh, so you have a recipe for a magic powder that’ll make us invisible to the Instinctives’ eyes?” Kyungsoo says, voice dripping sarcasm.

“Something like that,” Minseok snickers, mockingly squinting his eyes and making Kyungsoo scowl.

“How long will it take us to arrive home?” Hyeran asks, probably trying to diffuse the tense atmosphere.

“How long was the car ride?” Minseok asks, looking at her.

“About two hours.”

“One hundred kilometers per hour on average,” Kyungsoo mumbles, not really inclined on giving the man any information, but still remembering what their instructor said before they left.

It seems so far away, even if it was only around two months ago.

“So, five days, if we walk for ten hours a day,” Minseok says, “And if we don’t run into _friends_ along the way.”

“But if we get attacked…” Seulgi says in a shaky voice, “What are we gonna do?”

“We’ll need guns,” Jongin says in a low tone.

“As many as you can carry,” Minseok nods, “But we need to focus on how to get _out_ first. I’ll need you to run some...errands for me,” he adds, making Kyungsoo frown once again.

He doesn’t get to ask for an explanation, though, when the door behind him opens. He turns around in his chair, watching Junmyeon exit the medical room with his head low.

“She fell asleep,” the man says when he notices everyone is staring at him, “The fever is exhausting her.”

Kyungsoo’s guts painfully twist at the words. By the look on his face, he knows Junmyeon has lost the last string of hope he tried so hard to hold onto.

High temperature and vomiting are the first symptoms of the virus. They are rather ordinary, and a mere infected wound would have manifested the same. But the fact it happens the day after she got bitten is irrevocably ruling out that option.

Soon, she will start getting stronger and craving raw meat. She will stop recognizing them, a state of hysteria taking over. Until finally, there will be nothing left of the gentle girl they all know, and the only thing she will want is to let her teeth sink into their flesh.

It won’t matter if they scream at her to stop. It won’t matter if they _shoot_ her. She will not stop until someone kills her.

There is nothing they can do to prevent it, or slow it down. Yerim became a ticking bomb the second she got bitten. She is now on a timer that no one can defuse, the wires in her brain already consuming her sanity in a silent hum.

“I guess we _will_ have to use at least one bullet while we’re still in here,” Minseok says, sounding fucking amused.

Kyungsoo instantly turns back to glare at him, Jongin’s hand in his being the only thing stopping him from lunging at the man once again.

Instead, he gets up, and his boyfriend instinctively follows when he makes his way towards the dorm room.

 

**\----  
**

 

One step, two steps. A third one and jump back.

Jongin’s hand finds Kyungsoo’s, squeezing around his fingers to prevent him from stepping forward.

Yerim growls, bloodshot eyes narrowed as she glares at Kyungsoo.

The elder flinches when she bares her teeth, yanking her arms to free herself from the ties.

Jongin can see them loosen by the second, the more she thrashes. She got so much stronger in the span of the last three days. Stronger than any of them.

He can feel Kyungsoo’s frame trembling next to him as he stares at her. There is nothing left of Yerim. Not a trace of the sweet, kind girl his boyfriend cares so much about.

She looks possessed, guttural snarls coming out of her frail body as she tries to pounce.

“We have to get her out of here,” Joohyun says, tone exuding the same fear Jongin can see on everyone’s face.

“And then what?” Kyungsoo asks, voice breaking.

Jongin startles when Yerim starts coughing, her hands clenched into fists as she violently heaves. His insides turn when the girl raises her eyes towards Kyungsoo once more.

The shift is barely noticeable, but it happened enough times today for Jongin to notice.

She intensely stares at Kyungsoo, and it’s like she is back.

He watches her eyes well up with tears as she coughs some more.

“Don’t let me turn,” she begs in a husky tone, her attention still solely focused on Kyungsoo, “Please… _”_

Jongin wants to throw up.

She knows what is happening.

And she knows exactly what she is asking, and _who_ she is requesting it from.

“Get her out,” Minseok orders, “ _Now_! While she’s conscious!”

Before he can comprehend, Jongin sees Junmyeon trying to stand in front of his sister, in a vain attempt to keep them away, only to get shoved to the side and held back by Minseok.

Kyungsoo’s hand slips from Jongin’s hold, and he watches his boyfriend move forward and start working on the ties. Her head falls on Kyungsoo’s shoulder with a sob, whispering pleas after pleas.

From where he stands, Jongin can see the tears rolling down his boyfriend's cheeks as he murmurs in her ear.

One step, two steps. A third one and the hatch door grinds.

From the bottom of the stairs, Jongin sees Kyungsoo disappear, carrying Yerim in his arms.

Baekhyun and Joohyun follow, pistols in hands, before Junmyeon steps outside too.

“They’re going to kill her…” Hyeran whispers next to him, voice cracking and eyes riveted in the same direction.

Jongin cannot move, feet glued to the ground, body frozen in dread. He can’t believe what is happening.

His mind cannot make any sense of the situation, and without meaning to, images of Jongdae start appearing every time he blinks.

What happened to his brother when he turned? Was he scared when he got bitten? Did he suffer like Yerim did?

Did he beg for someone to kill him?

Did he even have anyone with him, or was he alone, left behind, hurting on his own?

Where was Jongin, at the exact moment Jongdae realized he would never see him again?

The sound of footsteps brings him back to reality, and he watches as Kyungsoo climbs down the stairs, face stoic.

Joohyun is silently crying behind him, followed by Baekhyun. And it only takes a few seconds for Jongin to notice the man doesn’t have his gun anymore, hands empty as he closes the hatch door.

He does not understand, at first. But then, before long, as Kyungsoo walks further in like an automat, a gunshot echoes from just outside the door.

He sees his boyfriend freeze mid-step, eyes closing. And it hits him.

_Junmyeon_ ended his own sister’s life.

The silence stretches for a short moment, and Jongin’s mind blanks.

Without really thinking, he takes a step forward, hand reaching for Kyungsoo’s, just as Baekhyun grabs the hatch door handle, ready to push it open.

But just as Jongin’s fingers brush his boyfriend’s palm, a second gunshot bangs and he feels his blood turn to ice.

One step, two steps. A third one and climb.

Jongin runs up the stairs right behind Kyungsoo.

And as the wind sweeps his bangs up, his gaze trails down.

Yerim looks like she is sleeping, snuggled in her brother’s arms. There is a round gap in the center of her forehead. The exact same Jongin notices on Junmyeon’s temple.

He is holding her against his chest, comforting, protective, with tear stains still glistening on his cheeks.

And as he stares at the macabre, yet peaceful scene, Jongin sees it.

The fresh bite mark, still bleeding, right in the crook of Junmyeon’s elbow.

Kyungsoo is immobile by his side, barely even blinking. Slowly, Jongin takes his hand, the elder’s fingers instantly crushing his own.

Everything is a blur after that, and Jongin tunes out the others talking fast about how they need to do something about the bodies.

His vision zooms in on Kyungsoo, whose shallow breaths are turning louder and heavier, making Jongin start to panic.

He has only seen his boyfriend react like that once. Before they were even together, back when Kyungsoo was still living at the orphanage.

One of his friends had died, and he remembers that morning, when he had come to pick Kyungsoo up so they could go to school together. He had watched the elder carry the body of a boy out of the building, and hoist him on the wood trailer parked outside.

Kyungsoo didn’t even notice him. He went right back inside the orphanage and did not come to school that day. Jongin only saw him in the early evening, when the funeral ceremony started. He didn’t know the boy well; he was just there for Kyungsoo.

And that was the first and only time he witnessed Kyungsoo breaking down.

His mom had quickly told him to bring the elder in their house, and in the safety of Jongin’s room, sheltered in his arms, Kyungsoo fell apart.

It happened years ago, Jongin was barely twelve at that moment, just a kid. But he still vividly recalls how his own heart shattered, as he listened to Kyungsoo’s soul-crushing cries.

And he can recognize the same forewarnings as he stares at Kyungsoo, right now.

So without paying attention to Joohyun calling his name, Jongin secures his hold on his boyfriend’s hand and pulls him down the stairs, taking half a second to decide where to go. The dorm is too big, and the medical room would be too much of a reminder of Yerim’s last moments. So, firmly, he leads Kyungsoo towards the showers, locking the door behind him.

He doesn’t bother turning the light on and instantly closes his arms around Kyungsoo.

He was right to be quick. The moment his boyfriend's face touches his shoulder, he crumbles.

Jongin holds his body up as he carefully lowers them both to the ground, one of his hand cradling Kyungsoo’s head against his neck.

The broken sobs reverberate in the small space, bouncing on the walls. He can feel Kyungsoo trembling against his chest, each sound escaping his lips slicing Jongin’s heart like shards of glass.

Time becomes an abstract concept, confined in the dark shower room, and it seems like long hours pass before he hears voices outside the door.

Kyungsoo only stopped shivering a short moment ago, and Jongin is not sure he will not start crying again. But he thinks it should be safe to lead him into the dorm room. The ground is rough, here, and he doesn’t want Kyungsoo’s body to get sore after staying curled up for too long in the same position.

So, carefully, he brushes a kiss on the elder’s temple, hand lightly rubbing his back.

“Baby?” he calls in a whisper, “You think you can stand?”

As a response, a shuddering breath escapes Kyungsoo’s lips, warm on Jongin’s collarbone.

“You don’t have to talk to the others,” he says, hearing Hyeran’s voice pronouncing his boyfriend’s name, “We can just go lie in bed. It’ll be more comfortable for you.”

Kyungsoo’s hands grip his shirt harder as he pushes his face even closer to Jongin’s neck.

“I’m not going anywhere. I’ll stay with you,” he promises with another kiss in Kyungsoo’s hair, his arm tightening around his shoulders, “Come on, can you stand for me?”

And it’s only because they’re so close that Jongin can feel the nod Kyungsoo gives him.

“Good,” he praises in a soft voice, “No rush, I’ll help you.”

It takes a few minutes and a lot of gentle encouragement. Their legs are numb and wobbly, slowing down their movements, but eventually, they manage to get up from the cold ground.

Instantly, Jongin closes his arms back around Kyungsoo, who started trembling again, burying his face back against his neck.

“I’m here,” he says with yet another kiss on his boyfriend’s temple, “I’m right here. You’re gonna be okay,” he continues, trying his best not to let his voice crack as his heart has repeatedly done for the past few hours.

The words feel hollow. He doesn’t think Kyungsoo will ever be okay again. Just like himself will not be left unscathed.

Even if Minseok’s plan succeeds, and they somehow manage to go back home, he doesn’t see how any of them could ever recover from all this.

“Come on, let’s get you in the dorm, okay?”

He waits a few seconds, until he feels a barely perceptible nod.

He lets Kyungsoo clings to his side as he guides them out of the room, shaking his head at the others when they look like they’re about to say something.

He ignores the worried eyes looking at Kyungsoo, focusing solely on his boyfriend until he gets him to lie on a bed.

He starts leaning away, but the elder’s hands quickly grab his arm as he shakes his head.

“I just want to get you some water,” he softly says, brushing Kyungsoo’s hair away from his face, “I’ll be quick.”

Shaking his head again, Kyungsoo tries to tug him down on the mattress, and seeing the desperate look on his face, Jongin gives up.

“All right,” he whispers, lying down and letting the elder curl against him, “I’m sorry. I’ll stay, it’s okay,” he says, holding him closer.

If Jongin believed in heavenly beings, he would guess Hyeran is one, when she enters the room, a tin cup in hand. She silently lays it on the ground next to the bed and sends a sad look towards Kyungsoo, nodding at Jongin when he mouths a thank you, before leaving, closing the door behind her.

Kyungsoo remains silent as Jongin helps him to drink, needing some more whispered encouragement to empty the cup, and immediately burrowing himself in the younger’s embrace as soon as they lie back down.

After long minutes, Kyungsoo’s breathing eventually deepens as he falls asleep, and Jongin finally allows the tears to roll down his temples.

He had relied on Kyungsoo way too much, all along. And now that his boyfriend needs him, he has no idea how to be strong enough to carry them both.

He feels like he is losing grip, plummeting at high speed, bracing himself for the impact. But as they keep falling, endless darkness thickening around them, the hope of surviving the crash dwindles.

He will try, nevertheless.

Even if it means sacrificing himself so Kyungsoo can survive.

 

**\----  
**

 

“I’m gonna need you to make a few trips to some other bunkers,” Minseok says the next morning as everyone eats a frugal breakfast, “There are some things I need to get those bombs ready.”

Kyungsoo chews on his rice as Minseok talks, face impassive despite feeling the worried glances all his friends keep sending him.

They’re all looking at him as if he was going to explode at any moment. Be it about Yerim, or about Minseok plan. Probably both.

It’s not a bad plan. Kyungsoo would not say it’s a good one, but it could be worse.

At this point, he doesn’t think they can afford to come up with something safer. And he is too tired to even want to argue with Minseok, which seemed to surprise the man, earlier, when he started explaining what he had in mind.

A lot of things could go wrong. Everything could go wrong, really. The whole plan is based on too many fuckable elements. From start to finish.

Using the old alarm system to attract the Instinctives down in the subway tunnels meant counting on Chanyeol’s music player to be connectable to one-century-old wires.

The bombs Minseok was planning to build would require large quantities of fuel and gunpowder, as well as dynamite sticks for the initial explosive charges. They didn’t have enough in their bunker, so transporting all this from other bunkers could very well end in a bloodbath.

And of course, there was the radio-control trigger system Minseok was supposed to assemble too, with the walkie-talkies they had found at an abandoned camp on their way to the tower. One on the detonating system, one they’ll keep. If this didn’t work, the entire plan would be screwed.

But it’s not a bad plan. As long as everything goes right.

First, set off the alarm system in the tunnels, and get as many Instinctives as possible down there.

Then run for the gates, and trigger the bombs with the second walkie-talkie.

From what Kyungsoo understood, the first explosive charge will burst the fuel container open and disperses it in a cloud that will mix with the oxygen in the air. Then the second charge will detonate the cloud as well as the gunpowder to create a massive blast wave that will kill everything in its tow.  
Which is why Minseok had chosen to set everything in the tunnels. As long as there will be oxygen, the blaze will keep going, until it has sucked all of it.   
The entire city’s underground will be on fire.

Hopefully, by the time they set the bombs off, they’ll be outside the fence, with still all their ammunition. Then, it’ll be five days of walking, to reach their town.

That last part would be just as dangerous, with nowhere to hide. But at least, they should manage to pack enough bullets to make it back _mostly_ unharmed.

“Does anyone have any question?” Minseok asks, and Kyungsoo sees him glancing once again in his direction with a raised brow.

 He is not the only one. Even Jongin is eyeing him from where he sits by his side.

Kyungsoo has not pronounced a word since he woke up. Or since he untied Yerim, actually.

He doesn’t have anything to say, but he also doesn’t want to worry Jongin even more than he knows the younger is. So he sighs and looks back at Minseok.

“Are you sure it’ll work?” he asks, voice raspy from the lack of use and too much pathetic sobbing.

“In theory, yeah,” the man answers, and Kyungsoo notices even _he_ seems to suddenly try to be nicer.

“We’re talking about an explosion, here,” he states, voice still stoic, “It’d be nice to have more than just a ‘ _maybe’…”_

“Well, that’s all you’re gonna get,” Minseok shrugs, with still no bite in his words, “I can’t be sure yet.”

“When will you be certain it’ll work?”

“...Once we press the button and it goes boom.”

Kyungsoo blinks at him for a few seconds, then resumes chewing on his food.

Scratch that. It’s a horrible plan.

 

**\----  
**

 

Splitting into two teams of three, and helped with a map quickly sketched by Minseok, they spend the next five days going back and forth between bunkers. Some of them got flooded by the storm, and it’s with muddy water up to their knees that Jongin, Joohyun, and Kyungsoo have to search for fuel jerrycans and usable wires. They manage to find one with its hatch door still sealed, and miraculously discover two big gunpowder containers, guessing this bunker must have been used to make ammo, considering the empty bullet shells stored in a cupboard and covered in rust.

The other team got less lucky, however, as Kyungsoo finds out later at night.

“They did experiments in there,” Hyeran tells them, picking on her food without eating, “We found a lot of medical tools in a room with two chairs. There were handcuffs for the wrists and ankles attached to it.”

“Experiments? On the Instinctives?” Joohyun frowns.

“Yeah. There was a dozen of journals with...detailed procedures,” Baekhyun adds, and Kyungsoo can see on his face how disturbing it must have been.

“They were trying to find a cure,” Minseok shrugs, nonchalantly chewing on his rice.

“No...” Baekhyun says, shaking his head, “I mean, they were, probably. But that was not the goal of those experiments.”

“What do you mean?”

“One journal was entirely about...the amount of pain an Instinctive could handle. Before it died,” Baekhyun explains, looking nauseous, “Another one had details on how fast their bodies drains from blood, with different types of wounds,” he sighs, “They also experimented with electricity, poison, acid...”

“There were torturing them,” Seulgi says in a small voice, not looking in better shape than Hyeran and Baekhyun, “And then they dissected them…”

Stomach clawing at itself, Kyungsoo pushed his tin plate away before briefly closing his eyes.

“When did this happened?”  Joohyun asks after glancing at him.

“I don’t know, the journals were not dated. It could be when the virus started…”

It’s a weird silence that surrounds them after Baekhyun’s words. Heavy and gruesome, yet sordidly curious.

Of course, Baekhyun could be right, and those experiments could have been conducted a century ago, back when nobody knew anything about how the infection worked.

But Kyungsoo cannot help but think it could have very well happened more recently.

And he knows Instinctives have lost their human side; he witnessed it, he killed some. But the idea of someone purposefully torturing them, someone he might even _know_ makes him want to throw up.

“Why the long faces?” Minseok scoffs, looking at the group with a raised brow, apparently unaffected.

“They were _people_ ,” Kyungsoo says after a short silence, frowning at how casual the man is, “People who had families, friends…”

He is tired, and he doesn’t want to talk. But the man has the ability to set him off so easily.

“Wait a second,” Minseok laughs, “Are you bringing up _ethics_ , here?” he asks, disbelief in his tone, “We’re talking about monsters that will rip your throat the first chance they get!”

“And that gives us the right to act like monsters too?”

“I didn’t see you questioning your integrity when you put bullets through their brains.”

Instantly, the image of Yerim flashes in his mind, the clear memory of the hole in her forehead making his inside twist painfully.

“Trying to survive is different from _torturing_ a living being,” Jongin objects by his side, having probably noticed Kyungsoo’s distressed expression.

“Yeah, whatever you need to help you sleep at night,” Minseok snickers, going back to eating his dinner with an eye-roll.

“So, now what?” Joohyun ends up asking after a few minutes.

“The bombs are almost ready,” Minseok says, slouching in his chair, “I should be able to finish everything tomorrow, while you go and connect the alarm system to your friend’s music player,” he continues, making it sounds like an easy task, “Of course you have to power it up first, so you’ll have to be on two different teams again.

“And you’ll be in here, safe and sound,” Kyungsoo snorts, “ _Again_.”

“You have a better plan? Let’s hear it!” Minseok mocks him, crossing his arms.

Remaining silent, Kyungsoo looks away, before feeling Jongin’s hand slipping in his own.

“That’s what I thought,” Minseok sneers, “So, once you’ve done that, you’ll have to test it out. Make sure to make it only last for a few seconds, and with a low volume, just the time to know it works,” he adds, sipping on water, “You don’t want to attract them, yet.”

“What if it does draw them near?”

“Then run,” Minseok shrugs, looking unconcerned, “We’ll place the explosive charges the following day. That’ll take some time. I made eight of them, and that’s meters and meters of wires that we have to unwind in the entire tunnels,” he explains, eyeing the armory room closed door, behind which he spent all his time for days, “Prudence is key here. We’ll be carrying _explosives_. Do _not_ fire guns.”

“But what if we get attacked?” Hyeran protests, eyes widening, “There’s bound to be Instinctives in the tunnels!”

“Be creative,” Minseok replies with yet another shrug.

And really, the man sucks at talking people into something, but Kyungsoo stays quiet. He is not sure he would do a better job at convincing people to go on a potential suicide mission.

“And make sure to come back alive. We will leave the next morning.”

  
“Are you scared?” Jongin asks him in a whisper, later that night, as they lie into bed.

“Only about what could happen to you,” Kyungsoo answers easily, because this is all he has been worried about since the storm hit the city.

“But we’ll stay together, right?”

Kyungsoo lowly hums with a nod, before his lips find Jongin’s for a long and slow kiss.

“I told you I wouldn’t let you out of my sight, didn’t I?” he murmurs, warm breaths mingling as his hands pull the younger closer.

“We’ll protect each other, then,” Jongin replies quietly, the ghost of a smile hovering on his inviting mouth.

There is sadness in his eyes, Kyungsoo can see it even in the dim blue lighting. But somehow, his boyfriend’s small grin seems to lift a bit of the weight burdening his heart.

So, with another affirmative hum, Kyungsoo brushes the tip of Jongin’s nose with his own, and snuggles closer, breathing deeply in the warmth surrounding him as he falls asleep.

 

**\----  
**

 

Kyungsoo’s stomach jumps in his throat after he almost drops the heavy fuel container for the third time in two hours. Of course, it had to start raining the afternoon before, right as they were reviving the alarm system.

They’re down in the tunnels, now, but the air is humid enough to make the metal slippery.

Jongin walks by his side, carrying the gunpowder container, alert eyes fixed on the darkness in front of them, Joohyun’s flashlight barely illuminating a couple of meters ahead and vacillating as she unwinds the wires loosely wrapped around her left shoulder.

Their feet are sloshing in puddles every now and then, the sound rendered even more disgusting coupled with the gag-inducing smell of mold and decaying flesh.

They’ve been walking for five hours on their own after splitting with the others where the subway lines intersect, and being three, versus the two teams of two, they were given the most extended tunnel branch to take care of.

Kyungsoo doesn’t know how much longer it is, but he hopes they at least walked through two-thirds of it. It’s already a miracle they only encountered a few Instinctives on the way, having to quietly take them down with knives.

It’s seconds before slamming into a big metal panel that Joohyun halts her steps with a gasp, her light suddenly flashing on the reflective surface.

She backs away, almost tripping on the rails, before pointing her torch at the large subway car blocking the way, the beam revealing the chipped paint the old company’s name had been written with.

“Well, I guess this is our stop,” Kyungsoo says, as he puts the container down between the rails, eyeing the huge rocks that smashed some of the windows

“Thank you for traveling with _Korail_ ,” Joohyun announces, using a soft and melodic voice, “You may now exit the train.”

“At your peril,” Jongin adds in a similar tone.

Little chuckles bouncing against the stone walls and echoing for a few seconds, they look at each other with sad smiles.

“All right, let’s connect this bad boy,” Joohyun eventually says, dropping the remaining wires and opening her backpack.

Carefully, they tape the dynamite to each container, making sure to place them a few meters apart, before connecting the wires to the sticks and stepping back.

“Should we list all the ways this could end badly again?” Kyungsoo says, eyes riveted on the explosive.

“I mean, we could get attacked and die before we even get the chance to see how it ends, so…” Joohyun trails with a shrug.

“Let’s just leave,” Jongin sighs, “I don’t wanna be blown up if Minseok fucks up when he connects the wires to the detonator.”

Thankfully, they don’t have to go all the way back to where the lines intersect, which is where Minseok and Seulgi are supposed to set the radio-control triggering device. About an hour back from where they stand, the roof of the tunnel had caved in, creating an opening to the surface. It had been a bitch to climb with the heavy containers and long wires, but it gives them the chance to get out rather quickly.

So after checking everything is set correctly, they start their trip back, grabbing rusted metal pieces of the rails that had been broken by collapsed parts of the stone walls. No gun firing in the tunnels, be creative. That’s what Minseok had said. Metal bars would work just as well as their knives.

Not having to carry the weighty containers, they reach the opening in almost half the time it took them the first time. With a relieved sigh, Kyungsoo positions himself, anchoring his feet on the ground and bending his knees, before intertwining his hands next to his thigh.

Joohyun steps closer first, placing her feet in his hands and giving an impulse on the ground so he can boost her up more easily.

Her fingers barely graze the concrete, and she ends up falling back down, losing her momentum when Kyungsoo’s body jerks around at the sounds coming from the darkness.

Hisses. Snarls. Growls.   
Too many of them.

“Fuck! I’m sorry!” Kyungsoo gaps, helping her up.

“I’m okay, don’t worry,” she immediately says, rubbing her scratched elbow and smearing the blood, “We need to get out of here. _Now_.”

Jongin steps forward, helping Kyungsoo to boost her up to the surface, making sure she managed to get a good grip, before Kyungsoo touches the younger’s arm, tugging him closer

“Your turn,” he says, positioning himself steadily again.

A minute later, Jongin is extending his arm, hoisting Kyungsoo up after he jumped to catch it, pulling as hard and fast as he can.

Kyungsoo feels fingers trying to claw at his dangling leg just as several gunshots echo behind Jongin, more snarls coming from a few meters ahead.

He quickly gets on his feet, shoes slipping on the mud as he reaches for his pistol. Jongin has started firing too, helping Joohyun to keep the Instinctives at bay, but one manages to dodge, grabbing the younger’s arm and throwing him away, his back violently colliding on a jagged rock as he lands.

Kyungsoo instantly aims, putting a bullet in the infected’s head, barely having the time to look at Jongin starting to stand before he has to kill more of them.

It’s a chaos of growls, screams, and gunshots as they get cornered right on the edge of the hole, the infected in the tunnels ferociously climbing on each other to try to reach them until Joohyun finally shoots the last one in front of them.

Kyungsoo can hear more coming, though, attracted by the commotion. He knows they need to leave, and just as he looks at Jongin, a bang resonates behind him, and the next seconds, his boyfriend falls to the ground with a deafening yell.

“Stay back!” Joohyun shouts, voice cracking and confusing Kyungsoo as he turns towards her in a swift motion, eyes widening when he sees her gun aimed at Jongin.

“What the hell?!!” he screams, running towards the younger, panic searing in every cell of his body when he sees blood flowing out of the gash in his thigh.

“He has been bitten!!! Look at his arm!!!”

“I haven’t!!” Jongin yells back, tone strained and face contorted in pain as he holds his leg.

Kyungsoo quickly starts applying pressure on the wound, wincing and apologizing when Jongin screams again.

“You’ll be okay! The bullet got out,” he says, seeing more blood mixing with the mud from the back of the younger’s thigh, “I’m gonna have to make a tourniquet. At least until we get you back at the bunk-”

The air is knocked out of his lungs when Joohyun’s foot kicks his side, sending him falling face down in a puddle, murky water surging inside his lungs through his nose as he gasps.

Coughing and spitting, he snaps his head around, blood boiling when he sees Joohyun’s gun a breath away from Jongin’s forehead.

He doesn’t think, does not take the time to analyze any further. He only acts on fear and instinct, when he lunges forward and tackles the girl with an enraged roar.

The surprise of the impact pushes her finger against the trigger, and just as a gunshot reverberates in the air, Kyungsoo feels their bodies fall down the hole in the ground.

At the last second, his arm jerks up, getting a grip on the edge and stopping him from landing in the horde of hungry Instinctives gathered right under, the stitches on his side stinging when his skin stretches.

It’s when he feels hands clawing around his waist that he realizes Joohyun is holding onto him, her legs already getting scratched by bloodied nails, extracting visceral ear-piercing screeches from her throat.

With all the strength he can mutter, Kyungsoo tries to hoist his body up, arms slipping on the mud, almost losing his grip as Joohyun keeps screaming, begging him in broken cries.

But her harrowing pleas suddenly falls deaf on his ears, when another shout, lower-pitched and way too familiar echoes a few meters away.

Breaking into cold sweats, Kyungsoo’s entire being rattles as he tries to lift himself again, but Joohyun weights him down. Her screams are splitting his eardrums, her nails scratching his skin the lower she slides, as she gets dragged to the bottom. He can feel her blood splashing on his ankles, the snarls getting louder and more ferocious as the Instinctives taste the crimson liquid.

Mind reeling, Kyungsoo manages to fully hook both arms above the ground, the jagged edge digging in his chest, only to spot Jongin on the ground, thrashing under an Instinctive, surrounded by more of them, his pistol laying in the mud, out of reach.

And later, Kyungsoo will probably think of this as a decision he consciously took.

But as he starts violently kicking his legs, compelling Joohyun to drop lower until she ultimately has to let go with a deafening shriek, he knows, deep down, this is not a choice.

At this moment, saving her is not an option.

It has always been Jongin. And as long as Kyungsoo will be breathing, it will always be Jongin.

In seconds, Kyungsoo finally stands on the mud, pounces forward and grabs the gun on the ground, then he fires.

A wave of additional gunshots coming from his right finishes taking down the few Instinctives left, and without even acknowledging Baekhyun and Hyeran, Kyungsoo rushes towards Jongin, throwing himself on his knees, hands grabbing limbs and touching skin, looking for bite marks.

He can feel his tears mixing with the rain on his face as he pants, watching his boyfriend’s face contorted in pain. The metallic smell of blood mixed with mud is invading his nose when he ties a shred of fabric he ripped from his shirt with his knife, high on Jongin’s thigh.

He vaguely hears Minseok’s voice answering Baekhyun’s, but with panic still coursing in his veins and heartbeat whooshing in his ears, he can’t register what it is about.

When Hyeran drops on the opposite side of Jongin, Kyungsoo glances at her, eyes pleading for something he doesn’t know how to voice out.

“We need to bring him back to the bunker,” she says in a loud voice to the three others, “ _Now_!”

Hands trembling and teeth chattering from dread and adrenaline, Kyungsoo loses track of the hours as they carry Jongin, only snapping back when his boyfriend blindly reaches for his hand after they lie him down on the bed in the medical room.

Instantly, he closes his fingers around Jongin’s palm, his other hand brushing away the damp hair away from his face.

“I don’t think the bullet touched the artery,” Hyeran says in a shaky voice as her red-covered hands untie the makeshift tourniquet and the blood doesn’t start flowing out again, “We- We need to clean the wound,” she adds, sounding so unsure it sends a new wave of anxiety rushing in Kyungsoo’s body.

He can’t blame her, though. This is nothing like his own bullet wound. And Hyeran has no medical training whatsoever.

Jongin needs a doctor, a real one.

But this is not a luxury they can afford at this moment. The bleeding might have slowed down, but the gashes still need to be closed.

“You can use that,” Seulgi says, popping up by Hyeran’s side with a big bottle of saline solution.

Tearing his eyes away from Jongin’s agonizing expression, he glances at them and sees Hyeran grab the bottle with shaky hands.

The two girls then struggle to lower Jongin’s pants, extracting broken sobs from the boy who crushes Kyungsoo’s hand when they lift his leg.

A new gush of screams echoes in the room when Hyeran starts flooding the wound with the solution, clear liquid turning red as it splashes everywhere on the ground, on the bed, on her clothes. Kyungsoo ignores the drops landing on his cheek as he murmurs encouraging words to Jongin, heart shattering at the intensity of the pain visible on his face.

“Jongin? Jongin, can you hear me?” he asks, his voice cracking as he tries not to break down.

He only gets incoherent sobbed moans in response as Hyeran pads around the wound with gauze.

“Listen, you’re going to be okay,” he says, although he is not sure if he wants to convinced Jongin or himself, at this point, “We’re gonna stitch you up, all right?”

“Kyungsoo…” Hyeran breathes, forcing him to look at her when he hears how strained her tone is, “I’ve… I’ve never done stitches…”

“Do you know how to sew?”

“Yes, but-”

“Then do it,” he firmly says, locking his eyes in her watery ones, “Please.”

“O-okay…”

“It hurts,” Jongin wails in a sob, and instantly, Kyungsoo refocuses his attention on him.

“I know, baby,” he says, bending down to brush a kiss on Jongin’s temple, then another one on his sweaty forehead, “I know. But I need you to hold on for a little longer, okay?”

Jongin weakly nods, face scrunched up, and Kyungsoo presses his lips on his temple once more.

“It’s gonna… I-...”

Glancing at Hyeran, Kyungsoo sees her hand quivering right above Jongin’s thigh, a thick curved needle stuck between her fingers.

“You can do it,” he says, resisting the urge to snap at her and tell her to _hurry up_ , “I trust you.”

The loud cries don’t come as a surprise when the needle pierces the severed skin, but they still bring bile all the way up Kyungsoo’s throat.

His free hand lifts Jongin’s head, cradling it in his neck, in an attempt of both infusing strength and comfort into his boyfriend’s and hiding his flowing tears from him.

It takes probably longer than necessary, but Hyeran eventually closes the wound.

It’s not over yet, however, and it’s with incessant apologies coming out of his lips that Kyungsoo has to help her and Seulgi to flip Jongin on his stomach, giving way to the girl to work on the exit wound.

_“_ Make it stop,” Jongin begs amongst sobbed pleas, crushing Kyungsoo’s soul.

“I know it hurts,” the elder whispers in his ears, his own voice hoarse with how bad he tries to keep it from breaking, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. It’ll be over soon, I promise. Just hold on, okay? Just a little longer.”

Minutes feel like hours as Jongin keeps crying, his body trembling under Kyungsoo’s hands, until finally, a faint clipping sound indicates Hyeran cut the thread.

Tasting sweat and mud as he kisses Jongin’s nape, Kyungsoo glances at her, the girl nodding to confirm she is done before she starts gently cleaning the scratch on his boyfriend’s arm.

“It’s okay, baby, it’s over now,” Kyungsoo murmurs, pressing his forehead against the back of Jongin’s head, “You did great, you were so brave. I’m so proud of you,” he breathes, his voice mixing with Jongin’s vulnerable moans.

The metallic smell of blood is still stuck in his nose, blending with the bitter scent of sweat covering Jongin’s skin and the strong one from the antiseptic.

Jongin is still shaking, lowly groaning when Hyeran applies a bit too much pressure on the scrape, but Kyungsoo can see he is about to fall asleep.

“K-Kyungsoo…”

The short moment of relief evaporates as he hears the tension in Seulgi’s voice, and his head snaps towards her, only to find her eyes riveted not on him, but on Jongin’s lower back.

Following her gaze, he notices the younger’s shirt had riled up when they flipped him around, but from how low Kyungsoo is bent, he doesn’t see what she is staring at. He has to straighten a bit to finally catch a glimpse, and his body breaks into cold sweats yet again at the sight of the massive bruise blossoming on Jongin’s skin. Reds and plums are melding with navy patches, extending all over the curve of the younger’s lower back in an almost artistic design, as if someone had tried their hands on an abstract representation of a sunset.

“He got thrown onto a rock,” Kyungsoo explains, unable to look away from the contusion.

“I can’t do anything about it,” Hyeran says, guilt dripping from her tone, “We don’t even have ice…”

“He’s gonna be okay,” Seulgi whispers when Kyungsoo doesn’t answer, and the elder shakily sighs, nodding.

There is nothing he can say, nothing he can do but pray for Jongin to hold on. He knows they need to leave. He will carry him if he has to, no matter how long the journey back home is. And he is almost certain Baekhyun will volunteer to help without even Kyungsoo having to ask. Maybe he can find something to assemble in a makeshift stretcher.

But for now, Jongin needs to rest. Knowing the younger will at least not be able to feel the pain as much, in his sleep, Kyungsoo plants one last kiss on his cheek, fingers brushing his muddy hair, and lets him drift away.

He doesn’t want to leave his side, but as Hyeran and Seulgi open the door to go, he hears Minseok and Baekhyun arguing, Jongin’s name coming out of the eldest’ mouth with angry accents.

So with one last look towards a sleeping Jongin, he wipes the tears on his face with the back of his hand and exits the room.

He has not taken one step out, though, that his personal space gets immediately invaded by Minseok.

“Did he got bitten?” the man asks with narrowed eyes, trying to see inside the room.

“No,” Kyungsoo firmly replies, closing the door in a swift motion to prevent him from peeking.

“Scratched, then?”

“No.”

“Mind if I check?”

Minseok’s hand barely has the time to land on Kyungsoo’s shoulder, most likely to push him away, that he gets shoved to the side by Baekhyun.

“I told you to back off,” he spits, hinting that Minseok might have tried to come in the medical room before, “If Kyungsoo says he didn’t get bitten or clawed, then he didn’t.”

“And you’re gonna believe him?” Minseok scoffs, crossing his arms, “When he could be lying? It’s his boyfriend, of course he’s gonna say that.”

“I trust him more than I trust _you_ ,” Baekhyun crudely states, stepping next to Kyungsoo to completely block the access to the room, “So yes, I believe him. Now _back off_.”

“Seulgi?”

“I… I trust Kyungsoo too,” she hesitates, “I didn’t see any bite marks…”

Deep down, Kyungsoo reminds himself to thank her, later, for not mentioning all the scratches on Jongin’s skin could have very well been the work of both rocks and an infected.

“Don’t they teach you how to be grateful where you come from?” Minseok asks, grabbing Kyungsoo’s attention back.

“What does being grateful have to do with anything,” Hyeran asks, her irritated tone surprising him.

“Clearly, none of you trust me, right now!”

“Trust you?!” Baekhyun gapes, evidently mad, “So we should be grateful that you tried to kill Yerim?”

Kyungsoo’s stomach drops at the name, but he tries to ignore it, concentrating on Minseok’s smug expression.

“Short memory, huh?” the man says with a smirk, leaning against the wall, “From what I heard, your list of friends you killed is longer than mine. What was his name again? Sehun, right?” he asks, raising a brow, “And didn’t lover-boy shoot two of them? If I remember well, even our princess here has a nice count too,” he adds, nudging his chin towards Kyungsoo, “Do I need to ask where Joohyun is?”

Seulgi’s quiet gasp gets swallowed in the thick silence following Minseok words, the four them staring at the man who looks way too nonchalant for the topic he just brought up.

“I didn’t kill any of your friends,” Minseok continues, “I even saved your asses several times. And I gave you a way of leaving this place,” he points out with a snort, “So yes, you _should_  be grateful.”

As if to let his words sink in, Minseok pauses, looking at them one by one, before straightening his stance.

“I’m still leaving tomorrow, I don’t care who comes and who doesn’t,” he says, slightly shaking his head, before turning towards Seulgi and reaching his hand out, “Give me the walkie-talkie.”

Kyungsoo is about to protest, to tell her not to hand the device, but when he looks at her, he notices the tears pooling in her eyes.

“I…”

“Give me the fucking walkie-talkie,” Minseok insists, taking a step towards her but being blocked right away by Baekhyun.

“I...I don’t have it.”

All eyes fly in her direction, and Kyungsoo frowns as he sees the tears starting to flow out.

“What do you mean you don’t have it?” Minseok spits between gritted teeth, his earlier nonchalance long gone, “I gave it to you this morning.”

“I… I gave it to someone else,” she chokes, letting Hyeran come closer and wrap an arm around her.

“Who?”

“...Joohyun.”


	7. Chapter 7

It’s already noon the next day when Jongin emerges from his slumber.

Kyungsoo had withdrawn back inside the medical room, right after Minseok had literally flipped the table out of anger, following Seulgi’s revelation.

“Guess we’re not leaving tomorrow,” Baekhyun had said as they looked at Minseok stomping in the dorm.

Kyungsoo heard the eldest leaving the bunker early this morning, briefly telling the others he would be back soon. No further explanation was given, but Kyungsoo didn’t care, all his attention focused on Jongin.

He spent the night on a chair by his side, closely watching him, heart sinking deeper with each frown creasing Jongin’s brows and each low, pained moans he let out in his sleep. For hours, he kept brushing a cloth dampened with fresh water on the younger’s face, neck and arms, cleaning the sweat, hoping it would help to ease his pain, or at least his discomfort, even if just a little.   
Hoping even in his slumber, Jongin would know he was there, and that he would not leave.

Kyungsoo’s breath halts for a few seconds when Jongin finally opens his eyes, before his heart starts pounding.

He stands, the chair scraping on the ground as he leans in, just a bit, so Jongin won’t have to move to see him.

“Hey…”

Glazed eyes blinking, Jongin’s vision seems to focus on the elder’s face, and Kyungsoo gets graced with a small smile when he recognizes him.

His voice is husky when he greets Kyungsoo’s back, and his face scrunches only a short moment later, the pain most likely making itself known again.

“How are you feeling?” Kyungsoo asks in a soft voice, cupping Jongin’s jaw, thumb brushing his cheekbone.

“I’m gonna need a minute before I can get ready for the day,” the younger says in a feeble attempt of a joke.

“No running around for you, today,” Kyungsoo answers, eyes watering but still grinning back as relief hits him like a tidal wave.

“What, you’re gonna carry me out the fence?” Jongin says with a weak chuckle, wincing when it jerks his chest and back, reminding Kyungsoo of the gigantic bruise.

“The plan fell apart…”

“What? Why?”

“We...lost the second walkie-talkie,” he answers, trying to stay away from the details.

He has had a lot of time to think about it during the night. No one has mentioned it, yet, but they all know.

It is Kyungsoo’s fault. He ruined everything when he favored saving Jongin instead of helping Joohyun. He let her get taken, let her get killed. And the hope of leaving this hellhole died with her.

“Oh… Was it…” Jongin starts, visibly hesitant, “D-did Joohyun have it?”

“...Yeah. She did.”

“Why?”

“Seulgi gave it to her-”

“No. I mean, why did you do that?” the younger says, looking so lost it’s hurting Kyungsoo just to think Jongin knows it’s his fault, too, “Why did you choose me?”

Frowning as he stares into Jongin’s eyes, Kyungsoo remains silent, not believing this is a question that could have ever crossed his boyfriend’s mind. Even more considering none of them knew Joohyun had that goddamn walkie-talkie.

He was not even aware Jongin had seen what happened in the chaos.

But he looks like he is waiting for an answer, so, despite knowing how selfish it will sound, Kyungsoo gives him the most genuine reply he has.

“I didn’t choose,” he says, shaking his head as the memories resurface, “It will always be you. Even if I had known she had it with her…it would’ve been you. I’ll do anything to save you… _Anything_.”

“You’re an idiot,” Jongin says after a short silence, scolding words canceled out by his gentle tone.

And Kyungsoo can see it in his eyes, the gratitude he cannot put in words, in fear of seeming glad for the death of their friend.

So Kyungsoo nods, more as an answer to the silent thank you than to agree with the spoken statement, and lays a light kiss on the younger’s lips.

“What are we gonna do, then?” Jongin asks after a short silence.

“I don’t know… But for now, you need to drink some water, and eat a little,” he says as his knuckles brush Jongin’s cheek, “You lost a lot of blood.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Could you at least try? For me?”

“...Okay.”

“Good. Let’s raise you up a bit,” Kyungsoo smiles, circling Jongin’s shoulders with his arms to lift his torso up and make it easier for him to swallow.

He tries to be as careful as he can, but the motion still extorts a strained groan from Jongin, before he feels the younger freeze against him.

“Kyungsoo…”

“What?”

“I can’t- I can’t move them… I can’t move my legs!”

Stilling, it takes a few seconds for the words to register in Kyungsoo’s mind, and he quickly changes his hold on Jongin to look at his lower limbs, freeing one of his hands to rip the thin blanket away.

The skin around the gauze covering his wound looks irritated but not much more than what is to be expected, and apart from that and the few scratches, nothing seems out of place.

And it is only when he spots a small bruise on his chin, that everything clicks in his brain.

Once again adjusting his grip as delicately as he can, Kyungsoo leans the other way, lifting the clean shirt he put on Jongin during the night.

Black, blue and purple, the bruise got even more prominent, running under the skin like watercolor paint on a soaked paper.

Kyungsoo doesn’t know much about medicine, or anatomy. But he does know violent falls could cause spinal cord injuries, which in turn would result in paralysis.

Ears buzzing, he doesn’t hear Jongin’s call as his head starts spinning, feeling nauseous enough to need to squeeze his eyes shut.

It takes all his willpower to snap back out of the state of horror his thoughts are pinning him into, and it’s only because he knows Jongin must be terrified, that he forces himself to start breathing again.

Trying to keep his hand from shaking, he reaches out and presses his fingertips on Jongin’s unharmed thigh.

“Can you feel this?”

“Y-yes, but I can’t move them! I’m trying! I swear I’m trying!”

“Shht, it’s okay,” Kyungsoo whispers in a trembling breath, “What about this?” he asks, pressing a little lower, right on his kneecap.

“I feel it… What’s happening?!”

Kyungsoo spends a couple of minutes testing different parts of both legs, pressing, pinching, brushing, with each time an affirmative reply. Jongin’s voice is getting more distressed, however, so Kyungsoo decides to explain what he thinks is going on, keeping his words careful and his voice as calm as he can, to avoid scaring the younger even more.

“But you still have sensations,” he says, forcing himself to smile, even if it feels fake, “I think that’s good! I’m sure the doctors at home will be able to fix it,” he adds, making his way back to Jongin’s side and taking him in his arms.

Jongin stills, eyes riveted on his legs, and it takes long seconds before he answers, his voice completely flat, tired.

“How am I even supposed to go back, like that.”

Despite the interrogative form, the tone is not questioning.

“We’ll find a solution,” Kyungsoo instantly says, refusing to let Jongin think he will not make it, “I was planning on making a stretcher,” he adds, remembering his thoughts from last night, “I’ll carry you.”

“Kyungsoo…”

“No. Please don’t,” he says, closing his eyes, “I’m gonna bring you back home, period.”

“Kyungsoo-”

“I said _no_.”

Eyelids still shut, he feels Jongin sigh against him, his head dropping on the elder’s chest, and Kyungsoo takes a second to be thankful he stopped arguing. He is not even sure what Jongin wanted to say; he just knows he would have hated it.

The relief is short-lived, though, as he hears some banging coming from the main room, followed by voices growing louder. A second later, the door is opening, Minseok stomping inside, the three others on his heels.

Instinctively, Kyungsoo’s body tenses, fearing the man would try something on Jongin, but to his surprise, Minseok simply looks at them, and steps aside to let their friends come in.

He barely has time to see Hyeran’s eyes light up when she notices Jongin is awake, before Minseok starts talking, grabbing back everyone’s attention.

“I went back to the tunnel,” he says, earning gasps and surprised looks, “I tried to find her.”

Of course, he doesn’t need to pronounce her name for all of them to know he is referring to Joohyun, and despite the urge of looking away, Kyungsoo forces himself to listen.

“And?” Baekhyun asks, hesitant.

“She wasn’t down there anymore. Or at least nowhere I had time to look.

“So that’s it?” Hyeran says, voice wavering, “We can’t leave?”

“No, we still can,” Minseok states, sounding both confident yet somehow unsure.

“How? We don’t have a plan B,” Baekhyun says with a frown.

“I did some...adjustments on the walkie-talkie connected to the wires. To be completely honest, this is why I went over there. Finding her was only an option.”

“So, what does that mean?” Seulgi asks, looking just as confused as they all seem to be.

Kyungsoo is not, though. He knows exactly why Minseok is about to tell them.

“It means the bombs can still be detonated,” the man simply says.

“How?”

Kyungsoo’s eyes glide on his friend’s faces, witnessing the creases between their brows getting deeper. He feels Jongin tilt his head, right under his chin, probably just as puzzled.

And it hurts him, knowing someone will have to crush their hope. But Minseok seems to be waiting for them to realize on their own, so Kyungsoo lets out a tired sigh and opens his mouth.

“Someone has to stay behind to trigger it manually.”

“But…”

Seulgi’s doesn’t finish her sentence, and Kyungsoo watches the words sink in her widening eyes, feeling Jongin’s body gradually tensing against his chest.

The silence is heavy, suffocating, locking them where they stand.

Until Hyeran breaks it.

“How… How do we decide who-...”

“I’ll do it,” Minseok says with a sigh, surprising everyone, especially Kyungsoo.

Did he not plan on leaving, yesterday? With or without them? It doesn’t make any sense that he would suddenly be willing to sacrifice himself after everything he did.

But Kyungsoo doesn’t get the chance to be suspicious any longer when Seulgi intervenes.

“No! You’re the only one who really knows your way around the city!” she exclaims, taking a step towards the man, “You know where the breach is! We need you to get us out of here!”

This is more than Kyungsoo has heard her say in a while, now, and he can help but remember how talkative she used to be, back home.

“She’s right,” Baekhyun says, sounding like he doesn’t enjoy admitting it, “You’re also the only one who knows how to survive in the wastelands.”

“Then who will?” the man asks with another sigh, and for the first time, Kyungsoo catches a glimpse of exhaustion in his eyes.

As conceited and rude Minseok has been, Kyungsoo finally realizes he might have been hiding how drained he really feels, and how heavy the weight he carries is. Enough for him to feel bad for being so confronting with the man all along.

Lost in his thoughts as he stares at Minseok, he almost misses the familiar voice echoing in the quiet room.

“I’ll stay.”

Jongin.

Kyungsoo doesn’t get angry, does not burst out in protest. He just sighs and shakes his head.

He doesn’t have the strength to fight again. Jongin staying behind is not an option.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” he tiredly says without even looking at his boyfriend.

“Someone has to do it,” Jongin replies, head tilting up with a pained hiss when his upper body leans a bit back, “I have to do it. I can’t come with you, anyway.”

“Stop.”

“I can’t move my legs!”

“What?” Hyeran gasps and Kyungsoo sees her eyes widen as she stares at Jongin’s limbs.

“I said no,” Kyungsoo says, tone firmer as he tries to remain composed, “We talked about this already. You’re going home.”

“I’ll slow you down if you have to carry me!”

“You are _not_ staying behind,” Kyungsoo says, pronouncing every word slowly.

“I’ll be a burden, back at home!” Jongin keeps going, “I can’t uselessly waste medical supplies other people need!”

“Jongin! I said no!” Kyungsoo finally snaps, losing his patience.

He doesn’t want to hurt him, but he refuses to hear Jongin talk about his own death any longer.

“Let’s draw straws, then,” Minseok eventually says when the atmosphere grows tenser.

Without waiting for them to agree, the man turns around and opens a random drawer, rummaging inside.

Surgical scissors in hand, Minseok cuts a square gauze into six strips, before chopping one in half and gathering them all in his fist, only leaving about a centimeter of each of them visible.

“Wait,” Seulgi speaks up once again, “Take a long one out. You’re not drawing.”

Minseok stares at her, and Kyungsoo watches as they seem to communicate wordlessly, before the man turns to the rest of them, a question in his eyes.

Nods answer him, and he eventually complies, opening his hand and quickly removing a strip.

When he curls his fingers back against his palm, finally extending his arm in front of them, Kyungsoo lets out a shaky breath.

He saw where the short one is. Now he just has to draw before Jongin’s turn, if no one else picks it before.

“Whatever happens,” Hyeran says, “We all agree not to object.”

A glance towards her is enough for Kyungsoo to understand she is talking to her boyfriend, asking him to accept the result if she is the one picking the short strip.

He feels guilty for hoping one of his friends will draw it before he does, secretly hoping Baekhyun would. He knows how much the elder loves Hyeran. It would crush him beyond repair if she had to be the one staying behind.

If Jongin were not part of the equation, Kyungsoo would have not even let the girls be part of it.

“No objection, then,” Minseok confirms for them all, before looking at Kyungsoo with a small smile, “Ladies first?”

Somehow, his tone is almost friendly, so Kyungsoo rolls his eyes, sending him a pointed look.

The girls visibly missed the bad joke, though, because they both step forward and reach a hand at the same time. Exchanging glances as they grab one stripe each, they both take a deep breath and pull.

A long one. For them both.

Baekhyun subtly breathes out in relief, taking Hyeran’s hand in his and tugging her back by his side.

And Kyungsoo had selfishly planned on letting Baekhyun draw next, as horrible as it feels to be ready to send his friend to death if it meant he could stay with Jongin.

But the second his boyfriend reaches out his fingers towards Minseok’s fist, going for the one Kyungsoo _knows_ is the short stripe, his breath hitches, and his own hand jerks forward, fingertips clasping around the piece of gauze.

Gulping, he stares at it, still clasped in Minseok’s hold, knowing he just sealed his fate.

He spent the last weeks trying to save Jongin, in every way possible, yet not quite succeeding. And it’s almost ridiculous, that a piece of gauze would be what assures him that Jongin would be safe. That he would return home.

He makes a mental note of discussing with the others, out of Jongin’s earshot. He needs to make them promise they will take care of him, during the five-day long journey back.  
Then, breathing in and out slowly, he drags the strip out.

Confused, he stares at the white shred dangling between his fingers.  
Why does it extend so low? Should it not be half this size?

He doesn’t understand. Why does he have a long stripe in his hand? It doesn’t make any sense.  
He _saw_ it, in Minseok’s palm. The short one, visible part laying on the man’s thumb.  
That’s the one Jongin was about to grab. So that’s the one Kyungsoo _did_ catch.

He keeps blinking, mind both rushing with incoherent thoughts and blanking completely.  
It was _right there_.

It’s when he hears a sob that Kyungsoo snaps out of it, eyes flying to his left to find Hyeran holding Baekhyun tight against her, arms wrapped around his neck.

A quick glance at Minseok, and he sees his hand is now back on his side, empty.

Looking back at the couple, his heart squeezes uncomfortably as she tries to muffle her cries in Baekhyun’s shoulder.

That’s when it hits him. Baekhyun must have drawn the short stripe while he was lost in his confused mind.

But then, Hyeran leans away, just a little, her teary gaze falling on Jongin.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers in a strangled voice.

“It’s okay,” Jongin replies with a sad chuckle, puzzling Kyungsoo all over again, “I guess it’s fate.”

And Kyungsoo sees it.

Laying flat in Jongin’s palm.

“No…” he breathes, head suddenly spinning as his body breaks into cold sweats.

His ears start buzzing, stomach flipping and legs wobbling.

“You’re not doing this,” he says, shaking his head, eyelids shutting when Jongin lifts resigned eyes in his direction, “You’re not…”

“We agreed on no objection,” Minseok says, in a strangely gentle voice.

But Kyungsoo doesn’t care about the man sudden change of attitude.

“Shut up!” he snaps, “You are _not_ staying here!” he tells Jongin, “You don’t have to! _We_ don’t have to do this! We can just set the alarm on and run!”

His words are frantic, body growing tenser by the second. He doesn’t even notice how hard his hand is clamping Jongin’s shoulder until the younger winces, face scrunching in pain at the bruising hold.

“No, we can’t,” Minseok retorts, “They might be feral, but they’re not stupid. They’re still predators. As soon as they realize no one is in the tunnels, they’ll start chasing us.”

“He’s right,” Seulgi says, and if Kyungsoo were in his right mind, he would probably wonder why she seems to defend Minseok so fiercely, today, making Kyungsoo feel betrayed.

But he is not, and albeit making sense, her next words fall deaf on his ears.

“We’ll never make it out of the fence,” she continues, “There’re too many of them, and we don’t have enough ammo.”

“I don’t care! We’ll find a solution!” he exclaims, feeling like everything is slipping through his fingers.

“There is no other solution,” Minseok firmly rejects.

“Then I’ll stay instead!”

“No!”

The vehement objection startles Kyungsoo, and he turns his head towards Jongin, eyes bulging out.

“Please,” Jongin whispers, so low Kyungsoo doesn’t think the others even heard.

“Jongin… No...”

“It’s okay,” the younger says, tugging Kyungsoo so he would sit next to him, the saddest smile Kyungsoo has ever witnessed grazing his chapped lips, “This is why I wanted to join the military, remember?”

“Please don’t do this…” Kyungsoo says, fighting the urge to take him in his arms, not only in fear of hurting his back even more, but terrified it would make it all real when he is still trying to escape this nightmare.

How can someone still be so breathtakingly beautiful, when they’re talking about sacrificing themselves?  How can he look so strong, when his body is now just as broken as his heart?

“Dying… If it is to save you...I don’t mind. There is no better way of going.”

How can Kyungsoo fall in love again, when Jongin already owns his soul?  
How is he supposed to accept that so-called fate when it is ripping his heart out of his chest?  
How can Jongin even fathom asking him to do this?

The younger did not even mention the others. Only him.

He doesn’t mind sacrificing himself if it saves Kyungsoo.

And the feeling echoes so deep in Kyungsoo’s chest, down to his core, through every cell of his being, from all the time he thought the same, that his next words come out before he even realizes it.

Because once again, this is not a choice he has to make.

If Jongin stays…

“Then I’ll stay with you.”

The silence is heavy when Jongin sighs, their eyes locked.

“Kyungsoo, you-”

“Don’t you remember?” the elder softly interrupts, a comforting smile shadowing on his lips, “Wherever you go…”

“...You go, too.”

“Exactly,” he nods, cupping Jongin’s face, before grinning a bit wider, “And that includes crossing the town to watch those old action movies you like so much in that decrepit theater…just as much as standing by your side in a tunnel swarming with Instinctives.”

“You said you liked those movies too,” Jongin says with the smallest chuckle.

“I don’t. I hate them. But I never cared,” Kyungsoo admits with a shrug, “As long as you were happy. As long as I could hold your hand and see your smile.”

At these words, Jongin’s lips stretch a little more, and Kyungsoo feels fingers sliding against his palm, intertwining with his own.

“...Together, then?”

There is a spark in Jongin’s eyes as he asks this question. It’s fragile, flickering beyond the tears pooling on his waterline, but Kyungsoo can see it.

Relief. Gratitude.

Love.

So Kyungsoo nods, hand tightening around Jongin’s.

“Together.”

 

**\----  
**

 

“Can you ask Minseok to come in here for a minute?” Jongin asks in a light tone when the elder gets up from the chair, about to exit the room to get them some food, “I wanna be really sure I won’t mess up, tomorrow.”

Kyungsoo looks at him and nods, softly smiling back.

“Oh, and can I get some hot chocolate?” Jongin adds, looking a bit sheepish and earning a little chuckle from Kyungsoo.

“Of course.”

It’s weird how serene they have been since they decided to stay behind together, as if they could finally rest.

Everything will be over soon, and it’s with laced fingers, looking at each other, that it’ll end.

It’s odd. But strangely cathartic, in a way. Jongin’s smile looks more genuine, and the air Kyungsoo breathes almost feel fresh and light.

It’s like a burden has been lifted, allowing them just to exist, and enjoy each other’s presence, without the weight of everything that happened. By tomorrow night, none of it will matter, and it feels liberating, not to wonder how they are gonna be able to live with all this for the rest of their lives.

So, it’s still with a smile that Kyungsoo makes his way in the main room, patting Minseok’s shoulder as he passes Jongin’s message. His grin stays in place as the man closes the medical room door behind him, knowing there is no reason to be suspicious anymore.

Minseok would have to be incredibly stupid to hurt the person supposed to save him, since Jongin would be the one pushing the button sealing their fate, while Kyungsoo’s job would be to keep the Instinctives away from the younger, long enough for the rest of the group to reach the breach in the fence.

Hyeran and Baekhyun are sending him worried glances, but he doesn’t care.

He keeps smiling as he gets Jongin’s drink ready, letting the water boil and filling their two tin plates with a bit more food than necessary.

Seulgi looks just as concerned when she comes out of the dorm room with her backpack visibly ready, eyeing him with her brows pulled together.

Kyungsoo chuckles, smiling at her.

“You can drop the long faces, you know,” he tells them, pouring the hot chocolate powder mix in the water, “I’m fine. _We_ are fine,” he insists, grin widening at the thought of Jongin blabbering about puppies a little earlier, “You should be worried about yourselves. You’re the ones who will have to put up with Minseok for at least five more days.”

His joke falls flat, the light tone only deepening the frown on their faces.

“Come on,” he sighs when he sees Hyeran’s teary eyes, guilt almost tangible around her, “Don’t be like that.”

“We’re just…” Baekhyun trails before he exhales, shrugging as he shakes his head, “I don’t even know what to say…”

“Then don’t say anything,” Kyungsoo gently tells him, “That’s okay too. Or at least tell me you’re planning on proposing soon,” he laughs, smirking at Baekhyun, “She’s been waiting since she turned eighteen.”

This finally seems to have the intended effect when he sees them both blushing, Hyeran ducking her head and Baekhyun gaping at him.

“Fine,” the boy eventually answers after clearing his throat, “I will.”

“Good!” Kyungsoo nods, before turning to Seulgi, “I’m sorry,” he says, surprising her, “I haven’t been the nicest to you, especially when Jongin went missing.”

“It’s...it’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. I’m really sorry. You did nothing wrong,” he says, hoping it would ease her mind to know this, “I think I knew it, deep down. But I wasn’t thinking straight, and I lashed out on you when you didn’t deserve any of it. So, I’m sorry.”

Kyungsoo is a bit taken aback when Seulgi strides towards him, almost wondering if she plans on slapping him, but a second later, her arms circle his waist, and she presses herself against his chest. Albeit surprised, he lets her, and closes his own arms around her shoulders, slowly rubbing her back when he feels her shaking.

“Thank you,” she says, choked voice muffled in his shirt, “I’m sorry, too.”

He doesn’t ask why she apologizes, because he knows.

Just like he was the one choosing to save Jongin, leading to Joohyun’s death, Seulgi was the one who had given the walkie-talkie to her.  
If she had kept it, the situation would have been entirely different, whether the girl had died or not.

So he just squeezes her, planting a kiss in her hair.

“When you’ll be back home, you better go and tell that girl you like her, all right?” he says, lightly pinching her waist, earning a surprised squeak.

“What?”

“Don’t pretend you don’t know who I’m talking about,” he says, raising a brown, “The one working at the school. What’s her name again?”

“Shut up,” she says, pushing his chest and stepping back, cheeks flushing as he laughs, happy to see she stopped crying.

He just finished setting the plates and cups on a small metal tray when Minseok comes out of the room, so with yet another smile for the three of them, Kyungsoo walks towards the man.

“Everything’s set?” he asks, pausing as Minseok stands in front of him.

“Yeah. We both know exactly what we have to do.”

“Good!” he nods, eyeing the closed door and waiting for Minseok to step aside so he can enter.

The man doesn’t move, however, and Kyungsoo sends him a questioning look when he notices the way he is staring at him.

“Is something wrong?”

“No. I just…”

The pause lasts quite long, but Kyungsoo waits, since Minseok seems to be searching the right words for what he has to say. And eventually, the man sighs.

“He had given up.”

Kyungsoo blinks at him confusedly, not sure what Minseok is talking about, and it must show on his face because the man starts explaining without him having to ask.

“Jongin. Back when I saved him,” he says, averting his eyes, “I patched him up while he was asleep, but when he woke up... He kept talking about a certain Kyungsoo, kept repeating that you were dead, that...he had left you behind,” he reveals, reminding Kyungsoo of how Jongin had cried in arms, tears mixing with the shower water, “I had no idea who you were, but I figured out just how much you meant to him when he threw himself at an Instinctive, after voluntarily dropping his gun.”

Breath hitching, Kyungsoo almost drops the tray.

“W-what?” he falters, distressed just at the thought of what could have happened.

“Yeah, I saved his life twice in a day, back then.”

“Why- Why are you telling me this? Why now?” he asks, taking a deep breath and willing his heart to calm down.

“I don’t know...” Minseok shrugs, glancing up at him.

Eventually, Kyungsoo sighs, slowly shaking his head.

“Well, it doesn’t matter anymore,” he breathes, “But...thank you for that. I never properly told you-”

“At all,” Minseok cuts him with a sneer, “Not even improperly.”

Seeing as the man dropped the tense mood, Kyungsoo smirks back.

“Yeah, well...I’m telling you _now_. Thank you, for saving him. For bringing him back to me.”

“You’re welcome. Although I definitely didn’t do it for you,” the man smugly jokes.

“Of course you didn't. You just said you didn’t know who I was.”

“Even if I did,” Minseok answers, before pursing his lips, expression more serious, “He’s a good kid,” he sighs, the word reminding Kyungsoo the man is indeed seven years older than Jongin, “I wish there were another solution…”

“It’s okay,” Kyungsoo quickly says, shaking his head, not wanting the atmosphere to turn bitter again, “Just try not to screw up and get them killed,” he adds, nudging his head behind him.

The tactic seems to work, and Minseok ends up rolling his eyes, sly smile back on his lips.

“Are you not even going to apologize for being a prick with me, all this time?” he scoffs, crossing his arms.

“Nope. You were a jerk, you deserved it.”

“And here I thought we were finally becoming friends,” the elder dramatically says, pretending to be heartbroken and extracting a snort out of Kyungsoo.

“You wish.”

For the next few seconds, Minseok goes back to staring at him, the smirk growing in a softer smile, confusing Kyungsoo.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Minseok says, shaking his head, “You better go. Lover-boy is waiting for his princess.”

And with one last amused puff, Kyungsoo nods and enters the medical room, balancing the tray on one arm to open the door, and closing it back with his hip.

“Hey.”

“Hey!”

Kyungsoo pauses, taking in the blinding smile greeting him. The same carefree beam Jongin offered him, the very first time they met. The one that has been Kyungsoo’s solace, through all these years.

As if his presence was enough for the younger to be perfectly happy. Like nothing else mattered, as long as Kyungsoo was here with him.

And he can feel his own grin widening until his cheeks hurt. Because Jongin is the first person he ever loved, the only one he ever intended to spend the rest of his life with. And in this messed up situation, he finds it comforting, almost peaceful, to know his wish came true.

Even if it happens earlier than he thought, Jongin will be the one by his side with until the day he dies.

  
“I wish we could go outside, tonight,” Jongin says a few hours later as they both lie in bed.

The younger is facing the ceiling on his own mattress, as Kyungsoo lies on his side on the one he moved from the dorm to the medical room, to avoid upsetting Jongin’s back.

“Why?” he asks, unable to stop staring at his boyfriend’s perfect profile.

“I wanna see the stars,” Jongin explains, glancing at Kyungsoo and exaggerating a pout.

Kyungsoo chuckles and gets up, wincing when the movement pulls on his stitches.

“Close your eyes,” he says, before turning the light off, plunging the room into blackness.

“What?”

“Just close your eyes, and imagine we’re back home,” he insists, bending down with his hands swarming in front of him as he takes small steps towards the bed.

His eyes have not adjusted to the dark, despite the medical room also having a dim blue light in the far corner, so he keeps blindly looking for his way back, and ends up hitting his toe on the bed leg.

“You’re okay?” Jongin laughs when Kyungsoo curses, hopping on one foot before losing balance and falling on the mattress with a squeaky yelp.

Face down against the sheets, Kyungsoo can’t help but joining Jongin’s hilarity, because no matter how much his toe hurts, Jongin’s high-pitched laughter is the most beautiful melody he has ever heard, and it still makes his stomach flutter and his heart bloom.

A hand pats the mattress beside his head, before landing on his hair when Jongin finally locates him, and Kyungsoo instantly reaches out and takes it in his own.

“I’m good,” he says, flopping higher to have his ear pressed on the thin pillow as he faces Jongin.

“So, now what?”

“Are your eyes shut?”

“Yep!”

“All right, now imagine we’re lying in the small backyard, behind the school building.”

“Where exactly?”

“Next to the wooden fence that borders the bakery,” Kyungsoo says, smiling in the dark because Jongin knows _precisely_ what spot he is talking about, and _why_ he chose that specific one.

“You’re so cheesy,” the younger guffaws, and even in the obscurity, Kyungsoo knows the blinding smile is back, probably joined by flushing cheeks.

“Do you see them, now?”

“See what?”

“The stars…”

“I sure did, that day,” the younger chuckles, clearly proud of his pun.

“Come on!” Kyungsoo insists as he squeezes Jongin’s hand, however unable to hold back a chortle.

“Fine, fine, I’m imagining!”

“How is it?”

Jongin takes some time before answering, but when he does, his voice sounds serene, at peace.

“Pretty,” he breathes, and Kyungsoo can hear the delicate smile in his tone, “It’s really pretty.”

And of course, Kyungsoo loves Jongin’s voice, but he loves his laugh even more.

“I know something even prettier,” he says, perfectly knowing how his boyfriend is going to react.

It takes only a second before he hears Jongin’s head snapping towards him, cackles echoing in the room.

“I swear to god, if you say ‘ _your eyes_ ’, I’m going to hit you.”

“Well, I was gonna say your smile, but your eyes are pretty too- Ouch!”

“I warned you!” Jongin giggles, his hand rubbing the spot he pinched on Kyungsoo’s forearm to ease the pain.

Kyungsoo listens, revels in the sounds of happiness, in the peace Jongin brings him, just by being here. Just by being himself.

And without thinking, he pushes himself up on his elbow and leans in. He finds him easily, even in the dark, and captures Jongin’s lips mid-laugh, as he did so often.

And just like each time, it feels like he can taste Jongin’s delight as their tongues brush, his hand cupping the side of his neck, for the sole purpose of feeling his heart pulse against his palm.

They will be okay. Because they’ll be together.

Kyungsoo is not afraid. Jongin is his universe, his everything. There is nothing to be scared of, as long as Jongin holds his hand.

 

**\----  
**

 

One step, two steps. A third one and breathe in.

Kyungsoo’s soapy scent invades his nose, and he waits a few seconds before he exhales.

He forced the elder to take a shower, this morning, smiling and insisting when Kyungsoo laughed, telling him how useless it was.

“All right, I’ll shower. _If_ you let me change the bandages on your thigh,” he had chuckled, deciding to play along.

And Jongin has been weak for Kyungsoo’s smile from the very start. So he softly grinned back and silently nodded.

He gets jostled when Kyungsoo slips on a small piece of debris, the elder immediately readjusting his grip on his thighs.

It is not the first time Kyungsoo carry him on his back. The last one was only a few months ago, after he hurt his ankle during close combat training.  
It was not that bad, and he could have walked. But Kyungsoo had crouched and invitingly smiled at him above his shoulder. So Jongin had complied, despite not usually liking being treated like a child.

If it made Kyungsoo happy, then Jongin was willing to swallow his pride, at least for a ride home.

He wishes he could have had the same choice, today. But the way his feet are dangling, limp on each side of Kyungsoo’s legs, proves he didn’t. Even if he can still feel his boyfriend’s fingers securely wrapped under his knees.

None of them is talking as they make their way to the tunnels. The four others are surrounding them, shotguns raised and heavy backpacks weighing them down. It’s almost funny, to think they’re protecting him, just so he can live long enough to die at the right moment.

They probably think his sacrifice is the most selfless decision someone could ever take.

Jongin’s viewpoint differs.

It’s pure selfishness that pushed him to volunteer in the first place. He didn’t expect them to understand, but Minseok did. And Jongin knows this is why the man agreed to his request.

Tightening his hold around Kyungsoo’s neck, Jongin buries his face in his boyfriend's shoulder when they start climbing down the rugged stairs. Darkness engulfs them, forcing the four others to turn their flashlights on.

Even with his nose against Kyungsoo’s shirt, the moldy smell still reaches his nose.

Jongin hates it.

It only takes about ten minutes to get to the spot where Minseok has set the detonator. The tunnels are eerie and strangely quiet. All he can hear is the dripping sound of water through the endless blackness.

A shiver runs through his entire body when Kyungsoo carefully crouches, and Baekhyun helps him getting down. His lifeless legs flop on the ground as he leans his back against the big rock behind him.

He can feel the cold sipping through his pants, the small puddle he landed on soaking the fabric.

He doesn’t mention it.

It’s useless, anyway.

He thanks Baekhyun with a smile and nods when Kyungsoo asks if he is comfortable.

He watches them all bring metal panels closer and pile debris around, as silently as they can, once again in this absurd attempt of keeping him alive so he can die later.

Kyungsoo helps them, making sure the space will be big enough to fit them both at the last moment.

“Let’s put that panel here. It’ll hide him from view, and I’ll just have to move it to join him,” the elder says, testing how heavy it is and giving an approving hum.

Jongin keeps his eyes on Kyungsoo, following his movements, trying to engrave every detail in his mind. Until finally, Minseok tells them it’s time to leave.

He remains silent as he watches Hyeran pull Kyungsoo into a hug, doesn’t say a word when Baekhyun does the same right after. He keeps stalling, gaze riveted on his boyfriend’s calm grin.

He can feel Minseok’s stare on him, knows he is running out of time when Seulgi turns and kneels in front of him, eyes full of tears.

So he forces a smile, and holds his hand out for Kyungsoo, in a silent request for help.

Immediately, his boyfriend is by his side, a hand around his waist to support him when he straightens his back.

It only takes a second.

And the next moment, he watches Kyungsoo’s eyes widen, his brow furrowing as he gasps at the pricking sensation in his neck.

The elder’s hand shoots up to touch the skin under his ear, right as Jongin withdraws the syringe needle.

Minseok was right. The sedative is fast-acting.

A few heartbeats later, the drug kicks in, and Jongin catches Kyungsoo’s upper body so he doesn’t fall, cradling him in his arms.

He can see the confusion in the elder’s glazed eyes.   
Fear, too.

“Jongin…”

“It’s okay. You’re okay,” he breathes, caressing the side of Kyungsoo’s face, softly smiling down at him and ignoring the gasps from his three friends, “You never wanted this life,” he says, willing his voice not to shake as a spark of betrayal starts shining in Kyungsoo’s eyes, “I won’t let you sacrifice yourself.”

Panicked fingers are trying to grab his arm, failing as his strength dwindles, so he frees one of his hands and takes Kyungsoo’s own.

“Don’t be mad, okay?” he whispers, only for Kyungsoo to hear, “You can’t come with me, this time.”

He keeps smiling when his boyfriend’s lids start to flutter, brushing his cheek again when he sees Kyungsoo fighting to stay awake.

“It’s my turn to save you.”

A lone tear silently rolls down Kyungsoo’s temple when he weakly shakes his head, eyes begging.

Jongin lifts him, dropping his own head so he can place one last kiss on Kyungsoo lips, and it’s with their breaths still melding, that he feels his body finally go limp in his arms.

He presses their foreheads together, squeezing his eyelids shut, to prevent the treacherous tears from coming out. Until he feels a hand on his shoulder, forcing him to look up at Minseok.

“I’m sorry,” the man says, puzzling him.

His confusion does not last long, however. Shock takes over when he hears a loud whack, a thick object invading his vision with a gust of air.

“What the hell?!”

His hand flies to press on Kyungsoo’s head, right where Minseok just hit him with a heavy wood rod.

“Are you fucking insane?” Baekhyun yells, shoving the man away as Hyeran and Seulgi gasp.

“Keep your voice down,” Minseok hisses, narrowed eyes looking into the darkness all around.

“You promised me you wouldn’t hurt him!” Jongin shakily breathes, pulling Kyungsoo closer to his chest.

“No. I promised you I’ll carry him out of here,” Minseok firmly answers, “I need him to be knocked out long enough for that. The sedative isn’t gonna last.”

“What is going on?” Baekhyun asks, audibly tense as he looks back and forth between Jongin and Minseok.

“Take him with you,” Jongin eventually says after sighing.

“What?”

“I still need to do this, but…”

The knot in his throat tightens when he lowers his gaze to Kyungsoo’s face.

He seems relaxed, like he has always been when they slept in each other’s arms.

Jongin misses him already.

He misses his smile, misses his eyes, his kisses and his touch. He misses the sweet words and all the stupid fights they had.

He misses the time they could have had, if only they had met sooner.

He misses the time they’ll never get, together.

“Please… Please, get him out of here,” he says in a broken breath as his fingers tangle in Kyungsoo’s hair, already feeling the bump from Minseok’s blow, “I know I’m asking for a lot, but…”

“I’ll carry him,” Baekhyun whispers, crouching in front of him, “We’ll bring him home.”

Biting his lower lip, Jongin nods.

“Tell him… Tell him I’m sorry. For being selfish and wanting him safe…even if it means hurting him… Tell him I’m sorry for leaving him alone.”

“I will.”

“And...tell him-”

Jongin interrupts himself mid-sentence, his thumb brushing Kyungsoo’s mouth.

They never needed to pronounce those words.

A small, sad smile blooms on his lips, and he sighs.

“Nevermind. He knows that already.”

Trying not to release his hold on his boyfriend, Jongin unbuckles his leather bracelet and secures it around Kyungsoo’s wrist.

He can see Baekhyun and Seulgi holding their tears back as they hug him. Minseok only offers a nod, before Hyeran eventually kneels by his side, tugging him in a tight embrace.

Her breath is hot against his ear when she whispers her last words.

“Through fire and ashes…”

Jongin chokes down a sob, the hand wrapped around her back clenching on her shirt.

“...I will rise again.”

A light nod later, she is detaching herself, helping Baekhyun to lift Kyungsoo’s inert body.

Jongin keeps their hands laced for as long as he can, holding onto the warmth that has always been his solace. Until Baekhyun stands, and he is forced to let go, icy emptiness creeping in his heart and pulsing freezing blood through his veins.

His eyes are riveted on Kyungsoo’s figure as they start walking away.

Minseok stays behind, placing the metal panel Kyungsoo had chosen right in front of him, and Jongin panics. He grabs his flashlight, wincing as his back protests when he swiftly leans on the side, face smashing against the damp wall.

He cannot lose Kyungsoo from sight.

Not yet.

By the crack between the board and the wall, he forces his vision to focus through the silent tears. The torch is useless, however, and he watches the love of his life growing smaller as his breath turns ragged.

One step, two steps. A third one and Kyungsoo disappears into the darkness.

His hands cover his face as he breaks into quiet sobs, slumping on the rock behind him. He ignores the stabbing pain of the jagged edge jabbing against the lower part of his spine, too busy trying to keep his cries as muted as he can.

By the time he runs out of tears, he realizes the others must have already reached their hiding spot, and are probably waiting for him to turn the alarm on.

So with a sniffle, he grabs Chanyeol’s music player, and after making sure the wires are securely connected, Jongin switches it on.

It’s a slow song, one of Chanyeol’s favorites, echoing in the entire tunnels, bouncing against the walls, reverberating in the blackness.   
Loud enough to be heard from outside.   
But low enough, so the Instinctives will know it comes from underground.

And it only takes a minute before he starts hearing snarls, far away.

Grabbing the walkie-talkie, careful of not unplugging the complicated set of wires attached to it when he places it on his lap, Jongin exhales slowly and turns his flashlight off.

Thirty minutes. This is how long Minseok told him to wait.

The tunnels run under the entire city, openings in the ground dispersed in sufficient number to lure almost all the Instinctives down in a short time.

It has not been long, the third song is barely starting, but he can already tell there are hundreds of them, swarming in the dark, rapidly approaching his location.

He is surrounded by growls, the enclosed space acting like a broken acoustic mirror, diffracting the sounds and reflecting them in every direction, amplified and prolonged, until Jongin can’t tell anymore where they’re coming from.

He covers his ears, eyes squeezing shut as he tries to focus on something, anything else.

Kyungsoo’s face flashes in his mind, and Jongin holds back a sob.

Kyungsoo is smiling at him, his hand extended, inviting Jongin, waiting for him to take it, to follow him.

And Jongin wants to. He wants to reach out and feel the warmth of Kyungsoo’s skin against his palm.

He wants to bury his face in Kyungsoo’s neck, wants to feel Kyungsoo’s arms holding him tight.

He wants to kiss him, to tell him he is the best thing that ever happened to him.

He wants to see him, one last time, even if it’s just for a second.

Kyungsoo keeps smiling, gently, lovingly.

He wants to tell him he loves him. He never did. He never will.

Jongin wants to spend his life with him.

He wants Kyungsoo to save him, like he has done so many times.

He does not want to die.

One beat, two beats. A third one and his heart shatters.

Eyes still closed, he grabs the walkie-talkie.

_Kyungsoo_.

Instinctives are starting to pull the metal panel away.

Jongin turns the device on.

_Kyungsoo_.

He rotates the knob to open the first channel, hearing the static among the hungry snarls.

_Through fire and ashes._

He takes a deep breath, sliding his index finger along the side of the plastic box.

_I will rise again._

The metal board crashes on the ground.

Jongin exhales.

_Don’t forget me_.

He presses the button.

Time stops, for a lingering moment.

_I love you_.

And fire explodes behind his eyelids.


	8. Chapter 8

Black turns white.

White light, beyond his closed lids.

White fog, inside his mind.

White noise, reaching his ears.

White hot pain, throughout his body.

He cannot move, muscles buzzing and skin tingling. He can feel his blood running through his veins with each heartbeat, wave after wave.  
Scraping the thick walls of his arteries, pricking along every single superficial capillary.  
Up to the surface, until even his nails are pulsating, and then back down, to the center of his chest.

There is something inside his mouth, keeping it open. It’s thin, and rigid, sinking all the way down to his lungs, forcing his chest to rise and lower in a steady rhythm.  
It’s pushing against the back of his throat, inducing a gag reflex, his stomach convulsing as he chokes.  
He wants to rip it off, but his arms are pinned down.

He thinks he hears someone moving near him, but his eyelids won’t open to let him check.

Something freezing enters his body, starting from his elbow, and spreading all over.

White turns black again.

.

.

.

.

Black slowly grows white.

White walls, all around him.

White spots, dancing in his vision.

White sheets, covering him.

White flowers, swaying on his right.

White coat and white mask, standing in front of him.

There is a bright light coming from the ceiling, blinding him since his eyes fluttered open.  
He tries to blink, but it only blurs his vision further.

There is cold air, coming through his nose, floating in his lungs as his ribcage expands, making him dizzier with each breath he takes.  
In and out, like a frosty tide leaving ice crystals along his trachea, down to the tips of the bronchioles.  
It feels dry, smells like plastic and tastes acidic.

Something is compressing his head, pushing the tip of his ears against his skull.  
It’s soft, but tight, like a winter beanie, knitted a size too small.  
He would like to reach out and take it off, but his arm refuses to budge. He wants to check why, but something constricting is wrapped around his neck.  
He still can’t move.

There are eyes staring at him, or so he thinks. His own cannot seem to focus, everything turning foggier the more his lids flicker. The silhouette moves by his side, and cold crawls from his elbow, once more.

White is growing back to black, but he fights the darkness.

In this land of grey, he feels like something is missing. As if he forgot a very important detail, that should stand out in the dullness. But his cloudy mind won’t let him remember.

Shadows creep darker.

Flames. He thinks it’s related to fire. And a laughter.

It rings and sings, deep in his head, down to his chest.

It fades away.

Black engulfs him again.

.

.

.

.

When black lightens to white, it comes with a familiar sound.

Different from the cadenced beeping that has followed him in the darkness. It’s hushed but accented.  
Up and down, flowing and pausing, pitch high, and then low.  
He knows that sound, but he cannot yet pinpoint where he heard it.

The pain has subsided, and his body feels light. His head is heavy, though, sluggish thoughts dragging and blending the more he tries to concentrate.  
He keeps his eyes shut.

The air is fresh against his skin, a calm breeze caressing his arms and drawing goosebumps in its lazy path.

Slowly, he tries to move his fingers, focusing on his right index first. A spark of hope flashes when the digit twitches.  
He concentrates harder, feeling each muscle tighten, each tendon flex, until all five fingers are curling, one by one.

When he attempts the same with his left one, he feels something prickle the back of his hand, poking under the skin. It’s uncomfortable more than painful, but enough for him to give up.  
He focuses back on his right arm to test out if he can bend his wrist.

He is still groggy, and by the time he feels his shoulder muscles slightly roll, he is exhausted.

The hushed sounds are still going, so he decides to use what is left of his energy to lift his eyelids. Maybe he can find out where they’re coming from.  
The light is blinding when they flutter open, and through the blur, he can only make out two backlit silhouettes right in front of the window.

Voices. Vaguely familiar ones.

The breeze is making the white curtains flow softly, ruffling the long hair of one of the figures.

His head starts spinning again, but he still forces his lips apart. He thinks he knows them; he just cannot remember, yet.

His throat feels dry, and he doesn’t trust it, but he tries nonetheless. It results in a low-pitched crow-like rattle that ends up making him cough, eyes squeezing shut again.

The hoarse noise, however, seems to alert the two people, because he can hear footsteps rushing by his side the next moment.

Blood is whooshing in his ears with each heartbeat as he gasps, trying to get air inside his lungs.

A hand lands on his shoulder, another gently takes his hand, sparkling the prickle again and making him groan.

“Hey, it’s okay, don’t try to talk,” one of the people, the man, says, “You’ve been intubated for days, your throat is gonna feel weird for a little while.”

“Are you in pain?” the second voice says, “Can you nod and shake your head to answer?”

He must know them. They seem to know him.

His throat does hurt, and the coughing fit has gotten his head pounding, so he slightly nods, eyes still closed.

“I’ll go get the doctor.”

The hand on his shoulder leaves and footsteps fade away.

“Just breathe,” the girl says, brushing his knuckles, “You’re okay.”

He is not.

More than the pain, there is something in the pit of his stomach that tells him he is anything but okay.

His chest feels empty, and he doesn’t know _why_. But he does not have the strength to make sense of it all.

So he does what he is told, inhaling slowly, then exhaling. It hurts, but he keeps going, following the soft encouragements.

“That’s it,” the girl says, and he can hear the smile in her voice, “The doctor will be here soon. Just keep breathing.”

After a few minutes, two sets of footsteps approach, and he feels fingers probing the inside of his wrist, resting there for a short moment.

“Good,” a male voice says, “Kyungsoo? Can you hear me?”

He gives a small nod, not wanting the movement to make his head pound more than it already is.

“Can you try to open your eyes?”

He focuses, and forces his lids to open, only to have them fall back down.

“It’s okay, there’s no rush. Take your time.”

When he finally manages to do what he is asked, a man in a white coat comes into view.

“Hi!” the doctor greets with a smile, and he hears the two other voices whisper in almost cheerful tones, “I’m gonna need to check your pupils reflex. It might be uncomfortable, but try not to move, all right?”

Another small nod, and a bright light beam gets aimed at his eyes, fingers securing his lids open.

He flinches but remains as still as possible.

“Very good,” the man praises as Kyungsoo blinks, a black spot lingering in his field of sight, “I’ve been informed you were in pain,” he then says, grabbing the stethoscope around his neck, “I’m assuming your head must hurt, as well as your throat and lungs,” he continues, placing the chest-piece of the instrument on his sternum, “Can you take a deep breath?”

Complying, he slowly inhales, face scrunching as he tries not to start coughing again.

“And exhale… Good, one more time?”

Twice more, he obeys as the doctor moves the stethoscope around.

“Perfect! We’ve extubated you about a week ago, and switched for a nasal cannula, that we only removed this morning,” the doctor explains, and he does his best to make sense of the words, “You don’t have supplements of oxygen anymore, so you’re body has to adjust. I’ll give you some painkillers through your IV, you should feel better soon.”

He silently nods, eyes squeezing when he swallows and his sore throat protests.

“You might feel sleepy once I’ll inject the morphine. It’s perfectly normal, so don’t fight it. You still need to rest.”

“Is he okay?” the girl asks just when he feels something cold spreading in the back of his hand.

“He’s recovering well. A nurse will come to change his bandages later. Come and find me if he is in pain the next time he wakes up.”

“We will. Thank you.”

“Of course. How is your arm?”

“Better,” the man he heard first says.

“Good. I’ll see you later to check how it looks. Don’t overwork yourself.”

The words are fading, blending in his mind as his body starts feeling heavier.

“How do you think he’s going to react?”

He doesn’t hear the man’s answer.

Black takes over, once more.

.

.

.

.

It’s gold that welcomes him, the next time he opens his eyes.  
The sunset hue coming in through the window in diffused beams is bathing the room in warm tones, casting long purple shadows on the glossy flooring.

Kyungsoo loves the golden hour. It makes people with tan skin look like they’re glowing from within.  
It’s beautiful, one of the most ethereal thing Kyungsoo has ever seen.  
Or so his mind tells him, despite being unable to provide any tangible memory to support the thought.

The whispering voices are back, mingling with the steady beeps near his head.

When he turns his head towards them, his cheek rubs against the pillow, feeling the cold soaked patch pressing on his skin.

Has he been crying in his sleep?

He doesn’t remember dreaming, and yet there is still that emptiness inside his ribcage, that he doesn’t quite understand, but makes his skin crawl and his insides churn uncomfortably.

It doesn’t take long for the two persons to notice he awoke and he sees them rush to his side.

“Hey you,” the man says with a soft smile, “Back in the land of the living?”

His vision is blurry, just like it was when he woke up before. Now that he registers the tears glazing them, he wonders if he had been crying before too.

“Are you in pain?” the girl asks, her brows slightly furrowed in concern.

He tries to focus on his body, for any trace of ache, but apart from the light pulsing in his head, he thinks he is okay. He doesn’t trust his voice, though, so he carefully shakes his head, not wanting the pounding to return full force.

He definitely knows the two of them. Not only their voices and faces look familiar, but the worry in their eyes makes quite clear they’ve been waiting for him to wake up.  
He feels somewhat guilty for his elusive memory.

Thankfully, the man seems to catch his puzzled frown.

“You must be a little confused,” he gently says, placing his hand on his arm, and this is when he notices the bandage.

Tightly wrapped right below his elbow, and covering the area entirely, where the man’s forearm used to be.

His stare must be insistent, because the man lets out an awkward chuckle, the hand leaving his arm and reaching for the dressed stump.

“Uhm...yeah, that… We...got attacked. You were out. Which is actually why you’re here, now.”

Looking up at him, Kyungsoo frowns, none of the words ringing a bell in his mind.

Who is ‘ _we_ ’?  
And who attacked them?  
When?  
How does it explain his presence in what seems to be a medical facility?

“Wait, slow down,” the girl says, and he is not sure if she is talking to the man, or to the machine tracking his heartbeat that started beeping faster.

The man apologizes with a small smile.

“Do you...know who I am?” he hesitantly asks.

His face twitches in frustration. He knows, but also doesn’t.

“Okay, let’s start easier. Do you know who _you_ are?” the man asks, looking both worried but somewhat amused.

“Baekhyun,” the girl scolds, and the name suddenly flashes in his mind, recognition widening his eyes.

He does know him. Baekhyun is his friend.

“I’m Hyeran,” the girl then says, offering him a little smile when he turns eager eyes to her, “Do you remember me?”

He does, but it’s again more an intuition rather than clear memories.

He however nods, wincing right after as the sudden movement makes his brain pound against his skull.

“Easy,” she says, worry back on her face, “Don’t strain yourself. You had a big surgery.”

And once more, confusion must be quite visible on his features, because she sighs, nodding to herself.

“Maybe we should start explaining,” she says, looking up at the man. Baekhyun.

“Okay, do you...remember anything?”

Narrowing his eyes, he tries to search in his memory for something helpful, but can only find the two feelings he had, when he woke up before.

The laughter ringing in his mind doesn’t make sense with the topic they seem to be touching, and it makes his heart oddly twist, as if it’s something only he knows about.  
So he opts for the only other thing he can recall and tentatively opens his mouth.

“Fire,” he croaks out, the sound scraping his throat.

“Fire?” Baekhyun asks, raising an eyebrow, now being the one looking puzzled.

He nods.

“Well, that’s a start, I guess,” Hyeran says, sounding unsure.

“Or an ending…” Baekhyun adds, words barely audible, as if Kyungsoo was not supposed to hear that.

He can see them exchanging glances, apparently not knowing where to begin, so he decides to ask about what they already talked about.

“Surgery?”

Once again, his voice comes out in a hoarse rattle that makes him cough for a few seconds, his lungs churning painfully.

He would ask for something to drink, but that would require him to talk again.

“Uhm, yeah. Your head went through a lot, that day,” Baekhyun says, “You fell pretty hard, and when we got here, they saw you had brain trauma. They took care of it!” he adds quickly when Kyungsoo’s eyes widen, “They drained the cerebral-something out.”

“Cerebrospinal fluid,” Hyeran provides, and Baekhyun nods.

“Yeah, that, cause your brain was all swollen. So they...uhm…drilled a hole in your skull, basically... And shoved a tube in there… They had to sedate you heavily after that, to give you the time to recover, but you’re fine now.”

That would explain the headache. And he would probably freak out if it were not for the remnants of morphine still running in his veins.

His eyes shift back to Baekhyun’s arm, and he almost feels guilty when he sees his lips tighten.

“Yeah, like I said, we got attacked,” he says with a sigh, “I was carrying you, and we were halfway out when a bunch of Instinctives came out of nowhere.”

Instinctives.

Kyungsoo knows that word. It makes him think of snarls and bloodied teeth.

“One of them grabbed me and threw me on the ground. I kinda had to drop you... That’s when you hit your head,” Baekhyun says with an apologizing look, “I… My hand got bitten, so...they had to cut it off. They evacuated us, and kept us in quarantine for a week, right after we got surgery.”

The more information he is given, the clearer his mind seems to visualize everything. The virus infection, the sterile room he woke up in, before, the constant threat he felt all his life.  
But there is a sense of peace in his chest, that doesn’t match the big picture. Something he held onto when he was scared.

And again, that feeling of something missing comes back, along with the clench of his heart.

“We were lucky,” Hyeran says, jerking him out of his confused thoughts, “We were outnumbered, and then we heard a car, and suddenly, there were soldiers everywhere, with guns and flamethrowers.”

Fire. That could be why he remembers this, although it does not make sense, since he was apparently passed out already, at this point. He must have been, right? If Baekhyun was carrying him.

But in the back of his mind, something still tells him the puzzle is missing a piece. A very important one.

He doesn’t get to ask, though, because the same doctor from before enters the room, a gentle smile on his lips.

“Welcome back,” he says, grabbing the clipboard hanged at the foot of the bed, “How are you feeling, Kyungsoo?”

He tries clearing his throat, before forcing out a raspy “ _Okay_ ” that earns him a nod from the man and smiles from the two others.

“On a scale from one to ten, how would you estimate your level of pain? One being barely noticeable, and ten, absolutely insufferable.”

He thinks about it for a few seconds, knowing he should not minimize his answer. He doesn’t hurt too much, though. His head is mildly pounding, but not so much that it’s overwhelming, and despite his throat feeling sore, it is not painful anymore, except when he swallows. He can feel his side itching a bit, but even if he is not sure why, that is not causing pain either.

“Three,” he eventually answers, pleased when his voice comes out a little bit clearer.

“Tolerable, then,” the doctor says, grinning when he nods, “That’s great. Your vitals are good, too,” he adds, eyes switching between the clipboard and the machines still beeping next to the bed, “You’re recovering very well.”

He can hear the relieved sigh Hyeran lets out, and she offers him a smile when he glances at her.

“We’ve been feeding you and giving you fluids through your IV, so far,” the doctor continues, “But as soon as you feel ready, we’ll try to give you something to drink, first, and then some food. Getting out of bed will have to wait until tomorrow, though,” he says, writing down something on the clipboard before hanging it back down, “You’ve been lying still for a long time, your muscles might feel weak. A nurse will help you stand, and you’ll try to take a few steps. If everything goes smoothly, we’ll remove the urinary catheter, and you’ll be able to use the restroom.”

His face scrunches in horror at the last part, a shiver running down his spine. He might not feel it, but the thought of having a tube, as thin as it is, shoved up his dick, is not exactly pleasant.

The man seems to notice, probably used to this kind of reaction, and lets out a little chuckle.

“Don’t worry, taking it off won’t be painful. A little uncomfortable perhaps, but only for a second,” he says, using a soothing tone that doesn’t do much, “The IV will have to stay, though, in case we need to give you painkillers or to put you under anesthesia if something happens. But you’re doing well, so I’m not too concerned about a potential emergency surgery.”

This is not exactly reassuring, but once again, he is thankful for the small amount of morphine left in his system preventing him from freaking out.

“I believe your friends have started filling you in on what happened?”

“Yes.”

He could have nodded, but he knows he needs to use his voice for his throat to get re-accustomed with talking.

“Perfect. I’ll leave you to it, then. Try not to overwhelm him with information,” he tells Baekhyun and Hyeran, before looking back at him, “And don’t hesitate to call for a nurse if your pain sparks up.”

Then, with a nod and a reminder for Baekhyun not to forget about his appointment the next day, the doctor leaves.

“See, you’re doing great,” Baekhyun says with a smile.

And despite not remembering well, he somehow knows he can tease him without the man misreading it.

“You dropped me,” he says, being proved right when his words earn a little laugh from both Baekhyun and Hyeran, the girl’s hand coming to rest on his forearm.

“Do you wanna try to drink some water?” she asks softly, grabbing the plastic cup on the overbed table when he nods.

Baekhyun pushes a button, and the upper part of the mattress starts rising, rattling his body for a few seconds.

He starts slow, wincing when he gulps down and his throat protests, but eventually manages to drink half of the liquid in the cup, sighing in content when the parched feeling subsides.

“How long have I-” he starts, having to interrupt himself to clear his throat once again.

“We got back home almost three weeks ago,” Baekhyun answers, “You took a long nap.”

“You missed the ceremony,” Hyeran says, her voice quiet and sad.

“Ceremony?”

He sees them exchange a glance, hesitancy visible on their faces.

“The town got attacked, after the storm,” Baekhyun ends up saying with a sigh, “The wall had been weakened, and Instinctives breached in.”

“That’s why we couldn’t contact the base… And why it took so long for them to come and get us,” Hyeran adds, looking at him as if she is nervously assessing his reaction, “Their radio system was down, and the whole city was swarming with infected… A lot of people died…”

He tries his best to reconstruct the puzzle with the information he is given, but it still feels like big chunks of the story are missing.  
The mention of a storm does ring a bell, and vague images of a bus flash in his mind, sounds of raindrops on a metal rooftop, blending with roaring thunder.

And for some reason, he is connecting all this with a feeling of worry, although he doesn’t think the cause of his concern was specifically the storm itself.

He was anxious about something else.

 _Someone_ else.

Hyeran says something that has Baekhyun chuckling, and he feels the hair on his nape stand on end.

The laughter.

Could it belong to the person he was worried about?

Who are they?

Failing to connect the dots, he decides to probe a bit further.

“Where were we?” he asks, assuming this must be an important piece of the puzzle, since he is not sure how to ask about a person his confused mind could have made up, “You said they evacuated us…”

“We were taking our last military test,” Baekhyun replies slowly, tentatively, observing his face as if he is scared how he is going to react, “We left home three months ago.”

“Us three?”

When he sees their faces fall, he realizes his question was probably not the right one to go for.

“No… There were thirteen, well, fourteen of us,” Hyeran says, swallowing hard when her voice falters.

The information shakes him, and guilt flares in his guts when he tries to think of _who_ the eleven others were.

His mind comes up blank, apart from that everlasting feeling of emptiness in his chest.

“Are we… Are we the only ones who...made it home?”

Something is crawling up his spine, a freezing sensation making him nauseous as he waits.

“Two others got out too,” Baekhyun says, voice strained.

“They listed the others’ names, during the ceremony. With those of all the civilians who lost their lives.”

He doesn’t ask, knowing it would be pointless, since he cannot recall their names or faces, anyway. It would feel even worse not remembering them.

From what he understood, he has been sleeping quite a lot during the last three weeks, and yet, he can already feel his body needing to rest. All the information thrown at him have brought the headache back, stronger the more he tried to unsuccessfully get his mind to piece everything together, that same important detail still evading him.

Who was he so worried about, during the storm? Did they make it back too, or were their name part of the list of long-gone friends?

Once more, he gets proven how closed the three of them must have been, because even without voicing it out, Hyeran discerns his drowsiness.

“You should sleep,” she says, just as gentle as she has been since he woke up, “The town is safe now, you don’t have to worry,” she adds, apparently having caught the light crease between his brows.

That’s not it, though.

He doesn’t say anything, because it would bring questions he can’t answer yet, but he knows he is not concerned about the town being in danger again, even if he cannot pinpoint what is making his stomach clench in dread.

His whole word right now is reduced to Baekhyun, Hyeran, a nameless doctor, and this room. Everything else is hidden behind an impenetrable fog.

The only thing he can focus on is the laughter, still resounding in his mind. He thinks he loved hearing it. He can _feel_ the way it appeases him, which in turns, agitates him even more.

His eyes are tearing up, and he doesn’t even understand why.

Whomever it belongs to was undoubtedly important for him. So why can he not remember?

But the more he tries to discern shapes and sounds, the harder he searches for a face to link to the laughter, the thicker the fog gets.

So he gives up, slumping on the mattress as he squeezes his watery eyes, head pounding forcefully and blood rushing to his ears.

“I’ll get a nurse,” Hyeran says when he lets out a shaky breath.

Opening his lids, he glances down at the hand she placed on his forearm, thumb brushing his skin in a soothing back and forth pattern.

Time seems to stop, and his breath hitches when his eyes focus right below her fingers, where a leather bracelet is wrapped around his wrist.

He knows this.

Instantly, images of his own fingertips working on the thick material flash in his mind.  
Piercing little holes, weaving the thin cord, attaching the golden buckle.

And like a switch, it triggers more memories to rush in his head, colliding and shattering, piecing themselves together through the haze, making the prickling in his chest grow.

Dark eyes. Full of sleep, staring at him. Tender, intense, smiling, devouring.

Full lips, sweet, feathery, demanding, bruising. Smooth under his fingertips, supple against his own.

The light is too bright around him, and his pupils constrict as is heart starts thumping.

Unruly black hair, sticking up in the wind, falling back down on expressive brows. Soft against his neck, tickling along his stomach.

His chest feels tight, hollow, shallow breaths moving it up and down, but not enough, never enough as he tries to get air in.

Large hands, gentle on his face, possessive around his back.

Tan skin, glowing under the sunlight, warm against his own.

Low voice, booming in happiness, whispering in secrecy, moaning in pleasure, blasting in laughter.

Every sound gets sharper, ringing against his eardrums. His skin is clammy, burning hot as drops of sweat run down his spine.

Like a clash of thunder, the name explodes in his mind.

  _Jongin_.

Jongin sleeping on their couch, humming in their shower, dancing in their living room.

Jongin grinning at him, embracing him, kissing him.

Jongin sitting on the ground, in a dark, humid tunnel.

Jongin staring at him, pushing a needle in his neck.

Jongin saving him.

And bursting into flames.

He shoots up, sitting on the bed, eyes riveted on his wrist.

He is suffocating, choking as his lungs violently clench, the room closing in on him, spinning in front of his darkening vision.

“Kyungsoo, breathe!”

“What is happening to him?!”

“I don’t know!! Kyungsoo, say something!”

“Are you hurting?! What’s going on?!”

His racing heart soars, trying to push its way out of his chest, shaky hand flying against his ribcage in fear it might explode.

He feels like he his vibrating, every muscle trembling and heavy, losing strength by the second, nausea making his stomach churn as he tastes bile on the back of his tongue.

“You need to breathe! Calm down!”

It hurts to breathe, and it hurts to think. His thoughts are running too fast as his head swims, unable to focus on anything else than Jongin’s face.

His vision narrows, like a kaleidoscope oscillating to the rhythm of the blood pulsing in his ears. He can’t think straight.

He needs to stop shaking. He needs to get out. To leave and find Jongin.  
He needs to save him.

But he feels everything and nothing at all, all at once. He wants to move, but his own body is betraying him, pinning him on the mattress.

“I have to find him,” he wheezes, fingers clutching at his hospital gown, nails scratching the skin underneath.

“What?”

He wants to rip his chest open, to claw at his heart, to jump out of his skin. He wants to scream, but his throat is constricted, tongue frozen and jaw locked as his head keeps hammering.

Jongin needs him. He is waiting for him. Kyungsoo promised he would always be with him.

“I need to bring him home. He is alone. He is scared,” he rushes out, convulsing hands pushing the sheets away.

“Wait!”

“Should I go get- Kyungsoo! What are you doing?!” Hyeran gasps when he tries to swing his legs out of the bed.

“Go!” Baekhyun screams at her, “Kyungsoo, no!!”

He hears the girl run out of the room as Baekhyun’s lone hand is clasping around his shoulder, trying to push him back on the bed.

He doesn’t need a nurse. He needs to _leave._ He can’t let them sedate him again.

Black dots are dancing in front of his eyes. He can’t even control the tears streaming down his face, as he grabs the IV rooted in the back of his hand.

“Kyungsoo, stop!!!” Baekhyun yells, trying to get him to release the needle before he yanks it out, “Listen to me!! You _can’t_ leave!! Jongin is d-”

“Let go!!!” he roars, voice shrilling as he thrashes against the man’s firm grip.

He is falling apart. He can’t see anything through the tears, cannot hear anything but the sound of his heart shattering, razor-sharp shards slicing him from within.

He hears Hyeran gasps as she comes back into the room and he starts sobbing even harder, scared the nurse will follow and send him back to sleep.

He can’t let them do this. He needs to run. He is terrified at the thought of Jongin waiting for him to come. He promised he would be there with him, always.

More people are calling his name, hands trying to pin him in place. Through the blur, he sees a familiar face, worry embedded on its features.

Seulgi.

The tears double as the screams finally make their way through his clasped throat.

His feet touch the cold flooring, and he stands, shoving restraining hands and arms away as they attempt to both force him back down on the bed and prevent him from collapsing on the ground.

He keeps fighting, unable to focus, his own deafening screeches making his entire body rattle.

Voices all around, clashing, ringing as he feels his legs are about to give up, visions of Jongin’s smile disappearing as the world ignite, incandescent flames swallowing him whole, ripping Kyungsoo’s heart and turning his soul to ashes.

Until he sucks in a breath, air locking in his lungs.

Through the chaos, a voice reaches him, calling his name.

His eyes fly open, head snapping up, and he sees him.

Skin glimmering in the golden light, looking like a vivid mirage as he stares at Kyungsoo, gaze intense and focused solely on him.

The world seems to implode, vanishing into burning colors, and he can’t do anything but stare back as his stomach convulse, sending a violent discharge flowing through his entire being.

He doesn’t even feel his legs surrendering under his weight, does not feel the arms hauling him up. All he can see is the face he loves so much twitch, eyebrows furrowing, upper body leaning forward in reflex.

“Careful,” someone breathes behind him, “Bring him back on the bed.”

He feels his strengthless body being moved on the mattress, unable to fight and shove the hands away, despite trying to free himself with weak movements.

The people near him are speaking to him, asking questions he cannot hear. He slowly shakes his head, breath shaking as he exhales, hoping it’ll be enough.

His eyes remain locked in the fiery gaze still riveted on him, static electricity running under his skin.

“I think we can go,” someone else says after a short silence.

It sounds like Baekhyun, but he doesn’t look away to check.

He sees silhouettes passing in the corner of his vision, converging towards the figure still lingering in the doorway.

The room clears, the door closes, and silence returns, only disturbed by the decreasing beep of the machine monitoring his heart rate.

He takes a deep inhale, breathing out after a few seconds.

The air seems to be buzzing as he waits, scared to move, to talk, to hope he is right there in front of him. Terrified they managed to sedate him, and this is all a drugged-induced cruel dream.

So he waits, and waits longer.

His heart misses a beat when he sees the serious face starting to approach. Smoothly, deliberately slow, his arms the only part of his body moving.

The wheelchair quietly glides on the floor, and Kyungsoo holds his breath when it stops, right next to the bed.

He is not sure how much time passes before he sees those full lips part, twitching as anticipation bubbles in his guts.

“Hey…”

The word comes out raspy and strained, as if the voice had to fight its way through a constricted throat.

Chest faltering, Kyungsoo releases a trembling breath, that turns into a broken chuckle, and ends up in a sob, his face scrunching as tears start cascading on his cheeks.

The honey voice calls his name again, and before he knows it, he is fully crying, furiously blinking to will the tears away, so he can keep looking at the face he loves so much.

Through the blur, he only sees the body moving, a labored groan reaching his ears as the mattress dips by his side. Without thinking, his arms fly forward. The crooked IV still half embed under his skin digging painfully in his hand, but he doesn’t care.

He grabs the body trying to haul itself up on the bed by the sheer strength of its arms, limp legs getting dragged behind. He is not sure how they manage, but a short moment later, he is yanking Jongin against him in a brutal pull, messily curling his arms around him and burying his face in his neck as he keeps sobbing.

“Shhh. It’s okay. You’re okay. I’m here.”

A hand on his nape, pressing his head down, the other on the mattress to keep himself seated, Jongin leans in even closer. Instinctively, Kyungsoo adjusts his stance to support his weight, and finally, Jongin can wrap both arms around his back.

His breath is hot on Kyungsoo’s ear, both their heartbeats thumping against each other’s ribcage.

“I thought- I thought you were-...” Kyungsoo chokes through the tears, voice breaking in a hoarse wail as he starts trembling all over again.

“I’m not. I’m fine,” Jongin whispers, sounding like he is fighting not to cry as he presses Kyungsoo even closer, until their bodies are melding together, “I’m right here.”

“You can’t leave me!”

“I won’t.”

“You can’t go where I can’t follow you!” Kyungsoo blurts out hysterically, hands clasped on Jongin’s hospital gown.

“I won’t, I won’t,” the younger repeats, finally letting a sob pass through his throat, “I’m _so sorry_.”

Cheek pressed against Jongin’s neck, he can feel the blood pulsing under his skin, but it suddenly doesn’t feel enough. Something is burning in his guts, uncontrollable and frenzied. His head jerks up and back, and a second later, his lips crash on Jongin’s inviting ones.

The kiss is chaotic, teeth clashing and tongue battling. It’s demanding, needy and fiery. Jongin is kissing back urgently, his hand reaching up on the back of Kyungsoo’s head, pressing painfully against the bandage as their tears blend.

But he doesn’t care. He welcomes the pain. It’s the proof Jongin is here, alive, in his arms.

When their mouths part, Kyungsoo gaps for air, listening to Jongin’s panting, breath mingling in the insignificant space between their lips.

“You can’t die,” he whimpers, eyes still shut, “You’re not allowed to die without me.”

Jongin lets out a chuckle that sounds like a sob, and imperceptibly nods.

“I won’t. I’m sorry,” he says again, thumb brushing the bandage in circular motions as he catches his gaze, “But...you forgive me… Right?”

For a reason Kyungsoo cannot fathom, he sees fear inside Jongin’s eyes as his voice cracks.  
It’s like his question was genuine, as if he really thinks Kyungsoo’s answer could ever be anything other than affirmative.

Their tears have stopped, and time stands still as Jongin keeps waiting. Yet, Kyungsoo cannot bring himself to reply. Because the question never needed to be asked anyway.

There is no pardon to grant.

And his thoughts must somehow reflect on his face, because the next moment, Jongin’s eyes are filling with tears again, choking the words out.

“I love you… God, I love you so much.”

And this time, Jongin is the one closing the distance, tongue instantly invading his mouth.  
His embrace is bruising, his lips, unrelenting, like he can’t get enough of Kyungsoo, but has no idea how to ease the scorching need growing within.

It’s solely acting on pure instinct, because he knows Jongin better than he knows himself, that Kyungsoo forces the kiss to slow down. The younger complies, relaxing under his fingers, until every brush of lips and every glide of tongues turns languid.

Kyungsoo feels dizzy when they eventually part, staying close enough to keep breathing into each other.

Still supporting Jongin’s upper body weight, he frees one of his arms and reaches up to cup the younger’s face. The movement attracts Jongin’s gaze down, on the bracelet wrapped around his wrist, and when he sighs, guilt saturating his eyes, Kyungsoo knows he has to ask.

“What happened?” he breathes, voice barely above a murmur.

He feels terrible when Jongin’s body tenses against him, but he doesn’t take the question back. He needs to know, despite the idea of Jongin thinking he was about to die breaking his heart.

It takes long minutes of patience that he spends brushing the younger’s cheek, breathing in the smell of his skin, before Jongin starts talking.

“I… The bombs didn’t work. I pushed the button, but nothing happened,” he ends in a whisper, his eyes squeezing shut as he hides his face in Kyungsoo’s shoulder, “I was so scared. They were all around and-... I thought I had ruined everything. I thought you wouldn’t be able to escape because of me. I wanted to save you but you were going to die, and it was my fault! I-...”

“Shht. It’s okay. I’m here,” Kyungsoo mouths against his ear, using the same words Jongin whispered to him earlier.

The roles have reversed now, and he finds himself being the one trying to keep Jongin whole as he breaks.

“It only lasted a short moment, just a few seconds…and then, all I could see was fire. But I was still alive, and they had surrounded me,” Jongin says, a shiver coursing through his entire body, strong enough to make Kyungsoo tremble with him, “There was one right in front of me... I thought I was going to get ripped to pieces, but I… I didn’t even _care_. I was only thinking about you, and how you would die because of me…”

It’s a strange thing, to feel his heart break with each of Jongin’s word, the pain in his voice so tangible it’s barely bearable, and to yet have it mend back together at the same time, by his mere presence in his arms.

“I didn’t,” he mutters, pressing his lips against the younger’s neck, “I’m alive. We both are.”

“Everything was too bright and too hot. I couldn’t even breathe… I didn’t understand what was happening,” Jongin continues after nodding weakly, “Not until someone called my name. The next thing I knew, Changmin was standing there, and there were burnt bodies everywhere.”

“How...how did they know where to find you?” he asks shakily, because despite not wanting to hurt Jongin, he still feels like something is off.

“Baekhyun told me you got attacked, on your way to the fence. And that the military found you just in time,” the younger says, relief evident in his tone, “He told them about the plan, and that there wasn’t much time left before I was supposed to detonate the bombs. So Yunho decided to come and get me…”

Kyungsoo frowns, slowly registering the words, the same impression that another piece is missing in the puzzle prickling in the back of his mind.

He thinks and thinks again, until it suddenly clicks, and Baekhyun’s voice echoes in his ears.

 _Two others got out_.

Jongin is right there against him.

And Kyungsoo saw Seulgi, earlier.

His stomach lurches.

“Minseok…”

“Yeah… He volunteered to lead them to where I was, but...the Instinctives got him in the tunnels,” Jongin explains, voice quieting, “He didn’t make it…”

Swallowing hard, Kyungsoo closes his eyes, feeling awful for not remembering the man earlier.

He had saved Jongin, once more. Kyungsoo had been nothing but hostile towards him, and yet, he had kept Jongin alive, better than Kyungsoo ever did.

He died to save Jongin, one last time. And Kyungsoo will never get the chance to thank him. Or to apologize.

This is yet another burden he will have to live with.

He has no idea how they will all be able to go on, after all that happened. The memories are permanently etched in their minds, like invisible, yet unerasable scars, reaching deeper than the wounds on their skins.

It will take time for them to learn how to live again. Time for the good memories to slowly overcome the grief and sorrow, even if they will forever be tinted with bittersweet colors.

It’ll take even longer for them to forgive themselves. Kyungsoo doesn’t think he will ever entirely be able to, but he knows Jongin will be by his side, holding his hand as he’ll try.

Lost in his thought, he has not noticed Jongin has leaned back, serious eyes observing his face. They’re red and swollen, glazed under the fluorescent lights that switched on at some point when the sun disappeared.

He got thinner, Kyungsoo remarks, the skin of his cheeks clinking to the bones more than it used to, emphasizing the dark circles under his eyes. Guilt pangs in his chest when he sees the way his collarbones protrude below his neck, wondering if he was so caught in the chaos, back inside the fence, that he didn’t even notice.

Even the arm he placed on the mattress to hold himself up looks fragile, wrist bone sticking out and tendons visible on the back of his hand.

Unable to hold his frown back, he looks up at Jongin’s face again. His memories might still be a bit blurry, but he _knows_ the younger was not that thin, the last time he saw him.

“You lost weight…” he says, not really a question, but still somewhat expecting an answer.

He doesn’t get one. Or at least, not right away, and he confusedly feels Jongin’s knuckles brush the side of his head, dark eyes following his own movements.

“They cut a hole in your skull…”

For a second, Kyungsoo almost wants to chuckle, because it sounds like they’re both just enunciating facts about the other. But the crease between Jongin’s brows, and the way he swallows and rapidly blinks, stop him instantly.

“I’m okay,” he replies with a little smile, trying to sound reassuring, “It doesn’t hurt.”

“You slept for a long time.”

“I did…”

“They wouldn’t let me see you at first,” Jongin says with a shaky exhale, and Kyungsoo starts feeling like there might be a link with what he asked, somehow, “I got surgery the day we got back here, but they put me on quarantine right after.”

“I was in quarantine, too,” Kyungsoo nods, carefully observing Jongin’s expression.

“Yeah. On the opposite side of the ward,” Jongin replies, the shadow of a pout jutting his lips out, “I asked the nurses,” he explains when Kyungsoo looks at him questioningly, “You got your surgery two days after me. They tried to reduce the swelling with drugs first, but it didn’t work. So they decided to shove a drill in your _head_ ,” he adds, exaggerating a shiver to show the memory was not a pleasant one.

This time, he doesn’t ask how Jongin knows all this. He has no doubt the younger must have nagged the medical staff until they gave him the information he wanted. He has always been persistent like that.

“When we got out of the confinement ward, I asked to see you,” Jongin continues, apparently decided to let Kyungsoo know all that happened while he was out, “But they said you were asleep and still intubated. I told them I _didn’t care_ , but they kept refusing.”

His face is shadowed with panic as he speaks, in a pale version of how he must have felt when it went on, so Kyungsoo reaches up, and laces their hands together, bringing them to his mouth to brush a feathery kiss on the younger’s fingers, earning a shy smile in return.

“Hyeran and Seulgi visited me a few days later, and they told me you were recovering well, so…”

“So, you asked to see me again,” Kyungsoo finishes for him, feeling like kissing those lips when they pout again as the younger nods.

“I had to wait _two weeks_ before I was allowed to come in here,” Jongin says, nudging his head to the side as his eyes quickly roam around the room, “But even then, they only let me stay for an hour, before bringing me back to my room, down the hall. Even Hyeran tried to convince them to give me more time, but they refused again… I still don’t understand why.”

Kyungsoo doesn’t get it either, but as frustrated as Jongin still seems, he cannot help but notice he did not answer his initial question.

“You slept for a long time,” Jongin says again when Kyungsoo repeats his own statement, and once more, he holds back a quiet chuckle.

“Yeah…” he says instead.

“They kept you fed through an IV.”

That, however, makes him scowl down, eyes glancing at the needle still stuck in his hand. But curious about where this is going, he nods, almost tentatively.

“When the town got attacked, a lot of things were destroyed. They...they had to start rationing food.”

He can feel his frown deepen. Of course, he understands why they had to take such a drastic measure, but even so, Baekhyun didn’t look as thin as Jongin, despite having been through a big surgery too.

When he says just that, out loud, Jongin sighs, looking guilty as his eyes drop down.

“I wasn’t really hungry,” he eventually admits, fingers playing with Kyungsoo thumb, “My stomach was always feeling in knots whenever I thought that you might wake up, and I wouldn’t be there.”

Kyungsoo sighs, unable to hold his smirk back.

“And you dared to say _I_ was an idiot…”

The pout returns on Jongin lips and Kyungsoo smile softens.

As much as he would like to scold him for not taking care of himself, especially after going through surgery, Kyungsoo cannot bring himself to say anything.

Not when he did the same thing, weeks ago.

He was wounded, yet, he refused to eat, snapping at everyone who would bring him food, waiting for them to untie him so he could look for Jongin.

Now that the memories have begun to resurface, he can recall how frantic he was, terror drowning every single cell of his body. And despite Jongin knowing he was not dead, Kyungsoo doesn’t doubt how anxious he must have felt, nonetheless.

So when the younger lifts sheepish eyes towards him, Kyungsoo leans him and kisses him delicately. The gesture however surprises Jongin, enough for him to twitch, back arching. A groan involuntarily scrapes up his throat, and panic instantly flares in Kyungsoo’s stomach, words coming out in a rush.

“Are you okay? Where does it hurt?”

“My lower back,” Jongin replies with a wince, looking apologetic when he has to lean on Kyungsoo to let him support the weight of his upper body, “Sorry,” he breathes, voice strained, “I tend to forget.”

“Would it help to lie down?” Kyungsoo asks in a whisper, getting a nod in reply, “Okay, let me just…”

Leaving his sentence unfinished, he shuffles backward, trying to assess the way he could get Jongin up. He will have to be on the opposite side of the bed, since Kyungsoo is still plugged into a monitoring machine on the side they sit on.

He is unsure how they manage, between Jongin hisses and Kyungsoo’s garland of apology, but they finally end up lying side by side, facing each other on the small hospital bed.

It takes some more clumsy adjustments, to prevent from getting tangled in the tube coming out of his IV, and Kyungsoo has half in mind to just rip it out of his hand, seeing how the needle got crooked earlier. But Jongin stops him, lacing their fingers as he shakes his head, so he just sighs and leaves it be and rest his head on the pillow they’re sharing.

For a long moment, they remain quiet, letting their bodies relax as they revel in each other’s closeness. Kyungsoo takes his time to let his eyes lazily glide on Jongin’s face as his thumb absentmindedly brushes his knuckles.

The last time they did this, he thought they were going to die the next day. He did not know his boyfriend had a whole other plan in mind.

Jongin’s gaze is steady, calm as he stares back, the shadow of a smile on his lips. His nose is still red from the crying, slightly hollow cheekbones flushed. The weight loss makes the dark rings under his eyes even more noticeable.

“Did you stop sleeping too?” he asks, and although his voice is just above a whisper, they both flinch at how loud it echoes in the room.

“Not voluntarily,” Jongin replies after a few seconds.

“...Nightmares?”

The answering nod is enough. Kyungsoo can remember a particular night in the bunker, when he had to hold him as he gasped for air, fighting an invisible enemy that followed him in his sleep.

“It might get better once we are back home,” he says, both anxious and impatient to return to the small house they moved in after leaving… “Your parents!” Kyungsoo gasps, eyes opening wide, “Are they okay?”

Jongin only takes a second to answer, but that’s all Kyungsoo’s mind need to flash with dark thoughts of the aging couple lying down on the ground, bloodied, ripped to pieces.

“Hey, they’re okay,” Jongin says, his hand tightening around Kyungsoo’s fingers when he sees the panic on his face, “They got lucky. They visited me a few times,” he reveals, looking suddenly hesitant, “I… I told them. About Jongdae.”

Kyungsoo’s body tenses, blood freezing, and breath faltering.

“They asked how...and I… I didn’t want to lie.”

And Jongin can probably feel how Kyungsoo’s body begins to tremble because instantly, his hand is curling around Kyungsoo’s nape and he locks their eyes together.

“They’re not mad at you,” he says with so much conviction that Kyungsoo almost believes him, “I told them. I told them you saved my life. That you didn’t have any other choice. That...that it was either him or me,” he continues, thumb pressing lightly against the skin under his ear, “They understood, Kyungsoo. They’re not mad.”

Kyungsoo swallows through the knot fastened around his throat and eventually nods. He cannot comprehend how they could not hold this against him, but he trusts Jongin.

Always has, and always will.

“They tried to visit you, too,” the younger says next, voice calmer, “But they weren’t allowed to stay more than a few minutes. They’re gonna be so happy to know you’re awake and okay, now.”

Once again, he nods, unsure how to react, his mind still not grasping how they could even want him to be fine.

And once again, Jongin must see his uncertainty, because he lightly sighs, and shuffles closer on the mattress, his arm wrapping around Kyungsoo’s waist, a wince making its way onto his face when he finally stops moving.

Kyungsoo stays still, his hands only inching closer to Jongin’s chest, knuckles resting against his ribcage as their breaths mingle together.

So still, that it’s impossible for him not to feel when something moves against his shin.

It’s faint, barely noticeable. Just a twitch, as if Jongin had instinctively adjusted his position, so their bodies mold together even more perfectly.

But it makes Kyungsoo heart leap in his throat.

“Your...your leg,” he pants, eyes snapping down before they fly back up to lock with Jongin’s own, “It moved…”

The chest lightly rumbles against the back of his hand as Jongin chuckles and hums, and he cannot help the spark of hope flaring in his stomach.

Truth be told, Kyungsoo would not care if Jongin had to use a wheelchair for the rest of their lives. He would not even care if the younger’s entire body couldn’t move at all. Nothing could ever make him question being with the younger.

But he feared how it would affect Jongin. The bright boy he met so long ago, who has always loved to run around, unable to stay still unless he was in Kyungsoo’s arms.

So when he sees the small smile gracing his boyfriend’s lips, he holds his breath, scared he would start pathetically sobbing.

“They said it was an incomplete spinal cord injury,” Jongin calmly explains, “Which is apparently why I couldn’t move them, but could still feel when you touched my skin.”

“Are you...are you okay? I mean...”

“It was a complicated surgery,” the younger answers, making his mind tick because he is not giving him a real answer, “When I fell, one of the vertebrae in my lower back dislocated, and it compressed the spinal cord. There was some internal bleeding, too. That didn’t really help. It wouldn’t have gotten so bad if I didn’t have to be moved around,” he says in a quieter voice, as if he fears Kyungsoo’s reaction.

And he is right.

Before long, Kyungsoo is gritting his teeth, trying to keep the tears at bay as guilt constricts his chest.

He knows he didn’t have a choice, but he had been one of the two carrying Jongin back to the bunker, that day. And the one taking him to the tunnel, later. He had made things worse, done more damage to an already bad injury.

“Did they… Is it… You…”

He doesn’t even really know what he wants to ask, feeling his eyes watering.

“They put the vertebra back into place and stabilized it,” Jongin says, trying his best to sound reassuring, “That relieved the pressure, and they just had to drain the blood out after that, to help reduce the swelling. The bruise is completely gone. But I have screws in my back, now,” he adds with a little chuckle.

Kyungsoo forces a smile back, doing his best not to let the visions of Jongin’s contused skin take over his mind.

“What about…”

Yet again incapable of getting the words to come out, Kyungsoo simply glances towards Jongin’s legs.

“It’ll take time... A long time, and a lot of physical therapy. But they said I should be able to recover some movements. Not completely, I’ll still probably need the wheelchair most of the time. But if I work hard, I’ll-”

The end of Jongin’s sentence gets swallowed by Kyungsoo’s mouth.

He presses himself against the younger, licking and nipping at his lips, tasting his breathy laugh as he lets his tears finally breach past his lashes.

Hands reaching out to curl around Jongin’s back, he however stills when the younger groans against his lips.

“Oh god, I’m sorry,” he breathes, panic yet again flaring in his guts, making his stomach churn painfully.

“No, it’s okay. It’s just still a little sensitive,” Jongin reassures him, shaking his head and offering him a smile.

“...Can I see it?” Kyungsoo asks after a short silence.

When the younger nods, grin still in place, Kyungsoo untangles himself from his hold, and props himself up on one arm, getting once again frustrated when the tube from his IV gets in the way.

Slowly, he unties the knot keeping the hospital gown closed and pushes the white fabric aside. Jongin slightly rolls forward, and Kyungsoo leans down, so he can get a better look.

The scar is not that long, probably the length of his palm, at most, but it looks fine. The skin is not irritated around, just a little redder where the incision was made, but it has healed enough in three weeks for it not to need to be covered by a bandage anymore.

His hand comes closer, fingers hovering right above it, and he glances at Jongin’s face.

“It is okay if I touch it?”

Another nod, another encouraging smile.

His fingertips brush the skin as delicately as he can. It’s still bumpy, at regular intervals, where the stitches used to be. The side of his own head must look pretty similar, under the bandage.

He spends some more time caressing the surrounding golden skin, before he bends his back to place one, two, ten kisses all around the scar, smiling against the warm flesh when he feels Jongin shudder, goosebumps blossoming under his lips.

The little sigh he lets out does not go unnoticed.

After retying the gown, he lies back down on his side, and silently stares at his boyfriend’s flushed face. His lips are parted, pupils slightly dilated as he sees him swallow, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down.

And Kyungsoo is about to tease him, when he sees the frown creeping on his face.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, his own brows furrowing instinctively.

He didn’t hurt him, did he?

But it is not pain that colors Jongin’s features at his question, and Kyungsoo gets further confused when he recognizes the signs of embarrassment.

“Jongin?”

He watches the younger chew the inside of his cheek for a few seconds, before he sighs, eyeing Kyungsoo hesitantly.

“It might make some...activities...a little difficult, sometimes.”

Kyungsoo blinks at him, not quite getting what he is talking about. It was a given that Jongin would not be running around, but there was no reason for him to look so apprehensive.

He keeps staring in the younger’s eyes, silently questioning, and Jongin sighs again before he rapidly glances down.

Not at his legs, though.

It takes long seconds, and Jongin’s cheek growing rosier for Kyungsoo’s mind to click, linking his words and actions with the shiver he felt coursing through his body just minutes ago, and his frown deepens.

His boyfriend has never been one to be shy, when it came to sex, very often instigating things, sometimes in perfectly inappropriate places. But his sudden sheepishness doesn’t baffle Kyungsoo as much as the guilt he can see in his eyes.

He cannot comprehend why Jongin would ever feel bad for _him_ , when the younger is the one that will have to struggle every day.

“Jongin…”

“They said it should be fine after a while!” he says, almost frantic, and Kyungsoo’s heart hurts at the fear etched on his face, “Just...maybe...sometimes…”

“Hey, calm down…” he says, wiggling closer until the tips of their noses are touching, “What is going on in that pretty head of yours, mmh?”

He almost wants to chuckle when Jongin’s eyes widen, crossing a little so they can focus on him, a mix of surprise and confusion dancing under the fluorescent lights.

“I don’t care,” Kyungsoo says, sounding more confident than he ever has, “Why would I? You’re _alive_ , and you’re with me… That’s all that matters,” he continues, feeling his lips twitch into a smile, “We’ll manage, we’ll figure something out. And we can’t, then it’s okay too, all right?”

Jongin audibly gulps, but Kyungsoo feels his body relaxing against him, before the younger nods, eyes closing, and dives in for a kiss.

Their lips meld together, pushing and pulling, tongue brushing and teeth nipping.

Kyungsoo hears the door open, at one point, but he ignores it. Jongin presses closer, showing he has no intention of stopping either.

“I think they’re okay,” an amused voice says, sounding an awful lot like Baekhyun, before the door closes again.

They keep kissing, slowly, languidly, breathing in each other’s mouth, only parting for a second, before their lips reconnect.

Eventually, the lights turn off as the whole medical facility falls asleep.

Kyungsoo detaches their mouths, leaning just a breath away to look at Jongin’s eyes in the dim lighting coming from the machines he is still plugged to.

“I love you,” he whispers, the foreign words coming out naturally.

His voice is so low he barely hears it himself, but he knows Jongin caught it when he softly smiles.

“I love you too.”

It won’t be easy, Kyungsoo knows that. They will never be able to go back to their old selves. They’ve gone through too much for them to forget. But they will manage.

They’ll learn how to live again, how to hold onto the little joys every day will bring.

They’ll learn how to heal, together.

As long as Jongin will hold his hand, Kyungsoo won’t be afraid.

They’ll always save each other.


	9. Epilogue

“Are you ready?” Kyungsoo loudly asks, to be heard through the bedroom door, only getting a muffled ‘ _Almost_ ’ in response.

The sun is lowering on the horizon, bathing the living room in golden hues as he waits for Jongin to finish changing into his official uniform. He could probably use some help, but Kyungsoo knows he prefers to do things on his own, no matter how hard he struggles.

He always has, but it became even more important for him, and the doctors had encouraged Kyungsoo to let Jongin handle himself, as much as possible.

  
It was not a surprise when Yunho asked the younger to work at the military base, four years ago. And despite just being out of the hospital, it didn’t take long for Jongin to accept the offer.

Kyungsoo knows this is something he needed, and although he would never be able to be out on the field, working at the base and coordinating operations had helped Jongin immensely.

He didn’t voice it out, but Kyungsoo knew. He knew he needed to still feel useful, somehow. To protect and save people, even if it was from within the wall.

Kyungsoo had been offered a job at the training facility, but had politely declined. Jongin was the main reason he had enrolled, so he wouldn’t have to be away from him. So he could protect him.  
There was no need anymore, as Jongin would never be sent on a mission in the wastelands.

Instead, he had started helping the younger’s parents in the little herbal store they owned. He had been scared, at first, not knowing how to act with them. But all it took was a long embrace, and the assurance they were, indeed, happy he was fine, for his fear to disappear.  
Jongin’s mother still hugs him, sometimes, whispering in his ear how thankful she is, that he saved her youngest son. And the way his father smiles at him, whenever it happens, comforts Kyungsoo just as much as her words.

The door clicks, opening behind him, and Kyungsoo turns on his heels, a smile already etched on his lips, heart swelling when Jongin comes into view.

He looks beautiful, so elegant in his fitted navy-blue uniform, but Kyungsoo cannot hold back a chuckle when he sees his sheepish expression.

“Can you help me with the back of my shirt?” he asks with that pout Kyungsoo loves so much, “It doesn’t want to stay tucked in…”

With another little laugh, Kyungsoo nods and makes his way inside the room, following Jongin who hobbles back in front of the standing mirror.

He lifts the jacket and carefully fixes the white shirt inside Jongin’s pants, before smoothing everything back down. His hands linger on his waist before he curls his arms around him, plopping his chin on the younger’s shoulder, just so he can watch them both in the mirror, and letting him lean back on his chest to relieve some of his body weight.

Jongin’s reflection is smiling at him, quietly thanking him under his breath, and Kyungsoo sighs contentedly when the younger’s fingers wrap around his hands, the sleeve of his jacket moving up, revealing the leather bracelet around his wrist, back where it has always belonged.

“My husband is so handsome,” he says, pecking the side of his neck and grinning wider when he sees Jongin flush.

This was one of the things that noticeably changed. The underlying insecurity Kyungsoo could see, so different from how confident he used to be.

Jongin doesn’t talk about it, but Kyungsoo knows him too well not to recognize it in the flicker of his eyelids, in the faint twitch of his dimple.

It’s okay, though. He doesn’t mind showering his man with compliments at any time of the day, if only to enjoy the pretty blush rising on his cheeks.

“And my husband is such a flirt,” Jongin replies, turning his head away from the mirror and towards him, so he can peck his lips, “I knew I was making a good choice when I asked him to marry me.”

The words are teasing, but the way they roll on his tongue, coming out on a low voice, lets Kyungsoo know every cell in his body means them.

“He’s glad he said yes right away.”

“You didn’t even let me finish proposing,” Jongin says with a small laugh, looking back at their reflection.

Jongin loves bringing that up, whenever he can, usually with a pout.  
And Kyungsoo will never get tired of answering the same thing, usually with a kiss.

“My answer was ready the second you opened your mouth,” Kyungsoo shrugs, a side smile stretching his lips, “I would’ve married you right there and then.”

“I know.”

The truth is, Kyungsoo would have proposed long before Jongin did. But deep down, he knew Jongin needed to be the one asking the question. And ultimately, he did not mind waiting.  
It was not like any of them was planning on leaving the other, anyway. He would have waited all his life if he had to.

They stay in the same position for a little longer, until he glances at the window and notices the sky already grew darker.

“We need to go, or we’ll be late.”

Jongin takes a deep breath, before he nods, subtly wincing when he straightens up. Kyungsoo remains silent and lets the younger grab his crutches before they exit the bedroom, then the house.

Jongin improved so much, in four years. He mostly uses those crutches, now, although he does manage without them to walk around their house. And Kyungsoo had to learn not to hover behind, hands twitching in fear the younger would topple down.

The wheelchair stays in a corner, for the bad days.  
When Jongin wakes up from one of his nightmares, face blanched in terror, eyes glazed by panic, and a scream stuck in his throat, refusing to come out.  
When Kyungsoo gets jostled out of his sleep by the body thrashing in his arms, and he has to spend hours whispering in Jongin’s ear, holding him close until he stops crying.

Those are the mornings he quietly brings the wheelchair next to the bed and wordlessly helps him in. Those are the days he knows Jongin doesn’t have the courage to keep fighting the shadows lurking in his memories, the days Kyungsoo has to be strong for the both of them.

In return, Jongin is there when Kyungsoo’s body takes over and crumbles down, mind flashing with vivid flashbacks. When yet another panic attack unexpectedly strikes, and Kyungsoo can’t breathe, head pounding and vision darkening.  
Jongin holds him tight, like a lifeline keeping him afloat, so he doesn’t drown under the tidal wave.

It always leaves him feeling numb, gaze distant and mouth shut tight. But Jongin stays here, his arms wrapped around him, patiently waiting for it to pass, no matter how long it takes.

There are bad days. A lot of them. But today is a good day, made even better by the simple fact that Jongin can wear the uniform he is so proud of, but rarely gets to use.

And anything making Jongin happy automatically makes Kyungsoo’s day a little brighter.

Including the three-legged white dog currently napping under the ironing board.

In all honesty, Doori is the ugliest spitz Kyungsoo has ever seen. And it has nothing to do with her missing front limb, although it is not hard to figure out why Jongin picked her, out of all her siblings.

She makes a mess out of their small backyard, chews on his toes at night, sheds her fur _everywhere_ , and destroys all her cheap toys in record time. But Jongin always laughs when she wiggles her way out from underneath the couch, covered in dust bunnies, looking all confused when she sneezes.

Kyungsoo loves Jongin’s laughter. And Doori makes him laugh. So Kyungsoo loves her too.

  
The sky is turning indigo as they make their way through the town, and Kyungsoo makes sure to walk slowly enough for Jongin not to feel rushed. They still have a little bit of time before the commemoration begins, and the pleasant chill in the autumnal evening makes him want to linger a bit more. Jongin feels the same, if the way he softly smiles when the wind swipes his bangs up is any indication.

Baekhyun finds them not long after they step in the town’s central place, his wife trailing behind him, looking adorable in her pastel blue dress. She hugs them, gently grinning as they chat, not paying attention to the mass of people congregating all around.

Discreetly, Kyungsoo eyes the little bump on her lower stomach. It’s barely visible under the flowy fabric of her dress, and he probably wouldn’t have noticed, had Baekhyun not barged in their house a month and a half ago, a smile so wide the Cheshire cat would have paled in comparison.

He didn’t even need to say anything. Kyungsoo and Jongin started congratulating them as soon as his hand reached out to cover his wife’s, resting on her tummy.

Kyungsoo thinks they’re brave. Braver than he is.

Bringing a child into this world, an innocent soul that will have to grow up with that constant threat hovering above their heads, and learn to accept loss as part of its daily life.  
But he knows this kid will be lucky. He can’t imagine having better parents than these two.

Of course, they will have to explain why Baekhyun has to pause every so often, eyes closed as phantom pain courses through his nerves, from that arm he used to have, like a deep wound that will never heal. They’ll have to tell that child why Hyeran sometimes spends days without uttering a word, refusing to see anyone but Baekhyun, locked in their small basement, where she feels safe.

They probably won’t mention the two years Baekhyun had to drink himself senseless so many times, to keep his demons at bay, if only for a short moment.

It won’t be easy. But if anyone can do it, it’s the both of them.

Hyeran catches his eyes and tilts her head, eyes questioning. Kyungsoo simply answers with a smile.

He lets Jongin drape an arm on his shoulder as they converse, his own wrapped around the younger’s waist as he rests some of his weight on Kyungsoo, who holds the now useless crutch for him.  
Standing still is always a bit painful for him, but Jongin would have never agreed to use the wheelchair if Kyungsoo has suggested it.

This year again, Seulgi won’t come. She moved to one of the new cities further south, just a few months after Kyungsoo got out of the hospital. A lot of people did. The attack that took place after the storm hit the town cost so many lives, it was not surprising that many families of the deceased decided to run away from the place holding such tragic memories.

Seulgi’s parents and older brother were ones of the many names that were listed, among the losses. She jumped on the opportunity to leave as soon as it presented itself, never looking back.

Jongin, being also in charge of the communication with those new cities, had assured them she arrived safely and settled in with ease. But since then, they’ve only had very few contacts with her, apart from short letters, every now and then.

He doesn’t blame her. How could he?

From the corner of his eyes, he sees Changmin approach and lay a hand on Jongin’s shoulder, quietly exchanging a few words with him.

Jongin nods, before turning back around.

“I have to go, it’s gonna start soon,” he says, talking to the three of them, but only looking at Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo nods and hands him the second crutch before he instinctively takes the lead, so Jongin can get a free passageway through the crowd as he follows closely. People part easily, but he still glances behind a few times, one hand extended back, just in case Jongin’s crutches hit a foot and he trips.

It happens once, ten months ago, and Kyungsoo still feels terrible every time he recalls Jongin’s scraped knee.

Before long, the four of them are standing near the wood structure, looking at the council members and military officials standing on the platform behind the pyre, and Kyungsoo nods back at Junmyeon’s and Yerim’s father when the man notices them.

“I’ll wait for you at the bottom of the stairs,” he says with a smile, and a peck on the lips later, Jongin leaves.

Kyungsoo’s eyes follow him, tiptoeing on reflex to make sure there is not any obstacle he could trip on and ignoring Baekhyun’s snort. Thankfully, a minute later, Yunho is guiding him up on the platform, and Kyungsoo relaxes.

A year ago, Jongin stood there, and received an honor decoration, for the sacrifice he had been ready to make, for the dedication he put in his work, for the improvements he brought to the base communication system, for all the people he helped and saved since they came back. The fact that the military leader was the one pinning the medal on his uniform made the moment all the more significant. The man had lost both Junmyeon and Yerim, and yet, he had been the one asking for Jongin to be rewarded.

Kyungsoo can vividly remember the tears pooling in Jongin’s eyes as he received the decoration.

And tonight, he would stand here again, and be the one lighting the wood structure on fire, in memory of all the lives that were lost, four years earlier.  
Kyungsoo could not be any prouder.

One council member steps forward, taking place behind the rostrum, and the crowd gradually quietens.

  
For the next two hours, Kyungsoo only hears the speeches with one ear, his attention focused on Jongin, looking for any sign of pain or discomfort. The younger’s stance remains straight, however, expression peaceful as he attentively listens.

When Yunho finishes talking, Kyungsoo sees him turn around, an arm extended towards Jongin.

From his new spot, right in front of the structure, he keeps staring at Jongin as he lets go of one of his crutches and grabs the burning torch Changmin is handing him.

It’s swift, but Kyungsoo still has the time to send him a smile, when Jongin glances at him, naturally finding him in the crowd.

His voice is clear when he starts the traditional oration, and soon, the whole crowd is reciting the words with him.

Kyungsoo keeps his eyes riveted on his husband, feeling his heart swell in pride, falling in love all over again.

“Through fire and ashes,” Jongin says, his sole voice echoing in the air, carried by the wind.

“You will rise again,” Kyungsoo says with the entire crowd, briefly closing his eyes.

When he flickers them back open, he sees Jongin take a deep breath and lower the torch down, setting the pyre ablaze.

The place falls silent, the crackling of the flames the only audible sound, embers flying away and dying in the night sky.

Long moments of recollection later, as people disperse to go home, Kyungsoo walks up towards the stairs, hand instantly curling around Jongin’s waist when he touches the solid ground.

“You were perfect,” he tells him, reveling in the flustered expression painting his features.

The fire is still burning, warming their skin and making Jongin’s skin glimmer reds and golds.

“Thank you,” the younger smiles, lightly biting his lips.

Kyungsoo does not allow it and promptly replaces the teeth with his own mouth, earning a small gasp and a chuckle.

“Yunho wants to talk to me,” Jongin says when their former instructor catches his eyes, “I won’t be long.”

“All right, go. I’ll be with Baekhyun and Hyeran,” Kyungsoo replies, bowing his head at the older man climbing down the stairs.

It took almost a year to lose the habit of saluting his instructors like the soldier he would have become.

“The ceremony was beautiful,” Hyeran smiles, when he arrives next to the couple.

Kyungsoo nods, eyes absentmindedly looking at the burning pyre, the only source of light now that the clear night sky had filled with thick clouds, hiding the moon from view and promising rain for later.

“Jongin did great,” Baekhyun adds, and Kyungsoo feels a smile creeping on his lips as he turns toward his friend.

“Of course he did,” he says, earning yet another amused snort.

It indeed doesn’t take long for his husband to come back, and he turns his head to his left when he feels a hand wrapping around his forearm.

Jongin is smiling, but Kyungsoo can see the tension in his jaw and the way his stance has turned strained. It’s barely perceptible, but he knows him too well not to notice.

“You okay?”

“Yeah. Can we go home?” the younger asks, eyeing their friends apologetically.

Kyungsoo doesn’t think twice before he nods, and after short goodbyes and a promise of meeting again soon, they’re on their way back.

They take their time, strolling in the streets with the chilly breeze and each other for only company.

No word is needed.

Halfway through, Kyungsoo feels Jongin slow down even more until he stops, eyes staring at a spot on the ground. Confusedly glancing in the same direction, he tries to find what caught his husband’s attention.

Failing at first, it only takes a brief look at the building they stopped in front of, for his brain to click.

The sign above the door, he remembers it. This is the shop he had planned to steal some food from to bring back at the orphanage, that day. Fourteen years ago.

It had rained, and he had stepped in a puddle, soaking his worn-out shoes and worsening his already sorrowful mood. But then, a lanky boy had stepped in front of him, with disheveled hair and the brightest smile Kyungsoo had ever seen. He was missing a tooth, Kyungsoo recalls, and it emphasized his slight lisp when he asked for the elder’s name.

He steps closer, silently waiting for Jongin to look back at him. When he finally does, the smile painted on his lips says more than any word ever could.

  
They have to hurry, next, when the first raindrop lands on Jongin’s nose, and it’s with a hand still pressed between the younger’s shoulder blades, that Kyungsoo enters their small house.

He goes and grabs two towels from the bathroom, before making his way towards the bedroom, where Jongin is already half undressed, dripping hair plastered on his forehead.

Kyungsoo watches him sit on the mattress, using his hands to bring his legs closer, a wince rumpling his features when he straightens his back.

A tired smile however quickly replaces the grimace when Kyungsoo starts drying his hair after changing out of his drenched clothes.

“Just change and lie down, I’ll be right back.”

A round trip to the bathroom and he returns with a hot-water bottle wrapped in a thin towel, closing the door behind him.

“Where is Doo-” Jongin starts, propping himself up on his elbow, before he hisses, face scrunching as he falls back on the bed.

“She’s sleeping,” Kyungsoo reassures him, flicking the ceiling light off, after Jongin extends an arm and turns the bedside lamp on, “Stop worrying about her and turn around.”

He kneels on the bed, trying not to jostle the younger too much, and pushes the waistband of Jongin’s flannel pajama pants lower, before placing the hot-water bottle on the small of his back.

He spends the next ten minutes conscientiously massaging his legs, feeling the cramped muscles slowly relax under the smooth fabric, until Jongin blindly reaches a hand towards him.

“Come here.”

Smiling at the sleepy voice, Kyungsoo quickly checks under the hot-water bottle, making sure the skin has not turned red, then lies down on his side to face his husband.

“Thank you,” the younger says, cheek squished from where it rests on his forearms.

Kyungsoo’s answer comes in the form of three kisses on Jongin’s shoulder.

The sound of the rain on the roof is making him doze off, his thumb lazily brushing the smooth skin on Jongin’s side.  

He was sure the younger had fallen asleep, so he cannot help but flinch when he hears his voice, frowning at the breathed words.

“I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?” he slurs, keeping his eyes shut.

“We had to come home early…”

“I didn’t mind, it’s all right.”

“We hadn’t seen them in over a month, though,” Jongin sighs, sounding guilty, “I feel bad for interrupting y-”

“I think standing too close to the fire gave you a heat stroke,” slightly lifting his lids.

“What?”

“You really believe I’d rather be under the rain with Baekhyun, instead of right here, in bed, with _you_?” he asks with a chuckle, seeing the corner of Jongin’s lips twitch.

“Okay, maybe not.”

“Definitely not,” he says, shuffling even closer and resting his lips on the younger’s arm.

Jongin frees the opposite arm and reaches behind his own back, sliding the hot-water bottle off and letting it drop on the floor with a sloshing sound. He then grabs Kyungsoo’s hand and lays it flat on the hot skin, before retreating his arm back under his head, eyes still closed.

Following the invitation, Kyungsoo lets his palm graze up and down along his spine in a feathery caress for a moment, fingertips tracing the scar, and kissing the skin under his lips when he feels Jongin shudder.

His hand settles on the small of his back and instinctively starts massaging the muscles underneath, thumb pressing when he feels a tense spot, drowsily grinning when Jongin lets out a little content hum, brows relaxing.

This is nice, he thinks, as Jongin catches his toes between his own and drags his leg closer, smiling wider when Kyungsoo hooks their ankles together.

It’s perfect.  
Jongin is perfect.  
And Kyungsoo doesn’t need anything else, as long as he has him.

In a world full of chaos, fear, and loss, Jongin brings him peace.

When everything comes crashing down, darkness swallowing him whole, Jongin is here to hold his hand and bring him back towards the light.

Jongin, Kyungsoo thinks, is a lot like the sun. Warm and glowing, vibrantly shining on his life with golden beams. And just like the bright star, he reminds Kyungsoo that there will always be a tomorrow. That it’s okay to fall apart, because he will be there the next morning, ready to hold him and try again.

He is the center of his universe, and Kyungsoo irrevocably, and unconditionally surrenders to his gravity.

His hand comes up, brushing a strand of still damp hair away from the younger’s forehead, watching him sleepily open his eyes.

“I love you,” he silently mouths, no longer stranger to those words that never fail to make Jongin’s eyes sparkle.

Jongin remains still, their gaze locked as they breathe into each other.

“I love you too,” he replies just as soundlessly.

And the smile on his lips is enough to let Kyungsoo know his own eyes are lighting up, too.

This is enough.

This is everything.

And as Jongin pushes himself closer, half resting on the elder’s chest and leaning down to kiss him, Kyungsoo knows he has nothing to fear.

There will always be bad days, when the guilt swallows them whole. When the suffocating darkness creeps around, demons lurking, ready to drain the last string of sanity they desperately try to protect. When it gets hard to breathe, hard to find a reason to keep fighting. When all they can do is cling to each other, and wait, grip bruising, as you would hold onto a lifeline.

Wait for the storm of bloodied memories to pass, wait for the violent shivers to subside, and for their racing heartbeats to slow down. Wait to find that flicker of hope, inside the other’s eyes. It knows how to hide too well, too deep, behind the nightmare visions and the tears.

But they keep trying, and they keep waiting.

To be saved. To save in return.

And this is why, no matter what life will throw his way, Kyungsoo will not be scared.

They will always save each other.

Through tears and pain, they crumbled. Through fire and ashes, they shattered.

But with love and patience, they heal.

And together, hand in hand, they will always rise again.

 

   
_The End._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! You made to the end! Thank you so much!  
> I really hope you enjoyed reading this story.  
> I won’t say it was easy to write. I'm still unsure about it, and I feel like it could have been better :/.  
> But I’m hoping you found it entertaining, nonetheless!
> 
> Would you mind taking a minute to let me know what you thought of it? (I can decode keyboard smashing too)


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